Jenny Undead (The Thirteen: Book One)

by Murray, J. L.

  “This isn't what happens,” Lucy said again.

  Jenny looked at Declan, who was frowning at Lucy with a strange look on his face. “Declan, you have to go. I can't keep you safe. From me, from the rotters, from Sully. I can't do it.” She thought of Zeke, of his prediction. Something was going to happen to Declan. Maybe if she sent him away, he would be okay. Maybe he wouldn't get hurt, and she wouldn't have to save him. Declan looked at her as if he'd forgotten she was there. He shook his head and looked back at Lucy.

  “What did you do?” he said.

  Lucy shook her head. “No. No, Munro. Don't do this.”

  “Don't do what?” said Veronica, looking from Declan to Lucy. “Munro?”

  Lucy looked at Jenny and her face went hard. She narrowed her eyes. “Why can't you just die like a normal person?”

  Jenny went cold. Even colder than dead. She felt ice fill her up. “What did you do, Lucy?” she said, and her voice wasn't her own. It was something frigid and hungry and so, so angry.

  “You were supposed to die,” she said, her voice low and hot. “You were supposed to disappear. He told me it would fix everything. All I had to do was...” Lucy suddenly looked at Declan. “It wasn't my fault, Munro.”

  “Sully,” Declan said. “Sully told you to convince her to go alone.”

  Lucy swallowed thickly. “I'm so sorry, baby. He tricked me.”

  “Why?” said Declan, showing no emotion. His eyes were glass, his face was stone. “Why did he want her alone? Why her?”

  “I don't know,” said Lucy. “He didn't tell me. He just said we could solve both of our problems.” Lucy's face crumpled and her eyes filled with tears. “He said we needed to separate you.”

  “Why?” Jenny growled. The world was red around the edges. There was too much life in the room. The very walls felt like they were pumping blood. The thought occurred to her that she couldn't breathe, but that made her laugh a short, harsh laugh that drew looks from Veronica and Beacon.

  “I don't know,” said Lucy. She looked back at Declan. “It wasn't supposed to happen this way. We were supposed to be together.”

  “Jesus Christ,” said Veronica.

  Beacon looked away, his hand over his mouth.

  Jenny took a step toward Lucy and the woman straightened, looking around, seeming to realize the danger. She took a step back, toward the door, but Abel stepped in front of her, blocking her way. “I think my friend wants some answers,” he said, smiling at her with his wolf smile.

  Lucy whipped her head around, her dreadlocks slapping her in the neck. Jenny closed the distance, the world becoming more and more red, the closer she got to Lucy. Until her cold fingers were wrapped around Lucy's throat. She could feel the blood pumping through her body, her heart beating, her bones so thin and delicate that Jenny knew she could break her. She knew Lucy wasn't the strong one. Maybe she never was.

  “Why?” Jenny said hoarsely. “Why did Sully want to separate us?”

  Lucy's eyes twitched back and forth, trying to find a way out. Beacon and Veronica didn't move to help her. Declan just stared.

  “I'm sorry,” Lucy said, finally looking at Jenny. What she saw there seemed to terrify her. Jenny felt her scrabbling at something, clutching at the wall with her other hand.

  “Why?” Jenny said and squeezed ever so slightly.

  Lucy's eyes widened and Jenny smelled something warm and ammonia. Lucy had pissed herself.

  “Because,” Lucy whispered around Jenny's hand on her windpipe. “You're stronger together.”

  “What?” said Jenny, her hand loosening.

  “He wanted you alone,” said Lucy. “He said I could have Declan after you died.”

  “What does he want with my brother?” said Jenny. “If he wants me, why did he take Casey?”

  Lucy smiled unexpectedly, then. An eerie, unpleasant smile. “Practice,” she said, drawing the word out. Jenny heard a click and her chest exploded. She shook her head, trying to understand why she was on the floor. Jenny looked down at the hole ripped through her chest. The glistening red of it was almost pleasing and she smiled up at Lucy. She could feel a gurgling where the bullet had gone through, and something like metal chinking against metal.

  “Kill her!” Lucy screamed at Beacon.

