Star Trek: The Next Generation - 117 - Q are Cordially Uninvited...

by Rudy Josephs

  “Jean-Luc!”

  “Vash, they clearly have the upper hand,” Picard said. “It is time to submit.”

  “Are you sure about this?” Crusher joined him off to the side of the room.

  “No,” Picard said. “But see how Goztik is struggling against the creature? I don’t think any of us has the time to negotiate.”

  The Nausicaan had put away his disruptor so he could use both hands to grasp the metal bar as the creature fought against him. It growled and snapped, creating an awful ruckus, punctuated by howls that sounded like the wind whipping through the tunnels.

  “What’s to stop them from letting the animal loose as soon as they get inside the room?” Crusher asked over the animal noises.

  “An agreement,” Picard said, shouting over the din. “We formally give up any and all right to whatever is on the other side of that door. I would be happy to write that down if we had anything to write with. But I give you my word as a Starfleet captain that you will have the right to whatever is found today. I just want to get home. Do we have an agreement?”

  Burinda seemed to be considering. “We would if . . . Where is Vash?”

  “Vash?” Picard looked to his side. Only Beverly was there.

  Burinda and Goztik took a step forward. The creature’s growling increased. The sound was sharp and painful in the subterranean space.

  “You thought that by distracting me, it would allow Vash to get to the treasure first?” Burinda’s voice rose even louder in anger. It did not help calm the animal. “You think that just because she got inside, that will stop me from taking it out on you?”

  The animal’s barks grew loud and shrill. Picard edged his way back to the door with Beverly, silently cursing Vash for closing it behind her. “I suggest lowering your voice—”

  “I will do no such thing!” Burinda said. The creature howled in response to her yell. Its head whipped around in all directions as the metal pole bent backward.

  “Burinda,” Goztik warned.

  “Enough!” she screamed. “Gostik, unleash the—”

  Before she even finished her sentence, the pole snapped from the weight of the straining creature. Jean-Luc threw himself in front of Beverly, bracing for the claws and teeth that never came. The howls he heard now were less animalistic. They came from Goztik. The creature had turned on him the moment it was free.

  Picard didn’t waste a second, flinging the door open. “Inside! Quick!”

  Beverly ran past as he held open the door.

  Burinda was only steps behind her, pushing her way in.

  Picard stood at the door for a moment, seeking out an opportunity. Half the metal pole lay on the other side of the room. The other part of it was still attached to the creature’s neck as it tore into Goztik’s body. Even if Picard could reach the weapon, it was no use. It was already too late for the Nausicaan.

  Picard quickly shut the door before the creature turned its attack on them.

  9

  “I knew I couldn’t trust you!”

  “Why would you think you could? You were just as ready to kill me to get to the treasure! All I did was slip inside a door!”

  “This is just like that time on Vhetti Prime!”

  “Yes! Except you were the one who slipped past me! How could you forget that? You left me hanging—”

  “Don’t you two ever give it a rest?” Crusher’s yell drowned out the voices, silencing them at least for the time being.

  Picard could barely be bothered with their argument. Once he’d ascertained that the door was securely closed behind them, he focused his attention on the room before them. The darkness was so deep that even with the glowing stone in his hand he could barely see a few meters in front of him. And yet he knew they’d reached their destination.

  They could have been in a room the size of a large closet, for all he knew from the blackness surrounding them, but he was certain they were not. The air just felt different. As if the space they were in went on forever.

  Picard took several careful steps forward until he came upon a wall.

  No. It was not a wall. The surface had a curvature to it. He lifted the glowing stone. It was three-dimensional.

  Beverly and Vash joined him with their stones. The combined light brightened the area enough to show that they were in front of the giant statue of a warrior of some kind. The head was too high up to see, but the sculpted uniform was nothing like any Picard had encountered in his travels.

  “The Atraxist Soldier,” Burinda said behind them, with awe in her voice. “I can’t believe it’s really true.”

  “Atraxist Soldier?” Vash repeated.

