She buried her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook with her tears, and Brody got to his feet, wrapped an arm around Kate and drew her to him. She tensed, then finally leaned against him. She cried for a long time, Brody doing nothing more than holding her and running a hand down her back and whispering the same thing over and over again. I’m sorry.
He could have said it a thousand times and never felt like it was enough. Finally, her tears eased, and so too did the stiffness in her body, the tension in her features. She drew back, the dark green lakes of her eyes still brimming. “Don’t you understand, Brody?” she said. “My brother did say goodbye to me and did tell me he loved me. He did it through you.”
Perhaps. But had Brody done all he could have to ensure Andrew’s final message had been delivered? “The only thing I could do afterwards was fulfill his last wishes. It wasn’t enough, but it was all I had, and for a friend like Andrew, I couldn’t let him down again. I wasn’t a very good messenger. I should have…” he threw up his hands, “done more.”
“Sometimes you do all you can and you accept that it’s enough. You said something like that to me just the other day. Remember?”
He could hear the band playing inside, music celebrating a new beginning, a new life, while outside in the alley, he and Kate were discussing a loss and trying like hell to move forward with their own lives.
“I’m a doctor,” he said. “I’m supposed to heal people. It’s in the Hippocratic Oath, for God’s sake. Do no harm. And I did harm by treating him in the middle of nowhere, in a place that didn’t have everything I needed. I did him harm by not giving him the time to say goodbye.” He cursed and shook his head. “I did my best, and I fell short. Maybe I’m not the doctor I thought I was.”
“Let me ask you something.” She laid a hand on his. “What would have happened to my brother if you hadn’t been there? If he’d been alone and that bomb went off?”
“He’d have suffered. It would have been long and slow, and painful.” A horrible, undeserved end for a hero like Andrew.
“And you eased that pain, didn’t you?” Kate asked.
“Yes. We had plenty of painkillers.”
“I meant you eased that pain by talking to him. By making him forget what was happening. He didn’t suffer because he had you. A friend, when he needed one most.” She held Brody’s hand tight in her own, her touch a soothing balm for his tortured thoughts. “Thank you for being with him. Thank you for taking care of him. Thank you for making it easier for him.”
The words came from Kate’s heart. She didn’t blame him. She’d absolved him. “He cared about you deeply. I wish I could have brought him home to you.”
Tears spilled from her eyes. “I do, too.”
His entire goal for the last few weeks had been to help her move forward, to help her go after her dreams, and even if she never spoke to him again after today, he wanted to know she was at least driving down that path and he had done what Andrew asked of him. Then he could take satisfaction in that. He told himself it would be enough. “You have to move forward, Kate. Rent that building. Expand the business. The one thing Andrew wanted more than anything was for you to be happy. For you to go after your dreams. We stood in that shop in Weymouth and I could see in your eyes that you wanted to take that chance, but in the end, you walked away. You’ve stood still for weeks, Kate, instead of taking the leap.”
“I wasn’t the risk taker. That was Andrew. And without him—” She shook her head. “I can’t do it. Nora’s Sweet Shop is doing just fine where it is. I don’t need to expand.”
“Because you’re afraid of failure.”
“I’m done.” She turned away. “I didn’t come here for you to tell me what I’m doing wrong with my life.”
“You’re just going to run away? Because the conversation got tough?”
“I’m not doing that, Brody.” She pressed a finger into his chest. “You are. Quit telling me how to change my life until you have the courage to change your own.” She crossed to the door and jerked it open.
She was about to leave, and he knew, as well as he knew his own name, that he would never see her again if he let her go now. He had done what he always did—protect, worry, dispense advice and medicine—and had been too afraid to do the same for himself.
Doctor, heal thyself, she’d joked.
How true that was.
If he didn’t change now, he’d lose everything that mattered. Brody was tired of losing what was important to him. Not one more day, not one more minute, would he live afraid of the risks ahead. Afraid of loss. Afraid of being out of control.
“Kate, wait.” He let out a gust. She lingered at the door, half here, half gone. “We’re two of a kind, aren’t we? Both in fields that require us to take a chance every day, and both of us too scared to do that. You would think I wouldn’t be, because I’ve seen risk and loss firsthand, felt it under my hands, heard it in the slowing beep of a heart rate. But I am. I’m scared as hell to lose a patient. And scared as hell to lose you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Because you’re the first woman I’ve ever met who has shown me my faults and dared me to face them. You’re right about me. About my need to fix everything. I think it’s part of why I do the medical missions. It wasn’t enough to change lives here. I needed to do it in other towns, other countries. And I thought I was doing just fine.” Now the words that he had always kept to himself, the tight leash he had held on his emotions, uncoiled, and the sentences spilled out in a fast waterfall. “Until I went to Afghanistan. There, I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with a dying man and a roomful of wounded. Not enough time, not enough supplies, not enough medicine in the world to save everyone. Medicine couldn’t save him, and all I could do was watch him die.” Brody ran a hand over his face. “I have been scared, all this time, of not having control over the situation. Of exactly what happened with your brother.” He took in Kate’s delicate features, her wide green eyes. In the past few weeks, she had changed him in dozens of ways, by encouraging him to step out his normal world. He wanted more of that. More of her. And that meant changing, right this second. “I’m done being afraid of risk, Kate. It’s kept me from doing what truly makes me happy.”