  Jenny looked behind her. Beacon and Veronica were standing together with grim looks on their faces. Beacon met Jenny's eyes. Veronica was staring at Lucy.

  “You already did,” Veronica said. “You already killed her.”

  “She's a fucking rotter, V,” Lucy said. “We have to take her down.”

  “She was one of us, Lu,” Beacon said, his soft voice even softer. “For fuck's sake, give it up.”

  Jenny tried to stand up. The red was so bright. She could smell Lucy's blood, her meat, her life. She stood, but fell over again, bubbles steaming out of the bullet hole in her chest. Lucy cocked the gun, but Abel reached around her and plucked it out of her hand. He tossed it to Declan, who caught it with one hand.

  “Time to pay the piper, sweetheart,” Abel crooned. Lucy jumped away from him. She pulled out a small knife from her belt and held it in front of her. She looked to Veronica.

  “Help me, V,” she said. “They're going to kill me.”

  “I know,” said Veronica.

  Lucy shook her head, uncomprehending. “This is serious. Beacon?”

  “We loved her, Lucy,” he said, looking at Jenny. “Declan loved her first. But then she was family. She was like a sister. She was like your sister, too. And you sent her to die. You broke us. We all might as well have died when Jenny died.” Beacon turned away, wiping at his face. “You're not family any more, Lu. I don't know who you are. I wouldn't save you, even if I could.”

  “Don't say that,” said Lucy.

  Jenny tried to get up again, but it was like gravity had settled in her chest. There was a burning smell coming from her. She screamed in frustration. She had to get to Lucy. She wanted to rip her apart.

  “Let me go,” Lucy said to Declan, her voice sweet. “Please, Munro. Just let me walk away. I won't hurt her again.”

  “You can't hurt her any more,” said Declan. His voice was cool. “You're even worse than Sully. Worse than a fucking serial killer. Do you understand that? Jenny saved me. She saved us all. We were so jaded and cruel before she came. She brought us to life. Jenny was salvation and you killed her. You turned her into something else against her will.”

  “I just told her to go,” Lucy said, sounding empty and weak. “She didn't have to listen.”

  “She listened because she trusted you,” said Declan. “Maybe even more than she trusted me.” Declan raised his arm and Jenny realized he had the gun in his hand. The way he looked at Lucy reminded her of stories she'd heard about him, before they met. It reminded her of the fear in Joshua's eyes when she mentioned his name, of the way Casey and the others looked at her when they found out about him. It would have scared her once. Jenny Alive might have run away. But Jenny Undead didn't care. Jenny Undead liked it.

  “Munro,” Lucy said, breathless. “I love you. Don't do this.”

  “Jenny is my life, Lucy. Dead or alive.” Declan cocked the revolver. He looked at Jenny down on the ground. Their eyes met and Jenny forgot about the red. She forgot about the force in her chest. She remembered the abandoned department store. She remembered what it felt like to love him and to cling to that feeling like it was air in her lungs. She remembered warmth and touching and forgetting there was anyone else left in the world. Nights too warm under the sheets when everyone else was shivering. And laughing. Laughing so much that their faces hurt. Jenny couldn't remember what it felt like to laugh. She felt a prickle behind her eyes and a wetness on her face.

  “We don't know how to be without each other,” Declan said. “Remember?”

  “I remember,” said Jenny.

  “I'm not leaving,” said Declan.

  “I don't want you to,” said Jenny.

  Declan looked back at Lucy. “
It's just like when you were alive, Jen. I'll fucking kill anyone who tries to hurt you..”

  “I know,” said Jenny.

  “I love you, Jen,” he said, and pulled the trigger. Lucy barely made a sound as she hit the floor.

  The pressure in Jenny's chest was easing a bit and she sat up, staring at Lucy's body. Everyone was staring at Lucy's body. There were footsteps in the hall, then Trix emerged, looking pale. She looked down at Lucy then at Jenny.

  “Who's the dead bitch and why are you on the floor?” she said.

  “The dead bitch shot her,” said Abel. “And then the boyfriend shot the bitch dead.”

  Declan seemed to gather himself and remember Jenny. He walked over and crouched down, looking at the wound in her chest. He didn't meet her eyes. “Are you okay?” he said.

