by Ilsa Ames
I awoke the next day feeling refreshed after what seemed like a very long, deep sleep. My strength had returned a little, and the two day’s rest had already made me start to feel normal again. My dreams had been vivid, of Lia and I relaxing on the porch outside of the cabin, with two kids running around playing at the edge of the lush, green forest. I had wondered whose kids they were, but it didn’t seem to matter. Lia and I were back together, and we were both happy.
I smiled to myself as the dream started to fade from memory. Fuck, one was going to change my whole damn world, let alone two. I chuckled as I rose. Shit, knowing my luck, Lia was going to want six kids or something.
I wondered how many additions I’d need to stick onto the cabin. Or hell, if I’d need to build a new one.
I rose wearily from the bed and dressed quickly, wondering how long I’d slept for. I opened the curtain to find the sun bright and high in the sky, and figured it was probably nearing midday.
My stomach growled with hunger, and I left the room to see if anyone was home. I had a lot more eating to do before I was back to my normal self, that was for damn sure.
I found Marie in the living room, sipping at a cup of coffee as she watched the kids play, a content look on her face. I stood there for a moment, watching the family I’d helped back to full health. James was likely out at work, even on Saturday. He was doing really well by all accounts—kicking ass and probably looking to get a promotion in the next few months, which would mean more money and much less hours.
All in all, they were doing great. And I couldn’t help but feel a pang of emotional pride that I had helped them back to their feet. It had been reward enough watching them grow back into being a normal, happy family again over the last few months. I smiled as I watched Sarah and Michael play, fighting playfully over a toy that one was trying to keep from the other.
All of a sudden, they noticed me, and their eyes widened as they grinned mischievously at me.
“Uncle Logan!” They shouted in unison, and I laughed as they ran up to me, hugging my waist, and almost staggered at the force with which they ran into me.
“Hey, guys! You keeping your mom and dad busy?” I said, as I ruffled their hair playfully.
“Uncle Logan,” said Sarah, tugging at my shirt to get my attention. “You look really skinny. You shouldn’t be so skinny, or you’ll get sick.”
I laughed at her, and the way she’d scolded me in only the way a kid could, with blissful innocence.
“I know, kiddo. I know. I haven’t been well recently, but thanks to your mom and dad I’m much better now. And I’m hoping it isn’t too late for your mom to fix me a little bite to eat.” I said, winking at Marie as she smiled at me.
“Only because you look like the scarecrow,” she winked, rising to her feet and heading past us to the kitchen.
The kids returned to play, and I followed Marie.
“Looks like you’ve got your hands full there. They’re good kids, Marie.”
She smiled contentedly again as she started preparing breakfast.
“Yeah, I guess they’re a handful at times. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
She stopped turning to face me, expression serious.
“I never got a chance to say it properly, but thank you, Logan. For everything. I don’t know… I don’t know what would have happened.”
I shook my head, waving a hand as I took a seat at the breakfast table, stomach growling again.
“Don’t mention it. I mean that honestly. Just seeing you all… James back at work, everyone healthy, the kids playing. That’s all the thanks I need.”
Marie nodded, thinking for a second before turning back to the food.
“Oh, also,” she said, over her shoulder. “If you ever get a chance, say thanks to the mysterious benefactor as well. I know he wants to keep his identity secret, probably because he’s as humble as you, but if you get a chance, just say thanks, is all.”
I grimaced, thinking of Preston and everything he’d done.
Well, at least he’d finally made things right. Even if it did take a little persuasion. But I didn’t think he should be thanked for his actions.
“Hey, Preston. Thanks for poisoning me thoughtlessly, and then being forced to cough up for my medical treatment. You’re such a great guy.”
I thanked Marie as she brought me a plate heaped with pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs. The big meal was no match for me though, and I devoured it in what was probably record time, leaving the plate sparkling clean.
I had initially thought about returning to the cabin as soon as I was ready, and I felt good enough to go back today. But Marie insisted I stay for another night at least, and the thought of leaving this vibrant, happy home to return to the cold, empty cabin with no Lia made me decide against returning so soon.
Tomorrow.
I’d go back the next day. And then, I was going to figure out how to get the woman I loved back. No matter what it took.
Chapter Eighteen
Lia
I pulled away from the house, wiping tears from my eyes, and formulated a plan. I needed to get to Logan as soon as possible, before dad could send someone after me or try to stop me. I honestly didn't think he would. He'd looked broken and defeated when I left him there in my room, weighed down with the realization that he'd been wrong for decades. But still, I knew what he was capable of now.
I knew that if he wanted to, he could have people chase me down and drag me back. I needed to put distance between me and him, to reduce the chances of that happening. I wasn't going to give up now, not after finally securing my freedom.
I punched the town nearest Logan's cabin into the map app on my newly-returned phone— I'd managed to discover the exact location thanks to some snooping in dad's office one afternoon when he'd been out.
