Just Breathe (The Blue Series Book 1)

by Chelle C. Craze

  He keeps his eyes on me, almost as if he is waiting for my response. I rack my brain for something to say to calm him, but I come up with nothing. I loosen the tension out of my shoulders by rolling them against the seat. “Damn buzzards!” The words leave my mouth before I really have a chance to think. Even though I wish I could have said something epic, the ending effect on Lucas seems to be the one in which I had hoped. He looks up, shakes his head with a single chuckle, and repeats the words to himself.

  *****

  “Thank you for staying with me,” Lucas says, intertwining his fingers with mine and kissing the back of my hand as the services conclude.

  We make our way down the hill, leaving behind the graveyard. As selfish as it may be, I’m glad the whole thing is over. Seeing Lucas struggle with this day is painful, especially since I can’t do anything to help him.

  “I said I would.” We exchange a brief look, and his studying eyes me make me suddenly on edge. Sure, I’ve been nervous around him before, but I’m excited. Something in the way he looks at me has changed, but I can’t put my finger on it. The longer we keep eye contact, the slower we walk. A sense of calm passes through my body, and my heartbeat accelerates.

  Amelia’s family and friends pass us, and I realize we’ve come to a complete stop. I don’t want to be the one to break the silence, so I take the lead and start walking again. Without missing a beat, Lucas follows my lead toward the vehicles. He shudders and leans close to me. “They looked awfully cozy,” he points out.

  I turn my head in the direction where he had been looking, but I don’t see anyone.

  “Who?”

  “Dartanya and Nate.” When I try to look for them again, he stops me by blocking my line of sight. “Maybe I was seeing things. Who cares anyway?” He brushes my cheek with his knuckle, distracting me from my previous thought. Every inch of my skin tingles after his fingers leave my face. I would push the issue, but my judgments are foggy from one single touch.

  I guess at the end of the day I’ll always be affected by him, or at least I hope I will. He can be a pain in the ass occasionally, but right now, I have won this gamble with life. I’ve played an ace of hearts, rolled snake eyes, and hit the jackpot this time. Internally, I know life is going to be good with Lucas. I’m sure we won’t always agree, but I don’t want to live life without him. He is my inspiration and the reason I have the strength to let the past go and welcome the future.

  My hand lightly brushes something, and Arya squeals from somewhere in the distance, making us come to a sudden halt. She runs past us and scoops something from the ground, cupping it in her hands as she approaches us. “Look, it landed on you!” she practically screams.

  “What did?” She opens her hands, and a breathtaking orange monarch butterfly glides from her palms to the sky, looking like a sunbeam floating back to the clouds.

  “They were Mother’s favorite!” She beams as she jumps up and down, watching it soar through the air. She runs full force at my legs and then embraces them. When I look down, she is admiring me from below with a sense of sadness playing behind her eyes. “Do you think she got her wings?” Knowing she is referring to Amelia, I drop Lucas’ hand and bend my knees to get on her level.

  She stills, watching my every move intently. “I have no doubt in my mind she did, Arya,” I whisper so only she can hear. She slings her arms around my neck and squeezes. After she lets go, Lucas kneels to meet us and puts her on his shoulders.

  “Luke!” She giggles as he bounces her the rest of the way to Felix’s car. A genuine smile spreads across my face as I slow my walk to watch them. He truly is my calm, and I will be lost in him for eternity. Dar nudges me and meets my gaze as we look at the two of them.

  “Bird watching, right?” She wiggles her eyebrows in my direction, knowing damn well what I am looking at.

  “Sure, I’ll go with that.” She tucks me under her arm as we follow Lucas and Arya.

  Chapter 18

  Fate and destiny are cut from the same cloth

  Both mean the same when you spell them out

  Yet, to me they are merely a leader and follower

  The cat and the mouse

  Water and ice

  The board then the house

  Sunrise and midnight

  All predetermined without a doubt

  Fate thawed the ice and boarded the house

  Called the sun home and put the moon out

  You brought the stars to light up my night

  You are my destiny

  My entire life.

