by Lucia Franco
God, how I hated myself.
Kova's eyes snapped up to mine. "What the fuck are you talking about? I love every single thing about you. Everything." Kova pressed me back onto the mattress. He dropped a quick kiss to my lips then one over my collarbone. He slid further down my body and I watched him. "I loved that, for a moment," he said, kissing the spot next to my nipple, "no matter how brief it was"—he kissed just above my bully button—"my child was growing inside of you. And it makes me want you more."
I clenched my eyes shut. Kova gently placed his lips right next to the crease of my hip and thigh. It nearly ruined me when he pressed one last kiss to the center of my pelvis. My fingers threaded through the hair on the back of his head as I fought the feelings rushing through me at his unexpected tenderness and just how wrong I was.
There was this deep-seated need inside of me to know that he didn't hate me, that he still wanted me intimately, that he didn't find me repulsive after what had happened.
Forty-Two
Pressing my lips to his, I pushed against Kova's chest to roll him onto his back before he could say another word.
I sat up and straddled his hips. Kova peered up at me, his vulnerable gaze probing mine. His hands found the tops of my legs and grabbed me.
This man loved me so much and it was ruining him. He was willing to suffer for a better us one day.
I gripped the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head and dropped it on the bed next to us. As I reached around my back to unclasp my bra, Kova sat up and stopped me with his hands on mine. I looked at him and froze, afraid he was going to stop me completely.
He didn't. Kova unhooked my bra and the straps fell down my shoulders. I quickly fisted his shirt and pulled it over his head. The corners of my lips curved slightly at the sight of the A on the left side of his chest. Delicately, as if it were still fresh, I grazed my finger over the jagged skin. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his chest. I was curious what Katja had thought when she saw it, because I was sure she had, but I didn't want to ruin the moment by asking him. This was about us. Our love. Our healing. Nothing and no one else needed to be brought into it at this time.
Kova's palm cupped the back of my head as I kissed my way up the curve of his neck, peppering more kisses along his jaw until I found his lips. His shoulders contracted under my touch as I rose to my knees and looked at him. His fingers pressed into the space below my butt cheeks. We stared at each other, unblinking, drinking each other in. Every lesson learned formed a new scar. I just hoped this one wouldn't hurt as much.
I stroked his jaw. His stubble was rough against my hand. My thumb brushed over his full bottom lip as his hands roamed the back of my thighs. Leaning into his mouth, I whispered, "I love you, Kova. I want you to always remember that." Then I pressed my lips to his and savored the feel of his lips on mine, and I kissed him longer.
Kova deepened the kiss. I moaned when his hand came up and the tips of his fingers gripped the sides of my neck. He hauled me closer to him in pure desperation. His devious mouth overpowered mine. He took control of the kiss and set the pace. I panted, my lips parting. Kova wasted no time delving his tongue into my mouth with a flair that weakened my knees. He was a skilled kisser and I was needy for him.
Lowering my hips, I scooted closer, needing to feel his bare skin against mine. My nipples pressed into his chest. I sighed into his mouth from the warmth exuding from his body and wrapped my arms around his shoulders only for Kova to break the kiss.
He quietly repeated what I'd just said to him. "I love you, Adrianna. I want you to always remember that."
I reached for the elastic of his shorts. My eyes caught his Olympic ring tattoo. I could get a matching one now. He watched me, then grabbed my wrist for a moment like he was nervous. I glanced up and swallowed thickly, meeting his gaze.
Kova let go and I shifted off his body to pull his gym shorts down. His erection sprang free and laid above his hips. My eyes widened. Thick with my favorite vein, his length hung a little to the side when he laid on his back. I dragged my teeth over my bottom lip feeling the desire awaken inside of me after it was dormant for so long.
"Come here," he demanded.
Kova grabbed the sides of my face when I climbed back up his body. He kissed me as he rolled us so I was underneath him. He crushed me with his weight, and I rejoiced quietly knowing he was reaching his breaking point. My hands found his back, suddenly greedy to touch him the way I wanted to after so long. I loved feeling how his muscles contracted under my touch. He was so strong. Little sounds from me melted into his mouth. My nails scored his skin. Kova flexed against my fingers then reached between us to unbutton my shorts.
