The Summer Boyfriend

by Benjamin, Christina

  “I need to know we’re okay.”

  “Jack doesn’t know about us, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “That’s good, but that’s not all I’m asking, Joy. I want to know if ‘we’ are okay,” he said, brushing her hair away from her face.

  “No, Hayden. Nothing about this is okay!” she hissed gesturing between them.

  Hayden saw frost crackling behind Joy’s green eyes and it destroyed him. “Don’t be pissed at me, Joy. Just talk to me. I’m trying to follow your rules but—”

  Joy’s eyes flared and her laughter cut him off. “Are you serious? You don’t even know the meaning of rules.”

  “And you do?” he shouted, finally reaching the end of his patience. “Jesus, Joy! Your mood swings could give a guy whiplash. You act so hot and cold, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.”

  “Well let me make it easy for you, Hayden. You’re going.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “It means it’s time for us to be honest and admit that this was fun, but it’s run its course.”

  “So, you get to decide when it’s over? Just like that?”

  “Yes, Hayden. I told you what this was from the beginning. You got what you wanted. You’re back in the program and you have some steamy Hawaiian memories you can take back to New York, so just let it go.”

  “What if I don’t want to let it go?”

  She gave a flippant shrug. “I don’t really care what you want, Hayden.”

  “What the hell are you so scared of?”

  “Oh, just because a girl rejects you, that means there’s something wrong with her? You must think pretty highly of yourself.”

  “No, Joy, that’s the thing. I don’t. I never have. All my confidence, my cocky ego, it’s all a front. But when I’m with you, I don’t need any of it. I just need you. And I know that you care about me. Yesterday was . . . it was real, Joy.”

  “No Hayden, it wasn’t.”

  “Stop! Just stop it. I get it, Joy. I get that you’re scared of letting someone in. I get that you’re afraid to admit how you really feel, but one of us has to and I’ll gladly step up. I want this. I want to be with you. And don’t you dare tell me I’m wrong to want that. You don’t get to tell me I don’t know how I feel. You don’t get to dismiss everything I finally know I want.” Hayden ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He couldn’t find the right words and staring at Joy’s utter denial was pissing him off.

  He squeezed the back of his neck. “Jesus, Joy. Yesterday was real for me. It was more than just a fun story to take home. And I think it meant more to you, too.”

  “You’re wrong,” she whispered.

  But Hayden could see her armor tarnishing under his penetrating gaze. He wasn’t letting her off the hook this time. She tried to duck under his arm but he pulled her back. “I’m not gonna stop until you talk to me, Joy.”

  “Hayden, I can’t . . . I just . . . I need this job and I’m sorry I gave you the wrong idea, but this isn’t what I want. You’re not what I want.”

  Her words gutted him. ‘You’re not what I want.’ It was a notion that had haunted Hayden his entire life—he wasn’t good enough to want. Anger rose in him too swiftly to quell. “So what? When you learned what was under the hood, the payout suddenly didn’t seem worth it?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Why do you know my times and swim records, Joy?”

  Her face flushed.

  “You said you don’t know who I am, but I find that pretty goddamn hard to believe if you know my swim stats.”

  Joy refused to look at him and Hayden felt his fragile heart turning inside out. He couldn’t bear it if she turned out to be another gold digger. Everything about their connection said she wasn’t, but she didn’t deny it, she didn’t correct him.

  Tell me it’s not true, Joy.

  Tell me this hasn’t all been an act.

  Hayden’s voice broke as he growled out his words. “Answer me, Joy.”

  A voice interrupted them. “Jo, everything okay?”

  Hayden and Joy turned their attention to the girl standing on the landing below them. Raven hair, chocolate skin, stinging accusation. Kendall stared at them, concern evident in her light brown eyes.

  Shit! How much had she heard?

  Joy successfully ducked out of Hayden’s hold while he was distracted by Kendall, jogging down the stairs toward her friend. Hayden expected Joy to stop, but she just kept moving, right past Kendall and down the rest of the stairs until she was out of sight.

