by Bo Reid
“You okay?” she asks softly, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me back.
“Yeah, just a bad dream,” I tell her, loosening my suffocating grip on her.
“Wanna talk about it?” she asks.
“Do you?” Her face falls, but she just lies down next to me, snuggling into my side.
“Maybe later,” she whispers, right as Brooks’s first cries of the morning drift through the monitor. “Duty calls,” she says, pushing herself up from the bed.
I watch as she stands, stretches, and walks out of my room, leaving me alone. How do I tell her that I want her, that I want Brooks, that I want there to be an us? And what if she doesn’t feel the same way, and things change between us, but not the way I want them to? What if I tell her how I feel, and, in the end, I lose them both anyways?
Chapter 22: Birds of Paradise
Hartley
“What do you want to do for dinner?” I ask Kasen as we lounge in the living room, listening to the rain pour down outside.
“I’m good with whatever,” he says, kicking his feet up on the coffee table.
Things have been awkward between us since I went into his room and cried. I knew I shouldn’t have done that. Now everything is changing. I ruined whatever it was we had.
“Okay, well I need to go to the store in a bit and get stuff for the week. Do you want to come?” I ask.
He shrugs, “I can hang out with Brooks here instead, if that works? That way you don’t have to bring him with you.”
“Okay.” I sigh. “Then I’m going to get dressed.” I stand up from my seat on the couch and hand Kasen the remote.
I walk down the hallway to my room. I step inside, closing the door behind me, and resting my back against the door. I slide down to the floor, wrap my arms around my bent legs, and rest my head on my knees.
Sucking my lower lip into my mouth, I bite down until I taste the iron of my own blood on my tongue. I’ve become adept at using pain to prevent me from crying or screaming… or both.
After a moment, I pull myself together and stand up. Kasen was never mine to have, never mine to lose, and not mine to be upset over.
Not mine.
I pull on some jeans and a hoodie, not even bothering to put a bra on under my tank top. I pull on a pair of boots and grab my phone off the charger.
HARTLEY: Hey, you feel like coming over for dinner?
SOL: Got plans.
HARTLEY: Lame.
SOL: Whatever.
HARTLEY: Hey, you guys wanna come over for dinner?
ACE: Let me ask Ava.
ACE: She says if you’re cooking, she’ll bring the wine.
HARTLEY: Sounds good, come over about five.
ACE: Wouldn’t miss it.
I shove my phone into the back pocket of my jeans and cram my wallet into the pocket of my hoodie. Stepping into my bathroom, I double check my face in the mirror. Grabbing a washcloth from the sink, I run warm water over it, wiping the smear of blood from my face.
I plant my hands on the side of the sink and take a moment to collect myself. I splash water on my face and shake my head to clear it of all the thoughts of Kasen. He’ll never be mine, so I need to get over that notion. Why would he ever want someone as damaged as I am?
I return to the living room, and my heart skips a beat at the sight of Kasen holding Brooks, swaying back and forth with Brooks in his arms. It's shit like this that makes me think we might have something more than it seems we do; just maybe we could be something.
“Okay, I’ll be back in a bit. Ace and Ava are going to come over around five for dinner,” I tell Kasen. When he looks up at me, I see him smiling. I haven’t seen enough smiles from him since that night; I cherish every single one I get.
“Sounds good. I’ll clean up a bit,” he says, nodding to the toys and such scattered over the living room.
“You don’t have to; I can get that when I get back.”
“I’ve got it, Hart.”
“Okay,” I say and head to the front door.
“Drive safe,” he calls out, looking at the rain pouring from the sky. I nod and open the door, stepping out onto the porch as lightning cracks across the sky and thunder rumbles in the distance moments later.
I run down the stairs towards my Jeep, throw the door open, and hop inside. Jamming the keys into the ignition, I crank the engine and immediately turn on the heater.
Waiting a moment for the engine to warm up and the heat to blast across my face, I take a deep breath and rest my head back against my seat. I put the Jeep into gear and pull out of the driveway and down the road.