Moving to his knees, he pulled off my shorts and panties in one swift move and then halted in his tracks.
His brows lowered into a harsh frown. I followed his gaze to my stomach and my heart sank.
"Kova," I said softly. He looked at me with blank eyes. "I'm okay."
He was hesitant, then dropped my shorts on the bed. He regarded my body with contemplative eyes then looked at me again. I smiled at him with affection. We were both bare to each other now.
Kova surprised me by kissing my stomach again. I pressed my lips between my teeth and bit down. I glanced at the ceiling, fighting the emotion from his tenderness. I wish he hadn't done that. My knees pulled up and my nails dug deeper into the sheets. I expelled an audible breath trying to find the strength for this—for us. I was shaking on the inside, unprepared for the emotional aspect to hit me the way it was. Kova placed his hand over mine and loosened my fingers that were twisting the sheet. I sucked in a breath. He climbed up my body, my knees spreading wide for him.
"Ria," he said.
I shook my head. I wasn't ready to face him now.
"Adrianna, look at me," he begged.
I couldn't. I was afraid to see that he regretted me, us, this. It was too much for my heart to handle.
"My love." His voice softened, and I broke down.
Tears streamed down my temples and I sniffled, still refusing to look at him.
"I can't," I said. "I can't look at you. I don’t want to see the regret in your eyes again. I already saw it once tonight when you first looked at my stomach." I flattened my lips for a second. "I don't want to see that you'll never want me like you used to."
Kova positioned his body over mine and laid on me, forcing me to look at him. "Even when I am dead, long buried, and forgotten about, I will still love you, I will still want you. That will never change. You are a part of me now, just like I am of you. We are connected for the rest of our lives." He leaned down and swept a sensual kiss across my lips. "And I am going to show you just how connected we are, Malysh."
Taking my arms, he bent them above my head and held both my hands securely in one of his. He captured my lips with his own and drove his tongue into my mouth determined to make me stop overthinking. He grabbed my thigh and hiked it over his waist to seat himself more comfortably between my legs. A moan purred in the back of my throat. His straining cock pressed against my hip as his kiss did wicked things to me. He moved his hand to my breast and my back arched in response. I let out a small sigh. He gave it a gentle squeeze then teased my nipple between his fingers. My body pressed into his, already begging for more.
Kova devoured my mouth, not giving me more than a second to take a breath before he was consuming me again. He tugged my nipple harder, so hard that I felt a zing hit my clit. I gasped in response and tried to wiggle my hands free so I could touch him. I needed to, but he held them down with more weight and deepened the kiss. His silky tongue twirled around mine and tugged before he let go and ran it along the roof of my mouth. Each and every time he kissed me like this, I was weak.
He slowed the kiss, then pulled back, allowing me to inhale needed gulps of air. I looked at him and my breath caught in my throat at the look of love in his eyes.
I’d been stupid to worry about how he felt about me and us. This man clearly loved me like he claimed.
Forty-Three
I whimpered, already missing his touch when his hand found my throat.
My eyes widened as his fingers encased my slender neck. I may trust him and get turned on when he does this, but it was still a little intimidating when I was helpless.
My body writhed against his. Kova shifted to the side and his cock pressed against my pussy. He leaned down and closed the distance, kissing me painfully slow. His tongue stroked mine too sensually and I shuddered. His thumb smoothed over my pulse and carried me to another level. Kova's hips rolled into mine. For a split second my heart skipped a beat and my body tensed, but then Kova slipped his tongue around mine and I exhaled into him.
I didn't hold back the pleasure filled moan and let it roll off my lips. God, I loved this. There was something thrilling about being at his mercy and the way he manipulated my body. Silver stars danced in my vision. Little black dots floated in the distance the tighter he squeezed around my neck. It was getting harder to breathe. Still, I didn't tell him to stop. There was a dark part of me that took gratification in being choked. I liked the way he made my body go in and out of tunnels of pleasure. I liked the way he set what my body could do and couldn't do. I let him and craved it.
