by Lucia Franco
I shook my head, he wasn't understanding.
Fifty-One
My chest ached. I didn't want him to make these decisions because of my tears. I wanted him to make them based on his own feelings and experiences, the way I had.
"Don't. Don't do that. Don't give up what you love for me," I argued.
"It is done. I am selling World Cup."
Goose bumps broke out over my arms. He made it sound like he was so sure about it.
"It's too late for that," I said miserably. "I'm going alone."
The look on his face had me drowning in grief. Kova hung his head between his shoulders. I could feel his suffering pouring into me and it was wrecking my heart. I walked over to him. He wrapped his arms around the small of my back and hugged me so tight I could feel the subtle shake under his muscles.
"I do not want to live without you."
My eyes closed shut, seeping with tears. "Our love makes me sicker, Kova."
My face was folded into the column of his neck as he gave me a hug. Kova didn't respond for a long minute, maybe two. He was sinking in anguish with me. We stayed in each other's arms as reality fell upon us.
Our love made me sicker. Our love ultimately tore us apart.
I wiped away the tears under my eyes and took a deep breath. His suffering mimicked mine and it made this that much tougher. Kova's gaze was glossy, brimming with dread.
"I know it is selfish of me to try to stop you, but love is selfish, and, Malysh, I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you. If you are leaving, then so am I."
My stomach clenched. The words I longed to hear were too late.
Shaking my head, I was brutally honest. "I don't want you to come with me."
He didn't blink. He didn't even move for a long moment. His lips pressed together and he subtly nodded his head. His form became blurry in front of me.
"Can I at least take you to the airport?"
I sniffled. "Yes."
Cupping the sides of my face, Kova bent down. My hands found his hips just as he pressed one last kiss to my lips.
"Just know that this is not what I want. It is going to be the biggest challenge of my life to see you walk away, but I will. I will give you what you want and hope our love only grows from the distance into something that will force us to come together and be impossible to walk away from again one day."
He kissed me hard, then briskly pulled back and spun around. Kova didn't stop, not even when he flung the door open and marched out with my heart did he turn around and look back at me.
"Tell me I'm doing the right thing," I cried into the phone a couple minutes later. "Because if I am, why does it hurt so bad?"
The first thing I did was call Avery. I could barely see the screen from the fat warm tears pouring out of me to find her name. The waterworks were turned up high and I was hiccupping into the phone.
"You had one job, and you ended up screwing your coach." A sad laugh escaped me at her dry humor. "What happened?"
I sniffled and pulled my knees up to my chest, nestling further into the corner of my couch. I stared out the sliding glass door at the swaying palm trees, rewinding the story from the beginning for Avery. I broke down multiple times and asked her repeatedly if I was making a mistake. She insisted it was par for the course and encouraged me not to feel bad about it.
"You're doing the right thing. It takes courage to defy your heart. If your health wasn't in jeopardy, then I'd say you need to give yourselves a fighting chance. But I can't. There's too much at stake, and if Kova did anything to risk your progress, I would personally kill him."
My teeth worried my bottom lip. "It just feels… I don't know…" My voice was distant.
"It's going to feel like that for a long time," Avery said, knowing what I meant.
I was nauseous. My nerves were so bad I felt like they were burning a hole through the lining of my stomach. How long was a long time? He hadn't even been gone for more than an hour and I wanted to run to him.
"I told him he could take me to the airport."
Avery groaned.
"What does that mean?"
"It means there's a ninety-nine percent chance you're going to change your mind now. I kind of wish you didn't agree." She half joked, half laughed. "Tomorrow when the movers are at your house, all you're going to be thinking about is saying goodbye to Kova the following day. That anticipation is going to build and you're going to give in."
"Maybe I'm supposed to cave." I countered. "Everywhere I look, I see him. I smell him. I feel him, Ave. My heart is saying don't do it." I was drowning in heartache and beginning to doubt my choice now.
"Now's not the right time to think with your heart, chica. Look at where your heart's taken you the last few years," she said sympathetically. "Yeah, you're essentially walking away from someone who can never be replaced. You'll never have what you have with Kova with someone else. And you know what? You don't want it with anyone else. So in a way, you're walking away with assurance that this is how it's supposed to be for now, and that one day it will be worth it because there isn't a world that exists where you two aren't together."
My stomach was churning into tighter knots. "This is going to suck," I muttered.
"Tomorrow when the movers are there, just call me. Call me eighty-seven times if you have to. I just want you to think first before you make any decision."
"I will. Do you think he'll show up tomorrow?"
"I think when you told him everything, including your love is making you sicker, that put shit into perspective for him. Aid, even I felt that, and I don't even love you like that." We both laughed. "But you know why it hurt when I felt it? Because it's the damn truth and it fucking sucks. Kova knows that, that's why he didn't argue with you. So, no, I don't think he'll show up."
"Aren't we too young to feel heartache like this?" I joked, then rubbed at the tightness in my chest. Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I sat up a little straighter and exhaled.
"I'm learning that there are no rules in the game of love." Avery was wistful.
"I'm forfeiting now."
