by Anna Collins
You wouldn’t tell from the shoe collection I kept amounting every time I saw something interesting while window shopping. I had the classic look of a blond 50’s calendar model. I actually had something to say and people tended to listen when they realized I had an opinion. I was a champion in my debate class in college, and Nicole was the only one who gave me the time of day. I hated useless chitchat. It was kind of ironic; I had become a bartender, and a therapist all rolled into one.
“Angel, there comes a time in everybody’s life when they realize their dreams are not going to come true. I dress to impress, but swinging on the pole every night does very little to boost my self-esteem. I have no choice but to put on a brave face with a smile and a twinkle in my eye to make those guys throw their hard earned cash onto the stage. Don’t get me wrong, I do love the attention, and it does give me a reason to shape my body into the perfect specimen,” Nicole said as I was trying to open the envelope from a publisher who had my manuscript in their possession for the last couple of weeks.
“I’ve seen a lot of people give up on what they want and settle for something they thought was temporary. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories, but yours is the one to make me shake my head the most. You wanted to be a lawyer, but then you got pregnant and had a child out of wedlock; I think you are an amazing mother. If I could somehow get my hands wrapped around the throat of the man who left you to care for this child alone, I would do it,” I said as I nervously moved the envelope back and forth, from one hand to the other.
Nicole was a flaming redhead, but the drapes did not match the carpeting. Being the center of attention, she felt she needed a statement worthy of those men drinking themselves into a stupor and taking her into the private room for explicit dances. She was a beautiful goddess, at over 6 feet. She had the tendency to intimidate and to excite at the same time. Her curves were perfectly proportioned for her body; her breasts were all natural D-cup with no augmentation.
“I appreciate your kind words, but you have always been my hero. I see you struggle and you do it with a smile on your face, always looking for the silver lining. I don’t want you to get hurt. I see how you hesitate to open up that letter. You have never been able to take criticism well; I’ve heard some of those screaming matches with your professors. For a girl who seems soft-spoken, you do know how to find your voice when you need it the most,” Nicole said wearing a very short black leather skirt. She crossed her legs to elicit some kind of response; it could make most men turn away in embarrassment.
“I’m afraid, ok? There, I said it. I’m terrified of what this publisher is going to say. It doesn’t matter how many times I open up a rejection letter, it just never gets easier,” I said as I finally took a deep breath and tore into the piece of paper; it did have the possibility of a new and satisfying future after all.
The 4-inch spikes on the bottom of my leather boots looked pretty good in the window, but wearing them was another matter altogether. Although they did accentuate my long legs, they hurt my feet; especially when it came to a small frame of 5’3 and 120 pounds like me. Those who thought I was easy pickings, soon found out my bite was worse than my bark. Word got out pretty quickly; they shouldn’t try to tangle with me. Otherwise, they would find themselves looking up from the floor with my foot on their throat.
I’d learned a long time ago it was better to be prepared than to have something unexpected happen. I had a black belt in judo; it was a pastime I found quite appealing. The classes I attended were right down the block. I would go there before starting my shift at the bar, and I would always leave with adrenaline rushing through my veins like a million miles an hour.
I had gotten the letter earlier that afternoon, but I just didn’t have the courage to open it. I felt if I got one more rejection I was going to scream and run headlong into a chopper blade. I opened the letter; I swear I could hear the paper mocking me as it came to reveal what was written.
“I’m afraid we cannot accept your manuscript as it is. Although we believe your writing is quite superb, the material lacks realism and would never be accepted by our readers. It’s obvious you need to step out of your comfort zone. Come back to us after you have some more experiences in your life. I will leave you with a little bit of advice. Life is fleeting, and if you don’t take chances, you are never going to be able to give your audience what they are looking for. It might be time you took away the parachute.” The words were written with care and compassion, but the underlying message hit me right between the eyes.
The piece of paper hung there between my fingertips. I looked around me, and all I saw was the last drunkard of the evening looking up with hazy eyes and not at all willing to go back home. Life had the tendency to knock them down, as I had learned from several of my patrons. I had to decide whether I was going to wallow there in despair with them or dust myself off and take this show on the road.
“I don’t like the way you are acting. I might have been negligent telling you, you should give up on your dream. I have to say I agree with this man’s assessment of your character. You haven’t really had those ups and downs unless you have counted dismal disappointments in the bedroom. Admitting your love life is on life support is not an easy thing to do. I would miss you more than you could ever know, but it’s time you got out of this damn town before it swallows you up. Las Vegas is an unforgiving mistress. Don’t do it for me. Do it for yourself and for those who will finally live vicariously through your characters on the pages of your books,” Nicole said as she was eye fucking the last client. She was most likely going to find herself stripping for his amusement.