  Lucas

  After the graveside service, I felt like I had endured enough pain for one day. Cass and I didn’t attend the dinner afterward because I didn’t know how much more I could take. Feeling mentally and emotionally drained, I asked Cass if she would come back to my place to spend the evening. Of course, she had no problem with that. Secretly, I think she was as exhausted as me.

  Cass stands in my kitchen, mumbling something as she tries to open a bag of popcorn. I tiptoe behind her and wrap my hands around her waist, causing her to jump. “Warn a person before you pull that private eye stealthy shit,” she abruptly says.

  I nuzzle my face to her neck and smile alongside her warm flesh. She turns her head to meet my face and glares. I reach around her and take a handful out of the bag and stuff it into my mouth.

  “Chew with your mouth closed.” She sticks out her tongue and then shakes the popcorn bag, mixing up the butter.

  “Love, if you want to stand here and rub your ass on me, I’m all in, but I thought I would come to tell you the movie is about to start.” She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

  “You’re unbelievable.

  “But you love me.” Ever so gently, I blow my warm breath behind her ear. Her skin rises into tiny little goose bumps.

  “I do.” She turns to face me and smirks after setting the bag onto the counter. “In spite of my best efforts.” She pulls me to the couch and then snuggles to my chest. Her fingertips graze the outline of my abs through my shirt as she hums the song I’ve come to associate with her.

  “Cass?” She slightly jumps and looks up at me.

  “Huh?”

  “What’s that song?” This is the third time I’ve heard it, but I don’t have any idea what it is called. Her singing is amazing and even when she’s only humming, it’s beautiful.

  She purses her lips as she scratches her temple. After inhaling deeply, she clears her throat. “Uh…well, it’s your song.” Her eyes drop from my face, breaking our contact. I lift her chin with my fingertips, bringing back her attention.

  “Will you sing it for me?” She chews on the corner of her mouth while she thinks. “Please?”

  “Fine.” She stands up. “Where’s your guitar?” I get it from my bedroom and start tuning it while walking back to her.

  “Lucas, I can tune it,” she says matter-of-factly, taking the acoustic and setting it upon her knee. While turning the silver keys and pulling the strings tighter, she looks at me. “Besides, you were going to standard. I need it in Drop D.”

  “Well, excuse me.” I playfully throw my hands into the air. She smiles and then looks back the strings.

  “Just promise you won’t laugh, okay?” She plucks the pick from beneath the pick guard and waits for my answer.

  “Promise.” I sit beside her, and she closes her eyes. She dramatically hits her sternum and then clears her throat. She caresses each string and matches the tone of her voice. The tempo of the song is slow before she slightly picks up the rhythm.

  “You were only a dream, something imagined

  With each breath I took, you would make my world matter

  I left you at arm’s length to prevent feeling damage

  Afraid to let go and dive from the ladder

  You caught me by surprise and pushed at my tether

  So here I go to break through the panic

  Watching the storm as I stand in the weather

  It’s like ten
thousand fireflies ablaze in our presence

  My soul burns when we’re together

  I’ll be by your side when the North Star crashes and clatters

  Take me to the unknown and be mine forever

  I’ll give you my heart; that’s all I can manage

  Every second that goes by gives you the advantage

  My angel with broken wings cast from the Heavens

  You broke through my wall making me helpless

  Losing control is my next endeavor

  Falling fast I’m rendered breathless

  I can’t fight this love so slam down the lever

  You caught me by surprise and pushed at my tether

  So here I go to break through the panic

  Watching the storm as I stand in the weather

  It’s like ten thousand fireflies ablaze in our presence

  My soul burns when we’re together

  I’ll be by your side when the North Star crashes and clatters

  Take me to the unknown and be mine forever”

  I could watch her do this for hours, sitting motionless, just listening to her voice. Today has been an emotional roller coaster, the kind with the loops that make you sick. All I want is to stop the gears from turning and the car from climbing. Watching her bare her soul before me is an excellent way to end the ride, though. Maybe one day she will tell me what she told Arya to make her so happy, but I’m not going to ask her now. I’ll live in this moment for as long as she allows me.

