The LyricsTo His Song

by Krystal Armstead

  I hated being put on the spot, but after hearing everyone talking about their life that day in the studio, I already had an R&B version of their life in my head.

  I cleared my throat before rapping the first bar of the lyrics to his song. “‘The streets were my father; the game was my mother. Only one I could call on was Apollo, my brother. Never knew my mom, can give two fucks ‘bout my dad. Don’t know shit about love, something I never had. Don’t ask me shit about love, all I know is the hustle. I grew up in the hood, all I know is the struggle.’”

  I watched everyone grinning at my no-way-near-finished song. “Something like that, ya know?” I looked around at everyone. “It still tells your story without someone getting murdered in the process.”

  Antwan’s eyes squinted a little, looking my face over the same way that my sister was a little while earlier. I sighed as Antwan’s hand grazed against my neck as he pushed my hair to the side, away from my face. He looked back at his brother before taking my Chanel glasses from my face.

  I exhaled deeply, watching Antwan sit down in the leather chair behind him. “Can I have my glasses back please, Antwan?”

  “Got damn!” Queen stood up straight from the wall, making her way over to me, looking my face over too. “That nigga tattooed your face with his hand!”

  Antwan frowned a little, clearing his throat before rapping. “So, let me tell you ‘bout this beautiful girl, about the day Audrey Gibson stepped into my world. Just when I thought all hope was gone, she stepped on that stage, put all she had into that song. It seems she’s in love with a user; all the nigga ever does is abuse her. She’s got some nerve tryin’a tell me about love; when her nigga’s out there fuckin’ hoes, raw, doesn’t bother using a glove.”

  I scoffed, about to walk away when Antwan grabbed my arm. I looked at him, eyes full of tears.

  “So, what was it you said about singing about love, shawty?” Apollo laughed a little.

  “Shit, seems like you don’t know shit about love either.” Antwan shook his head at me, letting go of my arm.

  “You want me to get that nigga for you, shawty?” Apollo snarled. “I never liked that nigga anyway, especially since he started fuckin’ around with Brenda. My brother did any and everything for that girl and she—”

  “Shawty,” Antwan cut his brother off. “You really about to marry this nigga? I was at the radio station early this morning with the nigga when he announced that shit. I told the radio host that I’d just signed you to my new record label, and then Sean had to let ‘em know that he proposed to you last night. Are you really that stupid, Lyric?”

  I backed away from him.

  “Excuse me, has anyone seen Sean?” I heard an unfamiliar voice over my shoulder. I saw Queen rolling her eyes and smacking her lips at whoever it was over my shoulder before I turned around to see this cute, shapely, brown-skinned girl. She was a petite little thing, but she had curves and an ass on her that was out of this world. I thought my sister was the baddest chick as far as looks were concerned, but Brenda looked like she jumped straight out of King Magazine. The bitch was so flawless that she almost looked airbrushed.

  Antwan stood from the chair he was sitting in when he saw her, his temples twitching. “The fuck you doin’ in here?”

  Brenda glanced at me and then back at Antwan. “I’m looking for Sean. Have you seen him? He’s supposed to be taking Lil’ Sean to the movies this afternoon.”

  “Nah, I ain’t seen the muthafucka.” Antwan snarled. “Ask his fiancé here; maybe she’s seen him. Audrey, have you seen your man? He has all these bitches rollin’ up in my studio lookin’ for him and shit.”

  Brenda scoffed. “Fiance? Since when?” She looked me over.

  “Since I proposed to bae last night.” Sean came strolling into the studio, closing the door behind him.

  I rolled my eyes, backing up a little, almost backing into Antwan. I looked back at him and then at Sean as he strolled over to me, pulling me away from Antwan by my wrist.

  I looked up at Sean as his eyes searched my face.

  Sean frowned, looking my face over. “What the fuck happened to your face, yo? Who’d you get in a fight with?” Sean pushed my hair to the side to get a better view of the bruises that he left on my face.

  I pulled from Sean. “Are you serious?” I laughed a little.

  Sean didn’t see anything funny. He looked at Brenda and then back at me. “What happened, Audrey? Tell me who did this shit to you, so I can handle the shit now!”

  I shook my head at him. “You—You really don’t remember what happened last night?”

