by Noelle Love
Heading back to the safety of her bakery, dragging the out of commission Zenna, Margot realized that everyone was under the same spell. It was like everyone within a five-mile radius had become zombies due to whatever it was that was being released from the top of Delroy Doux’s new shop. Mindlessly the people stepped forward towards their destiny, a chocolate cupcake stuffed with Crème Fraîche. Only, Margot wondered, what would happen after they got their fix? Would the city go back to normal or would they, like addicts, need more and more in order to maintain their high?
Margot pulled Zenna in through the doors of The Two Macarons, setting her down in the chair across from Basile. Tali, startled at seeing Zenna in such a bizarre state, dropped Basile’s refill to the ground, shattering a white porcelain cup into hundreds of jagged pieces on the floor. Margot ignored the crashing cup, her focus intense on Zenna, who was getting worse, her skin becoming paler with each passing moment. “Is she poisoned?” Tali asked with increasing concern. Margot, desperate for a cure, straddled Zenna, climbing onto her lap and examining her face. The thought crossed her mind that she could get Zenna back in line and allow her to consume one of the cupcakes from Delroy Doux she would survive – the rest of the mob outside was. But then what? Would Zenna be a zombie forever? Would she be so hooked on the competitor’s confections that she would desert her best friend?
Margot couldn’t handle being dumped again, especially by the only person left that she trusted entirely, so she did the only thing she could think of. Margot leaned in towards Zenna’s face and began sucking the cream out of her mouth, spitting it on the clean floor of her empty bakery. Zenna gasped for air, the life coming back to her. Margot continued by licking Zenna’s eyelids clean, removing the sugary film that had sealed them shut. “Better?” Margot asked as she stood up. Zenna was about to say something, but Basile took the words right out of her mouth. “What in the hell is going on?”
As Margot began to relay the story to Zenna and Basile, Tali stepped outside and stood on top of a planter bed on the edge of the sidewalk. She saw for herself the enormous crowd of compliantly lined people, silent, moving in and out of the giant building across the way, the line wrapping around the base of the Eiffel Tower several times. She stood for nearly twenty minutes studying every aspect of the scene so that she could accurately portray it in the painting she was sure to begin that night. The line, she observed, never grew shorter. As soon as a person would leave the bakery, cupcake in hand, they would file into the back of the line, only to start the whole process over again.
Tali finished her painting several weeks later, entitling it “Le Apocalypse de Sucre,” which is what all of France would come to call the strange event that began that day.
Chocolate Crème Fraîche Cupcakes
Serves 16 (or one zombie)
Ingredients
1 cup + 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2/3 cup cocoa powder, unsweetened
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon baking soda
14 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened and divided into tablespoon-size pieces
1 cup granulated sugar
3 large brown eggs
1 ¼ teaspoon pure vanilla extract
¾ cup crème fraîche, at room temperature + additional for serving
Directions
Set your oven’s temperature to 350 degrees F. Prepare two 12-cup muffin pans by lining with 16 paper liners.
Combine the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, salt and baking soda by sifting together in a medium bowl. In a separate larger bowl, combine the butter and sugar, beating with an electric mixer until fluffy. On medium speed, beat in the eggs one at a time, mixing after each addition. Mix in the vanilla. Adjust the mixer’s speed to low and beat in half of the dry mixture and then half of the crème fraîche. Mix and then repeat with the remaining ingredients.
Divide the batter evenly between the prepared cups, making sure to only fill each 2/3 full so that they don’t run over while baking. Place the cupcakes in the preheated oven and bake for 15 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
Allow the cupcakes to cool for 5 to 10 minutes once finished baking and then remove from the pans. Before serving, top each cupcake with a spoonful of additional crème fraîche and enjoy.
11
Three Months Ago - For the next two weeks the Apocalypse de Sucre claimed more victims, adding to the impressive line of Delroy Doux addicts, all of whom had deserted The Two Macarons, leaving the Three French hens with very little to do other than feed Basile, who managed to avoid the fiasco with a gas mask he had kept in his closet “just in case”. Margot, Zenna, Tali, and Coty also remained unaffected so long as they continued to feast on their own handmade batches of Crème Fraîche each morning upon arriving at the bakery and each night before stepping out into the contaminated air. They were surviving, Margot thought one afternoon, but her business couldn’t last long if their customers didn’t return soon.
One night from inside the bakery Coty thought he heard a sound, a rumbling and grumbling coming from the sky. Having heard the sound themselves, the three women joined the boy in the front, staring at the monstrous rolling clouds making their way towards the city. The clouds moved quickly, pouring over the horizon like an ocean wave hitting the shore. The sky groaned again and out of its opened mouth came a tongue of lightning, striking the top of Delroy’s bakery, a sign that the universe was not pleased with what was happening in its favorite city. The flash of yellow demanded the attention of the zombies below. The congregation’s gaze lifted simultaneously, like a Michael Jackson music video, milliseconds before the clouds broke.
