Given

by Ashlynn Monroe

  “Krista, are you all right?” Jared yelled.

  She got up and unlocked the door then returned to the couch. He didn’t come in right away and she wondered if he’d left. Then the knob turned. She held her breath, afraid it might be Damon. When Jared walked in, she let out the breath she’d been holding and bit her lip, afraid she’d start crying when she saw his sympathetic look.

  “I just wanted to see if you wanted to play Battlestar Three with me. It’s a fun game.”

  “No, I just want to be alone, sorry.”

  “Did he hurt you?” She could hear anger in Jared’s voice. He reached out to touch her and she flinched. He pulled his hand back quickly.

  “I don’t want to cause problems, especially not between brothers. That’s why I had sex with him, so there wouldn’t be fighting. Just—don’t let it all be for nothing by fighting with him.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You didn’t do it. You have nothing to apologize for.”

  “Yeah, well, he’s my brother, and I feel like shit that he hurt you. I don’t understand why. He always says how great it would be to have a wife and a family. Even if there’s no marriage anymore and we have to share you, at least we can sort of have part of the dream. I’m going to talk to him.”

  She regretted rejecting the comfort Jared had tried to offer her. She felt so used and dirty. Seeing the kindness in his eyes made her own fill with unshed tears.

  “No, please don’t, just…could you hold me for a while?” Krista whispered.

  Jared’s presence was so comforting. He really would make a great doctor someday. He hurried over and sat down next to her. His arms wrapped around her tightly and she cried again. Hard sobs wracked her body. When she’d spent her tears, she pulled back and wiped her eyes.

  “Sorry,” she mumbled.

  “Don’t apologize to me for crying. I’ll have a talk with Damon. Maybe he’ll be more careful next week.”

  “No. I don’t want problems. I just want this to be a peaceful place. If this is my home, I don’t want it to be full of fighting. Please don’t tell the others, this will just be our secret.”

  Jared wiped a stray tear off her cheek. “Do you want me to examine you, was he rough? I’m not a licensed doctor yet, but I do know ways to help you.”

  “I wasn’t torn, if that’s what you’re worried about. He was rough, but not violent. Thanks, but all I want to do is keep my pants on.”

  “We missed lunch. Do you want me to bring you something?”

  “No. Thank you for being here for me.” She squeezed his hand. “Why don’t you go get something to eat? I’m going to read for a while. I want to see how the book ends.”

  “Are you sure? I’ll stay.”

  “I know, but no thanks. You’re a wonderful friend.”

  He grunted. “Yeah, well, just feel better.”

  She could tell he didn’t like the word “friend” and that only intensified her sad feelings. She’d sleep with Jared because she wanted him to feel the pleasure and joy, but she knew she’d never feel about him as she did Brax, and that was what he wanted. Her desire for a peaceful, happy home seemed impossible.

  She forced herself to focus on the book, and it did make her feel better until she read the last page. She wanted to cry. The book had helped so much, and now it was over. Even if there was another one, it wasn’t this book. She didn’t want to return it to the shelf, but it wasn’t hers. Unable to bring herself to return it, she sat it on the stand next to her bed, knowing she could at least hold on to it for a few more days, even if she grabbed the next one. She doubted anyone would miss it until then.

  The clock told her it was time for supper, but she didn’t have any appetite. She went downstairs and tried not to make eye contact with the men. Damon looked angry, and she hoped Jared hadn’t said anything. Brax jumped up and pulled out her chair for her. She thanked him quietly and sat down. None of them said anything. Even Mal was unusually silent as they began eating. When Steve served her a huge piece of strawberry shortcake, she knew they all knew and it made her feel like hiding under the table. She thanked Steve quietly and he nodded. She hadn’t touched much of her meal, but she did manage to polish off half the shortcake, unable to resist the delicious dessert.

  “Stop looking at me like that! None of you are any better. She’s putting on. I think she liked it,” Damon suddenly growled.

  When she glanced up, he was giving her the meanest look she’d ever seen. She shrank back, but then her anger built inside and overshadowed her fear. Krista glared at him, but when he gritted his teeth and narrowed his eyes, fear made her focus on her half-eaten dessert again. She was ashamed of being afraid, but she knew if today had been bad, he could make next week even worse.