Thirty minutes later, I’m pulling into the small grocery store in town. The parking lot is mostly empty. No one likes to drive in this kind of weather, and I really shouldn’t either, but I had to get out of the house. It’s suffocating in there when Kasen is being awkward.
I hop down from the Jeep and grab my shopping bags before slamming the door and locking it. I run across the flooded parking lot into the store. My boots are soaked, and water has soaked into the bottom of my jeans by the time I get through the front doors.
“Miss Hart, why are you out in this weather?” I hear the deep voice of Archer Hamilton call from across the small store.
When I turn, he’s walking towards me with a smile on his face and a basket on his arm.
“Hi, Mr. Hamilton,” I say, giving him a small wave and moving to meet him.
He pulls me in for a wet hug. “Archer,” he corrects. “You know better than to use formalities with me, missy,” he jokingly scolds me.
“Archer.” I nod when he pulls back. “I’m just grabbing some stuff for dinner,” I tell him.
“Ah, me too,” he says, indicating his basket filled with wine, strawberries, and chocolate dip. The contents of his basket have me smiling. “Anniversary,” he whispers.
“I thought you got married in the summer?” I ask, cocking my head to the side. I’m positive they got married in the summer. I can remember attending anniversary parties growing up.
“We did, this is the anniversary of the day I got the courage to tell Rebecca I loved her for the first time,” he reveals.
“How did you know?” I ask softly.
“That I loved her?” he confirms I nod.
“Oh, child, you just know. Why do you ask?”
I shrug, “No reason. Just wondering.”
“I guess the best way to describe it is being willing to do anything for the other person, even if what you need to do to make them happy ends up hurting you in the end. Knowing without a doubt you would always put them ahead of you. That’s love,” he explains.
“Sounds nice,” I whisper.
“It’s a lot like how I’m sure you feel about Brooks, just with a romantic side. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, it does. Thanks, Archer.”
“Anytime, child. Well, I have to get home, you drive safe,” he says, giving me a small kiss on my cheek before turning towards the register.
“I will. Hey, Archer?” I blurt. He turns back to face me. “When did you know you were in love with Rebecca?”
A smile spreads across his face, “By our third date I wanted to marry her. I would’ve asked then and there if I’d have thought she would’ve said yes.”
I smile and nod my head. They’re the original #CoupleGoals.
Walking around the store, I grab everything I need to make chicken alfredo. I turn the corner towards the butcher counter, looking down into my basket instead of paying attention to where I’m going. The air whooshes out of me as I run into someone.
“Oh, shit! Sorry.” My basket crashes to the ground, sending my groceries skidding across the aisle. Bending over, I start to grab some of the things that spilled onto the floor.
“Hmm, I knew I missed this view.” The sound of his voice grates over every single one of my nerve endings. I look up and see him standing over me with a malicious smirk on his face.
Trying my best to ignore him, I shove the last of my i
tems back into my basket, stand, and sidestep him. But he reaches out and grips my arm hard, just shy of bruising it.
Poking around in my basket, he fingers the bottles of white wine. “Hmm, would you look at that? I would’ve thought you’d have switched to the harder stuff by now. You always were a fan of drowning in your problems.”
“Let. Go,” I grit out.
He leans over to whisper in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine and turning my blood to ice. “I’m never going to let you go,” he growls menacingly.
“Is there a problem here?” James the butcher asks, stepping towards us.
“Not at all, we’re just catching up. Aren’t we, Hart?” the man replies as he drops my arm.
“I’m fine, James,” I say softly and step towards him. “I just came to get some chicken.” I force a smile onto my face. James doesn’t miss a beat. He fixes his glare over my head, but places a gentle hand on my shoulder and leads me away.
“What can I get you, Hartley?” he asks, forcing cheerfulness into his voice that I know he doesn’t actually feel.
