The Glass Admiral

by Kit Smart

  Saverna held up an apologetic hand as a trickle of remorse hit her. "Sorry. I just—“

  "That is what they call him." Isa filled in. "But—“

  "It's not fair." Saverna finished for her. "Agreed." Intrigued, she sat on the side of the bed in preparation for settling into the chat. "So why does Admiral Kosuri warrant a batwoman with horse doctoring skills?"

  Isa propped her chin on the palm of one hand. "You are aware of what happened to him I take it?"

  Saverna nodded. She knew his reputation; had seen the tapes like everyone else. Hadn't seen the admiral until this afternoon though; he'd been shuffled off to a desk job as soon as it was viable. He was a bonafide hero and, despite his injuries, he couldn't be gotten rid of so they'd tucked him out of sight. There had been rumors however....

  "He's recovered quite a bit but he's still fairly debilitated by what happened." Isa paused. "He needs more than a bodyguard and more than a bodywoman Meg, he needs a bodyguard and a bodywoman who can help him with his body. More than that, he needs someone who can read his body because by all accounts, he won't talk about it. Your 'horse-doctoring' skills make you perfect for that."

  Saverna held up a hand. "Why not assign him a doctor in addition to a body-person?"

  "A regular Navy doc would be under his command. As a Dragon, you're not."

  "So he won't accept help? You want me to force myself on him? Shove help down his throat?” Saverna wondered briefly whether her friend was on meds.

  "No. Not exactly." Isa replied quickly. "I-ummm...." A brief pause as Isa gathered her thoughts. "He's had years of Doctors and other assorted medical attention Saverna all of which was complicated by the fact that Recs, particularly after maturation, are extremely touch sensitive—often unable to bear the touch of anyone other than their mates."

  Interesting. An image of Kosuri as she bandaged his head sprang to mind. "Hmmmm...." She said aloud. "I didn't know that." A sudden thought struck her. "But Hadur—?” Saverna frowned thinking of all the times she'd come into contact with Isa's half Recessive mate.

  "Is okay with you touching him? Yes." Isa affirmed with a smile. "You have an easy touch Meg and you're responsive to his discomfort so he's able to accept contact from you when he can't from others. That's why I had you assigned to Kosuri. Kosuri doesn't need a doctor, he needs everyday help; someone who can give him a hand when he's stiff or sore or feeling sick and for that we need someone who is astute enough to read him and who has a touch he can bear." A note of humor entered Isa's tone as she cocked her head to the side. "Preferably someone he can't simply order to bugger off." Isa paused for a long moment; let the humor die.

  "And—“ Saverna prompted reading between the lines.

  "And," Isa's face turned deadly serious. "We need a guarantor." She grimaced. "There are those that don't trust him..."

  "Trust him?"

  "Trust his stability—mental stability." Isa responded quietly.

  Saverna found herself knocked sideways by that. It was not something she'd have ever expected to hear from Isa. "You think he's cracked?" She asked cautiously. What is going on?

  Her friend frowned. "No! Not me." She tilted her head back and to the side. "There are those that are not comfortable with giving him a command given the circumstances of his sexual maturation." She said carefully.

  "Uh...?" Saverna said eloquently.

  "Most unmated Recs either do not survive their sexual maturation or do not survive it sane." Isa explained.

  "But he did?"

  "He did." Isa confirmed. "The Admiral is quite sane." A deep sigh. "However there are those who suspect....."

  "That he is going to snap." Saverna finished as the pieces fell into place. Isa nodded. "Yes and it has been suggested that having someone in a position to control the situation would be judicious."

  "But if you don't believe it..."

  "Then why am I assigning you?" Isa nodded. "To eliminate the chances that someone will be put in there covertly if I refuse." Isa leaned forward held her gaze. "I would rather have someone in there that I can trust."

  Saverna chewed on that. "But if he's mentally sound...?"

