*Sixteen, Jeaki*
*Yes?* I sent, finding that I was getting more adept at this form of communication.
*I’ve had a visit from those ghouls. I’ve told them nothing. If you’ve done as I told you and know your inner ‘self’ you should come through intact.*
*How. Much. Longer?* I sent
*As little as two days, as many as ten*
*Fuck!* I sent.
*I’m here for all of you, never forget that; it will be ok*
“Am I still human?” I gasped, half jokingly.
“Actually no,” replied Hart. “Every cell in the last tissue sample was hybridised. You’ll be pleased to know that your adrenaline levels are reverting to normal. In fact your cells are now beginning to generate the RNA analogue I had predicted at the outset. I’d say your body is getting ready enter a phase of rapid cell division.”
“Like... Sarah?” I gasped
“We know what to look for now,” interrupted Gupta. “We can regulate that if it becomes a problem.”
My growth spurt started about fifteen minutes later. I started to swell up like someone who’s allergic to bee stings… what’s the word? annapha-something shock.. My fingers became so thick that I couldn’t form a fist. I wanted to scream, but my throat was constricted, swollen shut.
For the first and only time Dr. Hart was useful. Forcing my mouth open, he shoved a breathing tube down my throat and strapped it in place. After that I lost interest in everything beyond the sensations running through the cocoon that was my inflamed and apparently rotting carcass.
The shards of memory become tiny crystal daggers at that point, just a series of disturbing doctor-speak punctuating the excruciating pain.
“Body mass at 189%....”
“Second generation white blood cells appear to be attacking the hybridised human cells. Get me a readout on this tumour’s DNA.”
“We’re losing another one! Damn it, his major intestine is perforating. Where’s that DNA analysis?”
“Rapid onset, acne and eczema, vomiting and continued incontinence of both types, including haemorrhagic traces. Speculation: the specimen’s body is rejecting and expelling any remaining unaltered cells.”
“The new DNA hasn’t stayed in the third strand; I’m seeing V and W proteins blended into all three spirals, exactly like Specimen Six’s original DNA.”
“I want a complete autopsy on Twelve. Check his brain, Stat!”
“Specimen 16 appears to be progressing faster than the others, probably due to the higher initial dose. Get him to CT, I want to know what to expect in the other two.”
And finally
“What the fuck! What is that growing in his abdomen? That’s no tumour, it has a differentiated structure!”
I don’t remember hearing anything after that. I do remember a knife-like pain ripping my crotch apart like I’m being unzipped with a chainsaw. Any hope that Ashlem had lied fled in that terrible instant.
*Remember your Self*
I dreamed that I was falling through space toward a lake covered in a flock of birds.
I felt as if I were under scrutiny, I wasn’t expected, I hadn’t been announced. He reached out His hand anyway, and everything that had felt strange now felt ‘right’. I was euphoric, it would be so easy just to stay that way, infinitely happy for infinity, but Ashlem’s words leapt back at me. This, I thought, was why I’d been warned to hold onto my ‘self’, this was what Hart and the others would never understand… this was a trap.
You didn’t have to just survive the pain; you had to survive its seductive absence as well!
When I awoke I found that I was curled up on my own bed, in the apartment. My cheeks were wet, I’d been crying in my sleep I guess. I didn’t hurt anymore, not at all. The first thing I noticed was that the sound of the air conditioning had changed. Along with the steady hum that I’d become used to, was an annoying ultra-high pitched whine. Enhanced senses! A long, long, time ago someone had boasted that their super-serum would enhance the senses.
I opened my eyes; it was a revelation. I hadn’t realized that there was anything wrong with my eyesight before that moment. Things in the distance had always been slightly blurry. Today I could see the speck of rust on the screw-head of the door hinge from the other side of the room.
Hair flopped into my eyes. I swept it out of the way. It felt softer, silky and more voluminous, definitely not the stringy mess I’d grown up with.
