Avenged

by E. E. Cooper

  I dragged myself into the shower. The sound of the water hitting the tile hurt. As much as I wanted to crawl back into bed under my big blue duvet, there was no way I was getting out of going to school. I was lucky my mom hadn’t woken me up by blowing a whistle and making a giant vat of smelly fish curry downstairs.

  My parents didn’t say much. I almost wished we could have it out first thing, but my mom had to work the early shift at the hospital, so our “big talk” was going to have to wait until dinner. Instead they both bustled around the kitchen like they were really focused on making their coffee. I couldn’t tell if they were deliberately being loud with clanking dishes on the marble counter or if it was just my hangover. Their disappointment in me hung over the room like a fog.

  I pulled into the student lot and parked in the back. Despite the fact that I’d brushed my teeth three times already, my mouth still tasted sour. Like I’d gargled with salad dressing, a nasty mix of acid and oil. I opened the door and spit.

  “Gross.” A couple of sophomore girls were standing by my car; their noses wrinkled up.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled. I pulled myself out of the car. They didn’t have to act so grossed out; it was just spit.

  The two of them whispered together and giggled. My eyes narrowed. “Something funny?” I asked them.

  They shook their heads quickly as if caught doing something they shouldn’t and then skirted around my car and hustled toward the school. I watched them go. I had the sense that I was missing something, some vital piece of information, but I was running at half speed compared to the rest of the world.

  “Kalah!”

  I clenched my eyes shut as the sound of my name being yelled seared through my brain. When I opened them I spotted Officer Siegel standing across the street. She waved me over. I wanted to turn away and ignore her, but I couldn’t do it. I walked over, my feet dragging on the asphalt. She looked me up and down, and I had the sense she knew I was hungover. Between this and prom, she most likely thought I belonged in rehab.

  “Sorry to ambush you in the parking lot, but I’m not allowed to be on school grounds,” she said.

  “Oh.” I didn’t know how else to respond. I fidgeted with the strap of my bag.

  “I had a meeting this morning with the school administrators. I stuck around because I wanted to find you. Come sit with me.” She motioned for me to get into her car.

  I sank into the passenger seat and tried not to stare. It was weird to see her in jeans and a crisp white shirt. It was like seeing her naked without her uniform.

  “I’m really sorry about what happened with your job,” I mumbled. I crossed my fingers that she didn’t know Brit was counting on me to be her witness.

  Siegel took a sip of the coffee she had stashed in the cup holder, and the bitter smell of it made my stomach clench. “I’m pretty sure the whole thing will blow over. My record is clean and my performance reviews are all pretty solid. They’re going to keep me out of the school for this year, but I suspect that will be it. Do you know why Britney’s making up this story and siccing her parents on me?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think she likes you very much.”

  Officer Siegel snorted. “Well, it’s mutual.”

  “Brit’s the kind of person people have strong feelings about,” I said. “And her parents don’t do anything halfway.”

  Officer Siegel’s hand clenched the steering wheel as if she were guiding us through a minefield. “I didn’t come here today to talk to you about Brit’s complaint. I wanted to tell you something I heard from the administrators this morning. I thought you should know Brit’s parents have been hounding that reporter about his source.”

  The saliva in my mouth dried up. Whoever it was had no idea how much danger they were in. If Brit found out who they were, she would find a way to silence them.

  “The reporter confessed it was you,” Office Siegel said.

  My mouth fell open in shock. “But—I didn’t—”

  “Look, I’ve known you think Brit is somehow involved in Beth’s death, but you’re going too far. Making up stories to get her in trouble is going to backfire on you. We checked out the Ann Arbor lead after the article came out, and there was nothing there. Nothing. Now with the news that you were behind the story the school administration is keeping an even closer eye on you.”

  “Me?” I squeaked. “Why?”

  “There’s some concern about what happened at your other school and if it’s happening again.” My headache tightened, my skull shrinking around my brain, trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. There was no point in asking how people had found out. Brit had told them.

  “I never talked to that reporter,” I said firmly.

  Siegel raised an eyebrow. “I’m not debating this with you. I came to tell you because I felt you deserved a heads-up. All I’m going to say is that the issue isn’t unclear; we know you did it.” There wasn’t an ounce of doubt in her voice.

  I had a flash of sitting in Ms. Harding’s office when Brit had made it look like Sara was to blame for the topless photo. Brit had set me up. When Derek started asking her family questions about the police investigation she saw the opportunity. She must have sent the false lead to Derek, knowing no one would ever believe me about her being in East Lansing if they thought I’d cried wolf and sent them chasing their tails in Ann Arbor first. The realization of how carefully she’d put everything in place to protect herself, and for how long, made me want to bend over and catch my breath.

  “There have been some discussions about what you might do and what the school’s responsibility is if something happens. I know the police are going to talk to your parents about the newspaper story. A couple of students have complained about you, saying that your behavior makes them uncomfortable.”

  “Who?” My brain tried to run through the Northside student body.

  Officer Siegel cocked her head at me. “I’m not going to tell you that. That’s not the point. There’s an implication that you caused problems for Beth.”

