His Other Wife

by Deborah Bradford

  Through the hole, Hilary watched Eric as he prepared to face her. He straightened his collar with short, sharp jerks. When he didn’t get it right, Pam reached over and fixed it for him. Eric beckoned eleven-year-old Ben away from the doorway, offered him a chummy high five followed by a shared bop of the knuckles. Pam crossed her arms over Lily’s collarbone and rocked this child, this one she and Eric shared, back and forth in front of her.

  Pam shot Eric a look of reassurance that any other woman could read: You’re going to be fine, honey. Just enjoy this as much as you can.

  Hilary opened the door so fast that she almost caught them. But no. Instead, she got them standing in the door frame as if they were posing for a portrait, Pam with her dark hair and symmetrical features, Eric with his fixed, dazzling smile, the children’s faces eager.

  “Hello, Hilary,” Eric said.

  The warmth in his voice actually surprised Hilary. She found herself doing the unthinkable, examining the physical changes in her ex-husband, the lines that ran from his nose to his mouth, the skin thickening around his eyes. He looked older. Good. Handsome, in fact.

  “Hello, Eric.”

  There were all sorts of things they could say to each other, but nothing came. They spoke in scripted sentences. He asked, “How have you been?”

  “Fine. And you?”

  “Fine.”

  As she searched for words and analyzed the changes in him, she could kick herself for the moment she found herself awash in the loneliness again. Not from missing Eric exactly, she’d gotten beyond that, but just from missing someone. Someone stepping through the door at the end of the day. Someone in the bed next to her, a warm body that left an indentation in the mattress, a fading warmth on the pillow, a body spooning against hers, someone who would tug the covers and she could tug back.

  All those feelings, which Hilary had managed to tame into submission, rose again while this man and his wife and their children stood on her front porch.

  The important thing is to watch out for Seth’s best interests.

  This has nothing to do with protecting myself.

  Pam’s two children — not ankle biters, thank you very much — peered past Hilary’s legs as if they expected the Magic Kingdom to materialize behind her. “Hello,” she said to the boy. “Ben, isn’t it?” For the first time, she realized he was carrying a basketball against his hip.

  “Yeah,” he answered. “That’s me.”

  “That’s not the way you act when you meet someone, Ben.” Pam stopped her son mid-exchange and directed him what to say; heaven forbid he wouldn’t introduce himself properly.

  This time, Ben extended his hand toward Hilary as prompted. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said.

  “Nice to meet you, too.” When Ben spoke again, his voice was oozing with hope. “Do you think Seth will shoot hoops with me?”

  “Oh, I’ll bet he will.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I’m pretty sure. You’ll have to talk to him about it, though.”

  The little girl, Lily, gazed past Hilary into the house. “Where is he?”

  Hilary honestly hadn’t known the kids would be this excited. “He isn’t here right now, sweetheart. He’s gone for a little while.”

  “Oh.”

  Hilary had never seen such dejected faces in all her life. She hadn’t expected hero worship. “He’ll be back soon, honey. I promise.”

  Their moment of greeting stretched into something awkward. Hilary took an abrupt step back so the Wynn family could enter. “Come in. Come in.” She gestured. “Oh, Pam. What are you doing still standing out there on the porch? The airports are the worst, aren’t they? You’ve been traveling all day.” And after Eric entered, she watched him stand in the middle of the living room with his arms crossed as if he wasn’t certain how to move inside her space anymore.

  “I’m glad you finally bought this,” he said at last. “There are such bargains in this market. And Pam likes the waterfall beside the front gate.”

  Hilary’s pride took over. Hadn’t he lost the right to tell her if he thought something was wise or not? This is what you get with a household divided, Eric. A modest house with a water feature.

