To Date A Disaster (Southern Sanctuary - book 6)

by Jane Cousins

  “Hi.” She attempted to utter the word in what she hoped was a soft and husky tone, but a stray bit of sawdust got caught in her throat and she started to cough.

  “You okay?” There was a look of slight bemusement on Erik’s face now.

  She coughed once more. “Fine.” She managed to wheeze out. Swallowing hard she got herself back under control. Remember attitude, shoulders back, it’s all in the eyes and keep that smile going. “I thought we might grab something to eat?”

  “I had the same idea. So I texted my Mum and told her we’d be over for dinner tonight.” Erik strode over to her, with deft fingers, he did up the two mother of pearl buttons she’d strategically undone on her cardigan and wiped away a smear of dust from her left cheek. “You okay? Did you get attacked by another book?”

  Cara’s shoulders slumped, so much for her channelling sexy. Peeved, she batted away his hand, rubbing her own cheek frantically. What a true disaster she was… wait, what had he just said about dinner? “You want me to meet your parents?”

  Erik turned and sauntered over to start packing away his tools. He was kind of pleased with the plan he’d come up with. Introducing Cara to his parents, it was brilliant in its simplicity.

  Obviously just stating that he surrendered wasn’t enough for her, he had to prove he meant it. And nothing said that more plainly than having her meet his parents. Plus, there was an added bonus, his mother would totally have to forgive him if he bought Cara home. Two birds… one brilliant stone, no more annoying post-it notes dive bombing his head.

  Cara’s seduction plan had veered off the rails and plummeted rather dramatically down into a ravine. What the hell was Erik thinking, taking her home to meet his parents? His father, the man who shot lightning bolts out of his fingers and the mother, who was obsessed with grandbabies? Cara was pretty sure a small town librarian with unmanageable hair and a tendency to cause natural disasters was not on Mrs Valhalla’s baby-mama approved list.

  Maybe she could still save the situation, sexy hadn’t worked, time to pull out the sweet card. Widening her eyes, she fluttered them slowly. “You sure you wouldn’t prefer a quiet dinner, just the two us? I could cook something.” Merda, who was she kidding. “Or we could pick up take-away.”

  “Do you have something in your eye?” Erik asked, concerned.

  “No, I’m fine.” Cara bit back a frustrated sigh, seriously, she couldn’t even manage sweet? She’d be drummed out of the bodice ripper’s heroine guild, if such a group existed.

  “Don’t worry about dinner, the more the merrier at my folk’s place. My Mum is always prepared to feed an army… and by that I mean a literal army. My Dad’s brothers are always dropping by after a battle and you should see the way my brother-in-law, Vaughn, chows down.”

  “Um… okay.” Against her better judgement she agreed, praying tonight wouldn’t turn out to be too big of a disaster.

  She pushed back hard on her trepidation, she was being silly, it was just dinner with Erik’s parents. How bad could it be? Hmm, well Maat had mentioned she had the potential to wipe out half the state of Queensland. Could tonight be the trigger? Oh, dear.

  Despite a twenty minute silent self-administered lecture on the drive to Lucy and Gunther Valhalla’s property, Cara still found her feet dragging. Of course she wanted to meet Erik’s parents… she just didn’t want to meet Erik’s parents… see, her logic made perfect sense.

  It was why she was ten steps behind Erik as he bounded up the steps to his childhood home and sauntered inside, leaving her to drift along slowly in his wake.

  Erik was guessing Cara had had a rough day. She’d been quiet on the ride up here and he could only presume from the state of her mussed clothes earlier she’d had to deal with some recalcitrant magic books. Plus, no doubt the excitement from the last few days was probably catching up with her. They’d skip dessert he decided, and he’d get her back to his place for an early night… alone… she obviously needed her rest. Unless tonight went really well and she accepted his offer to move in with him permanently, then all bets were off.

  He banged the front door open without knocking, stepping in to the front living room just as both his folks exited the kitchen, a plate of food in his mother’s hands, his Dad carrying four bottles of wine.