  At first I wasn’t even sure I understood her. “What?”

  “That you liked Beth, but that her feelings weren’t the same. That the reason she left town initially was in part to get away from you.”

  It felt like she’d kicked me in the chest. “That’s not true.”

  “The problem is there really isn’t anyone to back up your story, except for Brit,” she pointed out. I closed my eyes, telling myself it didn’t matter, that I knew the truth. “There are hints that you may also be stalking . . .” She stopped herself. “That’s too strong of a word. It has been suggested that you might be putting some pressure on Brit. That you’re the one pushing the friendship.”

  “Did she say that?” I asked. I thought of the lies she’d told Zach. How many other people had she talked to? I could picture her dripping poisoned lies into the ears of all my classmates, the police, Derek, my psychologist, my parents. Whispering about my unstable past and how she hoped I wouldn’t do anything to her. Telling people she was just the tiniest bit afraid of me. Making certain no one would ever believe me. And I’d been right there by her side, acting like I was her best friend. I’d never even suspected.

  “No. It was something that Ms. Harding raised. She’s concerned that if you were pressuring Beth for more than she was ready to give, it stands to reason there may be some stress on Britney now,” Officer Siegel said.

  “Are they going to kick me out of school?” I asked. If they did, everything was lost. I’d already agreed to let my parents send me away for the summer. Brit’s parents were going to start renovations on the basement any day. If I didn’t figure out a way to get Brit to fall apart in the next week then I was going to fail. If they suspended me, there was no way my parents would let me hang out with Brit, and with the lie that I had been talking to reporters I’d likely be grounded. They’d come up with lists of chores for me to do or ship me off to my grandparents’ until camp started.

&
nbsp; “The decision isn’t up to me, and given my current status around here it’s not like they’re going to include me in the discussion. I doubt they’ll kick you out with exams starting next week, but I thought you should understand the situation.”

  I reached for the door handle. “Okay. Thanks.”

  “Kalah,” she started. I paused, one foot out of the car. “There’s nothing shameful about making mistakes. We all do. Maybe we trust someone we shouldn’t, maybe we get involved in something we wish we hadn’t. The problem is when we keep repeating mistakes.”

  I scrambled out of the car, glad to get away. When I first met Officer Siegel, right after Beth disappeared, I hadn’t liked her, but over time she’d grown on me. She was cynical and distrustful, but she was honest. I knew she wanted to help me, and I appreciated that, but even she couldn’t believe me when Brit was playing her awful games with her too. She wasn’t prepared to make that final leap, especially now that the rumors of what had happened at my last school had spread to here. I’d been certain the situation with Madison was behind me when I changed schools, but my past had come back to haunt me. It was like a dark shadow following me everywhere, coloring how other people saw me. A deep, dark shadow dragging me back down. “I really hope things work out for you with your job,” I said.

  “I hope things work out for you too,” she said.

  I could feel her eyes drilling through my back as I went back across the street and into the school. As soon as I was in the front door my phone buzzed. My heart raced when I saw the name on my text screen, but then came crashing down as I read the message.

  Hey Nicole here. Your brother found me through my art teacher. Happy to talk to you, but don’t know what I can tell you. I only talked to Beth a few times, I spent most the time at my boyfriend’s place.

  I clicked off the phone and slumped against the wall. Everything was falling apart. I’d been stupid to think that Nicole was going to solve everything, but I’d wanted to believe she would know something. Now I was even further behind than I’d thought. Brit had known all along not to trust me, and now I didn’t have a single thing to back up my story.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  As I walked into the school people turned to stare. I told myself I was being paranoid and, combined with a hangover, imagining things that weren’t there, but there was no denying it was happening. My headache ratcheted up another level. I’d never noticed before how often people slammed their locker doors or insisted on yelling at top volume to their friends.

  “Hi-ya!” Brit said.

  I winced at her voice, which sounded to my throbbing head like a drill going through a block of ice. “Hey,” I said. Brit was staring at me like she was waiting for something. “What?”

  “Did you get me a coffee?”

  I shut my locker softly and hefted up my bag. “Sorry, I forgot.” Brit blinked. “I’m not feeling that good,” I explained.

  “Oh, no.” Brit enveloped me in a hug. The smell of her perfume made me want to heave. “Did you stay up too late studying?” The corner of her mouth twitched. She knew exactly what she was doing.

  “I think I’m just coming down with something,” I mumbled.

  “Spring colds are the worst.” Brit fell in step beside me.

  “Yep.”

  “I thought maybe you were upset because I left you up at the Point yesterday. I swear I really did have an appointment.”

  “No problem,” I said. If she was going to play the game that everything was fine, I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing she was getting to me.

  “Listen, I hate to dump this on you first thing, but some people . . . well, there are some rumors going around.” Brit bit her bottom lip.

  “I heard,” I said. I had to hand it to Brit, however she had spread the news, it had set a new speed record.

  “Look, I told my parents that I know you weren’t the one who sent those messages to the reporter. I’ll make sure they don’t press charges or anything. Someone must have used your email account to send the message to him as some kind of sick joke. All it takes is someone watching over your shoulder as you log in and then they have your password.” She smiled. “I’ve got your back.”