  “I’m going to grab a book and head to bed,” she said, getting up.

  They all stood and she rushed away. In the game room, she found the next book and headed for her private space. She wished Brax would come to her, just to hold her. After what they shared, she wondered if it’d been a lie. His absence seemed strange after the declaration of protection he’d made. She thought he would at least want to make sure she was all right. Shrugging off the feelings of abandonment, she began reading the next book. Samuel Johnson’s day was starting off much as hers had. Reading about his abuse made her cringe even more than she had before, it was personal now.

  After a few pages, she thought she might cry again. She wanted to know what happened, but she needed some air. It was late. The men would be in the game room or in bed. She thought about going to Brax’s bed, but she didn’t want to be seduced and if he hadn’t come to check on her, she didn’t want to seem needy. What he’d said conflicted with his actions, making a liar out of him.

  She went outside to the patio. The crickets chirped loudly, the full moon was high in the sky and very bright tonight. The cool breeze touched her face. Fall was coming. The crisp smell and nip in the air made her regret not spending more time outdoors. Soon, the winter chill would force her to say cooped up indoors. She might even be pregnant by then and her actions would be further restricted. Sighing, she leaned on the railing.

  “Can’t sleep?”

  She squeaked with surprise, turning. The full moon made it easier to see than usual. Max. “No. You?”

  “I never sleep well. What happened to you is bothering me. I should’ve stepped in. Christ, I thought I was going to have to lock Brax up. You didn’t want a fight, so I wouldn’t let him go up there. I told him stepping in would make it worse for you. Damon’s entitled to a turn, and if we piss him off he’ll just take it out on you. Now I wish I’d let Brax kick his ass.”

  Her heart stopped. Brax had wanted to step in. “I’m obligated, and at least I got him out of the way. Even if I’d put him off until Saturday, it wouldn’t have made a difference. Damon is punishing me for something I didn’t do to him.”

  Max grunted. “You see things clearly. Not everyone has that gift, or curse. Whatever you see it as, don’t lose it. I found if you think about something pleasant, it helps. I never have to go through it again, and it makes me sick that you will.”

  She glanced over at him. He was staring out into the yard. She liked that he was opening up, but wished it wasn’t because they’d both shared a horrible experience.

  “I thought Braxton was going to kill Damon. He paced out on the patio most of the morning, but when Damon came down whistling, Brax just stood there with his fists clenched, looking like he was constipated. I never saw that look on his face before. One of us should’ve stopped it. He could’ve waited until you were willing, at least until later. There was no reason for him to do it as he did. I won’t rape you, Krista. If you tell me no, I’ll deal.”

  She reached over and put her hand on top of his. “I know. I won’t tell you no, Max. I’d never like to be with Damon again, but you aren’t him. Mal hasn’t even had a turn yet. I won’t let one spoil it for the rest of you. He’s right, I’m not madly in love with the six of you, b
ut I understand the need for me to get pregnant, and if it was yours, I’d be happy. You’re not as bad as you try to be.”

  Max grunted. Then he moved his hand from under hers and put his arm around her. She flinched for a moment, but then relaxed. Knowing the contact was hard for him too, made it all the more special. They stood like that for a silent moment, listening to the night. In the distance, she could hear the lake and a lone coyote yipping.

  “Goodnight, Krista. Get some sleep.”

  “Night, Max. Thank you.”

  He grunted in response and she heard the patio door close. She remained for a while and then went upstairs to find her bed. Her eyes drooped and she yawned. She stripped off her clothing. Exhaustion won and the moment she lay down, she was asleep.

  Chapter 7

  Birds’ song woke her. Krista sat up and stretched. The terrible memories of yesterday came flooding back. She was positive now that she wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible. The idea of Damon forcing her again was bad, but six new men who might all be like Damon was terrifying. Worse, she was sure some men must insist on the woman having sex with all of them every day. The idea of six men raping her everyday was beyond terrible to contemplate. Things here could be worse.

