Chapter Four
Rodney pulled out a blanket and pillow from the hall closet and tossed it on the couch. Carol had left not long after supper and Susan went into the bedroom and closed the door behind her. It was hard getting Justin to go to bed but once he finally crashed, Rodney had some time alone to think. Insomnia plagued him and he glanced at his watch, noting that it was almost midnight. He’d need to get an early start in the morning to make up for his absence. From the lack of sleep, he should’ve been snoozing well. He hadn’t slept the night before with Susan in the hospital and now he was wide awake again, his mind running a mile a minute.
Standing, he walked to the bookshelf near the front window. Family pictures were on display - mainly Justin when he was a baby and toddler, and a few of Rodney and Susan together, but in all of them, he noticed neither of them was smiling. He pulled a picture album from the bottom shelf and sat on the couch, thumbing through the first few pages.
It was their wedding album and Rodney almost slammed it shut. The memories were good ones but they were also painful - what he’d give to go back to that time before Susan had allowed pills and alcohol to consume her life.
On the fifth page, there was an eight by ten photograph of Rodney and Susan, standing together at the altar, hand in hand, he in his tuxedo and she was in her beautiful dress. Both of them were smiling, appearing like nothing would get in the way of their love they had for each other.
“Rodney?”
Susan’s voice pulled him back to present day and he slammed the photo album closed. “Yeah?”
“Can you get me some water?”
She must’ve opened the bedroom door and he hadn’t heard it. He wanted to tell her no, she could get it herself, but guilt made him fill up a glass in the kitchen and take it to her. She was sitting up in bed, leaning back on a pillow that rested against the headboard. Her cheeks were wet from what Rodney assumed were tears.
“You don’t love me anymore, do you?” Susan asked, finishing half of the water before putting the glass on the nightstand.
“You’re kidding me right?”
“No. What do you mean?”
Rodney sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at the ceiling. It was past midnight now and he needed to be at work at six at the latest. It was going to be another exhausting day.
“You want to talk about this right now? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
Susan spun the glass around and it rubbed the surface of the nightstand. “I’ve just been thinking about a lot of things. I know we’ve been through this before. More than once. And each time I know I promised I’d get clean.”
“Why’d you do it?” Rodney interrupted her, making direct eye contact with her.
“Do what?”
“Why’d you even start? All those years ago, the first time you swallowed the pills and drank so much?”
“Well, you and I are both drinkers. It just sort of escalated I guess.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I got bored. You went to work and I stayed home. Then Justin came along and I think I realized I’m not quite the mother I thought I’d be. Carpools and t-ball games. PTA meetings and open house. I needed a little excitement.”
Rodney ran his hands down the sides of his pants and looked away. “I know when to stop drinking, Susan. I don’t let it get out of hand. Your liver is basically shot. You keep this up and you won’t have to worry about going to recovery. You really want to do that to Justin? He’s your kid!” He tried to keep his voice low - Justin had turned into a very light sleeper and getting him to bed the first time was hard enough.
“You asked why I initially started and I told you. I don’t guess you liked my answer too much, did you?”
Rodney shook his head and looked up at the ceiling again. “Being a mother isn’t gonna go away. What is going to be different about this stint in rehab? When you get home Justin will need his mother. He’ll want you to do all of those things you claim bore you. Then what? Turn back to the bottle?”
“No. I’m going to tough it out for him. I answered your question. Now it’s your turn to answer mine.” She pointed at her chest as a stray tear trickled down her cheek.
Rodney knew exactly what question she was referring to but he wasn’t sure how he was going to answer it. “Repeat the question.”
“You don’t love me anymore, do you?”
For the first time in their relationship, Rodney hesitated and it scared him. What exactly did that hesitation mean? Did it mean he didn’t love her? He felt his pulse quicken and he shifted his weight on the mattress, knowing if he waited too long to give her an answer, she’d know too.
“I do love you. I love you, Susan, but this shit has to stop! I have to wonder if you still love me. When you love someone, you don’t put them through all of this. You don’t lie to them and tell them you’ll get sober and stay sober and do it all again, multiple times.”
“I know, Rodney.” She shook her head yes and wiped her nose with a tissue. “I love you and I wish it was easy enough to stop doing like turning a light switch off and on. I’m trying. I’m going to rehab. I’ll talk to a professional. Please, give me one more chance.”
It was almost one AM and Rodney’s eyes were heavy. The fight was wearing him out and he finally felt like if he laid down, his body would drift off. “I need to get some sleep, Susan. We’ll continue this tomorrow. You need to get some rest too.” He patted her leg and stood up. “I’ll sleep on the couch. I’ll let you have the entire bed to yourself so I don’t wake you up for work. Carol said she’d come by in the morning and get Justin ready for school so don’t worry about setting an alarm.”
“What a Godsend my sister is through all of this.”
Rodney didn’t respond and shut the door behind him, ambling back to the couch. Burying himself under the covers, he tried to get his mind to shut down. Too many things going on all at once - he needed Susan to get better, mostly for Justin and herself. And in the midst of his family chaos, his mind switched channels to the bar and the pretty blond waitress he had run into. His random thoughts were what was hindering his sleep, and thinking about a random stranger at the bar was out of left field.