  “I was faded like a muthafucka last night.” Sean laughed to himself. “I don’t remember shit last night. The last thing I remember is your girl smacking the fuck out of Brandie because she thought we were fuckin’ around.”

  I looked at Brenda, shaking my head at her. “Well, looks like my girl smacked the wrong trick.” I looked at Snare, wanting to mention Fatima’s name, but I didn’t. “Turns out you were fuckin’ around with Brenda. Turns out you have children that I never knew about. Turns out the baby you have with Brenda was born the same day that our baby would have been born if I wouldn’t have lost our baby in that car accident!” I pushed Sean in his chest. “You have some nerve smacking the shit out of me and violating me, when you went and had not one but two kids on me.”

  Sean was more focused on the incident I was talking about instead of what he had done outside of our relationship. “Wait, hold up; smacked you? Violated you? When the fuck did this happen? Were you sleepwalking again?”

  I pushed Sean. “Are you serious? Sean—” I stopped talking, looking around at everyone. Antwan and Apollo looked like they were ready to unload a few bullets on Sean. Snare, Drizzle, and Queen looked curious to know what two babies I was referring to.

  I looked back at Sean. “How could you not tell me about those kids? How could you do this to me? Brenda, weren’t you Antwan’s girl? What the fuck were you doing with my man?”

  Brenda grinned. “Your nigga? Bitch, this is our nigga! Our nigga pays my rent, our nigga puts food on my table, our nigga takes care of my baby, our nigga buys my clothes, and our nigga sleeps with me every got-damn night! This nigga has gotten money out of your bank account to do for me and my kids, bitch! This here is our nigga!”

  I went to lunge at her, but Sean pulled me back. I snatched from him, Brenda laughing her ass off.

  “Brenda, you need to get the fuck out of here before you getcha ass beat.” Queen warned her. “Me and you already done got into it several times. You need to get’cha life and stop fuckin’ with every nigga in Antwan’s crew.”

  “Brenda,” Sean shoved Brenda, “why you coming in here, starting shit? You know we ain’t fucked around in years, Ma. You’re just fuckin’ with my girl because you must’ve heard my announcement on the radio this morning. Is that it?”

  Brenda rolled her eyes. “What announcement? The one where you were frontin’ because Antwan got’cha girl working for him? The announcement you made because you know Antwan is about to snatch your girl from you? You put a ring on that bitch because you didn’t want that nigga to snatch that bitch, and you know it. Let’s be real.”

  Apollo smirked.

  Sean frowned. “What the fuck do you want? I told you not to come by here.”

  “You promised to take our son to the movies today, Sean. And you’re late on the child support payment. Brandie’s momma has gotten you out of a lot of trouble, but a criminal lawyer is no good to you in juvenile court. You want me to bring the white man into this shit? I will, Sean. You marry this bitch, and I swear, I’ma take you for everything you and this bitch are about to make. You just watch and see.” Brenda smacked her lips at Sean before she looked at Snare. “Hey, Snare. When you see Fatima, ask her how her eye feels. Last time I saw her; Mariah’s fist was in it.” Brenda looked back at Sean, who shut his mouth real quick. “You don’t remember anything from last night, huh? Do you remember why Fatima got he
r ass beat? Snare, did you know that your girl—”

  Snare looked at Sean and then back at Brenda. “The fuck? What’s going on with Fatima? Shawty was supposed to go out of town last night. When the fuck did y’all see Fatima?”

  “Ask Sean, Snare!” Brenda yelped as Sean snatched her ass by her arm, tossing her ass towards the door.

  “Get the fuck on with that bullshit, Brenda. Get the fuck outta here,” Sean growled at her. “Say something else, Brenda.”

  Brenda stuck her middle finger up at Sean. “Or what, nigga? You ain’t gonna do shit! Ain’t nobody scared of your ass but little Audrey. Come pick up your son, or I’ll be dropping him off on Audrey’s doorstep, muthafucka.” She blew both of us a kiss before she turned around, walking towards the door.”

  I exhaled deeply, looking up at Sean as he eyed Brenda walking out the door.

  “Bruh, you need to keep your bitches in line and outta my got-damn studio.” Antwan gritted his teeth. “She ain’t welcome here, and as far as I’m concerned, anyone affiliated with A.J. Miller ain’t allowed in my shit either. You can get the fuck on too. Go follow your bitch. Fuck that shit Ervin and Karen are talkin’ about. I made this company; they didn’t.”

