theMystery.doc

by Matt McIntosh

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  Live Conversation with

  Hazel

  Hazel: I am Hazel, I am the website greeter. Welcome to Website​Greeters.com. May I have your name please?

  Visitor 169: Is this an automated program or is there a live person on the other end?

  Hazel: Yes, I am a real person : )

  Visitor 169: how interesting where are you now

  Hazel: Glad to know that you find our services interesting.

  Hazel: I am in Chicago. May I have your name please?

  Visitor 169: chicago wow it must be late there my name is betty

  Hazel: Its nice to have you with us, Betty,

  betty: thanks hazel its nice to be here

  null: Is this your first time at WebsiteGreeters.com?

  :* : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : : * : * : * : : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : : * : * : * : * : * : * : *: * : * : : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : * : * : * : *: :* : * * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : * : : * : * : * : * : *:* betty:hazel?

  betty:is this thing broke

  Hazel:I am sorry?

  betty:it disconnected me there do you offer website greeting services

  Hazel:My apologies for the inconvenience caused.

  Hazel:Please open a separate window for browsing our website, in order to keep this chat window active.

  Hazel:And yes, we provide the Website Greeter service on our client’s websites.

  betty:oh I see I must have made a mistake there im working late something of a nite owl

  Hazel:Do you have a website, Betty?

  betty:we dont at the moment but are in planning stages do you offer live assistance to visitors

  Hazel:That’s alright, we are here to help you no matter what time!

  Hazel:Yes, we offer live help, just like the one we are interacting through at the moment.

  Hazel:Our research tells us that 94% to 97% of the new website visitors leave within the first two minutes, and completely forget about it the very next day. This diminishes the whole concept of setting the business online.

  Hazel:This prompted us to develop our THREE PRONG strategy:

  Hazel:1. Our Greeters greet the website visitors on your website and engage them in a conversation.

  Hazel:2. The Greeters help the visitor stay on the website, by providing help, support, and facilitates navigation.

  Hazel:3. Our Greeters execute sales pitches which generate leads / sales for you.

  Hazel:Let me have our Business Development Manager contact you for further details.

  Hazel:May I have your email address and phone number please?

  betty:yikes hazel I feel like im getting read a bill of sales it feels a bit pushy girl

  Hazel:My apolgies, if I sound pushy.

  Hazel:My intention is only to assist you in getting the Live Help feature on your upcoming website.

  betty:will you hold a minute hazel I have to take my contacts off

  Hazel:Sure, take your time please.

  betty:I feel I should offer you an apology hazel you didn’t do anything wrong I came to your site looking for answers its just been a long day and ive been working on the fourth and nobody else has been in all day they’ve been out celebrating their independence lol but seriously forgive me may I tell you a little about the service I need

  Hazel:You do not need to apologize. I completely understand.

  Hazel:I worked over the holiday too!

  betty:I know that’s what I was going to say next here I am complaining and youre there in chicago working on the fourth too! I bet you had parties you coulda been at did you work all day?

  betty:Hazels a pretty name by the way you don’t come across it much anymore

  Hazel: Yes, I had to miss out on all the fun.

  betty:lol is it ok if I ask you some business questions?

  Hazel:Life is not fair.

  Hazel:Maybe next year, we can dump our work on someone else :)

  Hazel:Sure, and thanks for the compliment.

  betty:u r sooo funny hazel im sorry about what I said earlier this is the personal touch I was looking for

  Hazel:Thanks again Betty : )

  betty:its the personal touch that makes all the difference especially in a conversation you don’t want to feel like u r talking to a computer

  betty:; )

  Hazel: Glad to have been of assistance, anyway I can.

  Hazel:You are quite right in this regard.


  Hazel:We train our greeters according to criteria set for them by our clients and the mood of the website.

  betty:well let me tell you a little about the site were planning we are building a site that answers tough questions but gives inspiration to americans all across the country

  Hazel:If you’d like the chat to have a more upbeat, lively and personal touch to it, we’ll see to that it exceeds your expectations!

  Hazel:That sounds like an amazing concept.

  Hazel:What is the nature of the questions going to be?

  betty:well we certainly think it is amazing especially in this day and age. our standpoint is theres nothing wrong with being patriotic and loving your country!!! we want to spread love of the red white and blue while answering questions about the ultimate concepts like love life god liberty justice immigration policy foreign relations nuclear disarmarment and domestic abuse… all while remaining upbeat and positive

  Hazel:We’d be delighted to be a part of this project

  betty:can I ask you a few questions we are looking for a company who can man the lines when we’re not around there are only a few of us and obviously just me right now omg I cant believe its two in the morning anyway we need someone who can assist the visitors to our site someone it will be your job to answer questions and give hope and hopefully convince them to buy inspirational t-shirts mugs mousepads etc

  Hazel:Sure, alongwith chat support, we also offer phone and email support to our customers.

