by Davis, Alexa
Then I wanted more.
After a while, I fell for a woman named Kym. She was older than me and seemed very exciting at the time. With her long dark hair and the tattoos running up and down her skin, I was intoxicated by her. I didn’t see all the warning signs quick enough; I didn’t spot the fact that she clearly wasn’t as into me as I was her. I didn’t spot her wandering eye, her sharp tongue, her negativity towards my business... Looking back, we were never meant to be. I just couldn’t see it at the time. When I eventually caught her in bed with someone else, it shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it was. It cut me deep and stabbed me in the heart.
I vowed then that the next time I fully gave my heart over to someone, it would be for real.
“Well, I’m just saying,” Mom commented idly as if she wasn’t desperately trying to make a point. “That I haven’t seen you with anyone for a while. I can’t help but wonder if you’re just back to having endless flings.”
“No, Mom,” I sighed loudly. “I have been dating a little bit, but no flings, no girlfriends... I’ve been too busy.”
“Hmm, okay, sure.” She didn’t quite look like she believed me, but I wasn’t in a place to argue with her. “Just don’t leave it too long, will you? Sometimes the right woman is waiting under your nose.”
A bunch of sarcastic retorts bursts into my brain, but I didn’t get the chance to say any of them. Before any words could burst past my lips, a loud knocking sound rang out at the door.
“Oh, that will be Elle. Can you get that?”
With a racing pulse, I thundered down the stairs to let Elle in. I really needed a glimpse of her face now; it had been a bit of a shitty day so far. I needed her bright smile to bring my mood right back up again.
“Hey...” The words trailed off, and the smile fell from my mouth as I spotted the sadness flooding Elle’s expression. She did not look happy at all; even her shoulders were hunched forwards under the stress of it all. “Elle, what’s going on?”
“Oh, nothing.” As her eyes welled up with tears, I almost wanted to reach out to hug her, but it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. “I’m okay. Just here for work.” She gave me a thin smile, but I wasn’t buying it, at all.
“If something is happening, you can always take the day off work. I know Mom won’t mind.”
“Oh, I know,” she gushed back. “Your mom is amazing, the most understanding person I know. There is something going on in my personal life, but since there isn’t anything I can do about it, I need to be at work. I need the distraction.”
“Okay...” I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. If this were at the resort, I wouldn’t get involved because I didn’t like to cross wires with personal lives of my staff members, but this felt different. “Well, if there’s anything I can do, let me know.”
“No, no, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. None of it will get in the way of my work, anyway.”
“Okay.” I gulped loudly. I needed to do something. I wasn’t sure why, but in the heat of the moment, it felt like getting some more one-on-one time with this woman was the way to get it out of her. I wanted to help, but I needed her to tell me what was going on first.
“Erm, I have a favor to ask you?” She turned and gave me a wide-eyed look, waiting for me to continue. “I have to work late on Wednesday. Is there any time you can stay behind and cook for Mom? It’ll only be an extra couple of hours, and I’ll pay you double for the whole day if you can?”
What am I doing? What the hell did I say that for?
“I understand if you can’t. I know you have responsibilities...”
“No, no, it’s no trouble. I can get childcare. Of course, thank you. The extra money will be... Yeah, thank you.”
“Right, great.” An awkwardness clung to the air. “Thank you, Elle, that’s great.” She cocked her head and waited in case I had more to say, which of course I didn’t. “I guess I’ll see you later then.”
“Of course. Have a great day.”
“Yes. And you... Thanks.”
While I walked out the house, I cringed inside. I definitely wasn’t cool around Elle – there was nothing about me that would attract her to me. The need for her to like me was intense inside my chest, but it left me out of control. As I stepped into my car, I wanted to clap my hand angrily against my head.
Idiot! What the hell!
Still. Hopefully, on Wednesday, I would be able to make things a little better. I could casually come from work a little early and speak with her. I could try and find out what was going on in her life that made her look so sad, and then maybe she would start to see me as something other than a bumbling idiot.
Hopefully .
***
“Alright, Mr. Trainor...” Gary, one of my biggest investors, gave me a bright grin. “I think I have everything I need here. This has been another productive meeting. I have to say; I love the way you do business. It leaves me in no doubt when it comes to my money.”
“You just love it because I make you loads,” I teased as I shook his hand. “But yeah, it’s great to work with you, too.”
“And, Annie is a great girl.” He cocked his head and gave me a suggestive smile. Gary had been married for years, so he liked to live vicariously through me – he always had done. I got the impression that he was disappointed when I stopped living so wildly. “I think she has eyes for you. Is anything going on there?”
A face flashed into my mind, but it wasn’t Annie’s. Elle’s sweet smile, her bright eyes, her curves...it was her that I couldn’t get out of my mind. “Nah, nothing’s going on there. She’s just my manager. Can’t dip the pen in company ink, so to speak.”
“That isn’t like you!” he laughed. “I’ve never heard such craziness coming from your mouth.”
“I know, I know.” He bit down on his lip for a moment, as if he was trying to keep something inside. “Well, I suppose...”
“What’s going on, Gary?” I could almost see the cogs clicking in his brain. “I can tell you have something to say.”