  Luckily, she had her nurse’s salary to rely on. Hilary had only agreed to let Eric help with a small amount of child support, which would end when Seth turned twenty-one. She’d refused the alimony payments Eric had offered. She’d turned down Eric’s offers to send money when she and Seth had gone through the rough spots. And, even without that, she’d managed to scrape together enough to get them into a neighborhood where Seth could stay in the same school district where he’d started. She’d managed to put together a comfortable home for the two of them, although there hadn’t been room in the budget for many extras. The nurse with the purse, Gina had called her. Thank heavens for that. “It’s been good for me and Seth. Good for him to feel settled.”

  The little girl began to twirl in the middle of the living room, her skirt billowing around her like a morning-glory blossom. Hilary remembered loving to twirl at her parents’ house. She recalled falling down, seasick, as the floor pitched and she couldn’t stand up anymore. If this had been any other child, Hilary might have found her charming.

  “Lily,” Pam said. The one word, “Lily,” and the child stopped. “You don’t behave that way when we’re guests.”

  “Oh, please,” Hilary said. “Let her. I don’t mind.”

  Pam turned to Hilary. “The last time I let her do that until she stopped, she wore the wax off my mother’s floor.”

  “Well, I don’t wax my floors,” Hilary said, and was instantly sorry for the disclosure.

  Lily took a seat on the sofa. Ben sat beside his sister. He held the basketball between two hands and stared at it the way he would stare into the face of a friend who had forsaken him.

  “You told Seth what time we’d be here, didn’t you?” Eric crossed the room and rumpled the boy’s hair. “I can’t believe he isn’t here waiting for us.”

  “Of course he’s not here waiting for you, Eric.” She couldn’t keep the sarcasm from her voice. “He’s eighteen.”

  The rain had cleared, but the air was damp. A breeze ruffled the limbs outside the window. The sun, which had broken through the clouds, slanted across the carpet. A reflection of leaves danced on the coffee table. Hilary hadn’t meant to sound so sharp. She tried to soften the words a bit. “They had to finish the senior video. Then he went to work on his girlfriend’s bike.”

  “He has a girlfriend?” Ben asked, shifting in his seat.

  “Yes, he does.”

  “Daddy didn’t tell us he had a girlfriend,” Lily said.

  “I don’t think” — Hilary met Eric’s eyes —“that your dad knew.”

  Eric interrupted her. “Why did you let him go out with friends when we’ve come all this way to see him?”

  “They make a senior video every year. They’ll show it at commencement tomorrow.” Hilary kept her voice as even as iron. “It’s a big deal. It’s important, Eric.”

  “This is a disappointment to the kids,” Pam said.

  Only later, when Hilary called up memories of this day, would she realize that this was the moment she should have started to worry: these few sentences, this slight misunderstanding, how she had to explain to this family that they weren’t the center of Seth’s world. At the time, she’d taken it only as a slight offense (this was her domain and Eric and Pam were walking into it…the life she and Seth had managed to build together…their territory) when she ought to have recognized it as a red flag of danger. “I promised I’d call him the minute you got in. My mother’s going to be here in a few minutes, too.”

  Which made Eric flinch. Hilary enjoyed that. The last person he probably wanted to see was her mother.

  “Well, we’ve gotten in,” Pam reminded her. “Why haven’t you already called him?”

  “He’ll come home, Pam,” she said. “He wants to see everyon
e, too.” At that exact moment, Hilary’s Nokia rang with a download from The Fray, Seth’s distinctive ring. Hilary couldn’t resist a smile of satisfaction. That’s the way things happened with them; they usually stayed so in tune, it seemed like one of them always knew when the other was about to dial. Hilary touched the screen, feeling vindicated.

  “Hey, sweetie. What’s up?”

  In the background she could hear about four different conversations, the grinding of an icemaker, the steady beat of hip-hop. “Is he there yet?”

  Only for a moment did Hilary’s mood darken, as she remembered the story Patty Winkler had told her. But now wasn’t the time to ask Seth about the essay, not with everyone standing there. “I have something to ask you about later.”

  “What is it? Mom, is something wrong?” He must have heard it in her voice.

  “We’ll talk about it when you get home, okay? And yes.” She glanced toward Eric. “Your dad’s here. They just got in.”