  Kendall looked between Hayden and the direction Joy had gone. Again, he found himself surprised that Kendall didn’t go after Joy. Instead, she set her jaw, squared her shoulders and marched up the stairs, stopping when she was level with Hayden.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” Kendall hissed.

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you! You have no idea what that girl has been through.”

  “That’s the problem. She won’t let me in.”

  “You’ve been here what? A week? You think that means you’ve earned the right to insert yourself into her life?”

  “No—”

  “Really, ‘cause that’s sure what it sounds like.”

  “I’m just trying to figure out if I can trust her.”

  “You should be more worried about if she can trust you, because if you hurt her, you won’t make it off this island with that pretty smile of yours intact.”

  Hayden huffed a laugh. “I’ve met her brothers, thanks.”

  “I wasn’t talking about them.” Kendall glared at him. “I was talking about me. And I promise you, what I’ll do to you if you hurt Jo will make her brothers look like kittens.”

  Hayden swallowed thickly.

  Kendall held her glare for one more uncomfortable moment before moving to walk up the stairs. She only got a few steps past him before she turned around. “And we all know your times and stats, dumbass. They’re printed out and hanging on the board in the staff break room.”

  “What? Why?”

  Kendall shrugged. “How else are we supposed to make accurate bets?”

  “You bet on us?”

  “We do more than that. There’s an entire bracket set up. And guess who our little Jo picked out of all the ACE athletes? Before she ever laid eyes on you. Or should I say lips?”

  Hayden’s heart froze.

  No, Joy, you didn’t.

  You didn’t pick me, did you?

  Kendall laughed. “And before you worry that pretty little head of yours, it was a random draw. She pulled your number out of a hat. So yeah, she has no idea who the hell you are. I tried to tell her after you came to Locos for your wallet and she didn’t want to know. But even if she did, she’s probably one of the few people who wouldn’t care.”

  Hayden couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move.

  No, no, no.

  Joy, tell me I didn’t ruin this.

  “Bet you feel pretty dumb, huh, smart guy?” Kendall, drawled. Then she walked the rest of the way up the stairs, leaving Hayden feeling like the complete pile of shit that he was.

  Joy

  Jo was pretty damn proud of herself for making it away from Hayden and past Kendall before she broke down into soul-wrenching sobs. She’d made it all the way back to her apartment so she could fall apart in peace. But even then she only gave herself two minutes to feel sorry for herself.

  Two minutes to mourn the loss of everything that could have been.

  Two minutes to think about Max and Kai and Hayden.

  Two minutes to wish things were different.

  She knew those two minutes didn’t change anything. She knew that no matter what was going on in her world, that life charged on, moving forward, with or without her. But sometimes, just having two minutes to shout her anger into the void was the only way she found she could move forward without it weighing her down, without it suffocating her.

  Walking away from Hayden w
as one of the hardest things she’d had to do in a long time. Walking away from his perfect lips and his pleading eyes, walking away from the things his heart did to hers, walking away from him saying he wanted her . . . It should’ve earned her a goddamned medal.

  But life gave lessons, not excuses. Jo never should have gotten involved with Hayden in the first place. She knew it was a mistake, and now she needed to rectify it.

  She’d already let Hayden have more power over her than she should’ve. Jo knew if she wasn’t strong enough to walk away from him now, it would only get worse. She closed her eyes trying to shut out the anger in his voice, the hurt in his eyes. She’d never seen him like that before. He seemed so wounded, so vengeful. And what had he meant by ‘what’s under the hood not being worth the payout’?

  Joy tried not to relive the agonizing moments in the stairwell with Hayden, but the conversation played in her mind on a loop. She hated how betrayed he’d looked when she left. This was what she was trying to avoid. The rules were supposed to keep them safe. They were supposed to make it so neither of them got hurt.

  But despite her rules, despite her best efforts, it didn’t matter. Because Jo had to walk away. And she had to do it now—no matter how much it tore her apart.