  Wearing fitted blue jeans and a light blue angora sweater, Lucy Valhalla with her dark hair spilling down her back in soft waves looked young enough to pass as his older sister, except for the motherly concern currently radiating from her dark blue eyes. “Erik.” She said his name with a mixture of relief and genuine worry. “Darling, are you sure about this?” Lucy swallowed hard. “I’m really not certain she’s the right girl for you.”

  Gunther stopped at his wife’s shoulder, towering over her at almost seven feet in height, and three times his wife’s width with a massive broad chest, arms bulging with muscles, his huge fists the size of hams. His long red hair was braided back off his face as he glared at his second eldest son, lightning bolts arcing across his grey eyes. “Son, what your mother’s trying to say is, this girl of yours is bat-shit crazy.”

  Erik didn’t flinch from his father’s glare, when wasn’t Gunther glaring at one of his sons, and after thirty-four years it didn’t faze Erik one bit. “Hey, that’s a little harsh, you haven’t even met her yet.”

  Cara, who’d overheard their exchange couldn’t seem to stop her feet from moving forward as she entered the house and came to a stop beside Erik. Looks like this disastrous evening was getting off on just the right foot, Erik’s parents actively hated her, sight unseen.

  “Who is that?” Lucy and Gunther spoke the words in almost comic unison as they stared at Cara.

  Erik frowned, looking confused. “This is Cara, the friend I told you I was bringing for dinner.” That should have been enough explanation, but his parents were shaking their heads in a rather strange negative manner.

  “Then we have a problem.” Lucy whispered urgently. “Because your… friend.” Lucy flicked her head towards the outdoor heated patio. “Arrived for dinner fifteen minutes ago.”

  “What?” Erik glanced between his parents and then at Cara.

  “Let me guess.” Cara smiled, starting to see the funny side in all of this. “She has blue hair and is a big advocate of the benefits of tofu?”

  Erik’s head whipped around to look at Cara. “I swear to the Goddess I did not ask her here.” There was genuine panic in Erik’s cobalt blue eyes.

  “Don’t worry, I believe you.”

  “You do?” Erik was astonished. “You didn’t last night.”

  Cara’s eyes narrowed, simmering anger once more bubbled in her veins as she recalled the blue haired man-eater making herself at home in Erik’s bed. “You really think bringing that up, right at this moment is a good idea?” She flashed Erik a clear – I’ll deal with you later - look.

  Lucy and Gunther who’d been standing silently observing their interaction, glanced at one another, a whole silent conversation passing between them thanks to decades of being melded. The large welcoming smile Lucy suddenly bestowed on Cara was genuine and warm. “I’m so sorry for the mix up, Cara, you say? I’m Lucy, Erik’s mother and this is his father, Gunther.”

  “Call me Gunn.” Gunther rumbled.

  “Yes, yes sorry. Cara, my folks. Folks… Cara. Now what are we going to do about the wacky blue haired loon?” Erik waved a hand, gesturing towards the outdoor patio.

  “That poor girl.” Lucy sighed.

  Uh-oh, Erik was suddenly worried, his mother had a notoriously soft heart.

  “I feel like this is all my fault, introducing the two of you.” Lucy continued.

  “No.” Erik couldn’t seem to win. Cara was once more glaring daggers at him, clearly still dwelling on the memory of Saffron’s naked presence in his bed last night… which had totally not been his fault. “No, Mum… she has to go.”

  Lucy sent Erik a disappointed look. “Is that how I raised you? To be unkind to invited guests in ou
r home.”

  “She was never invited.” Erik tried one last attempt to get his mother to see reason. Seriously, if Cara was fuming now, she would be volcanic if she were forced to sit through a meal with bluesy floozy Saffron.

  “Let Cara decide if the crazy one goes or stays.” Gunther issued the words from between clenched teeth.

  Cara wasn’t intimidated by Gunn’s ferocious gaze fixed on her, she’d already surmised that unless the man was looking at his lovely, surprisingly young wife, then the permanent expression on his face was one of focused simmering blood thirsty rage. Three weeks ago he might have scared her silly, now she was the reigning Queen of Chaos and it was a title she was finally… finally, going to start taking seriously. Suddenly she found herself smiling at Erik. “Oh, let the girl stay… it’s only polite.”