The rain poured into the eyes of all who had gathered beneath the Eiffel Tower that night, rinsing them clean and breaking the spell that had been cast nearly 336 hours ago. In an instant the victims returned to the world, free to leave and carry on with their lives, but forever affected by what took place. Delroy and his bakery had effectively created a tribe of addicts, who now, completely on their own will, would continue to return day after day for a sugar fix.
“This is crap,” Zenna proclaimed, throwing her Delroy Doux cookie in the trash. It had been almost three days since the rainstorm and The Two Macarons remained vacant of customers, except for Basile and the occasional passer-by who was either too lazy to cross under the tower, too busy to wait in line, or a very small handful that were too nice to take their business away from the store they grew to love, noting that the food really was much better here than “that new bakery with all of the lights” across the street.
“Don’t they realize that Delroy and his damn bakery are responsible for the two-week nightmare they were all a part of?” Margot asked.
“They don’t fucking care,” replied Zenna, who was busy snacking on one of the many trays of macarons left untouched after closing early yet again. “Delroy Doux is cool now,” she sighed, knowing that when Parisians collectively agreed on the new “in” thing it was nearly impossible to convince them otherwise. “All their gimmicks, their flashing lights, the “Fuck-I’m-Rich Friday promotions they do giving everything away for free…”
“Their lame lounge chairs and 24-hour delivery service,” Margot added.
“How the hell can we compete?” said Zenna, mouth still full.
“I don’t know,” said Margot, “but we have to think of something or you’ll be back on the street performing and I’ll have to become a professional escort.” Zenna laughed, “Isn’t that what you do already?”
Margot shoved Zenna playfully as they headed to the back to see if Tali, who had turned a large portion of their kitchen into an art studio recently, was busy painting her next masterpiece.
To their surprise, Tali had abandoned her paintbrush for the evening and was busy mixing something in a large glass bowl on the cement worktable Margot had “convinced” (her code for traded sex for something she wanted) a designer to create for the bakery a
month ago.
“What are you making us?” Zenna asked.
“It’s not for us,” Tali answered without looking up from her work.
“That’s rude,” Margot joked, dipping her finger into the batter.
“Don’t!” Tali shouted sharply, pulling Margot’s finger away from her mouth and wiping it clean with a damp cloth.
“You’re a crazy bitch,” Margot said looking up at her friend after resigning to a seat the nearby countertop. “A little taste isn’t going to hurt any of us.”
Tali looked at Margot, her face suggesting otherwise. Intrigued Margot and Zenna gathered around Tali, looking over her shoulder to try to get a better look at whatever her project was.
Huddled over the bowl the three women resembled Macbeth’s witches brewing over their cauldron, the toad and mutilated body parts replaced with butter, sugar, eggs, and flour.
“So what are you doing?” Margot whispered, respecting the ambience Shakespeare would have written into this scene.
“If no one else is going to punish Delroy for what he did, I’ll just have to do it myself,” Tali said calmly.
“What’s in it?” Zenna asked, but Tali didn’t respond, she just kept mixing.
Zenna and Margot left Tali alone that night, both shocked that their sweet friend had stepped into the role of evil mastermind, something both of weren’t comfortable doing, at least not yet. Upon returning home they both looked up into the night sky from their bedroom windows, praying that Tali wouldn’t do anything stupid. And, Zenna added, remembering the stupid things she had done in the past herself, if she did, that she didn’t get caught.
Punitions (Punishment Butter Cookies)
Serves 12
*Tali says these cookies can also be turned into sandwiches filled with jam or chocolate for a sweeter revenge
Ingredients
10 tablespoons salted butter, at room temperature
½ cup + 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 large brown egg, at room temperature
2 cups all-purpose flour
Directions
Slice the butter into tablespoon size pieces and place in a large mixing bowl. Beat the butter with an electric mixer until smooth and then add the sugar. Continue mixing until the sugar has been completely incorporated. Then add the egg – keep beating until the mixture is even and smooth. Pour in the flour and stir by hand until clumpy dough forms.
Flour a clean surface and turn out the dough. Bring the dough together into a ball and then divide in half, reshaping into balls. Cover the dough with plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator for 4 hours (or in the freezer if you’re in a hurry) to firm up.
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. and prepare two baking sheets by lining with parchment paper.
Remove one dough ball from the refrigerator and place on a floured work surface. Use a rolling pin to roll the dough to ¼” thick. Take a round (or fancy if you please!) cookie cutter (an inch to 1 ½” in diameter) and cut out as many cookies as possible, placing them an inch apart on the prepared baking sheets. Scraps of dough can be gathered and re-rolled to make more cookies. When finished with one dough ball, begin with the next (or alternately keep wrapped in the refrigerator for up to 3 days).
Place the cookies in the preheated oven and bake for about 10 minutes or until they are done but still pale in color (a little brown around the edges is just fine). Place the cookies on wire racks and cool to room temperature before dishing out your tasty punishment.