Six hours to get there, and it was already getting late. I'd have to drive through the night, just like Logan had that first night he'd taken me. I felt a twist of... something, when I thought of that. Conflicted emotions. Self-doubt. Logan hadn't responded at all, even when I'd told him about our baby; but I knew he'd read it. He knew, and yet he still hadn't reached out to me.
Had I spent all this time idealizing him, building him up in my mind to be some sort of pure-at-heart man who had only been forced into doing bad things? Or had he managed to fool me, trick me into believing that he really cared about me, when in reality, he didn't?
Would he even want to see me if I showed up at his cabin? Or would he turn me away now that he'd gotten what he needed from me?
I gripped the steering wheel tight, feeling panic rise up in my chest. I had to stop thinking like this, and trust in my judgement. Spending all that time around my father, and then being imprisoned by my him, had twisted my emotions.
Not everyone was like him, and I had to believe that Logan wasn't. He was just focused on making things better and didn't want to risk undoing all that. It had to be true, or I was left with nothing. I was alone, pregnant, and I had nobody.
I put the car into gear and pulled away, willing away the panic and the doubt. If I got there and he wanted nothing to do with me, well, I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Somehow, though, I knew it wouldn't be the case.
I kept replaying that final moment in my mind, when my father had dragged me away from the cabin. The look in Logan's eyes, that couldn't be faked. The depth of emotion and sadness had been too raw, too real.
I flicked on the radio, settled back into my seat, and mentally prepared myself for the drive ahead.
As the miles began to fly by, I felt the weight of the previous few months begin to palpably slip away. I hadn't even realized how tense I was until my shoulders loosened and my jaw relaxed. I'd been holding all of this inside for far too long, with nobody to share it with. But that was all done with now. I was going to meet the man I loved, and we would be together.
That was all that mattered.
It was in the early hours by the time I finally r
eached the cabin. I was hungry and exhausted—I'd only stopped to use the bathroom and refill with gas, still mindful that there could easily have been someone—or some ones—on my tail. If there were, I'd seen no sign of them, though, and I'd made good time.
Throughout the journey I'd practiced in my mind, over and over, what I would say to Logan when I arrived. I imagined him happy to see me, his handsome face breaking into a broad smile as he swept me up into a hug and promised me that everything was going to be fine. Or I imagined him looking shocked and fearful, then telling me to leave and never come back.
Over and over again I'd replayed the various scenarios in my head until my thoughts were racing, my mind spinning. For the final hour I'd been too tired to even think, just focusing on the dark road. The last few dozen miles were all on rural roads that ran through the forest and up into the mountains, and I didn't see a single other vehicle coming or going. I was too tired to even be scared. All I wanted was to get there, and to be reunited with the father of my unborn child.
Which was why, when I did finally arrive, it was all I could do to stop myself screaming in frustration.
The cabin lay dark and quiet.
Logan was gone.
I sat in the car and cried for a few minutes, allowing myself that small amount of self-pity, before I pulled myself together and tried to decide what to do.
If he's not here, he can't be far. He'll have been working on the cleanup and helping the people in the town. He's probably just spending the night down there.
I climbed out of the car, wrapping my arms around myself against the chilly night air. Dead leaves crunched under my feet as I walked, the world around me spookily still and quiet.
There were no lights on at all in the cabin, no sign whatsoever that someone was home. I tried the door hopefully, but it was locked. I let out a strangled noise of frustration and ran my fingers through my hair. What was I going to do? Just sleep in the car and hope he came back in the morning?
And then, suddenly, in a flash of memory, I remembered Logan’s spare key, and how he’d showed me where he kept it one afternoon after he'd been confident that I wouldn't run or try to escape. It was around the side of the house, inside the hollow of a dead tree trunk. Using the flashlight on my cellphone, I stumbled through the darkness, shining the light into each stump in turn, until I finally found it nestled underneath a pile of dead leaves, holding it up above my head with a whoop of triumph.
I might be alone, but at least I'd be able to get something to eat and spend the night in an actual bed.
I crept back around to the front door and unlocked it. It swung open with a slight creak, and it took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to the even deeper darkness inside the empty cabin. It was still just as neat and Spartan as I remembered it, if not a little dustier and shabbier. It looked like Logan had been neglecting the place a little—the window-sills were covered in dust, and the windows themselves were grubby.
I padded silently through the house, hoping that maybe he was just asleep in his bedroom. But no, the entire place was empty, and I got the feeling that it had been that way for a while. The whole place felt cold—devoid of life, so unlike the time I'd spent there before, with the smells of Logan cooking, the sound of him chopping firewood or singing to himself.
I turned some lights on, then went back outside to the car, bringing in the meager possessions I'd brought. It would be enough for a few days, at least. Once the cabin door was locked and closed behind me, I wandered over to the door to Logan's office. Sometimes he'd kept it locked, before, but it was open now. I nervously pushed the door open, feeling like I was intruding. But I had to know. I had to see.
His computer was still switched on, humming quietly underneath his desk. I sat down in the battered old leather chair he used, took a deep breath, and switched on the monitor. Blinking away the sudden glare from the screen, my heart immediately began to flutter in my chest. His emails were open, and not just any email. It was my email. The last one I'd sent him.