My mind went blank as he thrust his hips, his thick erection teasing my entrance. I attacked his mouth with mine and he growled his approval, nipping my lips and kissing me like the untamed animal he was. My heels dug into the back of his thighs. I needed more of him.
"Kova," I whispered. "I need you."
His eyes dilated. He released my wrists and reached between us to grab his cock. Kova looked down as he used the head to stroke my lips until they spread open. I was swollen and so pink. Kova's nostrils flared as he teased my wet entrance. My hips rolled back and I angled my body to get more of him. He pressed his fist against my pussy and pushed the tip through his hand to enter me.
His hand grinded into my clit. My toes curled and I let out a long moan. "Please…"
He applied more pressure to my neck, and I could feel his palm gripping my esophagus. My chest rose, and a squeak escaped my lips. I was filled with aching pleasure it was nearly painful. Kova released his hold and all the oxygen roared back into my lungs as white-hot pleasure exploded inside of me. Euphoria barreled through my veins and I turned into an animal. I needed him desperately.
I grabbed his face and slammed my mouth to his. I dug my heels into his backside, trying to get him further inside of me. Our teeth gnashed together, but that didn't stop us. We were two passionate people and our sex only multiplied it. I turned him over and we changed our positions so we were sitting up and I was straddling his hips. Kova aligned his cock with my entrance then fisted my hair. I yelped from the initial pull but loved every second. He wrapped my hair around his fist tighter, making me arch into him.
"Only you, Kova. Only you will ever have my heart," I said honestly.
We were both on the edge yet it was painfully obvious we were hesitant to take the next step.
"I will go slow," he said under his breath, and I nodded.
Breathing heavily, he breached my entrance and pushed past that initial tight bundle of nerves. It burned a little as I stretched to fit his size. I tensed, scared it was going to hurt since it'd been awhile. My nails scored his shoulder blades and he flexed.
"Relax for me, Malysh," he whispered in my ear, then kissed my neck.
Kova slid inside of me a little more. My cheeks blushed as my body grew warmer. I felt like I was having sex again for the first time.
He nipped my neck. "It is me and you."
I smiled weakly at him, trying to control my breathing. Me and him. I liked the sound of that and eased myself down, taking him inch by inch.
His hand in my hair loosened and his mouth seduced me with a sweep of his lips over mine. He pulled me closer to him and rocked into me provocatively. I felt myself getting wetter for him.
He wrapped his other arm around my lower back, and I reveled in the feel of my chest pressed against his. Kova plunged his tongue into my mouth and let go of my hair. I moaned softly around his lips, madly in love with this man who was so wrong yet so right for me in every way. Kova seized my throat again and deepened the kiss so it was all I could focus on as he drove into me. With each sweep of his ravenous kiss, I surrendered myself until I let go. It was me and him, like he said, and that thought released me completely.
Kova evoked power and control through his touch, enough to distract me so he could thrust his hips against mine and drive in as deep as he could get. I gasped at the intrusion, but our kiss muffled my moans. He let go of my neck to palm the back of my head. My body tensed and I flinched, trying to move, but Kova held me snug to him and grinded me against him, creating this unbearably hot friction between us.
My thighs quivered around him. Kova let out a long, deep groan as I dragged my nails over his scalp and through his hair. I bit down on his lip and drew in a lungful of air at the same time. Kova hissed, then drove his hips harder into me. He held me down on his cock for a second. I could feel his balls tighten against my ass. His cock twitched inside me and I undulated on him.
There was this burning sensation where our bodies were joined. It was from that glorious push and pull we craved. I clenched when he drove in deeper because it hurt and he did it on purpose, but I also loved that bite of pain mixed with pleasure only Kova knew how to give. I relished it.
Kova brushed my hair away from my shoulder then leaned in and pressed his lips to my neck. I rose up on my knees, feeling how raw I was and still so tight. I sank back down on him, pushing past the pain I knew would go away soon.