  “Never you mind,” Burinda said. “If you can’t even identify it, you can’t dare to claim it.”

  Picard let out a sigh. “Let’s not start that again.”

  “We have to find some light,” Vash said as she moved around the space. Every step she took illuminated some other piece of the treasure: a stone tablet with pictographs, a pile of gemstones carved in fractal patterns, scrolls of faded parchment. “There has to be a light source somewhere!”

  Picard felt the stone pulling against his hand. It was definitely getting warmer. From the look on Beverly’s face as she stared at her own, both were experiencing the same sensation. With a shrug, they opened their palms and the stones rose out of their hands.

  “What the—” Vash’s stone rose into the air as well.

  All three of the glowing stones levitated, lighting more of the Atraxist Soldier as they climbed higher into the air. A helmet obscured the statue’s face, leaving the alien’s true visage a mystery as the stones quickly rose above it.

  As the stones rose, their glow brightened, leaving the treasure hunters dimly illuminated and revealing more of the room. Paintings. Statuary. Mosaics. It was all revealed.

  The stones came together with a loud snap as a burst of light exploded out from them, momentarily blinding everyone. When Picard’s eyes readjusted to the light, he saw that the entire room was illuminated. And what a room it was.

  The cavernous space stretched on seemingly forever. From his vantage point, he could not even see three of the four walls. They were so far back, with so many wondrous sights in the way.

  Alien artifacts filled every centimeter of space for as far as the eye could see. Most were unfamiliar to Picard, but every once in a while he could pick out a recognizable style: a rare piece that looked like something from a lost civilization or a more familiar artifact that he could name on sight. It was impossible to believe that they were all gathered in one place. And part of him refused to believe it was true even though it was right in front of him.

  “Pretty, isn’t it?”

  “Q!” the quartet called out in unison.

  Their kidnapper had materialized on what looked very much like a throne made of diamonds or some similar gem. He was dressed in gold and silver robes and held a matching chalice that he raised in their direction. “And Vash was first to lay eyes on it. Exactly as I expected.”

  Burinda’s shouts eclipsed those of everyone else, though she was not the only one directing her rage at Q. “Are we supposed to be surprised by this? You put this whole farce in motion as some kind of gift to your partner there. Even gave them the unfair advantage of an extra person to help out. They never would have found it on their own.”

  “Yes,” Q said, eyeing Beverly. “Doctor Crusher is a formidable woman. She would be, to earn Picard’s love.”

  “I deserve this treasure,” Burinda insisted. “I am the one here on my own at the end. You cannot cheat me out of my rightful claim.”

  Q laughed loudly and far longer than the situation called for. “Of course I can, Burinda. Have we not met? Back to the Gamma Quadrant with you!” With a wave of his hand, the woman was gone before she could log another protest.

  “That was quite an impressive display of treasure hunting,” Q said, tipping an imaginary hat in Beverly’s direction. “Although nothing compares to the bold
move of Vash abandoning her partners facing down a raging animal while she went off to collect the spoils on her own. Well played, Vash. That’s just the cutthroat, winner-take-all attitude I’ve missed.”

  “Thanks?” Vash said, unsure of herself.

  “Okay, Q,” Picard said. “We played your game. We found the treasure. It is time to send us home.”

  “No, Jean-Luc,” Q said. “You did not technically find the treasure. As we’ve established, Vash was first to set her eyes on it. You were merely along for the ride.”

  “I seem to recall us doing a fair bit of the piloting,” Beverly said.

  Q nodded. “True. True. But there can only be one winner.”

  “Then what, may I ask, was supposed to be our lesson in all this?” Picard asked.

  “Lesson?” Q seemed genuinely confused.

  “There’s always some lesson,” Picard said. “Some ill-advised, misguided message you’re trying to teach us. So what was the purpose of this farce, as Burinda called it? Why did you kidnap me on the eve of my wedding and drop us into some plague-ridden planet? I swear, Q, if we are infected with an—”

  Q barked out a laugh. “Jean-Luc! You should know if I ever wanted you dead, I wouldn’t let some virus take your life. I’d do it myself. In some wonderfully ironic manner. With props.”