  Jo dried her tears, locked up her heart and charged back out to the beach, determined to do what she set out to do this summer. Build a life for herself. And that life didn’t have room for broken hearts.

  42

  Hayden

  The next two weeks sucked. They more than sucked. They were down right torturous. And not because of training. It seemed Hayden had been right in assuming week one was meant to weed out the ACE field. When he joined his new squad there were only half the amount of swimmers left.

  Training became more civilized in the weeks that followed. They spent their days in the pool or the gym, with only a few beach runs or ocean exercises.

  By the end of week three it seemed everyone who remained was here to stay. Everyone except Hayden. He’d never quit anything in his life, but he’d never wanted to more. He’d seen Joy a total of three times in the past two weeks. Twice, she’d been with a group of lifeguards so he didn’t have an opportunity to talk to her. But once, he’d lucked out and caught her on her way to her apartment. Truthfully, it wasn’t a coincidence. He’d been waiting for her. But despite his best efforts, she refused to speak to him.

  He felt like a complete ass for blowing up at her after their meeting with Jack. Especially since Kendall clued him in as to why Joy knew about his swimming stats. It seemed he was the last to find out about the ACE gambling bracket. When he’d asked some of the other athletes about it they boasted like prizefighters.

  Hayden felt like an idiot for being so clueless. Perhaps if he hadn’t been so distracted by Joy he might have known about the betting. But from the moment they met, Hayden hadn’t been able to focus on anything but her. And today was no different. It was killing him that Joy wouldn’t talk to him. He’d sent endless texts apologizing for his behavior and asking for her to give him another chance, but he’d received radio silence.

  They’d spent one week together and two weeks apart. Hayden found it to be an accurate depiction of their relationship—one step forward, two steps back. The problem was they only had three weeks left and then there would be no more steps. And that was something Hayden couldn’t accept.

  It was Friday night. That meant another ACE staff beach bonfire. Hayden loved and loathed them equally. Each Friday offered him a chance to be close to Joy, but never close enough. He watched her from across the flames, desperately replaying the few beautiful moments they’d shared together, grateful for them, while knowing they would never be enough to sustain him.

  Tonight he would make his move. He knew there would be flames. The question was, would he crash and burn? Or would Joy allow him to ignite the fire in her heart one more time?

  One more chance, Joy.

  That’s all I need.

  Joy

  Jo glowered at the flames. She sat on a large piece of driftwood, counting the hours until she could sneak off to her apartment and be miserable in peace. Unfortunately, Kendall was watching her like a hawk. The girl had made it her mission to cheer Jo up. Of course, Kendall’s method of cheer came in a bottle and burned with each gulp.

  “Come on, Jo!” Kendall whined. “This bottle of rum cost more than my rent. I’m not gonna waste it on you if you’re gonna pout all night.”

  “Like you paid for it. And for the record, I’m not pouting.”

  Kendall sat down next to Jo on the driftwood, took a swig of her rum, then passed Jo the bottle. “You’re right, I swiped it from Locos. But you totally are pouting. You look just as miserable as Moody-Manhattan over there,” she said, nodding to where Hayden was sulking across the fire.

  Jo caught his eye but instantly looked away, drowning her sadness with another swig of rum. It barely dulled the constant ache she felt in her chest. Ever since she made her decision to stop whatever the hell she’d started with Hayden, she felt sick. They hardly had any interaction at all in the past two weeks, but the less time they spent together the more she craved him.

  All the stolen glances and forbidden touches only made things worse. She’d erased his phone number and blocked his texts, but he still didn’t take the hint. Hayden was relentless and it was starting to wear her down. When he randomly caught her arm on her way to her apartment a few days ago she’d nearly had a panic attack—or at least that’s what it felt like.

  Her heart had raced and it was impossible to breathe when she stared into his burning blue eyes. They seared her right to the soul, and maybe they muddled her mind a bit too, because despite her best efforts, Jo was still unable to shake the memory of the way Hayden’s skin felt or his lips tasted or . . . Oh God, why wasn’t the rum helping?

