by Lucia Franco
"I'm not accepting it," I responded. "I'm staying here. I'm an adult. I'm not missing that competition!"
"That just proves how naive you are. You can't support yourself, and you won't be able to support yourself to get to the competition." He paused and his eyes turned nearly black. "You have nothing."
God, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. This was never supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen. A concussion, dislocated elbow, and a fucking miscarriage.
"Do you have any idea how sick I am over the fact that he took advantage of you? Someone I trusted. He raped you."
"No, he didn't," I spat back. "He didn't touch me."
Dad glared at me, his eyes wild. "I almost beat him to death.” He gritted the words out through his teeth. “He has your fucking initial cut into his chest, Adrianna." His hot breath blew over my face. "Care to explain that?"
"He didn't touch me," I said, as my breathing turned erratic. I was losing control. "He didn't touch me."
Oh, God. I was going to have a panic attack. Christ on a fucking stick.
"You'll never convince me otherwise. You might as well just tell me the truth, starting from the beginning."
For a split second I debated with myself whether to tell him or not. Of course, I wanted to get it off my chest to clear the air, but I knew deep down it wouldn't help the situation. If anything, it would make things worse.
"He didn't rape me," I whispered. "Kova didn't touch me." Not in the way you think, I wanted to add.
Dad stood straight. He peered down at me. "You sound like a typical victim," he said full of disgust.
My eyes closed in defeat and I dropped my head back onto the pillow. I shook my head, my voice soft. "I know the difference. I'm not a victim."
I looked up at the blinding white ceiling wondering where I'd go from here. Fat tears streamed down my temples. I laid in a freezing hospital room with my heart breaking.
Dad's hand enveloped mine. Something inside me broke, and suddenly, I wasn't an eighteen-year-old girl anymore with dreams and aspirations. I was just a child who wanted her dad.
Without giving it another thought, I sat up and leaned into Dad’s side. I tried to be strong and push for what I wanted, but my heart could only hold so much. My forehead fell into the crest of his neck, and his arm came up to gently wrap around my shoulders. Dad hugged me despite everything. I sobbed softly as he rubbed my back.
I was so embarrassed, sad, filled with sorrow and longing. The anguish was too much to bear
"I'm sorry, Dad."
"I am too, sweetie." God, I hated the remorse in his voice. "What happened that night… Adrianna—"
"I know you never meant to hurt me, Dad."
He held me a few minutes longer as I cried on his shoulder. I pulled back and he reached for the tissue box on the tray.
"When I entered the condo and took in the scene… Saw what little you were wearing, the state of undress Konstantin was in, and that fucking A on his chest… I’ve never been filled with so much rage. I lost it."
I took a tissue and dabbed at my puffy eyes.
"Then you lost consciousness. You were bleeding and we couldn't wake you up. Konstantin yelled that you were pregnant. I grabbed my phone and dialed nine-one-one." Dad was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "How long did you know you were pregnant?"
I swallowed. "I'd only just found out a few days before. When we got home from the competition, actually. I was so sick."
"Did you plan to tell me?" I shook my head and stared at the stark white bedsheet. I couldn’t look at him. Dad released a strangled breath that eviscerated me. "You were going to have an abortion," he stated.
"Yes," I whispered.
"Adrianna, I wish you would've come to me. I could've protected you better."
I licked my lips. "There was no reason to come to you. I didn't need protection because he didn't touch me like you think he did."
"I thought you were dying." He paused. "I thought you died." He corrected himself, and I finally looked at him. "Do you have any idea what that does to a parent? You wouldn't wake up. You were as white as a ghost. There was blood everywhere."
Fresh tears fell from my eyes. "I'm sorry, Dad." I didn't know what else to say.
"When the paramedics arrived, we gave them a quick rundown of your health and the medications you were on before they carried you out on a stretcher. I thought that was the last time I was going to see you. The police asked questions…" His voice trailed off.
"Police?"
"Yes." He held my gaze. "That’s what happens when you call nine-one-one. The police show up too. I told them Konstantin and I had gotten into a scuffle and you tried to break it up but were hurt in the process." He paused briefly before adding, "Then they took him away."
I stared at him in confusion. I'd been wanting to know where he was, but I was afraid to ask.
"I don't understand. What do you mean they took him away? Why?"
"He’s been arrested."
Arrested.
I froze, unblinking.
I couldn't move.
I only focused on one thing.
Kova had been arrested.
Four
I held my stomach and bent over.
My heart pounded at the thought of Kova behind bars. The stupid machine behind me beeped erratically.
"Arrested for what?"
Dad was unfazed. "Rape."
"What?" My lips parted in shock. "But you just said you told the police you guys got into a scuffle. I don't understand."
"When the police asked what the fight was about, I told them he’d raped you and got you pregnant. Konstantin didn't fight it. He went with the police willingly."
Oh, God. I was going to be so sick.
The one thing I'd been concerned about was Kova getting arrested and the gymnastics committee finding out about us. If this got back to them… I shuddered. I didn't want to think about it.
My gaze flickered around the room aimlessly, overwhelmed by a million and one thoughts. I needed my phone, but I wasn't sure where it was. I needed Avery to do some digging for me, like arrest records. She was the only person I could trust.