  “I'm fine,” said Jenny. “Just stings a little.”

  Declan pulled at the fabric where the bullet had torn a hole. There was still an uncomfortable clicking in Jenny's chest, but it was bearable. Declan frowned, looking at her face for the first time.

  “It's healing,” he said.

  “Yeah, it does that,” said Jenny. She took Declan's hand and he helped her up.

  Declan was looking at her arm. The arm that she had stabbed all the way through to the other side only hours before. There was a thin red scar where it should have been festering meat.

  “What are you?” said Beacon, staring at Jenny.

  “Does it matter?” said Jenny.

  “Who the hell are these guys?” said Trix. “Aww. Did you bring me dinner?”

  Jenny looked around the room. There was too much blood. It was intoxicating. She looked at Lucy, a pile of useless flesh and bones on the floor. Declan shouldn't have shot her. She knew that in the back of her mind, but it was all muddled in images of a blood-red world and the sound of wet, beating hearts and gnashing teeth. She looked at Declan who looked back soberly.

  “Declan, we didn't know,” Veronica said. “We had no idea what Lu was up to. You have to believe us.”

  “Why wouldn't I?” Declan said, his voice sounding far away as he stared at Jenny. “You should go. Both of you. Not safe for you here.”

  “No,” said Beacon. “We're with you, Munro. Nothing's changed.”

  Declan tore his eyes from Jenny's to look at Beacon. “Everything's changed,” he said.

  “I need to get out of here,” said Jenny. She backed out of the room, knocking into Abel on her way out.

  THIRTY-SIX

  Jenny put her elbows on the top of her car. The car Declan had made for Jenny Alive, the Jenny who had been warm and soft and full of life. She pressed her forehead against the cold metal. Only it wasn't cold, not to her. She was already cold.

  “Fuck!” she screamed into the metal. Her breath didn't even fog it up. She realized she was crying again. How could she be crying? She'd never seen the others so much as tear up. She didn't even know if they could. Beacon's words rang in her head: What are you? A monster. A killer. Something new and evil and wrong.

  A cure.

  “Dammit,” she said, pushing away from the car. She kicked it, leaving a dent in the side. Everyone kept saying she was the cure. No one knew how or why, but it was like a mantra that scraped down her bones like fingernails on a chalkboard. And now she was saying it to herself. She screamed into the air.

  She turned at the smell of blood, and stepped back when she saw Declan coming toward her, striding toward her on long legs, his hands in his pockets. Jenny's chest hurt but it wasn't from the bullet. It was the same ache she felt every time she looked at him.

  “Declan, go away.”

  “No,” he said, stopping in front of her.

  “You shouldn't be here,” she said, looking past him, toward the museum. “I'm so hungry, Deck. I've never been this hungry.”

  “Remember when we met?” he said.

  “No,” she lied.

  “You were hungry then, too,” he said.

  “Stop it.”

  “All I had was a bag of stale crackers,” he said. He was standing motionless in front of her, his hands still in his pockets, as if afraid of what would happen if he took them out. Jenny could feel his eyes on her. She expected the red to come again, but it didn't. Just the vague ache of hunger.

  “I don't want to talk about this, Declan,” she said. “It hurts.”

  “Why?” he said. When she didn't answer, he continued. “You ate all those crackers and I let you. I was hungry too, but I gave every last crumb to you. I never gave anything to anyone back then, but I gave you everything I had. You were like a wild thing with those damn crackers.” He laughed, but it was full of sadness. “And then you looked at me with those big eyes and you smiled at me. You said thank you. I could never explain it, what happened then.”

  Jenny turned away from him. “I can't,” she said. “I can't think about this. I have to find Casey.”

  “Abel told us what he said. This prophet guy,” said Declan. “You're supposed to save me.”

  “Maybe I'm supposed to send you away to save you,” said Jenny, but there was no force in the statement.

  “Jenny, look at me.”

  “No. I don't want you to see me,” she said. “I don't want you to remember me like this.”

  “Jen, I just killed someone who I used to care about. And you saw it.”

  “You killed Lucy because of me,” said Jenny. “And now you have to carry that around with you.”