  “Be that as it may,” Picard said. “You could not possibly think I would have left Beverly because of this adventure.”

  “Jean-Luc, how egotistical to believe that any of this was about you.”

  “You just as well said it was about me,” Picard reminded him. “Claiming it was your duty as best man.”

  “Jean-Luc”—Q stepped down from his gemstone throne and approached them, smiling his smug, arrogant, frustrating smile—“how silly of you to believe anything I say.”

  “Then what was this about?” Crusher demanded.

  “Why, it was about her.” He tipped his chalice in Vash’s direction.

  “Me?”

  Q appeared genuinely shocked by her surprise. He put down the chalice and took her hands in his. “Who else would I have put together this little adventure for? Honestly, I thought you three, of all people in the galaxy, would have picked up on it by now.”

  Vash pulled her hand free but only stared in confusion.

  “Why don’t you explain it to us mere mortals?” Picard deadpanned.

  Q let out a deep, overly dramatic sigh before lying prostrate on a gold and silk settee. “I have once again grown weary of this unending, existentially vapid existence.”

  “So you decided to pick on your favorite playthings?” Picard asked. “Q, this is getting tiresome.”

  Q sat upright. “That’s exactly my point. It’s all so tiresome. Nothing is as exciting as it was back when Vash and I were exploring the galaxy together, sneaking into forbidden places, tweaking petty thieves like Burinda.”

  “You left me stranded in the Gamma Quadrant,” Vash reminded him.

  “Which led us to that wonderful little excursion on that dank, depressing space station,” Q countered.

  Now Vash let out an exaggerated sigh.

  Picard held back a smile. He’d always wondered what had happened to them after they left the Enterprise together. It wasn’t that he found the situation they were currently in humorous, but it was nice to know that he’d been correct in assuming that a partnership with Q would not be as smooth as Vash had thought it would be. But he was far too mature for an “I told you so.”

  “You’re saying all of this was arranged to convince Vash to explore the galaxy with you again?” Crusher asked. “You kidnapped us and flung us across space so you could have your playmate back?”

  “You should be honored,” Q insisted. “I didn’t just pluck anyone out of the cosmos. I chose you.”

  “You’re saying Goztik had to die simply because you were too pigheaded to simply ask Vash to join you again?” It wasn’t the first time lives had been lost to satisfy Q’s warped sense of priorities, but it never got any less sickening.

  Q waved a hand dismissively. “Not at all. The big lug is safely back in the Alpha Quadrant. It was all an act, you know. I was playing the part of the creature. I’m surprised you didn’t recognize me.”

  “Now that you mention it, there was something familiar about the animal’s stench,” Vash said.

  “See! You did miss me. That makes this all the easier.” Q was up from the settee and then down on one knee in front of Vash, grabbing her hand again and refusing to let go. “Will you do me the honor of traveling the cosmos as my partner again, to see what kind of trouble we can get into?”

  “Well, isn’t this nice?” a woman said as she stepped out from behind the leg of the soldier statue. Picard didn’t know her, but she did match the description of the female Q in Admiral Janeway’s reports from her time in the Delta Quadrant. “Every time I turn around you seem to be throwing yourself at another human woman.”

  “Oh dear, the old ball and chain,” Q said. “Emphasis on—”

  “Timeless, dear,” she replied before he could let the insult slip out. “Timeless.”

  “Thank you for showing up,” Crusher said as she grabbed her fiancé by the arm. “Could you please send us home? We don’t need to be here for this.”

  The woman looked as if she were considering it, but she shook her head. “I’m more interested in seeing how this plays out.” She moved to Q’s diamond throne and waved a hand in his general direction. “Continue.”

  Q cleared his throat. “I hadn’t planned for there to be such an audience.”