"Kova didn't do anything." My voice was barely above a whisper. "You need to tell the police that, please."
He didn’t bother to grace me with a response. My jaw trembled from holding back the scream trying to erupt from my throat like fireworks.
"Is he still in jail?"
Please say no.
"It's where he belongs."
"But he didn't rape me!" I gritted the words out through my teeth.
There went my restraint.
I couldn't handle anymore. My pulse was skyrocketing; my shattered heart was on the verge of bursting from my chest any second. I was moments away from having a stroke, and the stupid machine wouldn’t shut the fuck up. This wasn't Kova's fault, and I wasn't a victim of anything. Nothing. For a fleeting moment I thought about airing the truth and telling Dad it was all me.
Screw it!
I leaned forward with fire in my veins ready to burn down the world.
"It was me. I went after him. I chased him. He didn't do anything I didn't want. It's not Kova's fault." Dad hardened to stone. He looked like he was going to explode. "None of this is his fault. I purposely enticed him until he couldn't say no, and I didn't give a shit that he had a girlfriend. That's the real truth."
"That's still no excuse. He's a grown man. He knew better."
"Just like you knew better with Sophia? Like Xavier knew better with Avery?"
"Adrianna Francesca!"
I bowed my head and closed my eyes. I didn't mean to drag others into it my mess.
"He had no right! He never should've let it happen. He was your coach, a teacher. He was a friend whom I trusted to watch over you. Not to manipulate you and get you pregnant." Dad stood and pushed the chair back. He glared down at me and pointed a shaking finger. "You'll never see him again."
My jaw
dropped to my stomach. "I love him!" I shouted as I shook like a leaf on a tree blowing in the wind. I couldn't control it. "I love him," I repeated. "I love him, and there's nothing you can do about it. You'll never be able to change that."
Dad reared back. Repulsion filled his face. "Puppy love, Adrianna. You're just a child. You don't know the difference."
I rubbed at the ache across my chest, unsure whether the shooting pain was from the tension in the room or my kidney disease. It bothered me that he could disregard my feelings so easily when I’d told him the truth.
"It's not rape when I willingly gave myself to him. I'm eighteen. I’m telling you the truth," I implored him to believe me.
"I don't want to hear another word," he responded with a wave of his hand. "It's making me sick to my stomach to hear this. Say another word and I'll kill him for touching you before any inmate can get their hands on him. You know prisoners hate child abusers. Don't test me, Adrianna."
I was taken aback by his harsh tone. I was losing everything that mattered most to me. "It's not his fault." I wiped the tears away and said, "You can't stop me from seeing him. He's the reason I'm not living on antidepressants and rocking in a corner. He was there for me when my world fell to shit—"
"He took advantage of your most vulnerable state!"
Frantically, I shook my head in disagreement. "He didn't. I know you want to think that, but he didn't." I licked my dry lips. "When is he getting out of jail?"
"Not anytime soon, if I can help it."
All the air seized from my lungs until they constricted in desperation. How was this happening? Chills rolled down my arms as I stared at him wide-eyed in complete disbelief. Dad was really going through with this.
The door to my room opened. A nurse strode in and headed straight for the machine behind me. Dad and I glared at each other. He looked like he was going to ring my neck, but I wasn't backing down.
"All right, what do we have here?" the nurse asked.
"Nothing." I glanced away from Dad’s lethal gaze and dried my eyes. "I’m fine, just talking to my dad."
She eyed me for a minute. "I'll be back in a few to change your IV. In the meantime, you need to rest." She turned her attention to my dad. He got the hint and stormed out of the room without a word, and the nurse followed him out.
I stared at the door as it closed behind them. A shadow shifted in the corner by the window, startling me. Sophia. I groaned in mortification.
"I forgot you were there. I’m sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to bring up your past."
"Don't apologize. It's an awful feeling when you think the world is against you." One corner of her mouth drooped down. I nodded in agreement. "He's just angry, you know." Her voice shook as she spoke. "He feels like he failed you as a father."
I closed my eyes and released a sigh. What a fucking mess. Quietly, I said, "He didn't."
"No parent will ever see it that way," Sophia said delicately. I looked up at her and she took a few steps toward me. "May I sit?" she asked, pointing to the chair Dad was just in.
"Of course."
"He just needs a little time to cool off. Frank worries about you all the time. His only daughter is extremely ill. Then he found out his friend was having an affair with her that resulted in a pregnancy. It's a lot to handle. When you didn't wake up yesterday and the hours kept passing, his coloring started to fade and he couldn’t stop shaking. He was sweating profusely. I was worried he was going to faint that I had a nurse check his vitals. His blood pressure was high enough that they wanted to admit him for observation, but he refused."
My stomach tightened and shame colored my cheeks. I felt terrible he’d suffered like that. I’d always known if Dad had ever found out about Kova and me it would be comparable to at least a category three hurricane.
I didn't expect it to be catastrophic. That was the last thing on earth I wanted, and it made me feel like garbage because of it.
"Kova didn't rape me. He didn't take advantage of me. It wasn't like that."