  “I killed her so you wouldn't have to,” he said. “And because I was doing what I've always done. What you've never needed, but I've done anyway.”

  “What's that?”

  “Protecting you,” he said. “You've always been strong, Jen. I know you let me do it sometimes and I know you didn't need me. But I needed you. I needed to protect you. It wasn't because you couldn't do it yourself, or because I was a man and felt it was my duty. It was because no one ever did it for you. Everyone should feel protected sometime. You never had that, and I wanted it for you. If I could have gone back in time and carried you away from that lab, I would have done it. No matter the consequences. Maybe you're the one who's going to save everyone. But you have to understand, I don't care about that. If I could have saved you back then, I would have done it in a heartbeat. Let this goddamn world burn to ashes. Let me burn with it. If I knew I gave you a day, or an hour or a minute to feel safe, it would all be worth it.”

  “I'm going to hurt you someday, Declan. And I think it might kill me when I do.”

  “You don't know that,” he said.

  Jenny met his eyes. “I can feel your blood throbbing through your veins,” she said. “From where I'm standing, a foot away, I can feel your heart beating. I can smell the muscle and sinew and organs that make up the meat of you. And the rich marrow in your bones.” Jenny felt suddenly breathless, a feeling that felt like being plunged into cold water. She couldn't feel breathless. She didn't have breath. “I want to rip you apart, Declan. I can already feel the hot blood running down my throat and your flesh in my mouth. I know that if I just took one bite of you, that I would finally feel warm again after so long being cold. I would stop being hungry for just a minute, and this rage in my chest would stop for the first time. And for a moment, I wouldn't feel cold and empty and alone.” Jenny took a step back. “Killing you would be peace. I told you I was a monster, Deck. You have to stay away. Run away. Just fucking run, remember? I'm no better than they were. I'm worse.”

  “You're crying again.”

  “No, I'm not. I can't.”

  Declan was quiet for a long time. Jenny watched him staring at her. This was it. She'd finally convinced him. He was going to go away, to live his life. To be safe.

  “Do it,” he said.

  “Do what?”

  He held out his arm. “Take me, kill me. I don't care.”

  “You have no idea what you're saying,” she said.

  “I do. If it will bring you peace even for a second, then so be it. Bite me, Jenn
y. It'll be my final act. To finally bring you peace.”

  “Stop it.”

  “Just fucking do it!” he said, his voice cracking. “In fact, I don't know why you've taken this long. Just kill me. Put me out of my fucking misery. Do it!” He thrust his bare forearm in her face.

  “NO!” she screamed. She backed away from him until she could feel the car against her back. Declan was staring at her, his expression indiscernible. She closed her eyes, unable to shake the feeling of not being able to catch her breath.

  “Why?” Declan said, his voice so low it was almost a whisper.

  “Because I won't,” she said. “I can't.”

  “Why, Jenny?”

  “I'm dead, Declan. Just let it go at that. Maybe I'm fucking sentimental.” There was a bitterness to her voice that surprised her. She could taste the bitterness in the back of her throat.

  “Bullshit. Why?”

  “Do you really think that I just stopped loving you?” she said. “Do you think I didn't come back and watch you? That I didn't have to fight with the urge to come back to you, no matter how dead I was?”

  “You came back?” he said. She could feel his heart racing.

  “Of course I fucking came back,” she said. “I saw you. Screaming, crazy, bashing those rotters into jelly. I thought...” She paused, trying to gather what she wanted to say. “If I came back, it would drive you insane. That's what I thought. You were on the edge, and if you saw me, maybe you'd just hit the point of no return. And that would be my fault. Because I was selfish and I wanted to see you. To ask for your forgiveness. I couldn't do that to you.”

  “You saw that?” he said.

  “And the funeral,” she said.

  Declan rubbed his mouth with his hand. “I wouldn't have gone insane,” he said.

  “You don't know that.”

  “I was so sad, Jen. I've never felt that way before. I never want to feel that way again. And angry. Furious at everything and nothing at the same time. I just wanted you back.”

  “I'll never be who I was,” she said.

  “Neither will I.”

  “We can't be together, Declan. Not ever. When you touch me, I'll always be cold. When you're near, I'll always think of the blood.”