My Rebel Highlander

by Vonda Sinclair

  "Nay, I certainly do not," he said in a hard tone.

  "I knew you would be angry, and I feared that you would want to claim him as your own and take him from me."

  "Of course, I want to claim him as my son, but I would never take him from you."

  "You can never claim him," Calla said in a harsh whisper. "'Twould make him an outcast and a bastard. He would lose the Stanbury title and I would be brought before Scottish Parliament and the Kirk as an adulterous woman. You would ruin Jamie's future."

  His chest aching, Rebbie cursed at the rage and helplessness burning through him. He knew she was right, but everything in him rebelled against it. "Damnation, Calla, he should be my heir." But he knew the lad could never be, no matter what he did.

  "He cannot legitimately be made your heir because we could not have married when he was born. I was already married at the time."

  "I'm well aware!" he snapped.

  "That's why I didn't tell you. It would've made no difference. And I didn't ken whether I could trust you at first."

  "You didn't trust me this past week, after all we went through?" he asked, unable to believe her words. He'd saved her life and protected her.

  "Of course, I trust you now. But your father doesn't like me. He's a powerful man and when he finds out…" She shook her head. "He could easily bring ruin to us. Besides, I didn't want you to hate me."

  Did he hate her? Nay, he was certain he didn't, but he was too furious to think about it right now.

  "You were never going to tell me, were you? You hoped I would never find out." He'd been planning to ask her to marry him. What a mistake that would've been.

  She simply watched him, not answering. She didn't have to. He knew the answer. If he hadn't seen the lad and figured it out for himself, she would've kept her secret.

  "How could you even claim to love me?" he asked.

  "I do love you. I didn't lie about that." With her eyes, she pleaded with him to believe her.

  He shook his head. "I don't see how, if you didn't trust me or want me to know about my own son." Rebbie slammed the door on his way out of the room. He had to get the hell out of here before he destroyed the place. Ignoring everyone around him, he strode through the great hall and outside toward the stables.

  He had to ride, get away from her, so he could think. He told George to saddle his horse.

  "Where are you going?" Lachlan called out behind him as he rushed across the courtyard. "Are you going to deal with Claybourne?"

  "Nay. I'd likely kill the bastard if I saw him just now. I'm going for a ride. I have to think."

  "Want some company?"

  "Nay." Rebbie had to be alone. He craved unencumbered freedom as he never had before.

  Lachlan scowled. "What if you should run into Claybourne and his garrison?"

  "I'll kill as many of them as I can."

  "Rebbie, don't be daft," Lachlan muttered.

  "The lad is my son, but I can never claim him. 'Twould destroy his future." Rebbie felt as if a bull had gored him in the chest.

  "Damnation, man. 'Tis a hell of a thing to find out."

  Rebbie nodded and as soon as George led Devil out, Rebbie mounted.

  "When will you be back?" Lachlan called.

  "I don't know." As soon as he could think clearly, instead of wanting to throttle someone.

  ***

  Knowing Jamie was safe in the children's wing, playing with the other lads under the watchful supervision of Morna and some of the other servants, Calla closed herself in the chamber Angelique had moved her things to after Elena had gotten angry with her. Barclay, his wife, and Elena hadn't left yet because of the rain earlier that day, and the packing their servants had to do. Their plan was to leave in the morn.

  Calla didn't know what her plans were. Rebbie would never forgive her for keeping the truth from him, and she couldn't blame him. Maybe she should've told him the night before, but she hadn't been able to bring herself to. The fear overshadowed all else, and the longer one kept a secret, the harder it was to reveal.

  She had hoped and prayed Rebbie wouldn't recognize Jamie as his son. 'Twould have been the best for everyone. But, of course, Rebbie was far more intelligent than Stanbury had been. She had never wanted to trick anyone, nor lie, but that had been her only option if she wanted to live.

  Rebbie would obviously not pay off Claybourne now, nor would he speak to her again, she was certain. The Barclays and Elena hated her and she couldn't keep her position with them. She would have to find herself another job. Doing what, she didn't know.