Closing his eyes, he felt his body relax until he drifted off into oblivion.
***
Rodney surprisingly didn’t have a hard time getting up for work the next morning. He looked in on Justin, double checking that his son was still in his bed. He had recently developed a habit of climbing into bed with him and Susan, unwilling to go back to his own room. Rodney chalked it up to all of the changes taking place - Susan’s drinking had been worse the past few months and Justin knew something was going wrong in their family dynamic.
It broke his heart to think about the possibility of splitting up the family - he was also from a broken home, his parents divorcing when Rodney was just a bit older than Justin was now. He would never forget the emotions he experienced when his father moved out. But this situation was slightly different - Rodney would fight tooth and nail to get full custody of Justin. Susan was in no way prepared to take care of a child alone.
He always told himself he’d stay with Susan for the sake of Justin but her bad habits were proving to be rough on Justin, and Rodney feared those bad habits would develop in their son. Alcoholism and addiction could be hereditary and he’d do his best to keep Justin away from it. He couldn’t believe he was going to give Susan one more chance. A part of him didn’t want to give up on her. A part of him knew she’d probably fail. Just one time, he wanted to be wrong. This was something he wouldn’t mind being wrong about.
Padding down the hallway, he tried to be as quiet as possible when getting ready for work. He should’ve moved his toothbrush and toiletries to Justin’s bathroom so he didn’t run the risk of waking Susan. He waited to turn the light on after he closed the door and stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot, he was in need of a shave, his five o’clock shadow coming in dark. Susan’s issues weren’t only hard on Justin - Rodney
wondered when he’d finally reach his breaking point.
“Rodney? What time is it?”
Damn it, he had woken her up. Opening the door, he stood at the foot of the bed. “Five thirty.”
“Why are you going in so early?”
“Because I missed yesterday. I’m going to be behind. We’re already short-handed and there was a pile of work orders on my desk.”
Susan propped herself up on her elbows and nodded as she bit her bottom lip. “I’m sorry about all of this.”
“We have a lot to talk about, Susan. I really can’t miss more work. Get some rest and I’ll be home later.”
She stared at him a few seconds and fell back into the pillows. “Always work before me.”
“Someone’s gotta pay the damn bills.” Rodney stopped himself from saying anything else and clenched his jaw. She had a knack for pushing his buttons and getting a rise out of him. “Look, I really can’t do this right now.” Turning on his heel, he grabbed a work shirt and a pair of jeans from the closet and headed to the door. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”
Hurrying down the hallway, he heard her say something but he couldn’t tell what it was. He assumed it was her trying to pick a fight and he didn’t have it in him. He didn’t have the energy, mentally or physically, to keep this going. Grabbing his jacket and truck keys, sat at the kitchen table. Carol should be there any minute and once she arrived, he’d feel comfortable leaving Justin.
He looked in on his boy one more time and he was in the same position, sleeping soundly, oblivious to the world around him. Rodney couldn’t help but smile at the kid, the spitting image of him. This all would work out in the end. He had to convince himself of that.
His phone vibrated in his pocket. It was Carol, letting him know she was outside. Thankful she didn’t knock and wake everyone up, he opened the door and gave her a quick hug. Without her help, he wouldn’t have been able to go make up some time at work. There was no chance in hell he’d leave Justin alone with Susan. He couldn’t even trust his own wife with their child.
“Am I late?” She whispered, looking at her watch.
“No, you’re good. Thanks for coming by. I made Justin a sack lunch and it’s in the fridge. He’s pretty cranky when he first wakes up so just a head’s up.”
Carol smiled. “It’ll all be okay. How’s Susan?”
“I slept on the couch. I guess she got some good rest. She was awake a few minutes ago.”
Carol nodded and leaned against the wall - she looked exhausted, her brow creased in worry over concern of her sister. “I’m sorry she’s putting you through this again.”
“No need for you to apologize.” Rodney reached for the doorknob. “Text me if there’s any problems. I’ll have my phone with me all day.”
“Will do.”
The humid morning air was refreshing and Rodney took a deep breath, inhaling the crisp breeze. One more chance. That’s all he had left for Susan.
Chapter Five
Amelia was glad to get back to the day job. Working the bar was a great escape and she couldn’t pass up the tips but her day job is where she really felt like she belonged. She also didn’t have to deal with Phillip complaining about how late she got home.
“Martin’s Hardware,” she said, answering the phone. It wasn’t a fancy job but she enjoyed working the counter. She got to talk with a lot of the older farmers in the area and it was a good place to have conversations that didn’t consist of drunken idiots begging for one more round before the doors closed for the night. Sober conversations were more invigorating and made her feel more human.
“I was wondering if y’all were carrying potting soil yet. With spring coming soon I’d like to get a jump on planting my flower beds.”