  Erik reared back from Cara, whoa, that slightly vindictive smile that was suddenly gracing her full lips was turning him on like no one’s business. A kind of embarrassing state to be in, considering his parents were present.

  “Excellent.” Lucy nodded approvingly, giving Cara another huge smile before turning and heading for the patio doors, humming what sounded suspiciously like a lullaby under her breath.

  Gunn followed in his wife’s wake, shaking his head and muttering cranky low threats under his breath but Cara could have sworn she caught a glimpse of genuine amusement in those clear grey eyes of his.

  “Cara, are you sure? We could still turn around and leave.” Erik wasn’t sure who he was trying to save now, Cara or Saffron.

  Cara’s knowing smile never wavered as she reached over and grabbed Erik’s large warm calloused hand, damn she loved touching the man. A sudden impulse struck her, and not stopping to over think, consider the ramifications or establish a pro and con list, she just gave in to it. Stepping forward, she lifted up on her toes and gave Erik a swift quick kiss. “Come on... let’s go have some fun.”

  Erik was slightly dazed, happy dazed… she’d kissed him, unasked, uncalled for… Cara had just up and kissed him. It had barely lasted a breath but it was the best kiss he’d ever had. His clever plan of introducing her to his parents had obviously worked.

  Still, he wasn’t that far gone that he didn’t recognise that along with the slightly wicked smile tilting up the edges of Cara’s luscious lips there was also a rather unnerving sparkle in her sapphire blue eyes. Damn, he almost felt sorry for Saffron, but not enough to do anything about it… let the fun begin.

  Saffron had dressed for a war. In a tightly fitted low cut white dress she looked sexy, urban and bold. A chunky necklace wrapped around her pale throat made out of jet beads highlighted her dark eyes and made her short dark blue hair appear glossy and trendy. Her gaze followed Erik hungrily as he stepped out on to the patio, whilst she made an all too obvious effort to ignore Cara’s presence. Even as the two sat directly across the table from her, Saffron appeared to be pretending that Cara did not exist.

  Wow, Saffron really was Coo-coo for Cocoa-Puffs insane. Over the next fifteen minutes she directed the conversation like a maestro. Zinging questions about art at Erik, inviting Lucy to give her opinions, all the while as she expounded on her own artistic achievements. It was kind of amusing in a way how she refused to make eye contact with Cara, or let the conversation lull long enough for Cara to make a contribution. And every time Erik or Lucy attempted to include Cara in the conversation, Saffron would launch into some loud, complicated - in the know - story regarding a famous artist or masterpiece.

  Hmmm, Cara sipped some red wine before turning her attention to Gunn seated next to her. Stoic and built like a mountain, the man didn’t just ignore any attempt Saffron made to draw him in to her exclusive inner circle, the man actively rebuffed them with low, just audible, but rather scary growls, and the occasional grunt. Cara found herself taking an unexpected shine to the man.

  Maybe it was the wine but Cara couldn’t help but ask. “You’re the son of a God, right? Odin? But you’re not a demi god? Is there some sort of rule book for who gets to be what?”

  Gunn shifted his attention to her, a bolt of lightning arcing across his right pupil. “Demi gods are just wannabe douche bags.”

  Cara almost spit out her mouthful of wine. “Oh, I couldn’t agree more. I just met my Great-Great-by the power of ten-Great Uncles and they would have to be the biggest douche bags ever.”

  “Sek and Mot?” Gunn said their names so deep, so low, that Cara felt the reverberation though her bones.

  She’d temporarily forgotten that Gunn had an axe to grind with her relatives for almost killing his daughter. “Yes. Erik and I are working with Maat’s… warriors, to hunt them down.” Gunn remained tense, Cara searched around frantically for something to say that would soothe the man as lightning arcs crackled and exploded in his eyes and the smell of ozone filled the air. “I bought an entire wing of The Metropolitan Museum down on their heads.”

  Gunn relaxed infinitesimally, the vaguest hint of a smile teasing the corner of his mouth so quick and fleeting she wasn’t sure if she’d imagined it. “Good.” The smell of ozone dissipated.

  Silence had fallen abruptly over the table, Cara turned to find Erik eyeing her with wide-eyed surprise whilst Lucy beamed a satisfied smile down the table at her husband. Even Saffron had fallen silent, her eyes narrowing in calculation for a split second before her wine glass abruptly toppled forward, spilling its contents across the table, the liquid wave headed right for Cara’s lap.