  Vash’s hand was still in Q’s, so she pulled him up off his knee and guided him back to his now occupied throne. “Let me cut to the chase.” She put Q’s hand in the woman’s. “I don’t know exactly who you are, but you can have him.”

  The female Q released his hand as soon as he touched her. “I did not say that I wanted him. I am perfectly content traveling the galaxy on my own or with my own companions. He and I tried that once and it didn’t work out.”

  “And we have only a son to show for it,” Q said dismissively.

  “What about that son?” Crusher asked. “Why aren’t you interfering in his life?”

  “Oh, you know how it is, Bev,” Q said. “They grow up so fast. Become transdimensional beings capable of flying through time and space on their own. Leaving you alone. Which is the crux of the problem, isn’t it? Nobody loves me.”

  “Perhaps you have to find solace in yourself before you can find it in others,” Picard said. “I finally understand why you pulled me and Beverly into this mess. You can’t stand to see me happy. You think if I’m happy, if I’ve found someone, then it somehow makes me better than you.”

  “Are you suggesting I have an inferiority complex?”

  “I am suggesting you have relationship issues,” Picard replied. As he spoke with Q, he saw Vash pocketing some of the gems with the fractal designs. He did his best not to react, for fear of giving her away. It was wise of her to act while Q was distracted. Picard doubted any of them were getting out of there with the Treasure of the Ancients. That would have been simply too generous for Q. And that was the heart of his problem.

  “It’s not easy having relationships with people when you’re intrinsically so much more interesting than everyone else,” Q said.

  “Well then, one would assume you’re more than capable of entertaining yourself,” Picard countered. He was not about to enter some counseling session with a being that claimed to have all the answers in the universe yet continually failed to make the most basic realizations about life.

  “Okay,” Q said. “Fine. I will go off on my own to explore whatever there is that I have yet to explore. Is everybody happy?”

  “I will be when you send me home with this treasure,” Vash said.

  Q looked at her incredulously. “Why would I ever do such a thing?”

  Vash rolled her eyes. “Because you promised?”

  “I only promised to send th
e person who found the treasure home,” Q said. “I never said anything about that treasure going with her.”

  And with a snap of Q’s finger, Vash was gone.

  “Really, Jean-Luc, I don’t know what you ever saw in her,” Q said.

  “No,” Picard agreed, glad to see that she’d managed to go off with at least something to show for her troubles. “You wouldn’t.”

  “I like him,” the female Q said. “You do seem to choose the most fascinating playthings, dear.”

  Q bowed his head. “I know.” He turned his attention back to the remaining humans. “Now, Jean-Luc, about you.”

  “We don’t need any of the treasure,” Picard said. “We just want to go back to France.”

  Q waved him off. “Oh, pish-posh. I realize I may have had an ulterior motive or two, but as your best man—”

  “You are not my best man.”

  “—as your best man,” he continued, “I did want to give you a gift. And the only thing I knew to give the man who has everything, including a starship, was one last adventure.”

  Picard had so many things he could say to that, but none of them would get them out of the predicament they were in or teach Q any lesson of value whatsoever. So he merely said, “Thank you. That was very thoughtful. And, as challenging as it was, we ultimately enjoyed it.”

  “Oh, you mistake me once again,” Q said. “The adventure is only beginning.”

  Q waved his hand in a circular motion, and the statues and jewels and other artwork slid back from the area. Even the gem of a throne the female Q sat upon slid backward, causing her to clutch the arms of the chair to keep from sliding off. The floor rumbled and then a section of it dropped away, becoming a staircase descending into an even lower level of the vault.

  Q held his hands out to Picard and Crusher. “Come,” he said. “Your new adventure awaits.”

  10

  Neither Picard nor Crusher took Q’s offered hands, but they followed him down the staircase together while the other Q trailed behind. It was a surprisingly long walk down the staircase into darkness, as only their leader seemed to be illuminated by a mysterious light. The symbolism of following Q down into the dark depths was too obvious for Picard to mention, so he just took Beverly’s hand in his and remained silent while the next stage of this grand plan played out.