  She slumped on the bed and let the tears slip from her eyes. She'd known it would come to this. Though she'd expected it, 'twas no less painful.

  A knock sounded at the door. She shoved herself up, dried her tears and opened the door.

  Angelique waited outside. "Oh, Calla, are you well?"

  She nodded.

  "Lachlan said Rebbie left in a fury. What happened?" Angelique came in and closed the door.

  "'Tis a long story." She noticed a letter in her friend's hand. "What is that?"

  "This missive came for you." Angelique handed it to her, then embraced her. "What can I do to help?"

  "I thank you, but there is naught to be done."

  "Mayhap Rebbie will return soon."

  Calla shook her head. "He'll never forgive me. I thought I was doing the right thing but…"

  "I'll be honest with you, mon amie. Lachlan has told me some of what happened, but not all of it."

  "Do you promise to keep it a secret?"

  "Of course." Angelique drew her to sit on the side of the bed.

  "Jamie's future depends on it. You must tell no one."

  "I vow, I will not."

  Calla started with the day Stanbury had threatened to kill her if she didn't provide him an heir and told Angelique the whole story. By the time she finished, they were both in tears. Angelique wrapped her arms around Calla and rocked her. "Shh, mon amie, we will find a solution. Do not give up hope. Rebbie will return soon and help you."

  "My problems are not Rebbie's responsibility. I've asked too much of him already. I must take care of my son and myself by finding a new position. Barclay will never allow me to remain as Elena's companion."

  "Would you truly want to be?"

  "Nay, but I must have a way to earn money."

  "You will stay here with us. Claybourne cannot touch either you or your son here."

  Calla shook her head. "I thank you but I cannot be a burden to you."

  "I do not see it that way at all."

  "But I would." Calla couldn't take advantage of her friend's good nature.

  "You could work for us here, as tutor to the lads," Angelique said.

  "I thought you already had someone in that position."

  "We do, but he could use the help. There are three of them, after all, and they are quite rambunctious. Or you could help me with Hannah if you prefer."

  "Again, I thank you, but I'll not have you creating a position for me. I refuse to become a charity case."

  While Calla truly appreciated her friend's generosity, she was ashamed of herself and her situation, that her friend felt the need to make such offers.

  After Angelique left, Calla noticed the missive lying on her bed, where she'd placed it earlier. She picked it up, broke the red wax seal and opened it. Her gaze went immediately to the signature at the bottom. Claybourne.

  Icy chills covered her. "What? Nay," she whispered.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Calla stared at the missive in her trembling hands, unable to believe it was from that knave Claybourne.

  My dear Lady Stanbury:

  I hope this letter finds you and your son in fine health. As you know, I'm owed a great deal of money from your husband's estate, and now your son's. I hope you will reconsider my offer. You but need work here at Bonnyridge for two weeks in order to pay off the debt. Failure to keep your end of the bargain will result in your son being exposed as the fraud he
is. I have spoken at length with Daniel Kerns and his wife. You will remember they used to be in your employ. The information they have given me was quite shocking and I'm certain the members of parliament will be most interested to hear what I've learned. If you wish me to keep your secret and want your son to keep his title and estate, you must come to Bonnyridge with all haste. I will also sweeten the deal and return the Cramby Estate to you. Your husband told me it was your dower property when he wagered it. Do not breathe a word of this to your friends. If anyone shows up at my gates other than you, or if I am attacked or killed, the missives will be sent from elsewhere to the proper authorities.

  Kindest Regards,

  Claybourne

  "Oh dear God," Calla breathed. Claybourne had talked to the Kerns? They had always been loyal to her. Why would they do this? She'd thought her maid, Betty Kerns, would've never given up her secret. Seducing a stranger had been Betty's idea. Surely, her maid had been trying to help at the time, since she knew the earl had threatened her life. The woman had sworn she would never tell a soul.

