Welcome to E. Mayberry

by Chris Genovese

  “Umm…well…who is she?”

  “You’re not gonna go over there and punch her in the nose or anything are you?” she asked followed by her loud laugh.

  I didn’t answer.

  “I’m kidding,” she said. “It’s not like you wouldn’t find out anyway. Her name’s Suzanne and she lives a couple of streets over from yours. Not sure the exact address but look for Fiona on the mailbox. Suzanne Fiona. She’s a looker though, so don’t get all jealous and stuff. She’s quite frisky too. She might invite you in for a little nookie if you know what I mean.”

  She laughed again.

  “Might be good for you to talk to her,” she added. “Find out what kinds of things Bastian likes, doesn’t like…she might enlighten you a bit.”

  She was right. I wanted to talk to Suzanne. I mean she was nothing more than an ex-girlfriend and I’d spoken to plenty of those in my past. Vivi turned to leave when I stopped her again.

  “Wait,” I said. “I know in the rule book it said there are no children in E. Mayberry. With all this sex…I don’t see any condoms. How is that possible?”

  She smiled and raised one eyebrow along with one finger into the air.

  “I almost forgot that welcome package. It’s all in there. Just don’t take off that necklace and make sure you check out everything in this thing.”

  My eyes remained on the people in the pool while Vivi disappeared to get my welcome package. Again, I considered taking a break from the day and jumping into the pool. I thought about coming back later when things had died down a bit.

  Vivi returned with a large envelope with a picture of the community’s front gate on it and in big letters it read: Welcome to Erotic Mayberry.”

  Chapter 6

  “Would you say this, Vivi, was mean to you in any way?” Tension asked, poised at the edge of his seat. “Was she threatening in any way? Cause I have to say she sounds like a real bitch.”

  He was really into my story. I thought it was sweet how he seemed to be hanging on every word.

  “I have to say, she was never ever rude to me. Not really,” I said. “She’s a strange woman. She could say the most outlandish things, the pushiest stuff, and yet somehow it never came across as overly aggressive or rude.”

  “She seemed quite aggressive to me,” he said.

  “That’s the thing,” I argued. “You’d think so. Yet, I didn’t feel that way.”

  “The necklace?” he asked.

  He was quick. After all, he was a detective. I pointed a finger at him and smiled.

  “It was the necklace,” he said. “It brought down your will, didn’t completely change your mindset but seemed to bring a tranquility over you.”

  “You’re good,” I said.

  “Saw something like that on an old Star Trek episode or something. I think. Anyway, it’s what I do.”

  “Can I be honest with you?” I asked.

  “Of course,” he said.

  “I’ve been coming on mighty strong. I know that. It’s what I’m used to. In my old career, being on screen, I had to hold my own. Then in E. Mayberry I was a pet so turning people on was my main function. Talking about it like this…I think it helps. It’s just I…I’m bringing up a lot of suppressed memories. So thank you for being so sweet and listening to me even after I pulled that stunt in my bedroom.”

  As I thought he would, he made his move. Men are so easy to figure out. His hand moved over and rested on my knee. His thumb caressed there for a second but he couldn’t quite bring himself to look me in my eyes.

  “This is probably hard on you,” he said. “I understand. I’ll be here for you and I’m a good listener.”

  “But it’s your job to be so cold,” I said as I crossed my arms in front of my chest as if shivering.

  “I’m an asshole,” he admitted. “Sometimes I let the job make me forget that I’m talking to real people. I’ll try to be…”

  “Warmer?” I suggested.

  “Warmer,” he said with a smile.

  “Would you like me to continue?” I asked.

  “If you’re ready. Do you need to take a break or anything?”

  I laughed.

  “Last time we took a break I was bad and you seemed mad at me so…”

  “I wasn’t mad at you at all,” he said.

  He lowered his face to his lap.

  “I was disappointed in myself.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong,” I assured him.

  He tapped his wedding band against his empty glass. How had I not noticed that before?

  “You’re married,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m not,” he said. “I lost her. In fact, I don’t even wear the ring most of the time. It’s just a reminder.”

  “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize she’d…”

  “No, she’s not dead,” he said with a laugh. “She left me. I was a drinker.”

  He looked down at the empty glass and chuckled.

  “Still am I guess,” he added. “Anyway, when I saw you earlier, you know, in your room, I was mad at myself and pulled the ring out of my pocket. To remind me of what kind of asshole I can be and where that leads.”

  I stood and stepped in front of his chair. He looked up at me with such longing in his eyes. Not even desire this time just a need to be held. I’d read him wrong. I thought he was another dirty pervert when actually he was a motivated cop who’d lost his motivation to love. His head was right at my pussy when I pulled his face close and held him.

  He sank into me, his face against my shorts I mean, and gripped my thighs tight. Nothing sexual about it, only a man feeling cared for once again, for probably the first time in a long time.