  In that instant Cara met Saffron’s smug look, fire igniting instantly in her belly and just like that the ground beneath their feet gave a short - so brief you might have missed it - jolt, the table on Cara’s side tilting upwards ever so slightly, enough to send the tidal wave of red wine back across the table.

  Saffron screeched as the red liquid splashed down the front of her gleaming white dress. Hurriedly she pushed her chair back, glaring at Cara as if the accident was all her fault. Which of course it was, but the blue haired hussy had no proof of that. Saffron grabbed her napkin, frantically trying to dab the liquid away before heaving a disgusted sigh and heading inside.

  “Third door on the right dear.” Lucy called after her.

  “I’ll go help her.” Cara stood up, halting as Erik grabbed her hand.

  “I’m pretty sure you’re the last person she will accept help from.”

  “I’m just going to extend the hand of friendship.” She brushed off Erik’s hold and headed inside, a mischievous grin plastered to her face.

  Goddess, Erik fought back the urge to follow her.

  “I like her.” Lucy stated, smiling for all she was worth.

  Erik bit back a groan, of course his mother liked Cara, what wasn’t to like? She was gorgeous, smart and feisty… perfect mother of his children material. Shit, what the hell had his Angel done to him? He turned to his father. His taciturn, gruff father would know exactly the right thing to say in this moment to knock some sense back into son.

  “Me too.”

  Damn, he was done for. Who was he kidding… move in with him? That was just his way of pleading with Cara to meld with him, to marry him… to have his babies. Fuck, he was terminally, irrevocably, in love with Cara Devigne, walking disaster and Queen of Chaos.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Cara was so giddy she wanted to sing, she wanted to dance. Which was saying a lot because she couldn’t sing to save herself and she was pretty sure she had two left feet. Not only had she faced down Saffron’s sneak attack, she’d managed to turn it back around, in a controlled and if she did say so herself, rather stylish manner.

  Last time she’d put the chaos whammy on Saffron when she’d turned up at the library art class she’d been fuelled by anger… huh, who was she kidding? She’d been pea green with jealousy. Sure, she’d wanted Saffron to fall on her ass but the domino effect of her lashing out had been instantaneous and lucky it hadn’t caused anymore mayhem than a broken dome window and a mess to clean up.

  But tonight… she�
��d managed to tilt the table with such a classy – barely there – tremor, she hadn’t even upset any of the other glassware on the table. It had been a thing of beauty.

  Maat had been right. In the past she would have sat there and silently fumed whilst she tried to tamp down her anger and get a handle on her jealousy. Because after all, nice normal people didn’t make a scene. They didn’t give in to their emotions or take delight in petty acts of revenge. Except they do. Everyone does… of course they strive not too ninety-nine present of the time, but they don’t flagellate themselves when they do give in to their emotions. They pick themselves up, clean up the mess and swear to do better next time. Because that was what being human was about.

  Being perfect, not creating waves, was just not possible. Not if you are living up to your full potential and embracing life. And she was so beyond ready to embrace life.

  “You!” Saffron looked up from the bathroom sink where she was fruitlessly trying remove the red wine stain from the front of her dress.

  Cara was intrigued by the sight of water running up along Saffron’s bare arm to sluice across the front of her dress before mysteriously falling back into the basin of its own accord. Not a single drop hitting the floor. Hmm, she was guessing that Saffron’s people had something to do with controlling water, perhaps explaining the blue hair. Maybe it was her real hair colour, interesting…. whoops, she was getting side tracked. “I came to check that you’re alright.”

  “Of course I’m not alright. You’ve ruined everything. Do you know how hard it is to find a gorgeous heterosexual man who’s interested in art?”

  Cara suddenly felt sorry for Saffron, who made such a pathetic picture, the spreading red wine stain, her ruined dress. And seriously, who could blame the woman for throwing herself repeatedly at Erik, he was gorgeous and built. “How do you feel about firemen?”

  “Firemen?” The water tap switched itself off abruptly, Saffron eyeing Cara with a sudden look of interest.