I'm pregnant, and it's yours.
It was the last thing he'd been doing, and now he was gone.
…What the hell was I supposed to make of that? Had he panicked, and run away in the night? Had something happened to him?
I couldn't resist being a little nosy and clicked around to his other windows and applications. It was all relating to the pollution—maps, case files, medical reports, bills. I could see that my father's money had been put to good use, and that, while still ongoing, Logan had made good progress in putting things right. But he wasn't finished yet, that much was clear. There were still rivers to clean and people to help.
So why wasn't he here? It was obvious that he'd been gone for a few days at least, by the state of the house. Was he just working? Or was it something more sinister? I even briefly imagined that he'd run off with another woman, before chiding myself for being ridiculous.
I wandered back into the living room, my thoughts a blur, exhaustion making everything seem like an impossible effort. I wanted nothing more than to go and climb into bed and shut the world out, but I couldn't. There were still some logs by the fireplace, and I calmed myself down by preparing the fire. There was something soothing about stacking the logs, getting it lit, and waiting for the fire to take. It was mindless, but it focused my thoughts.
Before long I had a good fire going, the crackling warmth making everything seem just a little less scary and overwhelming, somehow. I rooted through the cupboards and found a can of soup, which I quickly heated over the stove. It was just a basic store-bought chicken soup, but it smelled absolutely amazing. I wolfed it down as I sat in front of the fire, staring into the dancing flames. I felt warm and safe, at least, but so, so alone. I needed Logan to be here, to let me know that he wasn't going to abandon me and our child, that he was going to be a part of my life now, and forever.
I dragged a blanket out of the linen cupboard and draped it over myself and curled up on the armchair. I was warm and full, at least for that I could be thankful.
And I was free, too. I couldn't forget that either. I'd been a prisoner in my own home that very morning. I let that thought comfort me as I drifted off to sleep in front of the fire, my hands placed protectively over my belly.
My dreams were filled with the life I wanted, the life I thought I was coming out here to find.
Me and Logan and our baby—a family, complete at last.
…I just needed to find him.
Chapter Nineteen
Logan
I slept well again the second night I stayed at James and Marie’s, but an anxious nagging had kept waking me up from my deep slumber, pulling me to a delirious half sleep. I felt a need to go back to the cabin, an unconscious desire that seemed to mix with my dreamlike state and filled me with a sense of urgency.
I rose early in the morning, having slept for as long as I was able before restlessness took hold of me. After a quick wash I got dressed, and went downstairs to find Marie already awake, the smell of fresh coffee drifting to meet me as I entered the kitchen.
“Good morning. You’re up early today. Couldn’t sleep either?” she said, pouring out two cups of steaming coffee.
I accepted one gratefully, grunting as I turned to look outside at the clear, cold looking early fall sky.
“Yeah. I think I’ve slept enough the last few days to last me a while. Plus, I got something I need to do. I gotta get back to the cabin.”
I turned back to face Marie, aware that she and James might be concerned I’d be throwing myself back into work, only to make myself sick again.
“It’s not work. I’m going to take it easy for a while. It’s just… well, there’s someone I have to see. Or talk to at least.”
Marie was eyeing me slyly, trying to read in to what I was saying. But before Lia was back with me, there was no way I was going to mention her, or the baby, to anyone.
“I get it. Every man needs his secrets, I understand. Just do me and James a favor and
don’t go overdoing it again, okay? Take some time for yourself. And take him up on his offer, come see us any time. He means it when he says it. We both do, Logan.”
I nodded and promised to visit sometime soon. Marie went off to wake James, and I felt a pang of guilt that I’d woken him early on his day off. Marie had insisted he had about ten minutes before the kids were jumping on him anyway, so we were sort of doing him a favor, which made me feel slightly better at least.
He and I drank our coffee in relative silence, before heading out to his truck, and setting off to the cabin out in the mountain. It felt good to be going home, and there was a crisp clarity to the morning air which filled me with energy.
I felt better as we left the suburbs and headed out into the countryside, the open fields eventually giving way to woodland, and much further on the road rising as we hit the foot of the mountain trail. It felt good to be out here again, the sense of freedom returning to me even stronger than before.
“You sure you’re gonna be alright? You’ve got everything you need up in the cabin, right?”
James sounded a little tired still, but there was genuine concern in his voice.
“Last time I checked I had basic supplies for a few weeks at least. Nothing fancy, but I also got a few days worth of frozen meat and some vegetables, plenty of water. Oh, and half a case of beer.”
We both chuckled, and John gestured to the mountain forest that was shielded from the early morning sun, where light frost still lingered from last night.
“Well, at least your beers will be cold. Do you remember if you got enough firewood in the cabin? I could always stop to help you gather and chop some up.”
I thought back to the last time I’d been back, and everything was a little hazy. But I wasn’t worried. I felt a tingle of pleasure at the thought of getting out of the cabin, cold, fresh air filling my lungs, surrounded by the recovering nature, exercising my muscles I’d neglected for too long.