12
December 22nd (Revisited) – Margot remained in the front of the bakery, finishing licking the bowl of lemon mousse clean. Tali and Zenna had resigned to the back, desperate to come up with some incredible idea that would not only send customers clamoring back in through their front door, but one that would repair the reputation that The Two Macarons had worked so hard to create. Tali especially felt like it was her responsibility to save the bakery, considering that her previous idea had gone so horribly wrong that she cost them nearly every customer that they had gained since the aftermath of the Apocalypse de Sucre, which, Tali reminded herself for consolation, was still only a handful.
Tali had carried out her dirty deed of poisoning the head of Delroy Doux, Mr. Tasse, delivering the box of punitions to his front door herself. Unfortunately, or possibly fortunately for the Three French Hens, the amount of poison Tali put in the cookies wasn’t enough to take down a man as large as Doux himself. He did, however, get violently ill, the cookies traced back to the little bakery on account of surveillance cameras that videotaped Tali arriving in addition to their signature purple box. Tali might have been brave in her plan, but looking back, she was an incredibly stupid criminal.
The French police came by The Two Macarons the day after the story of the billionaire’s food poisoning hit the press, but Tali lied through her teeth, claiming that she simply was bringing the cookies as a peace offering, as a way of letting him know that there were no hard feelings despite nearly putting her and her friends out of business. Tali’s nervousness resulted in tears, which helped prove her innocence in the eyes of the police, who, thankfully, were so enthralled with Tali’s lips and luscious hair they had decided she couldn’t be a criminal even before she opened her mouth.
Margot, who was unaware of the already conceived bias, invited the chief of police up to her apartment for “further investigation” and the next morning the bakery was cleared of wrongdoing. The chief addressed the press on the steps of the commissariat stating, “The poisoning has been ruled accidental, an unfortunate mishap that could happen to any amateur bakery of this size.”
This statement, although a relief, undoubtedly angered the women – the word “amateur” perceived as a direct insult. “I fucking gave you a blow job,” Margot yelled as she threw her stiletto at the television screen.
Christmas was just around the corner, which meant that revenue could, and should, skyrocket for bakeries across the world. Unfortunately, The Two Macarons was in such a slump that even the promise of a lucrative holiday didn’t brighten the girls’ spirits. There was no guarantee, given the current circumstances, that a single person, except of course for Basile, would walk through their doors on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
“How about a Yule Log display,” Tali suggested, knowing that Yule Logs were very popular, very French, and for a typical bakery in a typical situation, the essential component to delightful window displays, promised to attract customers with their meringue and marzipan fashioned woodland scenes like Holly Golightly to Tiffany’s after a rough night. Zenna smiled, trying to be optimistic, but knew all too well that even the most impressive Yule Logs wouldn’t pay the bills. “Maybe,” she trailed off, thumbing through the latest edition of French Vogue, thinking that she may never again be able to afford any of the stunning outfits, shoes, or bags pictured on the glossy pages. She looked at her Sergio Rossi black boots, reverting to her former survival mindset that got her through many cold nights, thinking how selling them would allow her to feed herself and her son for at least a month.
Looking up from her boots, Zenna saw tears beginning to well up in Tali’s big blue eyes. Both her and Margot knew that Tali blamed herself for the crumbling business. Tali’s guilty conscience was obvious. She showed up to the bakery everyday since the police came before dawn and stayed well into the night. Some nights it seemed like Tali even slept in the bakery, hoping that dreaming on top of the bags of sugar and flour would translate into a miraculous idea. So far, however, it only left Tali’s skin even more fair and her personality almost too sweet to bear.
“I made such a horrible mistake,” Tali sobbed, thinking about how naïve she was to think she could take down someone as big as Delroy Tasse without getting caught. She had barely managed to do one, and she did that poorly, running her friends’ bakery even further into the ground.
“I don’t think anyone has ever done anything as stupid as what I’ve done to you both,” she said, looking up at Zenna who had come ove
r and put her arm around her. “Oh, I’m sure people have,” Zenna said, knowing all too well that she was one of those people.
“Well not you. Not Margot.”
“Actually…” Zenna began, stopping mid-thought, unsure if she should divulge the secret she had kept for over a year.
Looking at Tali, understanding completely what it felt like to do something you wish you could take back, and seeing the pain in her face, Zenna knew what she had to do. Over the next ten minutes she relayed the story about the night she slept with Aubin, how there were so many opportunities for her to stop, but that she kept going even though she knew she was making a horrible mistake. Zenna thought telling someone the truth would make her feel better, like a load off her shoulders, but it made her feel absolutely horrible.
Before saying anything, Zenna could go day-to-day pretending like it never happened. She had become so accustomed to keeping her betrayal a secret that letting go of it felt more like she was losing a part of herself, not gaining freedom like so many people promise will happen.
Tali listened to the beginning of the story shocked that Zenna would act so horribly towards her best friend. But at the thought of her friend, both of her friends actually, having sex with the dashing Aubin, made her mind wander to a place it hadn’t been in years. She imagined having sex with Aubin in the kitchen. Him walking in, confident like always, and without even saying a word, lifting Tali up onto the nearby counter and sliding his hands up her skirt. Tali could picture her bra being flung across the room, getting caught on the huge standing mixer in the far corner. She thought about his lips sucking hers, then her neck, and then her breasts.
