Unconditionally (Brown County #4)

by Amber Nation

  Being that I wasn’t with Gio any longer, it did nothing to curb my appetite from him. He was always my go-to memory when I needed a quick release. The few times we had made love, he was so gentle and serene with me and I just longed for the day when he would finally give me all of him. Even though I had a fragile heart, my body was anything but. I wanted to be ravaged.

  I thought that by thinking of Gio it would quickly inflate my dick, but unfortunately no dice. I began thinking of his bulging arm and leg muscles that I loved so much and when that didn’t work I tried imagining his olive complexion and his thick mass of dark curly hair. Sliding my hand up and down my shaft, images of Gio just weren’t cutting it tonight.

  Roman.

  That’s it, I’ll just try thinking of Roman. Gio and Roman were extremely different from each other, while I wouldn’t say that I particularly had a ‘type,’ being strong and able to make me feel safe was high on my list of attributes.

  Roman’s chiseled abs was what I was now envisioning. The intricate lines of his sculpted chest and his cool southern twang would take my breath away on any given day. The bleach blond and perfectly styled locks and baby blue eyes were a drastic contrast from Gio’s.

  Bracing a hand on the cool tile of my shower, the water had lost all warmth and was on the verge of freezing. But nothing was going to stop me now, soaring to the top of my list of depression and annoyance was ultimately frustration. I was past the point of needing this release, it was now punitive for my sanity.

  Still nothing.

  Perhaps I was just so stressed that my lower anatomy just wasn’t going to be up to par. I was ready to scream and yell and throw one of the biggest tantrums, until a pair of light green eyes came into view.

  I was seriously losing my shit if I thought that the image of Ethan Bradley would help me in achieving an orgasm. But to my surprise, thinking of his kind eyes had my dick springing to life.

  It seemed as if I was back in business.

  Never once really stopping to think if I was attracted to Ethan, it came as a complete shock that he was actually strikingly handsome in his own right.

  He was built like a brick shithouse and with the broadest shoulders I had ever seen, he would give any football player a run for their money. His cowboy style and dirty blond hair had my dick pulsing in my hands, my goal of release was becoming more and more obtainable.

  I could just image that with his authoritative demeanor that he would be anything but gentle with me.

  “Come now,” I could almost hear his actual voice in the confines of my shower ordering me my release and it didn’t take long before the tingles ran down my spine and I was spilling myself into the drain of my shower.

  My breathing was ragged and my heart pounded in my chest against my ribs. “Holy shit,” came off of my lips before I even realized I had said anything. Dreaming of Ethan could lead to heartache again and that was the last thing that I needed since I had Gio still begging for forgiveness.

  No, I wasn’t going to think anything of this again. It was just a one-time thing…right?

  Toby

  “Meow.” The telltale sign of Sasha kneading the pillow beside my head awoke me from my deep and finally peaceful slumber.

  After drying off from my exhausting shower, I found my bedroom just off of memory. I was so incredibly drained, emotionally and physically, that I could’ve sworn that I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow. And not to be awoken again, by my neighbor’s nighttime shenanigans or any other interruptions, until now, silly kitties had to always have attention.

  I set off getting their bowls refilled and giving them each their few minutes of undivided attention before pondering what I was going to do today.

  The first and second stops were an absolute no brainer. I missed Emmy’s treat of the day at Turn the Page bookstore yesterday and I wasn’t about to miss it for the second time in a row. In all honesty, if I didn’t show up, Emmy would probably send out a search party to make sure that I was still alive.

  Walking up to the antique wooden door of Turn the Page bookstore with my Mocha Frappuccino in one hand, I opened the door with my other and heard the over the door-bell jingle signaling that I had arrived. Ok, it rang for everyone who came in through the front door, but I could think that it was special and just for me if I wanted...

  One of the first things that I had noticed as I was making my way to the alcove of the store was that Emmalynne had changed her display window making it more of a summery feel. Which was the first thing that I had to do once I walked into the store, go directly to that window and fix it.

  Emmy may be one hell of a baker but she should absolutely stay away from any and all forms of décor. I don’t know why she didn’t just leave it for me to do in the first place.

  This summer’s theme, I guessed was under the sea, so I began rearranging the different shapes and sizes of fish in the window.

  “You know, I had this all laid out for you to use your magical decorating skills yesterday, but someone didn’t show up.” Emmy came up behind me and actually scared the living daylights out of me, making me practically jump out of my skin. My coffee went one way out of my grasp as my body went another. I could see my coffee cup and its contents plunging to its undrinkable demise.

  Luckily, Emmy’s fast reflexes kicked into high gear and she barely saved my cup of caffeine addiction just in the nick of time before it met its frozen death.

  I had to place a hand on my chest just to try and get my heart rate under control and to try and control my bearings. She knew better than to come up behind me and scare me especially when I was in my decorating zone.

  “Seriously, Em, you almost scared the gay out of me! I specifically looked around for you when I came in for this very reason. Sheesh.” My heart was still racing at warp speed.