  He breathed deep and I wondered if he was trying to smell my pussy. Then I remembered the pain he was in and mentally kicked myself for being so insensitive. Here he was, a man who’d visited my house with the intention of ripping down my guard and extracting memories the way a dentists jerks out teeth. My how the roles had been reversed. He was the one giving up memories now. And I was feeling sorry for him.

  Suddenly he pulled away from me.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so full of apologies it seems. I shouldn’t have held you like that. It’s just that you’re so…”

  I ignored him and walked away to fetch the bottle of whiskey. I came back to him and poured some into his glass. He shook his head softly but I poured even more.

  “Stop telling me no,” I said. “I’m not her.”

  I reached down to pull his chin up so he could look at me.

  “I’m not her,” I repeated. “I’m not the girl who left you and I don’t judge. I want you to feel good around me.”

  He raised his glass and took a sip. I tilted the glass higher and forced more down his throat. Then I poured more into it before setting the bottle down on the coffee table.

  “Thank y…”

  I turned and forcefully kissed him, shoving my tongue down his throat, tasting the sweetness of the drink on his lips and inside his mouth. Finally, he relaxed and sank into my kiss, returning the gesture, nearly dropping his glass in the process. My hand found its way between his legs where he sported a massive hard on. I clutched it in my hand and rubbed it vigorously over the fabric of his pants, sliding my hand up and down his length. He moaned into my mouth.

  Then I pulled away from him, stood, and sat back down in my spot on the couch kitty-corner to him.

  When I looked over at him he seemed to have his mind blown. He softly shook his head as if trying to get me out of it.

  “I wanted to taste you,” I said. “And I did. And I’ll want to taste you again if you’re okay with that.”

  “Damn,” he said, stunned.

  “Shit, shit, shit,” I cursed under my breath.

  “What is it?” he asked, suddenly worried.

  “I apologized to you for coming on so strong and then did it again. It’s such a hard habit to break. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a man,
especially such a handsome one, here in my house. I’m sorry.”

  “Now you’re the one apologizing again.”

  “I should get back to my story. When I’m talking, I’m not thinking about fucking you,” I said.

  The look on his face said it all. His brow furrowed and he swirled his glass again. He wanted me and I could have ridden him right there on the chair if I wanted. I’d won. But I wouldn’t cash in yet. He’d have to wait. I had so much more to tell him.

  “So Vivi gave me the welcome package and I left the office. My meeting with the woman seemed to have opened my eyes to so many things I hadn’t noticed before walking into the center. For one, I’d never taken a look at the bulletin board that was on the wall outside the door. The listings on it seemed so natural in that setting but would’ve been absurd had they been anyplace else. I mean things like:

  Wanted: Pet who has a special fondness for disco music and isn’t only willing but would absolutely love to play with my pet while jamming out to some tunes while I do nothing but watch.

  Announcement: Evenings in the Park! Bring your pets to the park so they can play with each other and owners can please each other as they watch. It’ll be a frolicking good time. P.S. let’s spice it up a little and everyone bring their pets in a special, cute collar. Only pets with collars will be allowed to play.

  Wanted: Very submissive owner looking for another owner who will treat him like a pet on Friday lunch breaks.

  Special: Stop by the Sparkle Dentistry to have your teeth cleaned. All paid cleanings come with accompanying oral pleasure.

  Special: Sally’s Salon is offering anal massages by two pets who know what they’re doing, believe us! Bring a friend and we’ll even thrown in frontal massages at the same time. One anal massage only $24.99, get two for $39.99. Remember, two comes with a front job too!

  Announcement: Tupperware and all that chef stuff is totally out! You want to be pampered? Nancy’s Toys and Things will be traveling around the neighborhood again. Last year was a hoot! This year she’s bringing two of everything from the catalogue. We’re talking vibrators, larger wands, oral simulators, cock rings, dildos, strokers, bullets, and even strap-ons. If you can imagine it, it’ll be there. Give her a call if you want extra time on the tour, if not, she’ll be at your door on Wednesday the 16th.

  The list went on and on covering the gigantic billboard like a collage of sexual announcements, the usual kinks, and quite a few peculiar fetishes. Everything from men wanting women to walk on them in high heels to women who liked having men pee on them. Neither were my thing although I figured it might be fun to prance around on a man’s chest in my heels from time to time, show him who’s really boss.

  One man hand wrote a note asking if anyone had a potential pet for him. He said he was running out of time. What that meant, I had no idea, but he seemed desperate for a companion.

  After speaking with Vivi, it was hard to imagine why anyone would need to request these things since they had pets to do it for them. Then again, having someone do something they’re clearly not into is not nearly as fun as having someone who thoroughly enjoys it. I once had a boyfriend who’d go down on me but he made it quite clear that it wasn’t his favorite thing. Like it was a chore. We didn’t last long. I hate chores.

  Speaking of chores, like Vivi had said, many people in the neighborhood ran their own business. I was amazed by what I’d seen on the bulletin board. I walked a little farther down the street and saw the shopping plaza. Everything in E. Mayberry was in walking distance. It was fabulous.