“Like what?”
“Like expanding the medical missions to be bigger, to take on new challenges. Like doing more to change the lives of the people here in Newton. And most of all,” he paused, “like falling in love.”
“Falling in love? You have?”
“A long time ago.” As he said the words, he realized they were true. “I think I fell in love with you before I even met you.”
She shook her head. “That’s impossible. How could you do that?”
“Andrew and I talked about you all the time. Whenever we were between towns, or between shifts, we talked. He told me all about the shop and your grandmother, and you.” Brody grinned. “He made you sound like Mother Theresa and Santa Claus, all rolled into one.”
And finally, Kate laughed and Brody saw a bit of her fire return. “I’m not that nice or that altruistic.”
“He thought you were. And the more he talked, the more I saw you through his eyes. I saw you in the care packages you sent. In the notes you wrote. In the memories he shared. And I thought, damn, what would it be like to have someone love me that much?” He took her hands in his and held tight. “It took me over a month to work up the courage to walk into your shop. I would walk down there every day during my lunch break, and
after I got done for the day, and every time I would turn around. Partly because I was dreading telling you who I was and why I was there, and partly because I was afraid I’d meet you and you wouldn’t be what I imagined.”
“I wouldn’t live up to the hype?”
He smiled. “Something like that. But then I met you, and you were all Andrew said, and more. You were kind and funny and smart and beautiful. Very beautiful.” He closed the gap between them and took both her hands in his. “More than I deserved. More than I ever hoped.”
“Brody—”
“You knocked me off my feet so badly that first day, I didn’t even realize I picked out a sports basket for my grandmother, who is as far from a sports fan as you can get. All I knew was that I wanted to talk to you, wanted to get to know you. And…” He let out a breath, and faced the last bit of truth. That for all these years, he had held back from love, protecting his own heart, because of one failure. Which had cost him true happiness. No more. “I want more of that, Kate. I want you. In my life now and for always.”
She shook her head and broke away from him. “Brody, I can’t do this right now. I’m supposed to be at the wedding, and so are you, and—”
He reached for her again, this time cupping her face with his hands. “Take a risk with me, Kate.”
Her eyes grew wide, and her cheeks flushed. “I…I can’t.” She shook her head. “You need to quit believing in the impossible, Brody McKenna, and look at the facts. We’re not meant to be together. We started out on a lie, and you can’t build anything from that. Nothing except goodbye.”
Then she headed back inside. The door slammed shut with a loud bang that echoed in the alley for a long, long time.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE ruined cupcakes sat on the counter, mocking Kate. Distracted and out of sorts, she’d burned two batches this morning. She’d thought coming in on a Sunday would allow her to get caught up, but it had only put her further behind. When Joanne had come in to help, Kate almost burst into tears with relief. “I hate to abandon you on your first day back,” she said to Joanne, “but I really need to get some air. I think I’ll go for a run.”
“Go, go. I’ll be fine. Besides, your grandmother is due to stop by for her daily sugar fix. She’ll keep me company.”
Kate tossed her apron to the side and headed out to the front of the store. Just as she did, Nora entered, making a beeline for the cupcake display. She placed a small box on the counter beside her, then lifted the glass dome. “Good morning, granddaughter.”
“Good morning.” She pressed a kiss to Nora’s cheek. “How are you?”
“Just fine, just fine, or I will be when I get my daily cupcake.” Nora’s hand hovered over the red devil, then the peanut butter banana, then the chocolate cherry. “Off to see the cute doctor?”
“No. I’m just heading out for a run.”
“Well, before you go, maybe you should open this package. I found it on the doorstep when I came in.” Nora settled on the chocolate cherry, and replaced the glass dome. She leaned against the counter, peeled off the paper wrapping and took a bite. “Amazing. As always.”
“That package is for me?” Kate grabbed a box cutter from under the counter. Maybe she’d ordered something for the shop and forgotten. She slipped the knife under the tape, and as she peeled it off, she realized the box had no stamp, no delivery confirmation tag. And it was Sunday, a day no service delivered. “You just found it out front?”
“Yup.” Nora took another bite, and smiled. “Delicious. Sometimes the best and sweetest one is the one you missed, in your rush to make a choice. Don’t you think?”
Kate peeled up one flap, then the other. She reached into the cardboard container and pulled out a small black velvet box. A card had been attached to the top, and she opened that first.
Sometimes all you need is a little luck before you leap.
—Brody
“What do you have there?” Nora asked.