His tongue dragged a wet trail up my neck. My arms wrapped around his shoulders and I delved my fingers into his damp hair, feeling his heated breath tickle my skin. I held him to me, cradling his head as he brought me higher. Kova's hands kneaded my hips. His cock was so hard and rigid, wide inside of me after so long. I thought about where his hands were, how he was kissing me, how his body felt against mine, how I loved him. My pulse hammered through my veins from the erotic note of pleasure streaming between us.
"I have missed you being in my arms," he said, looking at me like he was already lost to us.
I could feel the strain under his skin and how he was holding back. He was trying to be gentle with me.
"So have I. More than you can ever know."
I did miss him, and it was why I was suddenly so emotional. I fucking missed this man.
"Are you okay now?" he asked, and I nodded. "Are you sure? I am going to try and be gentle right now, but I do not know if I can hold out for long."
I smiled. "Don't ever hold back. I want you, and all of you."
Kova slammed his mouth to mine. Each thrust bringing us closer together, our heavy breathing the only thing we could hear. His tongue caressed me the way his cock consumed me, both taking me to new levels of gratification. He deepened the roll of his hips, reaching every depth of me he could, and tightened his arm around my back to hold me still. I reveled in his power, the way he made me feel like I was the only thing in the world that mattered to him. Sex was a way for Kova to express himself, and I opened myself willingly for him to do just that.
The friction between us heightened from the way his mound hit my clit. I trembled around him, feeling the little sparks of desire lick over my body like a firecracker each time. I could feel Kova swelling, getting harder as he was almost there. I felt every rigid inch of his cock inside of me as he increased his speed and lost control. I gasped and shuddered around him as he held me immobile then made me look him in the eyes.
"I need you." He grunted as he pushed into me. "I need you forever. How can we give this up? Do you feel this?" he asked, then slammed into me passionately and I lost my breath. "How are we supposed to walk away from this?"
I couldn't respond. Not without him hearing the tears in my voice. This beautifully anguished man was at my mercy and giving me everything I could ask for. I was a risk, we w
ere the gamble of a lifetime, but he let caution fly because he loved me, he loved us, even though it killed him to do so.
Forty-Four
Kova leaned into me and pressed my back to the bed.
He hovered above me and I held my breath when I met his defenseless gaze. My lips parted as he slid into me with precision and held himself there like he needed this more than I did. My back arched, my nipples pressing into his bare chest.
"I do not want to be the one to ruin your life," he said, and the hitch in his voice sent a shiver down my spine. His honesty broke my heart. He couldn't ruin my life even if he tried. "I do not want it to get worse for you, but fuck, Ria, how do you go on without your other half?"
"You don't."
He kissed me deeply. His tongue was wicked, his kisses devouring me until I was breathless. My hands roamed over the strength in his back, and I took pleasure in the firm muscles and how beautiful his body was.
Kova hiked my leg over his back to drive deeper inside of me with ease. My thighs quivered and he went even harder. I gasped and clenched my eyes shut as he reached so far back it actually hurt. My breath hitched in my throat and I tensed for a second from the pain in my stomach. Kova took me with purpose. He was on a mission to not only have me, but to take what he could. He was a desperate man.
His hips bucked against mine like he was in dire need to be deep inside of me. My nails marked his back as I took what he gave, and I gave him what he so clearly needed of me. I tried not to think about the fact that this might be our last time together.
Kova muttered in Russian but I couldn't make it out.
For the first time in a while, pleasure rose in my blood. My hips surged against his, and the feeling intensified inside of me. We both moaned at the same time in breathless anticipation at the connection. We felt too good together.
Holding onto Kova's biceps as he took me, I kissed his shoulder, the honey curve of his neck, and every inch of his skin I could reach. My inner thighs were wet with both of our desires. His lips found my neck, and my head rolled back in euphoria. My body tingled. I was on the cusp of craving and need. I found myself chasing what only he could give me.