  Today belonged to Malcolm. She went downstairs, and she was the first one at the table. In the kitchen, she could hear noise—Steve making breakfast. She got up and wandered into the game room. Picking up the large, complicated remote, she managed to turn on the television and start channel surfing. A news report made her pause on CNN.

  “There are new developments in the Northeastern quadrant controversy. All lottery drawings have ceased as of last month. Today we’ve learned that they are requiring all males between the ages of eighteen and twenty-three who’ve passed the lottery genetic testing to donate sperm for a new program. Some critics are calling the decision to only allow artificial insemination of female embryos into the women of this quadrant ‘a gross abuse of power’.”

  The screen flicked to a large group of angry men. They waved large signs while yelling bitterly toward the camera. A man stood next to the reporter, glancing nervously at the angry mob behind him. Police stood along the line separating the reporter and politician from the enraged crowd.

  “We’ve been having mixed results with the old system. Allowing nature to take its course is time consuming, and for the last year, we’ve seen an increase in male babies. Even with the tax benefits of aborting male fetuses, some men are allowing their Given woman to give birth to those sons. We’ve decided that it’s time for a more effective, faster method. Our women are impregnated on their eighteenth birthdays, we’re no longer going by the standard of twenty-one, and after they’ve given birth, they are allowed a six month recovery time before we impregnate them again. We’ve begun with a small test group of volunteers at the facility. So far, the results are astonishing. We hope other quadrants will follow our example. If the entire country follows us, in two generations, we may once again see a return of women into society. There is hope, but only if the federal government allows us to operate the way we need to for the betterment of future generations.” He paused and glanced at the crowd once again. “I know this does little for the men waiting now, but the old system was just not successful, and the women in our facility say they prefer this method to being handed over to random men. There is so much less risk to our women that I’m confident other quadrants may soon follow our lead.”

  “Thank you, Jonathan, for that report. Now for the weather…”

  Krista turned off the television, shaking.

  Jared came in and sat down next to her. “You okay?”

  “No. I made the mistake of watching the morning news. The Northeast isn’t doing the lotto any more. Instead, they’re just implanting female embryos into women. I wonder if it’s even those women’s eggs. I bet it’s total genetic engineering.”

  Jared shook his head sadly. “I wondered how long that was going to take. The lottery has become so restricted that I’m not surprised at all. It’s too bad. There’s going to be a lot of social unrest there. Well, the good news is Steve is putting breakfast on the table. Want to join me?”

  “Yes.”

  They assembled at the table, but Brax was absent. “Where’s Brax this morning?” Jared asked. Krista was relieved that she didn’t have to be the one to vocalize the question.

  “He’s been in his office all night. I think his writer’s block has broken.”

  “Great, he was getting a bit surly lately. I can’t wait to read it, whatever he’s writing. The last one ended so badly,” Mal said.

  “Oh, don’t spoil it, I’ve only begun,” Krista cried.

  Mal smiled. “I’d like to spend some time with you today. Maybe we could take a walk by the lake?”

  “Security has to come with you,” Max cautioned.

  “I know. Anyway, Krista, would you join me?”

  “I’d love to see the lake. I can hear it, but I haven’t seen it yet.”

  Mal smiled. They ate in silence. Damon was the first to leave the table. His angry scowl told her clearly he wasn’t pleased about something.

  “DeAnthony is going back to work on Monday. Even though he has the time off, his crew isn’t doing well without his leadership,” Brax said.

  “Bastards,” DeAnthony muttered. “I hate to leave you so soon. We’ll have Friday, and I hope you’ll give me Sunday as well. I’ll be gone for at least three weeks.”

  She nodded. “You can have both days.”

  He grinned widely at her. “You are wonderful.” He leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

  Mal cleared his throat. “Today is my day. You get two this week, so keep your lips to yourself.”

  She felt heat rising up her cheeks. She wanted to feel DeAnthony inside of her again. He was so amazing. It didn’t hurt that his body was beautiful to look at too.

  After they finished eating, Mal took her hand and led her outside. She noticed a man following them. It was one of the guards whom she knew lurked. He followed at a comfortable distance.