“I don’t know.” Kate pried open the hinged lid of the box, and let out a gasp when she saw the contents. A four leaf clover, a real one, encased in a glass dome, and attached to a heart shaped charm, dangling from a wide silver ring. A keychain, waiting for keys.
“That man knows you well,” Nora said.
“He does. But—”
Nora laid a hand on Kate’s shoulder, cutting off her words. “Before you go spouting off all the reasons why you shouldn’t love him, let me ask you something. Did I ever tell you the story of who named the shop?”
Kate nodded. “Yeah, but tell it again. It’s my favorite.”
A soft smile stole across Nora’s face as she talked. “When we were first married, your grandfather knew how much I wanted to open a little shop like this, but I was young and had a child on the way and a husband going off to war, and the whole idea just scared the pants off me. The day he left, I woke up and found a spatula on my pillow. Tied up with a bow. He’d carved Nora’s Sweet Shop into the handle. Did it by hand, with a pocketknife I gave him for his birthday. He told me the sweetest thing I could ever do for him was to go after my dreams. And I did. I never regretted it, not for a second. I’ve been so proud to see you and Andrew take up the reins and carry that dream forward.” Nora put a hand on Kate’s. “Now it’s your turn to run with the ball and carry it the rest of the way. To take Nora’s to new heights.”
“I’m scared, Grandma.” Kate ran her hands over the silver ring. “What if I fail?”
“Just by having the courage to go after your dreams, you’ve already won, my dear.” She drew her granddaughter into a long, tight hug. “And no matter what, I’ll be here to support you.”
Kate fingered the charm, then lifted her gaze to the newspaper article on the wall. Andrew seemed to be smiling his support from across the room. He would want her to do this. To move forward, and as Brody had said, quit standing still. “Thanks, Grandma.”
“You’re welcome. Now go for that run, and clear your head. I’ll stay here and,” she lifted the glass dome and snagged a peanut butter banana cupcake this time, “guard the cupcakes.”
Kate laughed. She slipped the keychain into her pocket then headed out the door. A few minutes later, she had stopped at her townhouse, changed her clothes, and started toward the reservoir. The Sunday morning sunshine warmed her, and she found herself slipping into the rhythm and peace of running.
Her mind drifted to Brody and she found herself looking for him, hoping to see him running, too. The keychain bounced in her pocket, a reminder of his gift. A little luck to encourage her to take a risk.
A risk like opening a second location?
A risk like…
Opening her heart?
She rounded the bend of the reservoir, startling a flock of pigeons. They burst into flight, with a chatter of wings. The contingent of pigeons circled away, opting for greener pastures, while several settled back onto the ground in Kate’s wake. She watched the ones in flight, their squat bodies becoming sleek gray missiles against the sunny fall sky.
Her steps slowed. She glanced to her right, and saw two paths. One that led toward home. One that led another direction. The opposite from the one she’d always taken. Kate drew in a breath and started running again.
* * *
The smell of braised beef filled the kitchen of Mary McKenna’s Newton house. Finn, Ellie and Jiao stood in the sunroom and talked with Mary, while Brody hung back in the library and pretended to look for a book he had no intention of re
ading.
His attempt to show Kate he cared, that he supported her, had gone bust. He’d dropped off the package early this morning, tempted to deliver it in person, but not sure what kind of reception he’d get. After the way things had ended yesterday, he wasn’t sure she ever wanted to see him again. Still, he couldn’t get her out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.
“Come join us, Brody,” Ellie said to her brother-in-law. “Your grandmother’s about to open a bottle of that ’92 Merlot you like.” She rubbed a hand over her stomach. “Though I’m sticking to apple juice for a while.”
Brody waved off the offer. “I’m not in a wine mood tonight. I’ll be out shortly.”
Ellie sighed and leaned against the doorjamb. “You McKenna men are all the same.” A soft smile stole across her face. “Stubborn, determined and impossible.”
“Hey. How’s that supposed to make me feel better?”
“It’s not.” Ellie pushed off from the door and crossed to Finn. Her pregnancy had just started to show, giving her a tiny bit of a curve to her belly. “Those are the qualities I love the most in Finn. He’s like a bulldog, only cuter.”
Brody laughed. “I don’t know about the cute part.”
“I heard what you did.” Ellie paused before him. She took the book in his hands away and shoved it back on the bookshelf. “Both in Afghanistan and with Kate. I think you did the right thing.”
He shook his head. “I lost her in the end. How is that the right thing?”
“You were doing what all three of you do. Protecting her. Taking care of her. She’ll realize that and come around.”
“I hope so.”
“She will.” Ellie laid a hand on Brody’s arm, the loving support of a sister-in-law who had already become an indelible part of the McKenna family tree. “And it’ll all work out. A wise man once told me that the smart man lets the woman he loves go, so that when she returns, it’ll be because she truly loves him.” She poked a finger at his chest. “That smart man was you. That day in the coffee shop, remember?”
Return of the Last McKenna (Harlequin Romance) Page 16