  Her husband, Daniel, had acted as guard that night in Stirling and protected her. He'd also vowed he would tell no one. How could they betray her? Didn't they know this would ruin her life as well as her son's? Claybourne must have offered them a large sum of money. She closed her eyes. They must have been in desperate need. She hadn't wanted to let them go from their positions, but she'd had no other choice. In truth, she couldn't blame them. They were doing what they had to in order to survive, the same as she'd always done.

  Calla knew what Claybourne would demand as payment. Good Lord, she could not endure it, especially now that she'd fallen so deeply in love with Rebbie and shared some amazing nights and days with him.

  What other choice did she have? She would have to allow Claybourne to use her body for two weeks. She cringed with revulsion. Would it be enough for him, or would he demand more?

  She was tempted to kill him, but obviously he had set up his scheme to protect himself from that. Even if she succeeded in killing him, her secret would be revealed. Besides, she was not a murderer. Nor could she get away with such a deed, considering how many men worked for Claybourne.

  Though she grew nauseous at the very thought, she would have to go to him. She had endured Stanbury's attentions for the first two years of their marriage. After she was with child, he hadn't touched her again. If she could tolerate that, she could bear anything. Besides, she would do whatever it took to preserve her son's future and reputation.

  Claybourne had also mentioned the Cramby Estate. 'Twas a small working estate she'd inherited from her mother where she and Jamie could live without depending on others for handouts. Of a certainty, 'twas something she wanted. She wouldn't have to take a position as a companion or governess.

  She could depend on no one else to help her with this. Rebbie had left and, considering how angry he was with her, he would not wish to assist her. She trusted her new friend, Angelique, but she could not ask for her or her husband's assistance in this. Besides, there was naught they could do to stop Claybourne in his quest. Even if they loaned her the money to pay off the massive debt, Claybourne would not be satisfied. He would still want her in his bed and threaten her with exposure if she didn't comply. She knew all too well how vile and vindictive he was. She was out of options.

  ***

  "I cannot believe you are leaving already," Angelique told Calla the next morn in the great hall.

  "I'm sorry. I wish I could stay longer, but I have a new job offer. 'Twas what the missive was about. And I must appear immediately." Calla's chest ached with the lie she had to tell her friend.

  Angelique frowned. "What job? Where?"

  "As a… um… governess, in Angus. I'll write to you when I'm settled in."

  "But Jamie only arrived yesterday," Angelique said.

  "Aye, I'll have to take him back to his guardian."

  "I am certain Rebbie will return today," Angelique whispered.

  "It won't matter. He'll never forgive me for what I've done, and I don't blame him."

  "Oui, he will. I will talk to him and convince him to see reason."

  Calla shook her head. "I thank you, but nay."

  Lachlan approached, placed a hand upon his wife's shoulder and frowned at Calla. "M'lady, you're surely not leaving with the Barclays."

  "Aye. Indeed, I am. They've been kind enough to allow us to travel in the second coach with the servants."

  "Rebbie will have my head if I allow you to leave and put yourself in such danger."

  Though Calla didn’t argue, she knew the truth—that Rebbie no longer cared or wanted to have anything to do with her. "Barclay has many guards to protect us as we're traveling to Glenhaven Castle. After that, I'll ask the earl to allow me to borrow several of his guards to escort me to Angus and my new position." How Calla hated lying. Her chest ached with guilt.

  Lachlan's fearsome frown didn't diminish. "I'm sending ten guards to make certain you both make it inside the walls of the Glenhaven Estate."

  "I thank you, my laird, but 'tis not necessary."

  Lachlan shook his head. "'Tis what Rebbie would want me to do. And promise me you will not leave Glenhaven without heavy guard. Mayhap my men should stay there to escort you to Angus."

  "Nay, I plan to stay at Glenhaven overnight, then leave for Angus in the morn."

  "I don't like it," Lachlan grumbled. "'Twould be best if you stay here until Rebbie returns."

  "I'm sorry, but I cannot do that," Calla said firmly. "I thank you for your friendship and hospitality these last few weeks," she told them both.

  "Lachlan and I will loan you the money to pay the debt," Angelique whispered.

  "Indeed, we will," Lachlan said.