  After she finishes, I pick her up with the guitar, and her eyes jolt open with shock as she frantically bends to lay the acoustic onto the couch. Time stands still, and I can’t move quickly enough. As soon as she straightens her back, my lips crash onto her mouth. Her tongue makes circles around mine and leaves me begging for more. I tug her lip between my teeth and pull back to look into her eyes. “Cricket, I love you.”

  “That was amazing.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “You’re amazing.”

  She smiles at me. “Yeah, but I love you more, asshat.”

  “Ass-what?” Her eyes widen as she realizes what I’m about to do. I flip her over my shoulders and run toward my bedroom. After laying her down, I climb in beside her.

  “Cassandra, that was lovely, but...” I hop out of bed to turn off the lights and then scoot in behind her. She turns over and faces me, which causes me to pause longer than I intended.

  “There’s a ‘but’?” Her voice teases me as the words roll off her tongue smooth as satin. I know I should be honest with her, but I can’t. The last time I was in bed with her it almost killed me to just sleep.

  “Actually.” I run my fingertips down her side.

  “Lucas!” she spouts out in shock or excitement. I can’t tell which. She stops my hand, right as it reaches her hip. “What was wrong with my song?” The desperation in her voice pulls me back from the edge of sin.

  After closing the little space between us, I put my mouth to her earlobe. “Nothing is wrong with it, love. I was going to say forever isn’t long enough for me.” I blow air along her neck to her collarbone where I lightly kiss.

  She breathes out heavily. “Good, because it isn’t for me either.”

  Bonus Chapter

  Lucas

  It has been two very long weeks since we laid Amelia to rest, and I still catch myself picking up the phone to call her. Some days are better than others are, but I’m hoping today will be a good one. Cass and I haven’t seen each other for a few days now, and tonight I’m going to surprise her by cooking dinner.

  Dartanya has promised to bring her to my place at 7 PM, leaving Cricket with the options of spending the night with me or walking home. I know Cass won’t mind staying over at my place, but Dartanya being her usual scheming self, needs to have a hand in the plan.

  I’ve noticed the way my brother looks at Dartanya, and I know he has something for her, even if he won’t admit it out loud. He comes to life when he’s around her and appears to be less of a dick. He is on his way over now to drop off the groceries I asked him to pick up from the store. It took Amelia’s death to remind me that our fight over Lilla wasn’t worth losing the only sibling I have left. It’s funny that even after taking her last breath, Amelia found a way to teach us yet another lesson.

  I run the bristles of the broom against the hardwood floor and sway to the music flowing loudly from the surround sound, practicing the waltz steps Mom taught me. If things go well, maybe I can convince Cass to dance with me after dinner. I know most men wouldn’t look forward to a night of a candlelit dinner and a possible dance, but those men are idiots. I love Cass and plan to spend each day with her as if it is my last.

  “Little Bro, you may as well shove a pad between your legs, because I think you’ve turned into a chick,” Nate calls, kicking the doorjamb across the room into a pile of gathered dirt I haven’t cleaned up. I jump at the loudness of his voice and drop the broom to the floor, cursing under my breath.

  “Don’t just stand there, Lucas. Grab these,” he booms, catching a dropping grocery bag onto his knee and peering at me across the room. Nate steadies his grip and pushes a few bags into my arms as soon as I’m in front of him. “I swear, Lucas after this, we are even.” He glares in my general direction, setting the items out onto the counter. I did forgive him, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t given him one hell of a guilt trip.

  “Deal.” I laugh, pulling two boxes of linguine out of my arms and placing them onto the counter. “You saved my ass today. If it weren’t for you, we probably would have been eating Ramen,” I say, making sure to turn on the dishwasher, so our dinner won’t be served on Styrofoam.

  “Where the fuck has Dill Weed been?” he pries, looking toward Hunter’s room and shaking his head in disgust. Nate has never been too fond of him. Even when Hunter and I shot hoops together in our driveway, my brother had some personnel vendetta with him. Nate would bitch anytime Hunter came around.