  The hesitation on the other end of the line made Hilary both surprised and alarmed. She’d given Seth pep talks when he’d been twelve and anxious about flying alone to California. But he’d always returned from L.A. with stories about the beach, carrying a new guilt gift from Eric, usually a skateboard or a new computer game, and talking about his baby sister. Maybe she’d been crazy, but Hilary thought Seth had accepted the situation over time.

  After a while, he’d stopped talking about it. To his friends and to his mother, he had remained warm and steadfast. He had become a great support to her; month by month her son’s presence had helped her grow stronger.

  Hilary wasn’t about to pursue the question right now. You lived through what you couldn’t change. And Eric had paused beside her momentarily, his shoulders squared, as if he might be suspecting some secret language passing between them in their conversation.

  So she fudged. “Are you at Emily’s?” she asked lightly.

  “Yep. Fixed her bike. Now there’s a bunch of us hanging out.”

  “Does Emily have family coming in today, too?”

  “Yeah. She’s got to go to the airport to pick up her gran.”

  “Well, you’d better get over here pronto. You know how it is. Everyone’s getting antsy.”

  “Will you tell him something for me?” Eric asked. “Tell him we want to take him to dinner before baccalaureate. Baccalaureate is tonight, isn’t it?”

  Seth must have heard his dad. He groaned. “Mom. Baccalaureate? Tell me I don’t have to go to that thing.”

  Hilary let her silence speak for her.

  “Who wants to sit in a room and listen to more people talking behind a microphone? It’s time to celebrate. Besides, I need to write my own speech.” Hilary tried to remember if she’d even mentioned the speech to Eric yet. A few days ago, Seth’s friends had elected him to speak during the ceremony.

  “So you can stand behind a microphone. Make people listen to you.”

  “Right. It’s sure better than the other way around.”

  Hilary finally laughed. “Just get your sweet self over here,” she told him in that tone of voice that implied she was almost exasperated. “I’m going to let you deal with this.”

  “The video went great. We got this great close-up shot of Remy dissecting a frog in Biology. It’s going to gross everybody out. Then we got my touchdown reception and the parade when the swim team won regionals and Jess Forney’s mom turned in about a dozen pictures of girls having a mud fight at Jess’s birthday when they were four.”

  Ah, Hilary loved the parts of his life that Seth was willing to share with her. She also knew that he was trying to divert her attention away from baccalaureate. “Sounds like it’ll play well to an audience.”

  “Oh, it will, all right.”

  “Ben said you promised to shoot hoops with him.”

  “I did. Oh, and Mom? When we get a minute, I need to talk to you about the senior party.”

  Once more, Hilary’s mind went to the party the parents had been planning, the rental of the rec center with the pool, the DJ they’d hired, the ice-cream sundae bar and the inflatable outfits for sumo wrestling.

  “I’d be willing to pay big money to see you in a sumo suit,” Hilary said.

  “No, Mom. I’m talking about that other party.”

  “Oh. The campout.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I just —”

  “What?”

  “Well, I’m so lucky. I know I can talk to you about anything.”

  “Yeah. So?”

  “Well, a lot of the other parents don’t know about it. A lot of the other kids didn’t tell. So you shouldn’t say anything.”

  Hilary had to be honest. Her son’s request made her feel half-proud and half-uncomfortable. “Seth. If there’s this much secrecy attached, maybe you guys shouldn’t go.”

  “Mom, you know how things are. It’s got to stay quiet. Somebody might call the police or something.”

  Silence.

  “It’s just one night. You know nothing’s going to happen.”

  “No, I don’t know that.”

  “Dad’s standing there, isn’t he? You’re not going to let him have anything to say about this, are you? He isn’t even a part of our lives anymore.”

  “Oh,” Hilary said, smiling at Eric, who had stopped beside her. “I’d say he’s very much a part of our lives right now.”