“I have thought about this for some time now, and this might be the kick in the pants I need. Tonight is going to be my last night, and you’ll never see me come through those doors again. I think I have been dying a little every time I came in here for one more shift. My parents are quite ashamed of my direction in life. I told them about where I worked, and they didn’t exactly give me their support. I mistakenly thought I would prove them wrong. I need to get rid of the safety net as quickly as possible,” I said with my eyes fixed on the paper in front of me. Finally, I looked up to see she was already playing the vixen.
I felt like a light bulb had gone off in my head; I had been forced into a corner, and now I was coming out swinging. I had been carrying around a brochure of the tropical island of Bali. It was supposed to be a much-deserved vacation in a few months, but now I saw it as a more permanent change of venue. I would soon find the freedom and the setting I needed to be more conducive to the type of writing I was trying to achieve. Better than the one I did in this dark and depressing city. There was this glitz, and the lights were fantastic, but you could see the underbelly of the city festering under the surface.
The blank looks, the vacant eyes and the continuing pursuit of fortune which very rarely fell into the hands of those who deserved it was never ending. I was through with Vegas, and this was my independence day. I acted like a coward and sent a text message to my boss to let him know he would need to find somebody else for my position. I didn’t even give him a chance to argue; I turned my phone off and breathed a sigh of relief. This was coming to an end. I no longer wanted to sling bottles for a living. I hated dressing provocatively and the tight leather white dress made me feel as if I couldn’t breathe. It was time to walk away before I found myself a lifer. Breaking this cycle was the best thing I could do, but I had no idea what I was going to do next.
I didn’t have to tell Nicole any of this; after all, it appeared she had found something better to do. Seeing the bar almost empty, she had put on display everything she had to make this guy stand up and take notice of her. She moved to the beat of the music, shimmying in place, raising the temperature. She always did like to put a man in his place; every time he tried to touch her, she would slap his hands away and laugh innocently as if this was a joke.
It wasn’t long before she slid her hand down the length of him through his pants. The light squee
ze on his member and the way she feigned kissing him was enough to get into trouble quickly. It was a good thing she was looking for trouble; it wasn’t difficult when you settled for the last of the dregs of society.
I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I could tell from their body language things were going to get physical pretty soon. She had this ability to bat her eyes, bend provocatively, and send all those mixed messages for him to wrap around her little finger by the time they left together.
I sent her a text message. I didn’t feel it was in good taste, but there was no way I could say goodbye face to face. I had already booked my ticket, and the next flight out was at 5:00 AM. I would be in Bali before I knew it. It was the riskiest thing I had ever done, but I was ready to take that step. I didn’t even bother calling my folks.
I made sure the tables were exactly where they were supposed to be, and I put the chairs on top after cleaning each and every table. I loved dressing up for the occasion, but there were times I would look all those interested men and shake my head in disbelief. They had either no ambition or they were looking to get laid on the sly. My body did crave a man, but I wasn’t going to debase myself.
None of these people had a clue. They were trying to live the good life betting everything they had on the slot machines. I never got caught up in the trap, although many did. I even tried to counsel a few, and it made me feel good to help those who were less fortunate. I didn’t have much money myself, but I did what I could. It was never going to be enough, though, there were still people suffering and begging in the streets, hidden away from the high rollers.
I found myself smiling. Looking down on my hands, I saw they were shaking. The apartment upstairs barely had running water most of the time, but I was not going to have to sleep there anymore. I went upstairs feeling a change in the air, all I had to do was hang onto it for dear life. My only friend was a role on the wall; I wanted to take her with me, but her life was here in Las Vegas.
I dragged my old suitcase downstairs and looked around one last time, only to see memories which were not exactly favorable. There were some good times, but mostly I was just going through the motions for the sake of the paycheck. I would tell these people whatever they needed to hear to make them feel better. That was the only way I was going to get them to smile and leave a sizable tip for the services rendered. I stood at the door with a taxi blowing its horn. I knew I was closing a chapter of my life and was about to open a new one.
Chapter 2
I sat there on the plane perusing the brochure I had and doing my due diligence to make my stay in Bali a lengthy one. The ticket alone almost bankrupted me, but I had a little bit extra money for something that had turned out to be a fixer-upper. I was fortunate it was on the beach. It looked like it needed some tender loving care, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
Before I chickened out, I made the arrangements. The realtor on the other end of the line was quite surprised by how easily I came up with the payment sight unseen. There was no way I could afford staying in a resort, I would have only lasted there for a week or even less.
The heat was nothing considering where I had just come from. I had my phone in my hand and was about to call my parents. My flight was not direct, I had a couple of layovers, and I landed in Bali at 2:00 PM. It would not seem unusual for me to call them out the blue, but I think they were about to get quite a rude awakening.
