“You…you were with him when he died?”
Brody nodded. He wanted to look away when he said the next part, but Kate deserved the truth, deserved the unvarnished, painful as hell truth. So he met her gaze, and said it. “I was his doctor.”
“His doctor?” She pressed a hand to her forehead. “When were you going to tell me?”
“I tried to. A thousand times. But I didn’t…” He sighed. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“You took care of him?”
“He was badly injured, and so were several other guys. That blast…it hurt them all. Some worse than others. The second doctor on the team was overwhelmed, less experienced, and there was a lot to deal with, all at once. It was chaos, Kate, sheer chaos. I did my best, believe me, but his injuries were too severe.”
The words hung in the air between them for a long, long time. He watched her process them, her eyes going wide with disbelief, then filling with tears, then narrowing with anger. “You…why didn’t you save him? What kind of doctor are you?”
“I tried, Kate, I tried. But you’ve got to understand, we were in the middle of nowhere, and our supplies were low. We’d just come from a village that had a lot of wounded and sick people, and we were on our way to the rendezvous spot for a resupply, when Andrew’s truck went over the IED. All of them were hurt, and we had to try to help everyone, all at the same time. We did our best, but Andrew was badly injured. There was nothing I could do for him.”
“Did he…” She bit her lip, swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “Did he suffer?”
People asked that question and never wanted the truth. They never wanted to know that their loved one had been in pain, or lingered with a mortal wound. They wanted death to be quick, painless, as simple as closing your eyes. “He wasn’t in any pain,” Brody said, which was the truth. The one thing they’d had in good supply was painkillers. “And we talked a lot during his last hours.”
“Hours? He suffered for hours? Why…why didn’t you get more help? Call in a helicopter? Do something…else? Why did you…let him die?”
“I didn’t let him, Kate. I did everything I could.”
“But it wasn’t enough, was it?” She shook her head, then glanced down at the card. When she raised her gaze to his, those emerald eyes had gone stone cold. “And so you came here, came to me, on what, a mercy mission? Take care of the grieving older sister?”
“It wasn’t like that. I—”
“I don’t care anymore, Brody. I don’t care what you intended or what you meant. You let my brother die and then you stood in my shop and watched me cry and never said a word.” She flung the card at him. It pinged off Brody’s chest and tumbled to the carpeting. “Stay away from me. I’m not your pity case anymore.”
Then she turned on her heel and headed back into the ballroom. The door shut, and Kate was gone.
CHAPTER TEN
BRODY stood beside his brother and watched Riley and Stace pledge till death do us part, with ridiculous, happy smiles all over their faces. Frank, Stace’s head chef, longtime friend and business partner, watched from his seat, tears streaming down his face. Gran sat beside Frank, dabbing at her pale blue eyes. Stace’s sister and nephew sat on the other side of Frank, beaming like proud parents.
The wedding had been simple, the service lasting just a few minutes, with Brody and Finn serving as ushers. Finn had been best man, and gave Riley a hug of congratulations when he handed the youngest McKenna the rings. As soon as the minister pronounced them man and wife, Jiao, Finn and Ellie’s adopted daughter who had served as flower girl, scooted out of her mother’s arms, and scattered more rose petals on the altar. The guests laughed, and Jiao ducked back behind her mother again. Ellie chuckled, and wrapped a protective arm around the small dark-haired girl.
The minister introduced Mr. and Mrs. McKenna, then Riley and Stace turned toward the small crowd of guests, hand in hand. Applause and cheers went up, and the couple headed down the makeshift aisle in the center of the diner, while guests showered them with rose petals and Jiao brought up the rear, scattering flowers in their wake.
Throughout the wedding, Brody had forced himself to keep his attention on the front of the room. Not to turn back and see if Kate was one of the guests seated in the diner. But now, as Riley and Stace walked away, his gaze scanned the crowd, searching for long brown hair, deep green eyes.
Disappointment sunk like a stone in his gut. She wasn’t here.
He’d hoped, even though he had heard the finality in her voice, but still he’d hoped that she would change her mind. His heart kept looking for her, kept hoping to see her when there was a flash of dark brown hair or the sound of laughter.
The band began playing, and several waitstaff hurried in to move the seating around to accommodate a dance floor in the center of the diner. The cupcakes had been delivered early this morning, probably part of Kate’s plan to avoid him. Before Brody arrived, she’d stacked them on a towering stack of circular plates, decorated with fresh flowers and strands of iridescent pearls, like a real wedding cake. As always, Kate had surpassed expectations. The guests oohed and aahed, and Riley pointed to Brody. “Don’t tell us, tell my brother over there. I believe he made each one himself.”
“It wasn’t me,” Brody said, “it was all the work of—”
The door opened. Kate strode inside. She had her hair up in a loose bun, with tendrils tickling along her jaw. She wore a pale blue dress that floated above her knees in a swishy bell, and floral heels that accented her legs, curved her calves. Brody reminded himself to breathe.