  I nodded. “Thanks.”

  Brit hugged me. “I want you to know that I’m here for you. I know you wouldn’t betray me. If anyone causes you any problems, you let me know. You can count on me.” She gave me another squeeze. I heard the threat in her words. If we weren’t friends, I was vulnerable. She’d thrown me into the lion pit and then made sure she was the only one who could pull me back out. She jogged off toward her class.

  I made sure my head was high as I walked down the hall. No one spoke directly to me. It was like I’d contracted Ebola: everyone left a pocket of space around me, careful not to touch. No one wanted to be contaminated by whatever was wrong with me.

  I overheard snippets of conversations as I walked.

  “My cousin said she went crazy at her last school and had to be locked up.”

  “The police think she did something to Beth. She sent a whole bunch of lies to that reporter about Brit too.”

  “Poor Brit. Kalah’s basically stalking her.”

  “I heard the police might arrest her.”

  I wanted to spin and respond, but I knew it wouldn’t make a difference. What hurt the most was the idea that I’d done something to Beth. When I walked into history I expected Melissa to be cackling about the news with her friends. She’d never liked me and instead of being nice to her after Brit had come back I’d been bitchy. I was now paying for that. Zach wouldn’t even look at me.

  By lunch I knew there was no way I could face walking into the cafeteria; not only did I still feel sick, but also the idea of everyone not even bothering to pretend that they weren’t staring was more than I could face. I ducked into the bathroom instead. I was in the stall when a group of people came in and gathered around the sinks. When I heard Melissa’s voice I pulled my feet up so they couldn’t be seen under the stall door. It was a bunch of girls from the team.

  “I didn’t think reporters ever gave up their sources,” Karen said.

  “Brit’s parents suspected her, so they went to him with the details of Kalah’s old school and a note from some psychologist and basically threatened him that if it was Kalah and he didn’t admit it and print a retraction based on what they told him they would sue his ass,” Melissa added.

  “My brother’s girlfriend goes to Windsor Prep,” Karen said. “She said Kalah had some kind of breakdown there.”

  “The whole thing is freaky,” Amy said.

  “I feel so bad for Brit,” Melissa said. “I talked to her this morning, and it’s clear she’s really upset. Can you imagine finding out that one of your best friends is mental? She couldn’t even talk about it. She’s sticking by Kalah’s side, but that’s just because she’s so loyal.”

  “No one knows what’s really going on,” Amy said. “At the end of the day Kalah’s still a part of our team.”

  Someone pushed on my stall door and, finding it locked, assumed it was out of order and moved to the next one. “I can’t believe she was allowed to come to this school given what happened at her last one, though,” Melissa said. “You’d think there would be some kind of rule.”

  “What exactly did happen?” Karen asked.

  “Kalah attacked this girl because the girl didn’t want to be her friend. I heard Kalah clawed her in the face. Apparently she’ll be scarred for life,” Melissa said in a hushed voice as if she were telling ghost stories around a campfire while grilling weenies on a stick. “Kalah would have gone to jail except she was too young to be criminally charged.”

  I wanted to unlock the door and tell them this story was total bullshit. I never once hit Madison, or scratched her, or even spit on her. The way the story was growing, by the end of the day Madison would be in a wheelchair because I’d dragged her behind my car.

  “Do you know if that’s true?” Amy
asked over a rush of water in the sink. I felt a wave of affection for her. “I’m not saying it’s not, but unless you know for certain I’m not sure it’s fair to talk about it.”

  “But someone has to talk about it. I mean, if nothing else then as a warning. You know Brit and Beth wouldn’t have hung out with her if they’d known she was capable of something like that.” Melissa sniffed. “I always thought she was odd.”

  “So were Kalah and Beth having a thing or what?” Karen asked.

  “You know how Beth was: she flirted with everyone. I’m betting she kissed Kalah once and then she blew it into some big love affair,” Melissa said. “I just hope Kalah didn’t have anything to do with Beth’s death.”

  “But that doesn’t make any sense. I thought Beth saved Brit from throwing herself off the Point. Was Kalah even there?” Amy asked.

  “I’m not saying I know exactly what happened, all I’m saying is that there’s something really weird with Kalah,” Melissa said. The door swished shut behind them, cutting off anything else someone might say.

  I couldn’t tell if I was glad I’d heard what they had to say or not. Other than Amy, who seemed to be the only one who was convinced I wasn’t likely to turn into some kind of unhinged serial killer, everyone was already certain I was guilty. They didn’t even know what exactly I was guilty of, but they were sure it was something.

  There would be almost no way to change people’s minds. What was the term Dr. Sherman had tried to teach me? Confirmation bias. Everyone had decided I was crazy, so anything I did or said would be seen through that lens. I was going to have to do something radical, something that would be irrefutable, if I wanted to make a difference.

  My eyes skimmed over the graffiti scratched and written on the stall wall. There wasn’t going to be any wisdom to be found in here. I yanked a Sharpie marker out of my bag and wrote in giant letters down the door, We’re all mad here.