My heart froze, recalling Ashlem’s affliction and his prediction about my fate. With a surge of energy, I rolled off the bed and stood up, feeling wonderfully normal. I didn’t yet perceive the other changes, the ones I didn’t want to think about. I allowed myself to believe, just for a moment that Ash really had been wrong and that fuck-wit Hart had somehow detected and removed that part of the gene splice.
As I got to my feet, my robe fell open. Everything down below had felt perfectly natural and normal; as a result I nearly died of shock when I looked down at my...at my what? The old friend I’d kept between my legs was gone, replaced with something more complex, sort of like fleshy petals that spiralled together to form an approximation of what had been.
I tried to be disgusted, but clearly ‘it’ came with a full set of instinctive software, all I could think was how beautiful the new organ looked. Tentatively I touched it with a finger...it was very pleasurable and almost painfully sensitive. I snatched my finger away. The rush of conflicting emotions was too great.
I slumped back on the bed and let the tears roll down my cheeks, until finally I got irritated with myself for being such a baby. I tried one of the meditation techniques I’d been taught, trying to dampen the emotion; it worked better than I’d expected, I felt a wave of calmness and passivity flow through me, and suddenly my beautiful/hideous new rod revealed the reason for its complexity, unravelling and retracting into an alternate configuration.
I sat up and looked down at myself; it was not unlike a woman’s ...parts. The real strangeness was that all of this, this, flexibility of function felt natural. I tried thinking about ‘before’, and found that I couldn’t remember how it had felt. In the end I closed my eyes, folded my arms and tried thinking about something non-sexual (and failed).
*Finished playing with yourself yet?* asked Ashlem, his sending coloured with tender amusement and a hint of worry that tasted of peaches and cream.
*Yes* I replied instinctively, no longer needing to form pictures of my words
*Good*
*Hey! I’m able to talk direct!*
*You are Wraeththu now. Our minds are on the same frequency, I don’t have to boost my sendings to punch through all that human sludge you were using for a mind*
A nasty embarrassing thought occurred to me. *Was I broadcasting?*
*Just a bit*
Suddenly something clicked into place, *Hang on, so all the Wraeththu are....?*
*We’re an entire new species, Sixteen, and that’s the secret we have to hide. If humanity realises it’s no longer top of the food chain, it will go badly for us all.*
I was immediately flooded with more new desires, thinking of people… of beings, like myself. Along with it came distaste for human things.
*This is so weird. I don’t even think like me* I sent.
*It’s understandable. You also have new instincts, which you aren’t used to yet. At this stage you’re a bit like a newborn, your mind doesn’t have any inhibitions on the soume side of your character*
*Soume? What’s that?*
*The female role you haven’t tried yet.*
*Is that why I feel like a dog in heat?* I asked.
*Don’t worry. The state you are in is temporary. It’s partly instinct driven; your body knows that it hasn’t finished changing yet *
*There’s more?* I sent, fearful of being ripped apart a second time.
*Our blood can create new Wraeththu, but the change doesn’t stabilize until the new one has... (Here I felt his sending glow with compassion) ...umm ‘used’ that new e
quipment of his.*
I like to think I was pretty quick on the uptake, despite being a wild hormonal soup right then. *So basically you have to rape me pretty fucking soon or I revert to being the old me?* I let the rage I’d been holding back roar outwards.
*No. There is no ‘old you’. Failure will mean death.*
Well that one certainly dumped cold water on my feelings of vengeance and hope of a recovery.
*Great. Just fucking great. How long have I got?*
*Plenty of time. But you need to be ready. If they put any two of us in the same room you are going to have to get it on fast. Hardly the romantic ideal unfortunately...*
*Any two? So the others survived?* I remembered that shard of memory about an autopsy.
*The others haven’t completed their transformation yet, at least as far as I can tell. Jeaki is out of range and I never had a contact link with the others. If they did as I told them, they’ll be with us eventually.*
*And if they all die? I’m pretty sure two of them died*
*If they don’t make it, then I’ll have to demonstrate yet more of those superpowers I don’t have to get to you. Sixteen, I know you don’t think much of me right now, but I promise you, I’ll do all I can to get you through this.*
I firmly folded my arms and tried to focus something else… not what....what... I now was. I was me; I was still me, wasn’t I?