  She had yet to say anything else and was still holding a death grip to my coffee. Physically prying it from her fingers I waved a hand in front of her face, “Hello! Earth to Emmalynne.” I finally had to snap my fingers in her face to get her to snap out of her trance.

  “I’m sorry but who the hell are you and what have you done with my brother-in-law?”

  Mentally wondering what in the world she was talking about, I darted my eyes throughout the store trying to get a head count of people witnessing Emmalynne losing her mind.

  “Ok. You win, what am I missing here?” I crossed an arm over my chest and jutted out my hip while taking a sip through the straw of my frozen heaven awaiting for her explanation.

  “Uh...” She steps towards me raising her hand and touching my chin. “I’ve known you how many years? And not once, not one single time have I ever seen you have the faintest bit of stubble on your face. Did you forget to shave this morning?”

  Looking at her like she had lost her frigging mind, there was no way that I forgot to shave this morning…

  Shit! Roving my fingers over my chin and cheek and feeling the rough patches of stubble, I did forget to shave. What was happening to me? Was I over the hill now at the young age of twenty-six and becoming senile? Surely not.

  How in the world did I forget part of my morning routine? I bet it was because I had a fitful night. That was it, it had to be. I ran my tongue over my teeth to make sure that they were in fact clean and even raised my hand towards my hair to make sure it was styled.

  I had to quickly mask my appalled expression and replace it with something more calm and nonchalant.

  Waving a hand towards Emmy’s face, “Of course I didn’t forget. I just thought I would try something a bit new. Maybe grow my facial hair out a bit, why, don’t you like it?” I feigned a hurtful expression.

  “No, I think it looks fabulous so far. It just took me a bit by surprise…” She left her sentence open and to avoid further talk about my forgetfulness I had to change the subject.

  “Speaking of surprise, don’t scare me like that. Especially when I’m in the middle of creating a piece of art in that rather dreadful display win
dow. That window is the first thing that people notice before coming into your store, it needs to be enticing and catching to the eye.” Straightening out my arm indicating towards the window, “I’m sorry, Em, but whenever you decorate, it looks like it came from a third grader. Just leave it to me, I’ll have it fixed up and ready to go in a jiffy.”

  She couldn’t hide her eye roll and I had to mentally give myself a high five from turning the tables around to her. I spun on my ball of my foot and went back to redecorating and didn’t stop until I was finished.

  After taking a few trips to the storage room to rummage through the numerous boxes of decorations and wanting so badly to go buy new items, I knew that would never fly with Em, so I made do with what she had on hand.

  Glitter, tissue paper, bright colors, and extra added sparkles it was finally complete and if I did say so myself, incredibly enticing to the eye. I would definitely want come into the store after taking a look at the underwater tropical oasis I created.

  I rushed out the front door so I could stand out on the sidewalk and critique my work, which in this case and most normally didn’t need anything else at all. It was perfection.

  “Wow, Toby! That looks absolutely beautiful! If you want the job of creating masterpieces of my display window from here on out, I give you free reign.”

  “Finally!” I threw my hands in the air. “Why you wouldn’t let me from the very beginning I will honestly never understand. You stick to baking and I’ll stick to decorating. And speaking of baking, I am famished. What is on the bakery menu today?”

  “Well, I thought you would never ask. I tried a new recipe for a chocolate fudge pie and I think it looks absolutely to die for.”

  My taste buds were salivating after the words chocolate fudge pie came out of her mouth.

  “You said it looks to die for, why haven’t you tried it?”

  “Oh, I need to lose some weight, it’s nothing really.”

  My defensiveness was officially on alert. “Why do you need to lose some weight? Did someone say something to you?” My mind would run rampant from time to time and this was one of those times. I’m a fairly hyper and outspoken gentleman, but if the time came and I deemed it necessary, I could be a royal bitch! “Was it Grady? Did he say something about your weight? He may be epically hot, but I will spork a hot man if needed!”

  I could feel my blood pressure begin to rise and Emmalynne had yet to even tell me what was wrong. She needed to start talking before I really got worked up, well even more so than I already was.

  “Toby, seriously calm down! Grady didn’t say anything, in fact no one did. I just haven’t lost any of the baby weight from when I had Charlotte and I think I need to lose a few pounds. It’s all me I promise. Now please put scary Toby away and bring me back my flamboyant brother of fun!”

  Releasing the breath that I was unaware that I was holding, I felt my blood pressure slowly returning back to normal. Damn, I seriously went from Diva to Bitch in two point five seconds flat. That just went to show what a loyal and defensive friend I was.

  Emmalynne had been through way too much in her lifetime and I wasn’t going to sit around and make anything any less than perfect for her from here on out. Even though she was only my sister-in-law, she was the only thing I had closest to a sister or family for that matter. I would lay my life on the line for her, Tucker, and Charlotte. If she needed I would totally bring a shovel and a garbage bag for her, hell I would even dig the hole. She just needed to say the word.

  “Ok, all is well now. But in all seriousness, Em, you look fabulous. You rock those curves. It’s a trophy to becoming a mother, you should work that body. I hate that my brother gave you such deep self-conscious issues and if I had known it was taking place at the time I wouldn’t have just sat back and let it happen.”