  Again, with the sun shining and the crisp air providing the perfect balance for a relaxed afternoon stroll, I forgot the uneasiness I’d felt earlier. My body was a mixed mess of emotions. One second I was nervous, the next I was horny, then I’d be happy, and finally I’d be simply content with how life was going.

  The shopping plaza was small but seemed to include every small business needed in a self-sufficient community. It was an open air center that contained corridor after corridor of mom and pop shops all painted a comfortable peach, or maybe melon-like color. It was so warm and welcoming and even though no kids chased each other around the plaza, adults were busy taking their place.

  A couple ate ice cream together, the owner and pet both looking perfectly content with life. The owner even dabbed ice cream on his pet’s nose and then leaned over and licked it off. They both laughed. Another couple held hands and swung their arms as they perused a line of clothing and shoe stores.

  I stepped into what seemed to be a seriously compacted version of a department store with shelves housing everything from hardware supplies to snacks to hygiene items to sex toys. Of course there would be a sex toy aisle.

  It wasn’t until I grabbed a stick of deodorant off the shelf that I realized I’d brought no money. My purse was back at the house. I hadn’t planned on spending any money. It had started out as a quick look around the neighborhood to familiarize myself with my surroundings. With no cash, I had no choice but to window shop and as I did, I saw some of the businesses that had advertised on the bulletin board back at the community center.

  The beauty salon had posters up like any other place, with good looking people with fancy hairdos. I’d started at one end of the place and as I shifted my gaze to each poster, I made my way past a woman with a brand new bob cut, a man with a nicely trimmed beard, and a woman bent over, her ass up, and an attendant rubbing some sort of lotion on her asshole. That one made me laugh out loud to the point I snorted. Let me explain that again. On a fucking poster where everyone could see it, a woman was posed with her asshole up and another woman was rubbing cream on it.

  “Yes, that would be an anal massage I suppose,” I said to myself as I remembered the offer on the board.

  I expected to see another poster of the accompanying finger bang the woman would get if she brought a friend. Instead, the next picture was as normal as all the others and had a man and woman forehead to forehead with hot pink dyed hair.

  Inside, the place was empty. The lights were on but apparently it was break time because I saw no customers and no stylists. Manicures and pedicures are two things I live for and I wondered if this place allowed such a simple but valued treasure. Would I be able to have my cuticles tidied up and my nails polished or would I need to have my pussy eaten at the same time?

  I decided to try a different corridor on my way out of the plaza and I bumped right into the dentist office. Like the salon, the façade was all glass, allowing an easy peek under the hood. In a chair a man lay back, completely naked except for his socks. The dentist was a beautiful woman with her hair pulled up into a bun. She was busy cleaning his teeth while between his legs, a young, good-looking man wearing a necklace, sucked his cock.

  I’ve seen so much gay love in my life that it doesn’t shock me much, but to see it going on for the world to witness, while a guy had his teeth cleaned, that was insane! The man being serviced looked over and saw me. He held up his hand and gave me a wave. The stud nibbling on the head of his cock tried to welcome me in with a wave. I smiled and shook my head before moving on.

  As if all the tension and worry and doubt and pure shock had been shaken up in a can of soda and suddenly cracked open, I began to laugh. I laughed harder than Vivi had earlier. I found a bench and sat so I could wipe the tears flowing down my face. They weren’t sad tears, they were happy ones. It hit me that I hadn’t laughed like this in ages. I couldn’t remember the last time I did.

  Fishing through my memories, the only completely funny thought that came to mind was one time when I’d been working with Eric.

  Wow. Eric.

  It was the first time since entering Erotic Mayberry that I’d thought about my ex who’d died of an overdose. That fucking monkey on his back. He was the last person to make me truly, whole-heartedly crack up with laughter. The memory threatened to spill out and I twisted the lid back on it quickly. I was too happy for that kind of depression.

  But then I realized I
wasn’t depressed at all. I hadn’t been depressed since being in the hospital, at least not since moving in with Bastian. Oh, Bastian. I missed him already. I couldn’t wait till he got home and held me again in his arms and reminded me that he wanted me in his life. How I’d gotten such a good man to fall for me and welcome me into his home was a mystery in which I was afraid to seek the answers. He wanted me and that had to be enough. I deserved for it to be enough. I’d been broken and he was the man to put me back together.

  Like I was fucking Humpty Dumpty or something. Imagining myself sitting on a wall and falling off and looking like a cracked egg made me giggle again and then I was back to hysterics. I might have never pulled myself together if I didn’t see a neon sign blinking at the end of the poorly lit corridor. It was in the direction I was headed so I put myself together, wiped the “happy” tears from my eyes and made my way toward the beacon at the end of the hall. Right at the exit to the plaza, in a bit of an indent, in a concave of sorts, hung a sign that read: 24-Hour Department.