“I just...” He sighed loudly. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I think someone should tell you.” A thick ball of fear lodged itself in my throat, and for a moment, I expected the absolute worst. “It’s about Kym.”
“Huh, weird. I thought about her this morning for the first time in a very long time.”
Gary gave me an intense look as if he didn’t quite believe me. Okay so maybe when we first broke up I was a mess for a while, but that was years ago now. Just because I hadn’t been with anyone since didn’t mean I still felt anything for her...
I didn’t bother to express that because Gary didn’t look like he would believe me.
“Well, I saw online this morning that she’s engaged to James. I know you’ve been split up for ages, but I would want to know if it were me.”
Maybe a while back it would have crushed me to learn that she was marrying the guy she cheated on me with, but now I didn’t really care. I dug deep inside to see if anything was going on in there, but nothing.
“Oh right, well...that’s...” Not good news, but not bad either.
“Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, does it?” Gary smiled at me. “You’ll meet someone soon enough and make her very happy. You truly are a catch.”
That sounded like something someone said if they felt sorry for someone. I didn’t want pity – my life was fucking amazing. Just because I didn’t have a permanent woman in my life didn’t make me unhappy. But the more I wanted to defend myself, the worse it would get. The more I tried to tell someone I was happy, the sadder I would seem.
“Well, thanks, for...you know, letting me know. Erm, it doesn’t really matter, but it’s much better to be in the know. I will see you at the next meeting.”
As Gary left my office, I let out a deep sigh. I wasn’t sure how I felt anymore; for some reason, everything was a little confusing. It was almost as if the answers were all there in front of me; I just didn’t quite know how to piece them all together.
That wasn’t like me at all, and the control freak in my chest simply wanted to scream.
Chapter Twelve
Elle
Wednesday
“So, in short, Kym was a nightmare. I don’t know what he was doing with her. I kept trying to warn him, but you know what men are like.”
Katherine laughed and shook her head as she discussed her favorite subject once more. I felt like I knew everything about him, and we hadn’t had much of a conversation yet. “In a way, it was a bit of a relief when she cheated on him. It’s just a shame that he hasn’t found anyone who’s made him happy since.”
“So, he’s single?” I didn’t want to sound like I was asking for myself, but it felt like the next logical question. “I can’t imagine that. He’s...” Handsome, sexy, rich... “He seems really nice. Not that I’ve spoken to him much, of course.”
“Oh, he’s lovely.” Katherine grinned. “Really nice. The best. It’s a shame he isn’t here for dinner tonight.”
“Well, he’s working late, that’s why I’m cooking.” The steam burst up into my face as the meat sizzled.
“I usually cook, but he’s been doing it since the fall.” She glanced down at her cast and screwed up her nose in disgust at it. Clearly, it pissed her off. I understood that it would make me angry, too. “He’s always been a good cook.”
“You said he cooked a lot after his dad left?” I turned away to act like I wasn’t paying too much attention, but of course, my ears were well and truly pricked up as I waited for Katherine to answer. Maybe I could have been bored as I listened to her waffle on about her child, but I soaked up all the information like a sponge.
“He did, yes. He was such a wonderful child. Always helping me.”
At that moment, I thought about Delaney. She had been forced to grow up too quick, as well. Maybe it wasn’t fair, but it didn’t seem to have damaged Alex, except maybe when it came to relationships. Although his mother wanted to know everything about him, there were clearly things he’d kept back.
“Oh.”
“What’s going on?” I spun around rapidly to see Katherine clutching her belly. I dropped the spatula, raced to her side, and held onto her while my mind raced in panic. “Are you okay? Is something wrong? What do you want me to do? Do you need a doctor or something?”
I wasn’t totally sure I was ready for this. I was usually pretty good in bad situations, but this potentially bordered on an emergency, and I felt scared.
“No, no it’s okay. I just feel a bit sick. It’s a bit of stomach ache.”
“Is there anything I can do? How can I help you?” My heart raced. I did not want to do the wrong thing here. “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”
“I think I just need to go to bed,” she gasped through the pain. “Maybe you could bring me my dinner in there?”
“Sure, yeah okay, whatever you need.”
I tucked my hands under her armpits and lifted her. It was difficult for Katherine to walk with her bad leg and stomach cramps. I really wanted to get her tucked away safely without affecting her dignity, too, but it wasn’t easy.
“What’s going on?”
Relief flooded me as I heard the chocolaty-smooth tones of Alex walking through the door. He wasn’t supposed to be here, but it seemed he sensed that I needed him. I let out a breath I didn’t even realize that I was holding as it hit me I wasn’t alone anymore.
“Oh, it’s your mom,” I told him pointlessly like he couldn’t see that. “She doesn’t feel well; she has a stomach ache.”
“I just need to get to bed,” Katherine breathed deeply. “I want to eat in there if that’s okay?”
“Sure, sure.”
Alex took Katherine off me as if she weighed nothing. As he carried her into her room, I wiped the sweat from my forehead. That took it out of me more than I thought it would, and now... Well, now I wasn’t too sure what to do. I moved the food off the stove and glanced around a bit helplessly. I didn’t know if she actually wanted the food or not, so I was at a bit of a loss.