  Sean shook his head at Antwan. “As long as my girl is here, nigga, I’m here.” Sean looked back at me. “We’re having lunch with your parents’ tomorrow at 12:30.” Sean shut me up before I could say anything. “Mama is flying in from Texas tonight. I’ll be spending time with her over my aunt’s crib, so I won’t be home tonight. Meet me over your parent’s crib tomorrow, a’ight?” Sean kissed me on the cheek and left me standing there in the studio looking stupid as hell. As usual.

  “I told you let me take that muthafucka out, shawty.” Apollo shook his head.

  “Man, fuck that nigga.” Antwan growled. “Let’s go eat.”

  Chapter Four

  Come and Talk to Me

  Rhandy, Antwan’s best friend and head of security, took us out for lunch at Carolina Kitchen in North East Washington, D.C. Apollo didn’t roll with us. He left with his boys to handle some business in Severn. I rode in the back of a stretch Rolls Royce Phantom Limo with Antwan, Queen, Rhandy, Mariah, Vita-Jean, Drizzle, and Snare. About four bodyguards led us to the front, in their Navigator; and four bodyguards followed closely behind us in theirs. Before we went in the restaurant, the bodyguards went inside to make sure it was safe. Seems as though Antwan’s head was wanted everywhere. Seemed like he had to watch his back everywhere that he went.

  “Welcome, welcome, welcome!” The staff at the restaurant greeted us as we strolled into the restaurant.

  I was so hungry, in a daze looking at the food behind the glass as the workers prepared my plate. I was going to fuck that food up. I was so nervous that entire day that I hadn’t eaten anything. Not to mention, I was afraid to eat anything that was going to make me shit after what Sean did to me. And as soon as I thought about him shoving that dick through me, my appetite was gone.

  “Girl, I am about to fuck this muthafuckin’ chicken up!” Mariah grabbed my arm that day, next to me in line. “Mickey worked the fuck outta your girl today in practice. Do you hear me? I showed every last one of them bitches up today at rehearsal!” Mariah nudged me, twerkin’ just a little.

  I grinned at her. “I already know how you do, boo. You ain’t gotta tell me you killed them bitches.”

  Mariah grinned. “Damn right. You should have seen Brandie’s hatin’ ass when I auditioned for the lead in the last single for Antwan’s album, The Pole. Brandie just knew that she had the part. Bitch thought just because a bitch doesn’t take pipe that I couldn’t climb one!”

  I burst out laughing, glancing at Antwan who was laughing with his homeboys about five people down from me.

  Mariah glanced at him, too.

  The both of us got quiet, slick eavesdropping in on Antwan’s conversation with Rhandy.

  “So-called engaged or not, there’s something about that girl.” Antwan glanced at me, really not giving a damn if I heard the fool talking about me.

  “You’re trippin’, Twan. You know that’s Sean’s girl.” Rhandy shook his head at Antwan.

  Antwan scoffed. “The fuck does that have to do with me?”

  Queen cleared her throat. “Ummm, Cuz, you gonna pick out something to eat or are you gonna talk about something that you have no chance at having? A bitch is hungry, got damn, hurry up!”

  The line chuckled a little. I was embarrassed out of my mind. He was too bold and didn’t give a fuck.

  “No chance my muthafuckin’ ass. She’s here, ain’t she? She’s still breathing, ain’t she? She saw that ring in Karen’s office and left the muthafucka sitting on Karen’s desk, didn’t she? Did she put the muthafucka on? Don’t try to play me, Queen. I don’t give a damn what y’all say. By the time we head out on tour, I guarantee she’ll be in love with a nigga.” Antwan boldly told everyone listening in line that afternoon.

  “Oh my goodness.” I blushed, looking away from him.

  When we went to sit down at the booths, there was no room for me. There was a high-top in the corner of the dining area. I shrugged, making my way over to the table.

  “Hold up, boo; I’ll sit witcha.” Mariah picked up her tray of food, about to walk over to me, when Antwan signaled her to have a seat.

  “Nah, I’ll sit with shawty.” Antwan grinned, walking over to the table as I hopped into the chair.