  “We didn’t quite see eye to eye anymore, so he moved out.” I vaguely fill him in, deliberately excluding the part where the cops were involved with Hunter’s abrupt departure. Dartanya may get on my nerves occasionally, but I still think of her as a little sister, and nobody treats her like shit. Describing what he did as that is putting it politely, but I’d rather not think of that night, or I’ll lose my cool again.

  “Good, I don’t like that little prick,” he says in a dry tone while nonchalantly checking the time on his wristwatch. “I better head out. Hope you kids have a safe night.” He smacks me between my shoulder blades and slides his shades over his eyes as he walks to the front door. “I know I will.” He thrust his hips forward and humps the air. With a shit-eating grin plastered across his broad face, he waves and shuts the door behind him, leaving that awful visual in my mind.

  After cleaning cobwebs from all the corners of my house, I scoop up the piles of dirt I neglected earlier and brush them into the garbage can. Everything has to be perfect tonight, I think, tying the bag and carrying it out to the dumpster.

  “Danger Zone” blares from my phone, and I rush to answer it before she hangs up. Cass recently personalized her ringtone and thought it would be amusing to remind me of how big of a dork I am. I still can’t believe that I quoted Top Gun during our first unofficial date, but fuck, I was so nervous.

  “What’s going on?” I ask in high spirits.

  “Not that I’m complaining—” she barely gets out before Dartanya interrupts her.

  “She’s complaining!” Dartanya yells with a false sense of unhappiness, and Cass tells her to shut up. “Ouch, you’re such a bitch.” She laughs at Cass and continues, “She pinched me.”

  “Can you hang on?” Cass quickly asks, not waiting for an answer before she calls Dartanya several names. “Okay, sorry about that, I’m back. As I said, I’m not complaining by any means, but I wish you had told me I would be staying with you tonight, so I could pack an overnight bag.”

  “Love, if my plans go as I hope, you won’t nee
d any clothes,” I tease, trying my best to suppress a laugh and failing miserably.

  “Oh, well, when you say it like that, I’ll see you in an hour and a half. Love you,” she stumbles over her words, no doubt from being flustered.

  “Love you, too,” I honestly say, ending the call and pulling a pot out of the dishwasher.

  *****

  “Mmm… The Cajun chicken pasta tastes amazing, Lucas,” Cass purrs, licking a drop of white sauce from the corner of her mouth and smiling. I can’t stop my wandering eyes from zeroing in on this motion, nor do I have any control over my dick as it stiffens like a brand new board freshly lain. She is the woman I love, and everything about her turns me on.

  “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” I keep up the small talk we’ve been exchanging over dinner, avoiding the gigantic subject we’ve skirted around for weeks now. Sex. We came dangerously close three nights ago, but didn’t get a chance to plunge into that avenue. Dartanya burst into their apartment drunk off her ass, wearing the freshly-fucked look, which she didn’t deny when Cass accused her. If I had to bet whom she was with, it would be Nate. Shortly after Dartanya closed the door, I heard a car’s exhaust system that sounded eerily similar to his.

  “What now?” she nervously asks as she gathers our dirty dishes and rinsing them under lukewarm water. I approach her from behind and snake my arms around her waist, pinning her body against the marble countertop.

  “I can tell you this much. I don’t give a damn about those dirty dishes right now,” I whisper against her neck and twist the knob, stopping the water before it spills onto the floor. She gasps, dropping the sponge amongst the ample suds. Her skin shudders beneath my lips.

  “Me either,” she breathlessly admits, turning to face me and peppering my cheeks with her affection.

  “Good.” I chuckle, slipping the tiny black strap off her shoulder and slowly teasing her by nibbling on her earlobe.

  “Lucas,” she moans, closing her lust-filled, snowy blue eyes.

  “That’s my name, feel free to wear it out.”

  She playfully swats my stomach, allowing her hand to linger at the base of my dress shirt. My body drips with anticipation, and my heart pounds out of beat as my curiosity blossoms into sheer impulsiveness. I’ve walked around with blue balls for three days now. Dartanya inconveniently came home just as Cass had opened the button on my jeans.