  "Mentally sound does not mean unaffected Meg.” Isa replied quietly. "What happened to him was excruciatingly painful both physically and mentally." She gave Saverna a very candid look. "And it hasn't stopped. With the amount of pain he is in and the effects of being unmated; the stresses of taking a command are going to push him hard at times and he is going to need some support.... not someone who is looking for an excuse to take him out." Isa held up a hand as if to ward off a protest. "Don't get me wrong. He's strong and he can handle this. Even alone, I have no doubt that he can handle this but he shouldn't have to." Isa hesitated. "And truth be told we need him there. His name and reputation... he is a legend in sector x. The locals are shit scared of him... call him the Demon of Aizawlhar and we are counting on that to keep the pirates in check while we focus on the war.

  6

  20:58, TUESDAY, BRIDGE, THE ASARO

  SAVERNA PAUSED AT THE ENTRANCE TO the bridge to scan for her charge. It took her a bare second to locate him, back to the door, engrossed in conversation with the ship’s captain. Tucking the crutches she’d retrieved from his office more closely against her side, she skirted around the command center and made her way towards him as unobtrusively as possible. Despite her precautions, she was aware of being on the receiving end of the sidelong glances of various crew members as she went. Less obtrusive Class B’s my ass.

  As was appropriate, she came to to a silent halt to the left of the Admiral. Deliberately positioning herself inside his field of vision so that he could see her she waited until he flicked a glance in her direction and then proffered the crutches. Without missing a beat, Kosuri took the crutches from her and slid his forearms into them. Relieved of her burden, Saverna slipped into the at ease position as she watched the Admiral shift some of his weight onto the crutches. Although he in no way gave a visible sign that anything had changed Saverna noted a certain slackness along his jaw that hadn’t been present earlier.

  21:40, TUESDAY, BRIDGE GALLEY, THE ASARO

  The sound of feminine laughter alerted him to the fact that his bodywoman was not alone in the galley and Kosuri, just outside the galley door, made himself as vertical as possible. The action pushed the arm cuffs of his crutches against the raw skin of his upper arms and reminded him why he had been slouching in the first place. He made a mental note to apply cream to the offending area upon his return to his office and after giving his uniform a quick glance to make certain that everything was where it should be he lumbered through the entry way of the galley.

  He regretted it almost immediately when his appearance caused such a look of horror to cross the countenance of the female yeoman facing the door that the other crew members; an assortment of officers and enlisted personnel to fall silent and turn, en mass, toward the doorway.

  In the wake of their collective laughter, the silence twisted and rang through the room like a live thing. A condemnation. Kosuri felt it in his chest; resisted the urge to turn and leave. "Good evening.” He forced it and saw his LT—the only one who hadn't turned to glance at him—look up from the tea tray she was arranging.

  "Admiral—” She greeted him calmly, gave him a once over that he felt to his bones then returned her attention to her tea tray. "We were just discussing going out for drinks and dancing tomorrow evening after shift at Grove." Tray apparently arranged to her satisfaction, she began removing the hygienic gloves she wore. She looked up at him as she did so. "Apparently, they serve a wicked earth style margarita there." She told him calmly apparently unaware of the atmosphere in the room. "You're welcome to join us." She added as though such an invitation we're the most natural thing in the universe.

  Kosuri felt his skin begin to tingle as blood began to rush into his face at the invitation. He tried to imagine himself at a table drinking margaritas with Saverna and the crew members in front of him; the one
s currently gazing back at him with the same professionally neutral expressions they used to conceal battle terror. To them, I am a monster. Mortification churned through him, reached up and squeezed his throat making his voice tight and harsh. "That would be inappropriate."

  The young yeoman facing him burst into tears.

  The other faces in front of him turned accusing before turning away to comfort the young woman.

  Except for Saverna who studied him thoughtfully for a moment before nodding. "If there is nothing else Admiral, I will be along shortly with the tea tray." She said softly. Effectively dismissing him.

  Kosuri tried to think of something to say as she stood there looking at him. There was nothing beyond the sensations of his heart beating wildly in his chest and shame burning his throat. Unable to bear it, he turned and left.