  You made up your mind, Jo.

  It was a smart decision, so stick to it.

  She knew nothing good could come from falling back into bed with this boy. But even just the thought of it made her heart thump with traitorous desire. Her whole body was working against her.

  You’re already hurting, Jo, why not get a little pleasure to go with the pain?

  “Oh my God,” Kendall muttered.

  Jo glanced at her in time to catch a dramatic eye roll. “What?”

  “If you don’t go over there and talk to him right now I’m gonna stand up and tell everyone the cucumber hot tub story.”

  Jo crossed her arms. “Go ahead.”

  “Really? You don’t care if I tell everyone at ACE that you learned how to put condoms on cucumbers in my uncle’s hot tub?”

  “No. I was fifteen and we were playing Truth or Dare. And as usual I was just carrying out one of your dumbass dares. Besides, you were way more embarrassing than me that night.”

  Kendall raised her chin, defiantly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Yeah right. You were drunk but not that drunk. There’s no way you don’t remember carving that cucumber into a penis with your teeth and naming it Lucas before you started making out with it. That shit scarred me for life. And I’m betting it would stick with Lucas, too.”

  Kendall’s eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t . . .”

  “What? Tell him that you’ve been in love with him since puberty? And you carved a cucumber to look like his member while playing Truth or Dare? Yeah, Kendall, I would. So don’t push me, okay?”

  “Damn, Jo. Love makes you bitchy,” she said, swiping her bottle of rum back and stomping away.

  Hayden

  Jo was finally alone. It was now or never. Hayden took a deep breath, psyching himself up as he slowly made his way around the beach fire pit to where Joy was sitting. Before he reached her, Brock showed up, causing Jo to stand up and frown. Hayden couldn’t hear what they were saying, but her body language told him enough. She didn’t want Brock there.

  Brock had been a constant obstacle in the past two weeks. He seemed glued to J
oy’s side every time Hayden tried to talk to her. At first, Hayden thought maybe Joy had asked him to help keep Hayden away, but the more he watched them interact, the more he noticed how on edge Joy seemed whenever Brock was around. They were always whispering and arguing.

  Hayden didn’t need another reason to dislike the guy, but watching him tuck a lock of Jo’s hair behind her ear ignited a fiery pit of jealousy inside Hayden that nearly blinded him. Joy tried to duck away but Brock snatched her phone and started snapping pictures of her. She objected, but he pulled her in for a selfie of the two of them. Joy rolled her eyes, but finally gave in, even smiling for a few photos.

  Hayden couldn’t figure her out. Just when he thought he did, she totally threw him a curveball. She acted like she hated Brock, but then she posed for photos? What the hell was he missing?

  He took a steadying breath and reminded himself of his mission. He tried to be grateful that Brock was there, keeping Jo on her feet and distracted.

  This will only take a second, Jo.

  Then the ball’s in your court.

  Joy

  “Okay, that’s enough,” Jo said, putting her hand out for her phone.

  “Oh come on, let’s send a pic to Kai. He’ll think it’s funny.”

  “It’s late, Brock.”

  “It’s not that late.”

  Jo sighed. “Fine. One picture.”

  Brock grinned and snapped another photo of them. This time Jo actually smiled.

  Brock sent the text and when he finally handed her phone back he asked, “So . . . you ready to quit stalling, or what?”

  “Brock, I told you I haven’t made a decision yet. Pressuring me isn’t going to change that.”

  “I think I’ve been pretty fucking patient, Jo. You know what I’m offering makes sense. It’s what’s best for all of us.”

  No, it’s not!

  You are not your brother.

  You can’t replace Max no matter how hard you try, Brock.

  Of course Jo couldn’t say any of that. She had to keep the peace. So, she took a deep breath, stepping back from Brock to give herself space to think. She was about to tell him she needed more time when she bumped into someone behind her. She stumbled, trying to catch her balance as hands moved to her hips, steadying her.