“Four boneless, skinless chicken breasts, please,” I say quietly. He nods, turning to go to the back.
“I have to prep a little. How about you come wait back here with me?” He motions towards the back room.
I look over my shoulder and see him standing where I left him. I nod at James, “Yeah, okay.”
I push the small flask of bourbon to my lips and take a swig, letting the burn coat my throat. The moon is bright, but the lights of the country club are brighter; they wash out the stars the way I wish the liquor would wash away my pain.
“Thought I’d find you out here, My Hart.” I cringe when I hear his voice behind me.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask, taking another sip from my flask.
He sits down on the dock next to me. I’m letting my feet dangle just shy of touching the water.
“Came to find you. You always did run away from the spotlight.” He motions to the bright lights of the country club that illuminate the sky.
My father's funeral was this afternoon; instead of grieving, these people used it as an excuse to get drunk and spread rumors. My father's death is nothing more than a party where they can gossip about the heirs.
“Yeah, well I’d rather be anywhere but here.” I sigh.
“Let me take you somewhere else, then,” he whispers, moving closer to me on the dock.
“Sol is going to take me home.” I say, inching away from him.
I put my flask to my lips and drain the remaining liquid in one gulp.
“But I can take you somewhere now,” he murmurs against my skin, then kisses my neck.
I push him away. “No, I’m fine. I need to go find Sol.” I get to my feet.
“You don’t need to do that, Hartley,” he says, standing and gripping my wrist.
I try to pull my hand free, but he just holds me tighter. I take another step away from him, but he just steps into my personal space. He grips my hip with one hand and roughly shoves me against the posts on the dock.
“Why are you always running from me, Hartley, you know this is going to happen eventually. You’re mine,” he growls.
“I’ve never been yours, and I never will be,” I spit back in his face, the bourbon creating a fire in my stomach.
“Hartley!” I hear Sol yell from up the path.
The man drops his hold on me and takes a step back as Sol appears at the end of the dock.
“Come on, Hart, we’re going,” Sol says.
I take a deep breath and walk up the dock and away from him. When I’m halfway up the path, I turn around and see his dark silhouette in the moonlight, with the small lake behind him.
“Be seeing you, Hartley,” he calls from his place on the dock. It sends a chill down my spine.
I walk into the house, set my grocery bags down in the entryway, and kick off my wet boots. My hoodie is soaked, so I peel it off and hang it up to dry.
I leave the bags by the door and scan the living room, but I don’t see the boys. Walking down the hallway, I peek into Brooks’s room and see him asleep in his crib. It feels like I’ve been cold and wet for hours, so I head down to my room and strip out of my wet clothing, pulling on a pair of sweatpants, a sports bra, and a tank top. Since I’m going to be cooking, I run a brush through my hair, towel it off a bit, and pull it up into a messy bun. When I get back out to the kitchen, Kasen is there unloading the bags.
“You don’t have to do that, I’ve got it,” I say, grabbing the stuff for dinner and setting it aside.
“I don’t mind.” He takes a closer look at me before suddenly reaching out and lightly gripping my chin. “What happened to your lip?” he asks, pinching his eyebrows together.
I touch my fingers to my lip, pull them back, and see a little fresh blood. “Oh, nothing, I just bit my lip.”
“Come here,” he says, dropping my chin, grabbing my hand, and pulling me over to the sink. “Up.” He gestures to the counter; I push myself up to sit on it.
He grabs a paper towel and runs it under the warm water, wringing it out before he tilts my chin up and gently dabs the towel against my lip.
“I can do that,” I whisper.
“I want to.”
“Okay.”
He presses the towel to my lips a few more times, checking it with each repetition, until he pulls it back and there’s no longer any blood on it.
“There. All better,” he says, moving his hand to cup my cheek.
I look into his dark eyes as he moves slightly, settling between my legs.
“Hartl — ” he starts, but gets cut off by a knock at the front door. He drops his gentle hold on my face and takes a step back. “That’s probably Ace,” he says.