  21:54, TUESDAY, ADMIRAL’S READYROOM, THE ASARO

  "That was poorly done of you." The combined effects of a missed breakfast and lunch made the faint clank of the tea tray being set before him on his desk, almost enough incentive for Kosuri to open his eyes. He felt his stomach rumble in appreciation as the smell of tea and scones wafted its way to his nose.

  The certainty of having to face Saverna's condemnation was enough to have him rethinking the necessity of eating however and he kept his eyes shut so that she couldn’t see through to the rawness of his insides. "I know." He said after a slight hesitation. He resisted the temptation to curse as he felt another flush start. It is just bad brain chemistry. He reminded himself resisting the sudden urge to hunch forward against his thighs. It’s nothing more than a chemical deficit making you overreact.

  "She's terrified of you."

  "I know." He said again. Stop.

  "They all are."

  "They're supposed to be." Please. Stop.

  "Nonsense." She returned with such crisp certainty that he abruptly wanted to throttle her.

  "This isn't the Horse Guard Lieutenant." He bit out.

  There was a brief silence followed by the sound of pouring tea and plates being distributed. "I know." Her quiet reply was accompanied by the sound of a cup and saucer rattling as she set a cup of tea in front of him. "Now eat something before you accidentally disembowel me."

  The scent of a warm scone slathered in cream and honey had him reaching out even as his eyes opened. Taking the plate his LT proffered he spared her a brief glance—just long enough to see that she was amused—before grabbing the scone and taking a giant bite. The cream and honey caused such an explosion of satisfaction in his starving body that he almost failed to note that the food settled with unexpected ease in his belly before he shoved the rest of the scone in his mouth.

  Without comment, his body woman took his plate and set about preparing another scone as he took a swallow of tea. As the soothing warm liquid washed through him Kosuri took in the unaccustomed sensation of being ravenous. It has been years since I have wanted to eat. He stared into his teacup briefly before taking a second swallow. Not since before Aizawlhar. Not since before... A plate intruded on his line of vision and with a nod of thanks he took the scone his LT offered.

  With a nod of her own she handed the plate over and took her seat across from him. He winced as he observed her ignore her own scone in favor of tea.

  With some force he set his plate down and took up his tea cup.

  She raised her eyebrows at him in response. "Do not stand on ceremony on my account Admiral. I confess I already had a scone in the galley." She nodded at his plate. "And I am not the one who missed dinner.

  He stiffened unhappy at the thought of her observing his eating patterns. "I wasn't hungry."

  "You are now." She said implacably and took a bite—a small bite—of her scone.

  23:45, TUESDAY, ADMIRAL’S QUARTERS, THE ASARO

  The admiral walked off the bridge easily enough but by the time they made it back to quarters, Kosuri was gray faced with exhaustion and leaning heavily on his canes for support.

  From the way he kept most of his weight balanced on the canes, Saverna was certain his legs were causing him a world of pain."What do you need?" She asked him quietly after the door had closed behind them.

  "Nothing." He told her sharply as he began to propel himself across the room. He got no farther than a few steps before he froze and curled forward onto the canes as the muscles in his thighs and hips jumped and seized in reaction to the strains of the day.

  Conscious of the fact that they had yet to establish how comfortable he was with her touch under more regular circumstances—Fifteen minutes in a closet doesn’t count—and that a body in pain was highly sensitized, Saverna moved to his side but did not touch him. "What do you need?" She asked again.

  “Water, hot water." He gritted from between clenched teeth. "Bath."

  "Okay."

  The Admiral's bathroom, she was surprised to see, contained a massive tub; easily large enough for two people and filled with massaging jets. More retrofitting? She wondered as she turned the water on full bore. It came out faster than she anticipated and she had to scramble to adjust the water as the tub began to fill rapidly.