He couldn’t dare to hope for forgiveness for lying to her for so long, regardless of how many times he’d apologized. But a part of him was damned glad to see her, and wishing anyway.
“Thank that beautiful woman there.” He pointed at Kate. “Kate Spencer, the owner of Nora’s Sweet Shop, which makes amazing cupcakes and chocolates.”
Several guests swarmed Kate, singing her praises over the floral decorated cupcakes. She thanked them, the admiration causing her to blush. After a while, she broke away from the group, accepting a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. She chatted with Ellie while Brody watched and wished she was talking to him.
Riley strode over to Brody. “I see your baker is here. You going to ask her to dance?”
“She’s not my anything.” She never had been, really. The relationship he’d built with her had been built on a lie, and everyone knew a castle constructed on sand would never last.
Riley arched a brow. “What happened?”
“I told her about Afghanistan. That I was the doctor with her brother when he died. And that her brother had asked me to watch out for her.”
“How’d that go?”
Brody scowled at his little brother. “How do you think?”
“I’m glad you finally talked about it, Brody.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not. Now I’ve lost her, and all because I was trying to do the right thing.”
Riley clapped a hand on Brody’s shoulder. “Remember when you and me tricked Finn into seeing Ellie, with that old bait and switch we did with the bagels?”
“Yeah.” Brody watched Kate across the room. Stace had moved on to greet other guests and now Kate stood away from the crowd, sipping her champagne, and watching the guests. Avoiding all eye contact with him.
“You need to do the same thing, and find a way to get that pretty girl to talk to you again.”
“S
he doesn’t want to see me.”
“Did you ask her?”
“Of course not. I just assumed—”
Riley let out a gust. “Geez, Brody, now I’m the expert in relationships in this family? If that’s the case, then you’d better check the sky, because I think pigs are flying. You don’t assume, brother, you go find out. You have to get in there and take a shot before you can score.”
Brody arched a brow. “Did you just tell me to score?”
“Hey, I may be grown up and responsible and married now,” he sent a wave over to Stace, “but I’m not perfect.” Riley gave Brody a nudge. “Now go over there and take a chance. The woman really likes you. Lord only knows why, but she does.” He grinned. “So don’t let her get away, or Finn and I will have to take charge.”
Riley joined his wife. Brody waved off the waiter’s offer of champagne and threaded his way through the tables and chairs until he reached Kate. Up close, she looked a hundred times more beautiful. With her hair up, he could see the delicate curve of her neck, the tiny diamond earrings in her lobes. He caught the scent of vanilla and cinnamon, and a bone deep ache to hold her rushed through his veins.
Brody headed over to her. “Can we talk?”
“I think we’ve talked all we need to,” Kate said, her tone short, cold. “Our business is concluded, and I’ve found out who you really are. What else is there to discuss?” She raised her eyes to him. Hurt and disappointment pooled in those emerald depths.
“Kate, let me explain.”
“Why? What are you going to tell me that’s going to change anything?”
“Just hear me out. Please. Five minutes, that’s all I ask.”
She bit her lip, considering. “Fine. Five minutes.”
A start. Right now, Brody would take any start he could get.
“Let’s get out of here, okay?” He led her through the diner, into the kitchen, then out the back door and into the alley that ran behind the Morning Glory. He propped the back door open with a rock, then turned to Kate. The sun danced off her hair, shining on those tempting curls, and it was all he could do not to take her in his arms. “I’m sorry for not telling you who I was right off the bat. I was wrong.”
She shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. “You should have told me.”
“I know. You’re right.” If he could have done it differently, he would have. All this time, he’d thought he was doing the right thing, but he hadn’t been. Looking at Kate now, at the hurt in her face, he wished he could start over. “That last conversation I had with Andrew, when he knew he was dying, he asked only one thing of me.”
She raised her gaze to his. “What?”
“That I make sure you were okay. That you were moving forward with your life. He said he was afraid you’d be stuck in your grief. He begged me not to tell you the truth because he was afraid it would make things worse for you.”
“Worse? How can knowing the truth make it worse?”
Brody wanted to reach for Kate, but he held back. “He was afraid you would blame yourself all over again. He said you told him that if anything ever happened to him, you’d feel responsible.”
She nodded. “I did say that. And he was right. If I hadn’t—”
“The last thing he wanted was for you to think you were the reason he was over there.” Brody reached for Kate’s hand. “Andrew loved his job, and he loved you. He didn’t join the military because of you, he joined because he was doing what he does best.”
“What’s that?”
“Protecting the people he loves. He was doing it then, and he’s been doing it ever since he died, through me.” Brody let go of Kate’s hand and dropped onto the concrete stoop to face a few self truths. “I can relate, because that’s what I’ve done all my life. I’ve protected my family. Protected myself. I nag my grandmother about getting checkups, harass my brothers about annual physicals. I take care of those around me, because if I do, I can…”
“Prevent another tragedy.”