What do I do?
I glanced at the screen of my cell phone noticing a message from Terran. At least Delaney was alright, that was something. For some reason, while I waited for Alex to come back, I felt incredibly awkward. I hadn’t spent any time with him, except for our brief moments at the front door and the interview, and now I was going to have to...if only for a little while. It’d be weird, knowing so much about him, but not knowing him at all.
“Mom’s asleep.” His voice suddenly burst out behind me, making me visibly jump. “I don’t know what’s up with her, but she crashed out as soon as her head hit the pillow.”
“I think she’s okay,” I did my best to reassure him. “She was fine only moments before. Maybe just keep an eye on her.”
He nodded and bit down on his bottom lip as if he was deep in thought. “Yeah, okay. If you say so.” He glanced at me at the endless food. “Oh, I’m so sorry, you’ve done all this cooking...”
“It’s okay.” I waved a hand dismissively. “It doesn’t matter. What do you want me to do with it?”
“We could eat it?” He shrugged. “I mean, I don’t think Mom will want it now, and if she wakes up later, I’ll order something in. It seems a shame to put it to waste.”
“Oh well, you can have it...”
“I don’t want to eat alone.” He smiled. “We can just eat it quick then you can get home?”
There wasn’t any argument to that; it was so damn reasonable. I nodded and smiled, then took a seat at the dining table while Alex plated everything up. For a moment, I allowed my mind to wander, imagining what it would be like to actually be on a date with this very handsome man. His muscles flexed under his shirt as he ran a hand through his hair. I wanted to replace it with my own. I bet it would feel wonderful to be the one he looked at lovingly...
“So, she’s been okay all day?” he suddenly asked, shocking me once more. If I was going to get through this and still seem normal, I needed to pay more attention. “No sign of her being ill?”
“Not at all. She was just talking – about you actually,” I told him with a grin. “Then she clutched her stomach.”
“What was she saying?” He rolled his eyes as he handed me a plate. “Something embarrassing, I bet. All childish stories about me?”
“Oh no, I’ve heard all of those,” I teased. “She was actually talking about a more recent past.” I paused for a moment, wondering if this was a subject he felt comfortable discussing. I certainly didn’t feel happy discussing Mark “At least she’s asleep.”
“Was she talking about Kym, by any chance?” he asked me with narrowed eyes. “Did she tell you that she’s engaged?”
“Oh no, nothing like that.” I felt like shit. Clearly he was hurt. Even if he didn’t look it. “Just that you used to be together, that’s all.”
“Hmm, well, that’s ancient history. I don’t know why everyone feels the need to tell me that her relationship status has changed today.”
I felt bad for him – it clearly wasn’t easy just because he acted like he didn’t care. As his expression remained smooth, I felt like I could see deep into him and could see him just a little bit clearer.
I wanted to share something about me, too.
“Exes suck, don’t they?” I said without really thinking about it. I just wanted him to know that I understood, that I’d gone through it myself. “My ex is the worst. It’s just a shame that he’s Delaney’s father. I feel like it’ll be hard ever to get rid of him.”
“Delaney is your daughter?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious. “And, you aren’t with her father anymore?”
“No.” I cast my eyes downwards, hating myself for opening this line of questioning. “It took me a while to get away from him, but we aren’t together now.”
“I guess he isn’t taking that too well?”
Out of nowhere a rush of emotion crashed over me in waves. The thought that he was somewhere planning my downfall crushe
d me. It killed me to know that he wanted to come at me so badly, that he wanted to hurt me so much, he would actually drag my daughter into it. How could anyone be so horrible?
“No, you could say that,” I choked out. “And although things have been quiet for a while, I think it’ll all change soon. I knew he wouldn’t let me go easily.” I glance up at Alex, horrified. I didn’t mean for all of that to come spilling out. He was my boss, not my friend. I was supposed to be professional. “Not that it...”
“That’s horrible.” He sounded sad to me. It made my chest warm. “He sounds like a nasty man.”
“Yeah, he is that,” I chuckled, but the tears still felt like they were coming through. “Horrible. I just don’t want to deal with him anymore.”
I needed to change the subject, and quickly.
“So, what’s going on with your business?” I garbled out quickly. “Your mom has been telling me a lot about that, too. Didn’t you have an opening party recently?”
His chest puffed out; a proud expression flushed his face. It was obvious that business meant a lot to him. It brought a smile to my face and made relief fill my chest. At least he wasn’t thinking about his ex or mine anymore.
“Yeah, it went really well actually. I’m glad...”
I listened to him speak with awe. As he grew passionate about something, the icy demeanor he wore cracked and I got to see more of him. I could see the version of him that Katherine had described to me. Not only was this man gorgeous and kind, but I also started to see a fun side to him. I got the impression that with the right woman in his life, that side of him would be easy to pull out.
As I finally went to leave the house, I surprisingly wasn’t in a hurry to do so. I thought it would be uncomfortable to spend with Alex, but it wasn’t. Maybe it had blurred the lines between employer and employee a little bit but in a good way. I could see him as more of a human now.