  "Nay, of course not. I could never borrow such an amount. I won't take any charity from friends. The position I'm accepting pays very well and I should have the debt paid off in a short time." A fortnight, if Claybourne kept his word.

  Calla embraced Angelique goodbye in the courtyard while Lachlan went about instructing ten of his guards to accompany Barclay's party and provide extra protection to Calla and Jamie.

  Although Barclay didn't relish Calla traveling with them through Perth, he allowed them to ride in the second-rate servants' coach. Even the maids were reluctant to look Calla in the eye after the shocking thing she'd done, stealing Lady Elena's betrothed away. At least that was the rumor. Since she didn't have Rebbie, how could she have stolen him away?

  Jamie, sitting upon her lap, was her only comfort and warmth, and she relished it, for she would not get to see him for at least two weeks. Though Claybourne hovered about in her head like a grim raven, she tried to put him from her mind and focus on how much she loved Jamie. She also tried not to think of Rebbie and how much she'd hurt and disappointed him. That crushed look on his face when he'd left the room… she would never forget it. How could she have wounded the only man she'd ever loved, and the only man who had ever treated her with respect and love? That had never been her intention.

  When she had first gone looking for a stranger with dark hair and dark eyes, she hadn't considered what he might think of the whole situation. She had simply been blinded by desperation. 'Twas what happened when your life was threatened. She had to bear a child; that was all that mattered. Either that or be tossed from the window. If she'd reported her husband's threat to anyone, no one would've believed her. Stanbury had been an earl, for heaven's sake, and no one would've dared question him.

  What she hadn't realized at the time was that Rebbie was also an earl and a powerful man. Once she'd learned this, she'd known he could easily ruin her and Jamie. She hadn't known whether to trust him or not. After they'd become intimate, it became easier to keep her secret than to reveal all to him. She hadn't wanted him to hate her. But now he did. Tears burned her eyes.

  Those days at Tummel Castle had been idyllic and near perfect. The only thing that could've made them better was if Jamie had been there, too.
But remembering and dreaming was of no use. Life was harsh and unforgiving. Even though she'd grown up in privilege, with all the food and clothing she'd wanted, the things she craved most of all—love, warmth, happiness—were the scarcest.

  After riding in tense silence for what seemed like forever, the coach stopped before Glenhaven's gates. One of the coachmen opened the door and helped her, Jamie, and Morna out. The other coachman untied her small trunk from the roof and deposited it on the ground.

  "M'lady." They tipped their hats and drove on.

  She dragged her trunk of clothes across the cobblestones and toward the gates. One of Glenhaven's guards was kind enough to help her with it, carrying it through the gates.

  "I thank you."

  Once the gates closed behind them, she waved to Lachlan's guards, hoping they knew how much she appreciated them looking out for her and Jamie. A couple of them returned the friendly gesture, then they rode back the way they'd come.

  After asking the guards to hold her trunk in the guard house until she picked it up later, she took Jamie's hand and started up the long drive to Glenhaven Castle, the nursemaid trailing behind them, carrying Jamie's small satchel of clothes.

  Drawing in a deep breath of the fresh, cool air, she tried to fix the moment in her mind as one of the most pleasant she would experience for the next two weeks. The morning sun speared brightly through the leafy trees and glimmered off the dew-covered grass. Best of all, she was with Jamie. She wanted to pick him up and hug him so tightly, but he might think her mad if she did that just now.

  "Oh, Morna." Calla paused and turned to the nursemaid. "I want to ask a favor."

  "Of course, m'lady."

  "Wait here, Jamie, until I talk to Morna." She drew the nursemaid ten feet away, then pulled a sealed missive from the hidden pocket in her bodice. She'd scribed it the night before. 'Twas her only guarantee that Claybourne would keep his word. "If I don't return here to the castle by the last day of the month, have Glenhaven send this missive to Laird and Lady Draughon," she whispered.

  "Very well." Morna nodded, her sincere brown gaze held Calla's. The nursemaid was one of the few people Calla trusted.