  “It feels so weird being followed,” she said.

  Mal put his arms around her. They were the same height, both five four. She was glad she didn’t have to crane her neck to look into his eyes. “Don’t worry, sweetie, we can duck him if you want to rape me down by the lake.”

  She punched him in the arm and he feigned injury.

  “Oh, domestic violence is never the solution, my dear,” Mal scolded.

  She rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, when I get violent, I’ll let you know so you can hide.”

  “Very considerate. I’m going to miss you when I leave for my tour.”

  “How soon do you have to go?” She didn’t like the idea of Mal leaving either; his humor was delightful, most of the time.

  “Not this Friday, but the following. I have a show in Little Rock on Saturday night. My staff will get there first and start getting things set up. I just have to show up and be funny. They do all the hard work.”

  “I doubt it’s that simple for you. I imagine there’s a lot you need to be worried about.”

  “I’m extra nervous. I’m sure my lottery success is national news, and I don’t know how that’ll play into my new material or the reaction I’ll get from my fans. I just hope the religious wackos and conspiracy nuts stay away. We did hire some extra security, but I hope I’m just being overly cautious.”

  “Me too. Will you call me while you’re gone and let me know how everything went?”

  “You really care, don’t you?” He pulled back and she glanced up to see his eyebrows raised and his eyes wide.

  “Don’t be so surprised. Why wouldn’t I care?”

  “It’s not as if we romanced you into coming to live with us. I guess I expected you to be relieved that some of us were going. I know this rotation isn’t natural.”

  “It is what it is. I’ll deal, just like you guys have to deal. I would like to be your friend. Some of you
are doing better than the others, but it can’t be easy to share.”

  Mal’s face scrunched up. “I’m going to have a talk with Damon about yesterday. All he ever talked about before was how much he wanted a wife and a family. You’re the closest any of us will ever get to that dream and here he went and treated you like…I don’t know, but I didn’t like it.”

  “Don’t talk to him. It’ll only make things worse. I think he feels like I’m playing favorites, or I’m having some kind of go at making this into a game. It’s not a game. You guys are my only shot at a normal life too. At least as normal as life can be now. I don’t want anyone to hurt. I want us to be a family too. I don’t want to lose my children, but I don’t want to lose whatever stability I can have here either. Life sucks so much right now.”

  “You’re preaching to the choir, sweetheart. I’ve always wanted a child, but the idea that my future son might have to live a lonely life bothers me, worse if you bring my daughter into this terrible world, she’ll be taken away and Given without her consent. When I lost my mom, I realized how much family really was worth. Family has been a dream I never thought I’d have.”

  “It might be worse than that,” she said, looking into Mal’s beautiful, green eyes. “I saw there’s a quadrant not ‘giving’ anymore. They’re impregnating women with female embryos. If there are no boys born, then the world isn’t going to be any better off. These girls are just going to grow up to be bred too. A world without any kind of true family frightens me. What makes us human is what we love. Take that away and there’s not much left.” Shuddering, she squeezed Mal’s hand.

  He nodded. “You’re so right. The lottery has become more restrictive in the last ten years, and almost impossible during the last two, but there’s still hope in it. Take away hope and you end up with a world more lost than this one. I don’t know if I want a child to endure that, but I know I don’t want to lose you. Krista, you are hope. You are the most precious thing in the world to me.”

  He grinned. “Damn it, woman, I’m not good at being serious, so don’t look at me like that. I’m trying to explain how I feel to you. I want you to know that I’m not madly in love with you, but my feelings are so much more important. Meeting you, seeing you as a person instead of a mythical creature, it reminds me that life will go on. I was feeling hopeless, as if I didn’t want to live. I thought about suicide, a lot actually, but I haven’t felt like that since you showed up. Thank you for giving me hope. I’m a funny guy, they pay me to be funny, but on the inside there’s a lot of darkness. My mom was the fun in my childhood, when she died, I lost something special. I’d forgotten how nice it is to have a female around the house. I’m not going to let Damon hurt you again. He won’t be alone with you, unless you request it. From now on, you chose a second, someone to make sure you’re ready for him.”