  As she leaned back, a large glass bottle set on the edge of the tub caught her eye. Closer inspection revealed that it was filled with bubble bath. Bubble bath? Unscrewing the cap she took a cautious sniff and was rewarded with a distinctly masculine blend of citrus and musk. Fleet's most notorious hero uses bubble bath. Could this day get weirder? "Do you want—” She turned to call over her shoulder only to trail off as the man in question brushed past her as he climbed over the side of the tub. He had, she saw, removed his boots but nothing else. “bubble bath?" She finished lamely as she watched him settle, eyes-closed, in to the water.

  "Yes.” He didn't open his eyes.

  Okay now what? Saverna asked the powers-that-be as she squirted a generous dollop of the bubble bath into the tub.

  "You can go LT."

  Saverna took in the protective way he held his arms across his chest; the careful way he'd angled his legs. She watched as the muscles, now clearly delineated through the wet fabric of his trousers continued to jump and spasm.

  "No.”

  He did open his eyes then. "I'm going to be here a while." Something moved across his face. "There's nothing for you to do here."

  "I can work the cramps out of your legs." She offered. When he froze in reaction to that she continued. "If you're willing to let me touch you."

  Kosuri closed his eyes and shifted his body slightly in an attempt to find a more comfortable position. When he reopened his eyes there was a wariness there that hadn't been there before and Saverna had the felling that she was looking at the real Kosuri. "You've been told that I have an aversion to being touched."

  "No. I was told that you were most likely very—“ Saverna thought for a moment about what Isa had told her. “particular about being touched."

  That earned her a huff of something like laughter. "Particular is a good word.” There was a long pause before he continued. “Truthfully, I like to be touched—just like everyone else. In theory anyway.” Another small shift. "However a...quirk of physiology means that I often find it… difficult." Saverna nodded.

  "You were told that?" He asked curiously having caught the nod.

  "It's one of the reasons I was assigned to you." Seeing that this conversation was a long one in the making, Saverna settled herself comfortably on the floor beside the tub. Where to start. “Horses are also particular about being touched.”

  “I am not a horse.” There was a particular loaded quality to the way he said that as though emotion hovered just below the surface.

  “I am aware.”

  Kosuri’s eyes narrowed in response to that. “Are you?”

  “I am not a stupid woman Admiral.”

  He held her gaze for a long time before he nodded. “Okay.”

  “Okay?” She repeated non-plussed. “Okay you agree I am not a stupid woman or….?”

  “Okay, you can work on my l
egs.”

  Saverna blinked. That’s damned condescending of you Admiral Kosuri. She opened her mouth to needle him about it and then caught sight of the way he was watching her and thought better of it. Without comment she slipped off her jacket and rolled up the sleeves of her under tunic.

  She glanced up at Kosuri once before slipping her hands into the froth of bubbles and hot water that covered his legs. He grunted when her hands connected with his right thigh but otherwise didn’t react and taking that as a sign that the contact wasn’t in some manner abhorrent to him, keeping her touch light and unobtrusive, Saverna began to work on the knotted cramped muscles under her palms.

  She worked in a silence broken only by the sound of the Admiral’s deliberate, deep breathing until the water’s heat was only a faint memory. Recognizing that she still had a ways to go before the muscles of his legs would relax she paused and withdrew her hands from the bath. Tilting her head she caught Kosuri’s eyes as they opened in response to her withdrawal. “More hot water?” She asked absently as she took in his lethargic posture and half comatose gaze.

  “Yes.” He answered and promptly tilted his head back and closed his eyes.

  Saverna spent a moment wondering how she was going to get him out of the bath as she felt for the plug and started to drain the water. As the last of the water disappeared down the drain, Kosuri sighed and pulled himself upright as if to answer her silent question. Saverna, conscious of the way her own arms were chilled in the absence of the warm water, hastened to plug the drain and turn the water back on. If I’m feeling the absence of heat, it must be worse for him in that wet uniform. Shifting to grab the bubble bath which she had set on the floor after the last time she’d used it, she saw that Kosuri had crossed his arms across his chest and tucked his hands under his armpits. That confirms the cold theory. “It may help to take off your uniform.” The words were out of her mouth before she had a chance to think about them.