“Yeah.”
I hop off the counter, walk to the front door, and find Ace and Ava waiting outside.
“Hey, Baby Girl,” Ace says, stepping inside and wrapping me up in a big bear hug. “How’s my second favorite girl?” he asks, making me laugh as he sets me down.
“Shit, I see how it is, you go and get married, and all of a sudden I get bumped to second place,” I say with mock anguish, bringing my hand up to wipe away a fake tear.
“Shh, you know you’re still my number one girl,” he whisper-yells and Ava jokingly slaps him across the arm and giggles.
“Hey, Ava,” I say.
“Hey, girl, don’t worry — I know he’d drop me like a hot rock if you called,” she laughs.
“Not a chance, babe. You’re his number one now, and I’m cool with it.” I shrug. “Here, meet Kasen,” I say, pulling her over to the kitchen.
“Hey, man.” Kasen and Ace greet each other with the one arm handshake bro hug.
“Kasen this is Ava, Ace’s wife,” I introduce them, he shakes her hand.
“Nice to meet you,” he says.
“Dinner isn’t done yet. Actually, I haven’t even started. The store took longer than I planned, so feel free to open the wine and hang out in the living room. Shouldn’t take me too long. There’s beer in the fridge too,” I say.
“Better not be that sour shit Sol drinks,” Ace says, making a face.
Kasen walks over to the fridge and opens it up, “We’ve got Coors and Corona,” he says holding them up.
“I’ll take a Corona if you have limes,” Ace says.
“Yup,” Kasen says, pulling out two Coronas and the limes. He grabs a bottle opener and the cutting board. He opens the beers while Ace grabs the corkscrew from the wall and two glasses from the cabinet. He’s been here enough to know where everything is.
Kasen hands Ace a beer, and Ace passes a wine glass to Ava and me. I grab the bottle of white cooking wine and get started on dinner. Ace and Kasen make their way into the living room. I don’t miss Kasen grabbing the baby monitor and bringing it with them. Ava takes a seat at the island in the center of the kitchen.
I wash my hands at the sink and grab the pots and pans I’ll need to start dinne
r.
“Things seem to be going well with Kasen. Ace told me how you guys met and what you did for him,” she says as I dump the chicken into a pan, pour some wine in, and turn the burner on low.
I shrug. “Yeah, it's been good. He works well at the store. He and Ace seem to get along when they’re on the same shift.”
“And what about with you?” she asks, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
I look down and pick at the grout on the island top. “It’s not like that,” I say.
“Yeah and I don’t love Ace’s stupid face,” she says, taking a sip of her wine.
“No really, he’s just here till he figures stuff out.”
“Honey please,” she says, raising one eyebrow in challenge. “You really don’t see it do you?” she asks.
“See what?”
“Oh lord, Hartley! You’re the dumbest smart person I have ever met,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“Do you remember when I first came into the store?” I nod. “And you remember I came in week after week, buying a stupid amount of shit and every time I would get Ace to help me?”
“Yeah, and the idiot couldn’t see that you clearly wanted him to ask you out.”
“And it took you slapping some sense into him before the dumbass finally asked.”
“Yeah but it's not like that with us,” I tell her.
“Dumbest smart person ever.” She deadpans, “I could suffocate from the sexual tension in this house.”
I glance into the living room and see Kasen pick up the monitor then set it and his beer on the coffee table. He motions for Ace to wait a moment as he walks down the hallway. A few minutes later he walks back out with Brooks in his arms and sits on the couch with him.
“Honey, you see the way he looks at Brooks like that’s his own flesh and blood?” Ava asks, tipping her glass towards the guys. “He looks at you like you’re already his.”
I turn back to the stove, stirring the pasta and the chicken. I collect the rest of what I need to make the sauce, and when I turn around I ask about what their summer plans are. It’s an obvious subject change, and even though Ava rolls her eyes at me she doesn’t argue or call out my tactics.