  “Oh, Toby, I know you wouldn’t. But I was too ashamed and scared to tell anyone. But that was then and this is now. And for now I think this is getting a little too heavy, especially for all of Franklin Street to be witnessing. How about we move this back into the store while I get you that slice of pie.”

  “Girl, you’d better make that two. First decorating and then getting all riled up, I can literally feel myself withering away to nothing. You need to build back up my strength and stamina by giving me pie!”

  I tried retreating into the store so I could claim my pie when Emmy stopped me short by tugging on my arm. She placed herself in front of me and with empathy swimming in the depths of her eyes she raised her hand to caress my cheek.

  “Toby, I think I know why you were so dejected yesterday and I just wanted to let you know that it is absolutely without a doubt their loss. Connie and Martin Morgan don’t know what an extraordinary and pure person they are missing out on. I’m so overly proud of you and your accomplishments, and not letting anyone’s harsh words or actions get you down. You my friend will persevere and excel in everything you do because that is just who you are. One day you will find your special someone who will devote their time and love to you wholeheartedly just as you will to them.”

  Toby

  Bzzzzz…

  Bzzzzz…

  My phone vibrated across my coffee table and I didn’t even make a move from my position on my couch to see who it was.

  I already knew.

  Gio’s personal ringtone was that of the vibration sound. It became too much hearing my phone ring sometimes several times a day with his personal ringtone so I just switched his to vibrate.

  His signature tone used to be “Home” by Daughtry and it would kill me if I still had to listen to that today.

  I really wondered when and if the phone calls would ever quit. Why couldn’t he just view things from my perspective? Because from my perspective, the calls were getting a little too stalkerish.

  Things were great between us behind closed doors and had been since we’d hit it off. But that was the extent of it, behind closed doors. I understood that he was still “in the closet” but the way he would act out in public if I had brushed up against him, was absolutely repulsive. Seeing some of the same movements and facial expressions come from him as they did my parents wasn’t good for my self-esteem or my heart.

  In the back of my mind, I wanted so badly for him to admit it to himself and to the world who he was so we could be wholly together, but there was always that little devil that sat upon my shoulder, feeding me lines telling me otherwise. And eventually that little devil won. How that little part of my subconscious would know that Gio would never commit himself to me, I would never fully understand. But damn if it wasn’t right.

  It was all my fault that I wanted to simply hold his hand in the darkened movie theater which led to the explosive argument that had me verbally expressing my love to him. I yelled it in his face that I loved him, which even though it was the God’s honest truth, I knew now that it wasn’t the right way to go about it. But he wasn’t hearing me so I had to do something quickly to get him to listen.

  He listened alright. He immediately froze once those words left my lips and it was then I knew that we were over. Gio couldn’t return the words, he in fact had two very different words from mine. “I’m done.”

  It was then he walked out of my house and out of my life only to be seen by me the next night playing an intense version of tonsil hockey with half of the drag queens at Big Pete’s.

  That was the day I showed my weakness to the entire world. Well, not the entire world, just the entire bar. I didn’t know what caused me to call Maggie, but I just knew that she would understand. And in the back of my mind it was to make her mad at Gio as well, childish of me I know but my world had just been torn in two.

  Since then, Gio has come out to his parents and brother and that was about the time the phone calls from him started back up saying he wanted a second chance. Why couldn’t he just try to make amends and then move on with his life instead of just further torturing mine? I was still in love with the bastard but I just couldn’t bring my heart to
let him in a second time only to end up possibly being obliterated again later.

  I needed a night out and some fun with my girlfriends. As my fingers flew across the screen of my phone, one text to Tessa about getting the Brown County Babes together, a lovely little name I came up with for our group, and the rest of the night was history.

  After freshly showering and styling my hair again to perfection, I took a long look in the mirror at the stubble that was steadily growing on the lower portion of my face. I had never not once gone an entire day without shaving and it was now closing in on a day and a half. Inspecting it closely, I came to the conclusion that it didn’t actually look half bad. I would conduct an experiment and see what it would look like after a couple of days. If it became itchy and irritating then it would be a no-brainer that it would have to go. But for now it was something different and new, and possibly just what I needed at the time. I wasn’t going to get all wild and change my entire wardrobe or heaven forbid get a dog, I didn’t need that drastic of a change, but this could just possibly be the ticket.

  I put on my pants one leg at a time because that is what everyone did. See I was just like everyone else, I even put on my clothes the same way. I may not dress to everyone’s liking or be attracted to members of the opposite sex, but I was still just like everyone else.

  On my wardrobe selection, I was worse than a girl with the amount of time I took to make a decision on what to wear. And in the end it would normally be the very first outfit I selected from my closet.

  Finally settling on a pair of distressed skinny jeans, a button down oxford shirt, a vest—because they looked amazing on me—and I rounded out the look with my newest pair of Cole Haan loafers. I knew how to splurge on different pieces to accentuate my wardrobe, and could seriously shop with the best of them.

  Arriving at Emmy Lou’s just a few minutes late, I liked to make a grand entrance and normally arrived fashionably late, it wasn’t hard to spot the table that the girls had occupied.