  Hilary had a disappointed little boy sitting on her couch spinning a basketball with small, dusty hands, and a campout seemed like such a fleeting, small detail. She had a woman waiting in her living room with her two perfectly behaved children, a woman who probably waxed her floors weekly. “Seth. Are you coming home now, or not?”

  “I’m on my way.”

  “That’s better.”

  “Okay.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Love you, Mom.”

  Lily had started spinning again, her tiny feet crossing one over the other, toes barely touching the floor. And when Hilary hung up the phone, all she could see was the child her husband had given his new wife. The little girl turned dizzily, laughing, her arms splayed, spinning, spinning. Hilary couldn’t take her eyes off Eric’s daughter. And she couldn’t help feeling that she was just like the little girl, slowly spinning out of control.

  Chapter 5

  Emily waited at the end of the driveway, gripping her bike handlebars. Seth shoved his cell into his pocket and turned to her. “Guess I’d better get home. My dad’s here.”

  “Is he?” Emily watched her boyfriend, trying to read his eyes.

  “Dad wants to take me to dinner tonight. You want me to ask if you can come with us?”

  “I can’t,” she said. “Mom wants me here to do stuff with Gran.”

  Seth shrugged. “So I won’t see you until graduation tomorrow?”

  “Guess not.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Got to keep the relatives happy, huh?”

  She’d thought he would go to his car then, only he didn’t. He didn’t move for a minute. She wondered if it had something to do with his dad. Whenever Seth’s dad came, Seth got quiet. He never liked to talk about their time together. “Seth? Are you freaking out or something? About your dad being here?”

  “That’s stupid. Why would I do that? He’s my dad.”

  “You know,” she said. Sometimes when she and Seth had been out together and alone, when the stars had cloaked them and the rest of the world had seemed far away, she had sensed that he was still mad at his dad for leaving them.

  “Give me your bike.”

  “Seth. You said you had to get home.”

  “Come on. Just let me ride it.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m not going to take it or anything, silly. I just want to try out the brakes before I take off.”

  “But you tried them in the garage.”

  “We need a road test.”

  She walked it to him and he swung his leg over the seat. “Get on,” he said, motioning for her to hop
on the handlebars in front of him.

  At first Emily was able to balance in front of him. She fell against Seth’s chest when he took the corner. As he steered up Walnut Street, she could feel the slow, steady drum of his heart behind her shoulder. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the dappled sunlight as they passed beneath the trees. She held on for dear life as they turned onto a four lane and Seth shot to the middle, cars whizzing past on both sides. They veered into the 7-Eleven parking lot, hung a U, and headed toward her house again.

  “You haven’t tried the brakes yet!” she shouted.

  “I will when it’s time. Not yet.”

  So this was how it felt to be alive and young. She couldn’t believe high school was over! Tomorrow they would graduate! And, after that, so many other things would happen. During the next years of their lives, so many things would change. They would leave home, pick careers, fall in love, get married, maybe have their own children. They’d make big plans. Maybe they’d make big mistakes like some of their parents had done.

  Who knew where any of them would end up a few years from now?

  Today was the start of everything they had waited for.

  Behind her, Seth pedaled hard. His heart felt like it might hammer out of his chest behind her. He didn’t throw on the brakes until they’d hopped the curb, careened up the sidewalk, and bumped halfway across her front lawn. That’s when they finally jerked to a stop.

  “Brakes work fine,” Seth growled as he helped her off and then dropped the bike on its side in the grass. Right in front of the house where everyone could see, he hugged her against him longer than he had before, kissed her hair, and whispered, “I’ll miss you until I see you tomorrow, Em.”

  “I’ll miss you, too.”

  So happy. So full of promise. It was a moment as fragile as glass. Emily stood on her front porch after he’d left, remembering the feel of his lips where they’d touched her, not wanting to go inside.

  The Jefferson High School football field stretched before Hilary like an oval emerald. Hilary caught her mother’s arm and led her toward the folding chairs. Above them, in the stands, the benches were filling. Thank heavens they’d reserved seats on the grass for family, Hilary thought. Every time her mother came to visit, it was harder for her to get around.