  Hazel:I’ll arrange for the details to be sent over to you.

  Hazel:and it is quite late, I hope you had a comfortable enough chair to work in.

  betty:great we arent going to do the phone thing yet but maybe in the future depending on our response we are going to be advertising in schools and on buses battered womens shelters and newspapers etc while we want to make a profit obviously because this is a business our main motivation must always be to help people in crisis physical spiritual mental and emotional and also financial

  Hazel: You are right, in order to be able to help others, its important your organization if finicially secure.

  Hazel:Financially★

  betty:I believe that with all my heart. (I loved that chair line by the way -- hilarious!!)

  Hazel: Glad to know that : )

  Hazel:May I have your email address and phone number please?

  betty:I suppose all we have left to do is me to give you my information -- although I should also probably ask you some questions about issues to make sure were on the same page -- easy questions of course, the tougher ones we’ll brief you beforehand.

  betty:hazel, what do the stars and stripes mean to you?

  Hazel:It means Home.

  betty:could you elaborate a bit dear?

  Hazel:And we all know that no matter how much you want to get away and be set free to explore the world, there is never going to be any place like home.

  betty:perfect! that’s what I was looking for! straight out of the wizard of oz! youre good hazel girl!

  Hazel: Thank you for your kind words Betty.

  Hazel:Do I get a cookie? : )

  betty:you get a whole box of cookies, girl! hazel, what is freedom? why should it be important to me?

  Hazel:To be able to choose the path of life that your heart is leading you on is freedom.

  Hazel:It is important to every single living thin on this planet, because without any freedom one doesn’t get to live their life to the fullest.

  betty:great answers girl. “live their life to the fullest” is perfect, and “your heart” is gold.

  Hazel: Thank you for the appreciation!

  betty:hazel, why is america better than all other countries combined?

  Hazel:It is because “we care”.

  betty:bonus points!

  Hazel: We care about what is hppening in the other parts of the world and care enough to take it upon our shoulders to do something about it.

  Hazel:Happening★

  betty:Hazel, it’s like you’ve read my book!

  Hazel:I haven’t read it yet, but if you tell me what its called, I’ll make it a point to read it from cover to cover : )

  betty:I like your banter hazel.

  betty:hazel, why do some people not like america?

  Hazel:When a great country like ours, steps up to the challenge of making things better for the mankind; they always come across opposition who stands in their way to prevent them from doing.

  betty:another great answer hazel. my only suggestion would be to add that they are jealous of our lifestyles and material goods.

  Hazel:I agree.

  betty:this is a neat exercise hazel. youre really helping me out, more than you know. im able to ask the tough questions in real time as if i were a client and it gives me a great opportunity to see how it will feel to them. will you try to work the word “inspire” into each answer, if you can? only if it doesnt sound forced. : )

  Hazel:Sure, we can arrange for that.

  Hazel:We use a generic script for a few days to greet the website visitors.

  Hazel:This gives us time to become more familiar with questions that the visitors have on your website and the capacity needed.

  Hazel:We will then develoop a script to handle similar questions.

  betty:it sounds like a very efficient system. hazel, ive been reading stories in the liberal media about “hundreds of thousands” of “innocent” iraqis overseas losing their lives and they say america is to blame! what am I to say about such “statistics”?

  Hazel:Our media should be more responsible. They concentrate on these negative statistics without hilighting the fact about our major breakthrough of dethrwning Saddam Hussein, who was a constant threat to our nation.

  Hazel:These statistics should be about how we have reduced the risks of being attacked by Iraq and inspire us towards defending our freedom and way of life!

  betty:[applause]

  Hazel:(bow)

  Hazel:Would you like to share your email address and phone number with us, Betty?

  betty:That would certainly “inspire” me! lol. But seriously, hazel, what are your thoughts on outsourcing jobs to pakistan and india?

  betty:Here is a phone number: (253) 946-4507

  Hazel:I think that first we need to concetrate on our own unemployment ratios. If there are certain jobs that can be cost effective if they are outsourced, then we need to utilize this opputunity.

  Hazel:Opportunity★

  Hazel:I am sorry for the typing error.

  Hazel:May I also have your email address please?