“Yeah. Or at least that was my plan. I thought I went into medicine to change people’s lives,” he said, “but in reality, I did it to change my own. When my parents died, I remember thinking how powerless I felt. One minute they were here, the next they were gone. I didn’t have any say in it. I didn’t have any control over it.”
“You were eight, Brody. There was nothing you could do.”
“Try telling that to an eight-year-old whose world just turned inside out. I became a doctor, I think partly as a way to change that history. You know, save someone else’s loved ones and do it often enough, and it would make up for my loss. But it never did. I kept thinking if I could find the right prescription, make the right diagnosis, it would be enough. Change a life, in some small way. And most of all, control the risks, as best I could.”
“And thus control the outcome.”
He nodded. “But then I went to Afghanistan and realized that sometimes you have to let people take risks. If your brother hadn’t been the one in the lead, if he and his team hadn’t hit that bomb, it would have hit us. And those villagers would have died. He gave his life for us, because that was his job. He protected us, by risking himself.”
She bit her lip. “That was Andrew. He did it all his life.”
“You once called him a true hero, and I agree. He was an example for the rest of us to live up to,” Brody said. “When that patient of mine at Mass General died, I had to go and tell the family. It was my first notification and the attending thought it would be a good idea for me to learn how. The whole thing was…agonizing. Horrible. The patient’s sister was there, and his mother and father, and all I remember seeing was the grief in their eyes. I knew I was causing it, by my words, and I couldn’t stop it, because it was the truth. There was no going back and bringing that man back to life. Or bringing him back to his family.”
“But you’re a doctor. You deal with life and death every day. Why was this any different?” She took two steps closer and bent her knees until they were eye level. “I deserved to know, Brody. You lied to me, over and over again. Why would you do that? To me? Why couldn’t you—”
“Because he was my friend, damn it!” The last words ripped from Brody’s throat, leaving him hoarse. All those weeks he’d spent overseas with Andrew by his side, he’d imagined the two of them meeting up again in Newton, sitting down to watch the game, have a few beers, trading stories about their time in the Middle East. He’d never expected that a bright, sunny morning in the middle of fall would be the day Andrew Spencer, that vibrant, strong young man, would breathe his last breath. “I watched my friend die and it tore me apart. It was like I was losing a brother. I kicked myself for every decision, every moment. I wanted to go back and undo it, to change the course of destiny, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, Kate, no matter how much I wanted to.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I thought it was hard losing that first patient, but at least there, I had all the tools I needed, all the medical staff I could want. The best hospital, the best tests. When he died, I knew I had done everything I could. But when Andrew died—” Brody cursed and turned away.
“What about when Andrew died?”
Brody was back there again. The heat of the Middle East a powerful, shimmering wall. At every turn, the smell of poverty, desperation, lost hope. “We were in this tiny little dirt floor hut in the middle of nowhere. Hours from a hospital. There was me and one other inexperienced doctor, and that was it. No X-ray machines. No operating rooms. No
specialists on call. We’d just come from a village that had a lot of sick and wounded people, and our supplies were low. If I’d been in a hospital, I could have hooked him up to a machine. I could have bought him some time. I could have…” He cursed again. The ground blurred before him.
“Changed the ending?”
Brody closed his eyes and drew in a long, deep breath. All these weeks, the what ifs had plagued him. He’d replayed the entire day a hundred times in his mind, but in the end, always came to the same conclusion. The one ending that in his heart he couldn’t accept, even though he knew it was the only one. No matter how many hospitals or experts had been on the scene of that explosion, the outcome would have been the same. Sometimes, people just died. And it sucked, plain and simple. “No. He had deep internal injuries from that bomb. The best hospital in the world would have only been able to do one thing.” He lifted his gaze to Kate’s. “Buy him more time.”
“To do what?” Kate asked. “To suffer?”
“To say goodbye.”
And there, Brody realized, lay the crux of what had dogged him all these weeks. What had kept him from sleeping. What had laid guilt on his shoulders like a two-ton wall. “I wanted him to have time to talk to you. The cell service where we were was non-existent, and I kept hoping he’d get well enough that we could transport or that a signal would magically appear. I just wanted Andrew to have time to tell his family he loved them. I didn’t want to be his messenger, damn it, I wanted him to talk to his family himself. He tried to hold on, he really did, I could hear the helicopters in the distance and I kept hoping, and praying, and trying to keep him alive.” Brody’s voice broke, and he raised his gaze to her. “But I couldn’t fix this, Kate. I…couldn’t. I failed and I’m sorry, Kate. I’m so, so sorry.”
Return of the Last McKenna (Harlequin Romance) Page 15