  “Oh my God.” I mumbled to myself as Antwan came over and sat his food and drink on the table, sitting across from me. His plate looked so healthy compared to mine. He had fish, shrimp, rice, corn, mashed potatoes, and corn bread. I, on the other hand, had two ribs, two fried chicken legs, two barbequed chicken legs, a slice of ham, mac and cheese, baked beans, coleslaw, a biscuit, and a piece of cornbread. Oh, and a piece of chocolate cake.

  “Got-damn!” Antwan laughed, looking my plate over. “You’re not afraid to eat in front of muthafuckas, that’s for sure. Where the fuck do you pack all that food you eat? Oh, wait, never mind, you’re sitting on it!” Antwan tilted his head, looking at my booty plopped in the chair across from him.

  I rolled my eyes, crossing my legs. “Boy, bye. I’m hungry.” I grabbed my fork and started to dig into my plate when Antwan grabbed my hand. I looked up at him.

  “Yo, we gotta pray first, shawty.” Antwan shook his head at me, looking at me like I was some kind of heathen.

  “Oh. Okay.” I was shocked a little.

  “What, you thought that just because I rap about killing muthafuckas that I don’t believe in God?” Antwan asked, eyes searching my face.

  “I didn’t say that. I just didn’t take you as someone who was religious.” I watched Antwan laughing a little.

  “Yah know, I wear these got-damn braces because I was shot in my jaw at the age of fourteen after my first concert. Niggas from the hood showed up to my concert and shot the place up. They were some niggas that my mother made sure were put away after they broke in her house after finding out that she was my mother. These niggas shot three of my bodyguards and then got to me, shooting me in my jaw three muthafuckin’ times. I’m not even supposed to be alive, shawty. I’m not even supposed to be alive to tell you this story. I woke up from a medically induced coma after three days. I was alive. Mouth wired shut. My jaw pops out of place sometimes. I have about five porcelain implants in my mouth. I’ll probably have to wear braces until I’m thirty-five, but I’m straight.” Antwan grinned. “But ever since the day I got shot, I’ve been thanking God for every good thing in my life. He brought me through some tough times. Nah, I don’t go to church on Sundays, but I pray to God every day that I’m above ground. And you should too.”

  I gasped a little as Antwan grabbed my other hand, holding it in his. My mouth dropped open a little as I watched him close his eyes.

  “God, I thank you… for Audrey.” Antwan opened his eyes, looking into mine.

  My heart stampeded in my chest. It was the first time that I’d eve
r heard anyone other than Mariah say that they were thankful for me. It felt amazing, I must admit, to hear a superstar say they were glad to have me around.

  “Amen.” Antwan grinned, eyes searching mine.

  “A- Amen.” I stuttered, glancing over at Mariah, who was giggling with the rest of the crew, who sat watching my face turning bright red.

  “Sean, who?” Drizzle smirked, sitting across from Rhandy at the booth across the room from ours.

  I sighed as I slid my hands from Antwan’s. “So, you’re from Florida too, huh?”

  Antwan nodded, starting to dig into his food. “Tallahassee. That’s where my family is from. We lived there until I was about four and Grandma moved to Severn. We’ve been back and forth between Maryland and Florida until I got my record deal in high school. Did my accent give me away?”

  I hesitated. “No. Your mother was visiting family members in Jacksonville when she was in that car accident. If she hadn’t have been there, I wouldn’t be here.”

  Antwan looked at me before putting a spoonful of mashed potatoes in his mouth.

  “I have dreams about her holding you and your brother in the hospital. Crying to her mother, telling them that she was afraid she wouldn’t treat the two of you fairly because of what your father did to her.” I had to tell Antwan. “I think she loved you. I think there was more going on that the two of you don’t know about. In my dreams, she kept a diary. I think she has a storage somewhere.”

  Antwan’s eyebrows knitted together.

  “You know,” I laughed a little. “Before the accident, I didn’t wear glasses. And now I do. Your mother wore glasses. Chanel glasses, to be exact. I remember that from when she made appearances to our school growing up.”

  “So, how did you meet that nigga, Sean?” Antwan changed the subject.

  I looked at him, picking up my big-ass crispy piece of fried chicken. “Oh, we grew up together. Our parents were close friends. We grew up next door to each other when I lived in the Provinces. Went to school together until we moved to Columbia. We all grew up together. Me, Mariah, Sean, Brandie’s dumb-ass, Korey…”