There is a limit to how long a person can just lie in bed feeling sorry for himself; particularly when, actually, they feel healthier than they have done in years. In the end it was hunger that motivated me.
I guess my mental state was even more fragile than I’d thought, being faced by a cafeteria full of humans made me want to puke and run. They stank!
Conversation stopped as I entered the room. None of them wanted to talk to me about it, but it was plain that the disastrous test was the only topic on any of their minds; at least as far as my paranoid mind was concerned. It was hard seeing our usual table empty. It didn’t help that the food was off. The cereal had a tinny metallic taste and the milk smelled bad. In the end, I settled for raiding the entire supply of fruit and munching my way through a dozen oranges and six bananas, (including the skins).
“The serum must have screwed up my tastebuds” I explained to no one in particular. “The oranges are the only things that taste normal.”
Everyone who’d been pretending not to watch quickly became engrossed in their meals. Annoyed, I grabbed the other fruit bowl and headed for my room, finishing off another three oranges as I waited for the damn elevator.
As if telepathic herself, Ms Jenson appeared at my side to inform me the Director would see me in 30 minutes. Something about the way she spoke seemed ‘off’.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, chewing a delicious banana skin
“You don’t remember?”
There was a feeling of vertigo; an abyss was at my feet. There’d been deaths, more than one for certain. “Not much, just fragments, I think I remember Sarah died.”
“I’m so sorry James. It’s just you left… and …they think Jeaki might make it.”
My fist slammed into the metal door putting a dent in it. “Sixteen. My name is Sixteen.”
The door closed between us. All of them dead? The darkness howled around my mind trying to make me think about inevitable death. There was also a profound sadness, they would never get to experience how it felt being Wraeththu, they would have loved it. If only I’d persuaded them not to eat… or if… or if…
*Talk to me Ashlem* I thought, trying to distract myself.
*Sixteen* Came the instant reply, as if he’d been waiting for me.*What do you want to know?*
*Plumbing first, do I stand or sit?* I said, focusing on the practicalities.
His laughter bubbled through me, forcing me to see the humour, even then during my darkest moment. His compassionate emotions could probably heal the deepest wounds, given time.
*Of all the questions, I’d expected...* sent Ashlem *ok, ok, sorry... you needn’t worry. It’s your choice, and I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it... with practice.*
I sent him an emotional dagger-glare but couldn’t sustain it. It felt like a huge relief to talk to someone who truly understood what I was going through. I hadn’t forgiven him, he’d clearly had his own agenda, but any plans I might have had of actually murdering him, were getting less likely with every passing minute.
I fired off a few more questions, trying to understand what I was now. For example the problem with the taste of the food was because it was processed. Apparently, my new tastebuds were picking up traces of engine oil and detergent. Nice.
*Enough....* Ashlem sent, finally. *I can only sustain this link for short periods. Have you heard anything about the others?*
*Jeaki’s still changing. The others, they’re all dead* I replied grimly, trying not to think about the howling void their deaths left in my mind and heart.
*I see.* I got the sense that he regretted the deaths of my friends but was treating it like he’d expected it. *Do they still trust you?*
*I’m invited to see the Director. They wouldn’t let me near him if they thought I was a risk.*
*Use that; insist on seeing us, me or Jeaki, or both. Remember, you aren’t stable yet, you have to meet one of us.* As he spoke, the strength of his telepathy faded.
I sat still for a few seconds more. It would be quite logical for me to be concerned about Jeaki, I reasoned. It didn’t all have to be about the other thing. I still didn’t want to think about that.
Some minutes later, I was standing outside Calcutt’s office, looking at that not-dead guard.
His name badge said Stanislav. He took one look at me and clearly decided that I was the enemy. I could smell the hatred oozing from his pores. I no longer fitted into the CGS man’s comfort zone and I could almost feel him willing me to give him an excuse.