“Mom, I need to talk to both you and dad. If you would be so kind, could you put him on the line with us so he can hear this first hand? I don’t want to have to repeat myself.” I said as I heard her scurry to the garage.
My mom didn’t know my dad had gone there precisely to get away from her and her nagging ways. I wasn’t even sure if they were still in love. The only thing I was concerned about was their happiness, but I could not keep track of their love life. They were going to have to handle this for themselves. I wouldn’t have blamed either one of them for cutting the cord and trying to get a little bit of happiness on their own.
While waiting for my mom to get to my dad, I snatched my bag and made my way to the front door. There were several taxis, but I bypassed all of them and walked down the block until I found a young man waving a placard with my name on it. It was part of the deal I had made. They would meet me personally and go over the details of the place I was going to rent on a month to month basis.
“I have your father here, and I’m putting you on speaker. What is this all about? I have this feeling we’re not going to like it one bit. I’ve been worried about you, and I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut, but I think it’s time you finally came back home. You can regroup and maybe go to college and get a trade,” My mom said like she always did when she thought I was impulsive and did something that was going to hurt me in the long run.
“I quit my job and did something. It might sound a bit weird, but I cashed in my life savings for a one-way ticket to Bali. You know I’ve always wanted to make it as a writer, but it is not as easy as it sounds. I need to get a different perspective and what better way to do so than surrounding myself with the beauty of this island,” I said as I heard them arguing in a whispered voice.
“You almost gave your mother a heart attack. For the first time in my life, I’m going to stand behind you 100%. You do what you need to do. I hope it all works out for you. Don’t be a stranger. We still consider you our little girl and we always will. I am proud of you. It takes some courage to do something like that. I never told you, but I had a band back in high school. We could’ve made something out of it, but eventually we went our separate ways. I still regret it to this day,” My father said with a catch in his voice.
“I promise I will stay in touch. I’m surprised you are jumping on board, but happily so. I’m going to let you take care of mom. There’s very little she can say to change my decision. The one thing I don’t want is to get into a shouting match over the phone. However, I have to say, hearing about your adventurous spirit back in high school does give me hope. We seem to have a wandering spirit in the family and mine was a late bloomer. But it’s never too late,” I said with a tear in my eye, knowing I was not going to see them for quite some time.
“There’s no reason to get emotional, Angel. From the moment you were born, I knew the halo over your head might have been in my imagination only, but you will always be the guiding light of this family. Don’t worry about anything, your mother will come around. You have to admit, though. Giving us no warning is risky at our age,” my father said as he wished me well and gave me his assurance he would be there financially if I were to need it.
“Um, I hate to interrupt an emotional moment like this, but I have another appointment in less than a couple of hours. Let me take your bag and you to your paradise. I have to warn you, though, it does need some care. Of course, you already knew that, and yet you were still adamant about staying in this place. I have arranged for a handyman to show up tomorrow to assess the damages. I’ve used him myself. He’s quite reasonable, and his work speaks for itself,” Joseph handed me a card. The name, embossed in black with a hammer and nail motif, was Casper Cohens.
“I’m taking a leap coming here anyway. No doubt it would be better for me not to surround myself with decadence, but I just can’t afford it. I haven’t seen the place, but it sounds like it’s a blank canvas. You mentioned in the e-mail it’s livable. The roof is intact, and the plumbing is working. I’m sure the handyman will be able to help where necessary,” I said as I kept looking at the phone. The sound of my mother’s disappointment was still ringing in my ears.
“I’m guessing from your expression your family was not exactly happy with your decision. You may not know this, but I wasn’t exactly given a ticker tape parade when I told my parents I was leaving a lucrative career in the finance world to come here. I hit my wall at 2:00 PM on a Friday five years ago. I left with no warning, not calling anybody and just got on the next available plane going someplace tropical. I thought it was just tempo
rary insanity, but when I got here, the stress I felt was gone at once. I’m sure you will feel the same way. Just give it some time, and you know what they say about a door closing and a window opening,” Joseph said as I contemplated what he was saying and coming up with the conclusion I had done the right thing for myself.
It was quite amazing to hear from my best friend. She was concerned, but she actually gave me her blessing and told me she believed I was the one who was going to leave. She had a bet it would take me six months, but three years later and I was still hanging by a thread. It took those words from a publisher to finally get through my thick skull to take a different path.
“I would say things worked out amazingly well for you. Did your family finally understand, or are they still giving you the cold shoulder to this day?” I said not sure I wanted to know the answer. I was willing to take the risk to give myself some peace of mind.