We both laughed again then said our goodbyes, with a promise that I'd call her first thing tomorrow. I was still suck in the corner of the couch with no will to get up.
Slouching down, I clicked on the picture icon on my phone and scrolled through photos I'd saved of Kova and me, looking for a specific one. I didn't have many, but I had enough that even in spite of my broken heart it still held memories I never wanted to forget.
I stopped scrolling when I found it. I stared, unblinking at the image that brought tears to my eyes. Only, I wasn't looking at just the image. I pictured myself standing in the room watching the pair take a selfie together. They were at ease with each other and I found myself longing for it. She was a tiny, happy thing snuggled in his strong arms. He was protective over her, though she didn't know it yet. Laid back and in love were a few words I'd use to describe the feeling on his face as he lifted the phone, and with a few clicks, he captured this photo.
It was the day he came to my hotel room after I had to attend and watch the meet he wouldn't allow me to compete in. He'd pulled me onto his lap after and asked what I'd learned. I'd resented him leading up to that day until understanding had dawned on me. His motives were genuine, the outcome constructive, but the way he delivered them was usually questionable. It was a day I would never forget. I thought it was when I really started to feel something for Kova.
It was also when he’d said we were a team, exhaling and inhaling together. I was his weakness and he was my strength. We inspired each other, and we pushed each other to be better people than the day before. He was the beast beneath my beauty, pushing me, he'd said.
It was all true, and that's what broke me down.
Tears filled my eyes. The longer I stared at the picture, the more I longed to feel safe in Kova's arms again.
Pressing down on the image, I saved it as my wallpaper.
Fift
y-Two
I startled awake and sat upright, listening.
I thought I heard a bang.
Blinking my blurry eyes, I glanced around and yawned. I must've fallen asleep on the couch. I spotted my cell phone on the floor and realized that was the sound that woke me. I picked it up and checked the time. It was close to midnight. I tucked it into my stomach then curled onto my side. That space in between just falling asleep and really sleeping was—
Knock, knock, knock.
I froze, my hand clenching my cell phone tighter. My body instantly warmed. Staring at the front door, I knew who stood on the other side without having to guess. I breathed and felt goose bumps pebble my skin.
There was a small part of me that secretly hoped he'd show.
I placed my phone down and stood on unsteady legs. I crossed the carpet and reached for the knob. I stilled for a moment. My heart was pounding in my throat. I didn't have to open the door. I could pretend I was asleep. It would be the right thing to do, and then I wouldn't feel guilty about lying to people about him. He knocked again, this time a little heavier.
My heart was racing.
I swallowed thickly and asked myself what I wanted.
Without a second thought, I reached for the lock and unbolted it.
Holding my breath, I pulled the door open and found Kova leaning against the frame. Both of his elbows were pressed against the sides to hold him up and his legs were crossed at his ankles. His head hung miserably between his shoulders and he was staring at the floor.
I didn't have to say anything, and neither did he.
My stomach was a knotted mess seeing him like this.
I felt his despair coming from a mile away. I was sure he felt my sorrow when I was looking at our pictures earlier and reminiscing. My fingers twitched. I knew if I took one more step it would change the course of the night for us. The knots in my stomach were growing. I could be strong in my personal pursuit, but I could also be human and allow us one more night. Kova came to me. He was leaving the choice up to me.
I reached for him.
Stepping forward, I wrapped my arms around his lower back and hugged him. His elbows fell and he engulfed me with his body. I pressed the side of my face to Kova's chest and closed my eyes. I heard his heart beating rapidly and tasted his bitter anguish on my tongue. Stepping closer, my arms tightened around him.
Kova rested his cheek on the top of my head and hugged me with a passion that pushed down my walls. I inhaled and felt his heat spread through me.
Home.
This was home for us.
"I wish I did not love you the way I do, Adrianna," he whispered. "I wish I was a stronger man."
Tears sprung to my eyes and I clenched them tight. His tone almost brought me to my knees. Kova was gutted. There was a rawness in his voice that sounded like he'd been crying all night. I knew exactly what he meant, though. We had no right to love the way we did.
I lifted my head from his chest to finally see his face. My stomach twisted as our eyes met.
"You're the strongest man I know."
His eyes were rimmed a pale pink. Kova was a robust man but the weakness in his indecisive gaze left me feeling for him. I had the notion that he was ashamed he was here, but not embarrassed. It was an inkling in my gut, but I'd feel the same way if it were me.
Rising up on my tiptoes, I ran the pad of my thumb over his lower lip and tugged it to the side. I watched it plop back and did it again, feeling hungry for his lips on mine.
My other hand cupped the side of his jaw and I brought his mouth toward me. My body arched perfectly along his. Kova held me closer. Need surged through me and I pulled in a deep breath. Just before I pressed our lips together, I whispered, "Let’s finish what we started."
Our lips met. The words burned my throat and my heart sank with reality.
This would be our last night together and I realized how much I wanted this for me, for him, for us. But I also realized how deeply it would hurt in the end.