Amelia smiled, recognizing the woman’s voice instantly. She was an older lady who made it a point to call and come in at least three times a week. “Yes ma’am, we do have potting soil. Ten bucks a bag right now on sale.”
“Thank you, dear, I’ll be in later to get some.”
Amelia hung up the phone and looked up when the bells above the door jingled. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him walk in - was it the same man from the bar? She’d never forget those green eyes and when he smiled, it was enough to confirm that he was the handsome stranger she had met a few nights ago.
“Randy, right?” She came out from the side of the counter to greet him.
“Rodney, actually.” He laughed, extending his hand for her to shake. “Amelia?”
It shocked her that he remembered. His palm was like sandpaper in hers and she noticed how his dark hair curled up around the edges of his sweat-soaked baseball cap. She noted his name sewn into his shirt above his left pocket and the patch above the right. “You work for Johnson Construction?”
“Yeah. You familiar?” He cocked his eyebrow at her observation.
“We do a lot of business for them. Funny how I’ve never seen you in here.”
“Yeah, I’m actually doing some extra work right now. I don’t usually do the purchasing.”
“Well, what can I help you with, Rodney?”
He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and looked over it. “It’d probably just be easier to hand this to you. You probably know where everything is at and it’d save me time so I don’t wander around here like a lost puppy.”
The image of that made her giggle and she gladly took the checklist from him. It was hard to read his handwriting - he didn’t have the best penmanship but a lot of the things he needed were common items. He followed behind her as she gathered up the supplies and she would occasionally look over her shoulder, her heart skipping a beat when they made eye contact.
She continuously had to tell herself to calm down - he was very attractive and she couldn’t let that hinder helping him. This was business - she worked at a hardware store and he needed her assistance. The fact that he was gorgeous would have to be pushed aside. She also noticed the ring on his left finger. Damn! She didn’t spot that at the bar but it instantly doused the flame she felt within her, which was a good thing. She wasn’t single either, though she wasn’t tied down by a ring, thank goodness.
“Okay, I think I got everything you wrote down. Anything else you think you need?”
Rodney took the list from her and looked it over. “I think we’re good. Thanks for your help. This would’ve taken me forever.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
“Good at serving drinks and helping people out at the hardware store. You got a third job I might run into you at?” His eyes danced as he laughed and Amelia giggled - for the first time it felt real and not forced.
“Two is all I have at the moment but you never know.” Amelia shrugged and walked toward the counter. She’d love to chat with him longer but the store was getting busy and he probably didn’t have time to talk much longer. “Well, I won’t keep you. Let me ring you up so you can get back to work.”
He grabbed a package a gum near the register and tossed it on the pile. She watched as he dug his wallet out of his back pocket and sifted through the cash inside. Slapping the money on the counter, her hand brushed his and she tried not to blush, though she felt the heat come up her neck to her cheeks. Embarrassed, she had to remind herself that he was married and she was in a relationship. There was no harm in looking, and man, was it hard to ignore him.
“Thanks for coming in. Come back soon!”
“You bet,” Rodney replied, winking as he made his exit.
Amelia focused on the next person in line - it was a usual customer who came in just for human contact. Greeting him with a smile, Amelia kept one eye on helping him and one eye on Rodney as he went to his truck. She could get used to seeing him around town.
***
Rodney stayed late at work, putting in over twelve hours before he decided to get home. Carol was probably ready to pull her hair out watching Justin and he needed to make sure Susan was doing okay. He was able to get caught up on the work
he missed the day before and when he got in his truck to leave, his body was about ready to give out on him. For a split second, he considered stopping at the bar where he had met Amelia but he drove past - it wouldn’t be the wisest decision and the last thing he needed to do was go home smelling of alcohol. Susan didn’t need it and he’d feel like a hypocrite.
He parked beside Carol’s car in the driveway and waited a few seconds before going in. Gripping the steering wheel, he let out a deep sigh and stared at the front door. Could he do this? Susan was an excellent manipulator, always saying what people wanted to hear to get the heat off of her. He had given her so many chances, so many reasons to stay, and each time he always swore it was the last. Here he sat again, going through the same situation he swore he’d never allow to happen again.
Opening the truck door, he waved to Justin who had run out on the front porch, his smile wide that his dad was finally home. At least Justin seemed to be doing okay - if he was suffering from Susan’s issues, he was doing an excellent job of hiding them. Meeting him in the yard, Justin hugged Rodney’s leg and giggled.
“Aunt Carol made me macaroni and cheese with hot dogs in it for supper!”
“Did she?” Rodney picked him up and kissed him on the cheek before putting him back down. “Did you eat it all?”
“I did!” Justin pointed to his chest, proud of his accomplishment. “That means I can have some ice cream later, right?”
Rodney ruffled Justin’s hair and followed him back inside the house. “I guess we’ll have to ask Aunt Carol if you’re telling me the truth. And make sure you did all of your homework.”
“Make sure he’s telling me the truth about what?” Carol asked as she finished loading the dishwasher, glancing over her shoulder at them.
“I ate all my supper, didn’t I?”
Never Let You Go: Save Me Series Book 2 Page 3