It really was annoying, this ‘attack anything you don’t understand’ thing that the CGS had going on.
The last time I’d been in Calcutt’s office, I’d feared the Director and what his opinion of me might be, but this time I took the chair and slouched, legs crossed at the ankle. Gupta was in there too.
“How do you feel today, Mr Conway?” he asked.
I didn’t answer for a few seconds, partly because I wanted to figure out the answer for myself, and partly because I’d realised that I had no intention of helping Calcutt ever again. “Better” I said finally.
“Please be more specific,” Gupta urged.
“You wouldn’t understand”
“Try,” snapped Calcutt.
“Better in every way imaginable, except that obvious one” I said.
“You aren’t upset that we’ve done this to you?” Gupta asked.
I thought hard about that one as well. “Most of my friends are dead. I haven’t had time to get my head around that yet. As for what you’ve done to my body, I’m getting used to it... gradually. If you want any more data then we need to cut a new deal. You seem to have me under armed guard.” I flicked a meaningful glare in Stanislav’s direction. “That isn’t anywhere in my contract, particularly given what just happened.”
“Sub-section 6 paragraph 3.” replied Director Calcutt. “Should the specimen become mentally ill, the Institute shall provide suitable long term accommodation and care.”
“You think I’m insane?” I asked frostily
“Honestly, probably not. But the scans we’ve taken don’t match anything remotely close to those we took from you last week. We need to understand what that means. There may be... implications.”
This was so tedious and unsubtle; I couldn’t believe that he was trying to intimidate me like that. “So, let’s see, what works best, you threatening me with a padded cell, or a civilised renegotiation and my full co-operation?”
Calcutt paused. He’d assumed that I was still the easily manipulated door-mat that I’d been when we’d first met. I wasn’t.
“Here’s
what I want,” I continued “First, lose the security guard. Second, I want unrestricted access to Jeaki and Ashlem, and third, you are going to pay the compensation I’m owed, at the rate set out in the original contract. Agree to that, and I’ll cooperate.”
To my surprise he actually went for it. In fact he agreed so fast I began to worry that I’d missed something… which of course I had.
An hour later Stanislav and some CGS Guards came for me. There were six of them, all armed. They stank of fear and rage. I told him I didn’t need an escort, but Stanislav simply shrugged and said, ‘orders’.
My skin tingled as I entered the observation room, something about the place felt different and sort of not real. It was disorientating and I hated it. What did you do here, Ashlem? I wondered to myself.
“Welcome back, Sixteen” said a voice from behind the mirrored wall. Even if I hadn’t recognised the voice, I found that I could see Dr Hart quite well. The mirroring was no more effective than sunglasses.
“Dr Hart? I thought they’d fired you.”
“Fortunately, the fertility crisis is too large to let a few minor setbacks derail the entire project.”
“Minor?”
“Yes, minor. Look at the big picture, Sixteen, the entire human race is at risk. The loss of a few volunteers was always anticipated.”
I expected to feel the beginnings of a berserk rage, but all I could manage was a sense of pity. Pity, that he had so little compassion in his soul.
I sighed. “How did they die, Hart? At least tell me that.”
“In Specimens Eleven and Twelve, the hybrid cells didn’t spread out sufficiently,” he explained in a clinical emotionless tone. “They suffered localized tumours that disrupted the surrounding organs as they expanded. Thirteen you know about. Fourteen mutated fully, but fell into a coma and died, we haven’t figured out why. Fifteen will be joining us shortly. Now it’s your turn. Tell me something.”
I thought about it for a moment. Wondering what it was safe to reveal. “The mirrored glass doesn’t work on me now, but I figure you already know that.” I replied
A minute later Jeaki was pushed (almost thrown) into the room on the other side of the transparent barrier. He’d obviously been struggling with his guards and flew at the door snarling and denting the metal with his fists as he tried to reach them.
Paragenesis: Stories of the Dawn of Wraeththu Page 20