The kiss deepened and I held my breath, my heart racing with desire. Kova nodded without separating us and I almost fainted with excitement. I couldn't hold back and plunged my tongue into his warm mouth. Kova met me needy stroke for hungry stroke. His silky tongue was the most illicit.
Our bodies aligned and he tightened his arms around me. This kiss wasn't a painfully hard one, it didn't fill me with anger or sadness. It was a kiss that longed for more days watching the sunsets together.
It was a kiss that was supposed to be felt forever. And boy, did I feel it in my chest.
My back arched and I lifted a leg to hook it around Kova's leg for more stability. He got the hint and hoisted me up instead. My legs wrapped around his waist and I gripped him between me. I felt so tiny, protected, and loved in his arms.
"Come inside and lock the door," I said quickly before my lips were back on his. "Don’t forget the chain," I added.
I knew where this was going, and so did he.
There wouldn't be any talking, just breathless pants and naked bodies making sweet harmony together between damp sheets.
And I was okay with that. I needed it, he needed it. I was impatient for him and squeezed my thighs around him. The only time we were ourselves and open with each other was when he was deep inside of me and I was at his mercy. It was carnal and it was glorious. I loved what our bodies did when no one was looking.
Kova walked inside and kicked the door behind him then turned to secure it before he carried us away to my bedroom. Our lips didn't separate and his tongue never stopped caressing mine as he held me with one arm under my ass and the other hand tangled in my hair.
He didn't bother to flip on the light, we didn’t need it, I'd accidentally left the bathroom light on earlier and it provided a soft glow in the bedroom. He brought us to my bed and held me closely as he leaned over and laid me down in the center. He covered me with his weight and twisted his tongue around mine. We moaned in harmony at the feel of our bodies pressed together. I ground my hips erotically against his, not holding back tonight. Kova reciprocated, and he let out a hearty groan when I rubbed my pussy down his thigh. I was already so wet for him.
Only Kova could intoxicate me with a kiss.
His elbows boxed me in. My hands gripped his backside with need. I pressed my fingers into him and felt him contract under my touch. The only sound in the room was that of our lips. Kova kissed me with a sensuality that I was sure was only seen in movies. We had a full-blown hot and heavy make out session that was probably some of the best foreplay we'd ever had while he still had his hat on backwards and we were both fully clothed.
"I want you all night."
Kova dusted kisses on my jaw and sloped down to my neck. He moved the collar of my shirt to the side and kissed whatever he could put his lips to.
"Yes." I sighed, arching my chest into him.
My fingers reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it up. Kova moved just enough for me to drag it over his head and then his mouth was on mine again. I got the feeling he was scared to stop kissing me and made sure to meet me stroke for stroke until he took my breath away.
Blindly, I felt around my bed for his hat. That broke the kiss, which almost made me giggle. He looked at me and I answered the question in his eyes.
"I always loved the hat on you."
Kova replaced the hat and regarded me. Soft eyes roamed over my face just as my hands found the waistband of his shorts. I didn't pull them down yet, I just wanted to feel the planes of his back one more time.
Dragging my hands down the length of his back, his muscles contracted under my fingers as he kissed me. I reached around to his lower stomach, running my fingers along the crease of his flesh and the seam of his elastic shorts. His hips flexed as I glided my nails along the deep grooves of strength.
I pulled back and ran the tip of my tongue over my bottom lip then pressed my teeth down. I dragged them over and glanced nervously into his eyes.
"What do you wa
nt to say," Kova asked gently. "Tell me."
I became shy, but for a valid reason. He could reject me and I wasn't sure I was prepared for that.
Kova adjusted his legs and I felt his cock slide against my thigh toward my pussy. My back bowed and my legs spread wider to feel more of his length.
"Will you stay the night?"
He smiled faintly and dropped his gaze to my lips. Kova nodded then found my lips again. Relief coursed through me and I could breathe. I twisted my legs around his and gasped as he surged forward and crossed over my clit. He kissed me until we were both panting in desperation, then he pulled back and climbed off the bed.
I watched him, curious what he would do next. I was hungry for him and already missed him on me. He toed off his shoes, then hooked his thumbs in his shorts and shoved them down. I pushed up on my elbows and watched in fascination as he stepped out of his shorts. His cock sprang free, the crown glistened in the dim light. Desire pulsed through me, and I pulled my knees up and my toes curled under me.
Kova cupped his sack and adjusted himself. I drew in a shallow breath, still in a bit of disbelief that he was here. He palmed his length and my lips parted as he twisted his wrist and gave himself a good squeeze. I pressed my thighs together and wetness coated my pussy. I drew a breath in through my nose and arched my back. A soft moan rolled off my lips. For a brief moment I wondered how I was going to live without him and why I was doing this to myself when I felt so strongly toward him. Kova waved two fingers at me to look up. Heat bloomed under my cheeks as our eyes met.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked.
I swallowed and nodded.
"Say it."
"I want you," I said, curling my toes tighter.
His eyes bore into mine. "Tell me again. Once I start, I will not stop."
A smile tipped my lips. This was one of my favorite sides of Kova. "Make love to me."