Sophia gave me a knowing look. "Has your dad ever told you how he and I met?"
I shook my head. "No, but I haven't had much time to ask him about it. I know you were his assistant."
"We had a whirlwind type romance where the feelings lasted longer than the affair was supposed to. Frank was this big, powerful man, and I was a young girl with big city dreams in her eyes. I’d just graduated from high school early and had plans to attend the community college while working. Frank was this sought after real estate mogul at the time, and he’d happened to be looking for a part-time assistant." She gave me a helpless shrug. "We’d hit it off by accident, really. He would show me properties he was considering investing in, or buildings that were heavily detailed he admired, ones you'd have to have an eye to notice. He showed me the tricks of the trade. It was all very innocent at first.
"I was in awe of what he'd accomplished at his age, and I started talking to him about my future and asking questions and looking for advice. We’d connected and didn't even know it. The more we worked together, the more impossible it was to stop the growing feelings between us." She hesitated. "Frank was married, so I never hit on him, but I couldn't deny what I felt for him either. I wish I could pinpoint when and how, but things just clicked into place one day and we never looked back. We knew this was it." Sophia paused, quiet for a moment as she reflected. "There's a lot of things we would've done differently if we could go back. What I went through alone at the time was one of the most challenging moments in my life. No one understood me. I was labeled a homewrecker. But what people didn't know was that Frank and Joy were already on the verge of a divorce before I came along."
This was news to me. I felt bad for Sophia. She seemed like she had a gentle soul with good intent, yet she lived with so many regrets she still dealt with on a daily basis.
"He was going to leave her until Joy came barreling along and played the perfect part." She sounded remorseful and a little envious. "I don't blame her, though, and I don't hate her. She fought dirty and won."
I, on the other hand, had a fair amount of animosity toward Joy. She didn’t just fight dirty, she kicked a dead horse and anyone else who stood in her way.
"I wouldn't say she won if you're here," I said.
A momentary twinkle lit Sophia's eyes, then she said, "Joy never loses."
Five
I frowned and pulled the thin blanket to my chin. I was so cold and the chills were making their way down my arms.
How could Joy win if they were divorcing? I had so many questions I wanted to ask.
"Why are you telling me this?"
Sophia expelled a heavy breath. It made me wonder if this was harder for her to talk about than she let on.
"My parents were dedicated churchgoers and lived by the Bible. Well, my mom still is, my father passed away years ago. They had reacted in a similar fashion as Frank did with you, except they kicked me out. I was suddenly homeless and pregnant. I only had my sister, and she was sick.
"I know I'm not in any position to tell you what to do or to give you advice, but I want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, or a place to run, I'll always be here for you. I remember being your age like it was yesterday. The heart wants what it wants."
She looked at me and I felt like I was staring at myself. It was no wonder Joy hated the sight of me. I must've reminded her of Sophia every day of her life.
"What I'm trying to say is I want you to know you don't have to go through this alone. What happened in my life caused me to fall into a horrible depression I thought I was never going to climb out of. I don't want to see that happen to you. It's a lonely place to be and can destroy you mentally."
I nodded and relaxed into the bed, trying to get comfortable. Over the course of the last year, I'd been in and out of depression and I hadn't even known it until Kova pulled me completely from the black hole I'd been stuck in. He had forced me to face the facts. At the time I hated him for it, but it had
also made me love him more because it was what I’d needed in order to move on. That was the day I’d carved a letter into his chest.
Dad would never see it through my eyes no matter how strong I made my case. What hurt the most was knowing nothing I did or said would ever change how he saw the situation. He automatically took me for a victim.
Tears rested on my eyelids. I sniffled. "I don't know what to do. Kova didn't hurt me. He didn't force me to do anything. I swear he didn't take advantage. I know I probably sound young and dumb, but it's the truth and Dad will never, ever believe me. Now Kova is in jail for rape, and Dad wants me to go home with him to rot."
My nostrils flared. I tried to hold back the emotional baggage that came with the territory, but I couldn't. My heart had been ripped from my chest and my future destroyed in a matter of minutes. I wished I had never answered the door.
"Maybe you should take some extra time off for you," Sophia suggested lightly. My brows rose. "I think you have a lot going on and need some time to yourself. I did some soul searching after I lost everyone I loved. Frank, you, my sister…even my parents. I'd been kicked out and I was so alone and scared. I hardly had any self-esteem. I wish someone had told me if I focused on myself right then I'd live a happier, longer, fuller life." She paused. "I was too upset to realize that. The most important thing in your life right now is you. That's the only way you're going to get better."
Sophia looked toward the door and back at me, then leaned closer. "I probably shouldn't tell you this"—she dragged her teeth over her bottom lip—"but I think it would help rest your mind." My brows furrowed at her hesitation. "Konstantin isn’t in jail for rape. He was arrested for assault."
My jaw plummeted to the floor. "What are you talking about?"
"You have to understand your dad is devastated. People act on emotion first and think later, especially when the situation is dire. Frank only told the police Konstantin attacked him. You're not involved in any of it."
My jaw was still hanging open. I was speechless as a new wave of nausea turned my stomach.
