Jo’s body instantly reacted. Heat rushed through her and her heart leapt to her throat. She knew those hands, that touch. It was Hayden, and he was slipping something into her back pocket.
“Watch where the hell you’re walking, bruh,” Brock yelled.
But Jo barely heard Brock. Her entire being was concentrating on Hayden’s breath licking her ear as he spoke. “You good?” he whispered.
“Yes.” The word came out of her breathlessly.
Yes, Hayden I am.
For the first time in two weeks I finally feel good.
And do you know why?
Because I’m talking to you.
I miss you, Hayden.
I wish I could admit that.
“Good. I hope I’ll see you later then.”
“Did you not hear me, haole?” Brock yelled, stepping closer to Hayden.
Jo closed her eyes. She couldn’t handle looking at Brock’s selfish face while feeling Hayden’s generous touch. It was weakening her resolve. In one minute, she’d melt under that touch and dissolve into Hayden. She’d let him hold her. She’d let him carry her away. She’d regret it all tomorrow, but that was tomorrow’s problem. Jo was living in the now. And right now, she needed Hayden’s touch more than anything else.
Hayden raised his hands, taking a step back. “Heard ya loud and clear.”
And then, he was gone. Taking his burning touch with him. The absence of him hurt almost more than his touch. Jo turned around to watch Hayden walking away, feeling the chill of the night air cling to every inch of warmth he’d left on her skin.
Why was this happening to her?
How could she long so desperately for someone she hardly knew?
They’d just met, but watching him walk away was like losing a part of herself. She wanted to chase after him. She wanted to say she missed him. But her heart reminded her that he wasn’t hers to miss. That ship had sailed—and sunk to the bottom of the sea.
“What the hell is that guy’s problem?” Brock asked pulling Jo from her trance.
She blinked back to reality. Brock was glaring at Hayden’s back with hatred, while Kendall looked between the three of them, plainly searching for answers. But Jo was over it. She didn’t have answers to give and she was too tired to play Brock’s games.
“I’m going to bed,” she grumbled, turning away from Brock and whistling for Piper.
“But it’s not that late,” he insisted, reaching for her arm.
Jo shrugged out of his grasp. “It’s late enough. And I’m tired.”
Brock caught the edge in her voice and let her pull away. Thankfully, he was smart enough not to follow. Because Jo was tired. She was tired off all of it.
Tired of missing Max.
Tired of turning down Brock.
Tired of being less than Kai deserved.
Tired of fighting her feelings for Hayden.
Tired of . . .
Jo’s steps faltered as her mind finally caught up to her heart. Hayden had put something in her pocket. His sizzling touch had nearly scorched her mind clean of the memory, but as she walked down the beach toward her apartment she felt the foreign weight in the back pocket of her shorts.
She wanted to reach back and grab it, but she didn’t dare. Jo could practically feel Brock and Kendall’s eyes boring holes into her back. She’d have to wait until she was safe in her apartment.
The thought spurred her feet. She picked up her pace until she was jogging up her stairs. Piper caught up with her, jumping at her side thinking Jo’s quickened pace meant something exciting was about to happen. And maybe it was.
Piper wasn’t the only one twitching with eagerness as Jo scurried inside, locking the door behind her. She reached into her pocket, heart pounding, and pulled out a small stiff envelope. It was the size of a credit card. Jo opened it with trembling fingers and watched the contents slide onto her kitchen island. She stared at it for a moment, her breath frozen in her lungs.
A plastic key card with the Four Seasons logo glared back at her with a tempting proposition. The only other item on the island was a tiny square of folded yellow paper. Jo reached out and unfolded it. Hayden’s handwriting stared back at her.
Room 108.
One word.
Three numbers.
Two choices.
Stay or go?
So much hung in the balance.
The decision could change Jo’s entire future.
43
Hayden
Hayden paced the beach in front of his room again. He knew if Joy came she’d come from the beach side. She’d never risk coming through the hotel, where someone might see her. But he’d given her the key card just the same.
There was something forbidden and sexy about the act. Slipping it into her pocket, leaving the decision entirely up to her. If she showed up then he knew what it meant. If she showed up she wasn’t coming to talk. She was coming to surrender to the unstoppable pull between them. If she showed up . . .
Please show up, Joy.
Hayden gazed up the beach again, praying he’d see her silhouette, because he was tired. Tired of denying himself what he wanted after finally finding it. Tired of fighting his feelings for her. Tired of treading water against the riptide of his heart. Because his heart was with Joy. It’d left him the moment she saw his scars and didn’t look away. And he was tired of existing without a heart—without Joy.
One more glance showed the beach was still empty, just like it had been every time he’d scanned it in the past three hours. Hayden heaved a sigh of frustration squeezing the back of his neck. If she didn’t show up . . .
She will.
She’ll come.
She has to.
Hayden wouldn’t even let his mind think of any other option. Instead, he walked back inside his suite and flipped on the Jacuzzi lights. The inviting water glowed blue from the pavered deck of his private beach patio. Hayden’s father had rented him the suite at the Four Seasons for the entire six weeks of ACE, never imagining Hayden would be tough enough to survive the not-so-luxurious athletic barracks.
But Hayden hadn’t been back to the hotel since the program started. He also hadn’t checked out. The moment he met Joy, he knew he’d want to take her there. The moment he’d kissed her on the beach, pressing her body into the sand with his own, he’d imagined kissing her here on every plush surface the hotel suite had to offer. But as the night slid on, only loneliness came to join Hayden. It settled by his side, silent and familiar—an old friend coming back home.
Hayden sat down on the edge of his private Jacuzzi and let his legs sink into the churning hot water. It felt good on his sore muscles. He briefly wondered if the water could sooth his aching heart as well, but the thought was fleeting. Nothing could fix that—nothing but Joy.
* * *
Three beers later the jets kicked off again and Hayden had to decide whether to drag himself back out of the Jacuzzi to restart them or sit in the water with only silence and the soft sounds of the ocean to accompany his loneliness. Joy hadn’t shown up. It was nearly two in the morning. She wasn’t coming. He knew she wasn’t, but he couldn’t seem to convince his body to give up and go to bed.
Hayden sunk further into the water until his shoulders disappeared and he leaned his head back against the pavers. He looked up at the stars. They seemed alone and so far, far away—a mirror of his own quest for happiness: unattainable.
He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of the waves, trying to block out the way they made him think of Joy. She’d ruined the ocean for him. He’d never be able to look at the beach and not think of her. He’d never be able to hear the crash of the waves and think of anything but their lips crashing together in hundreds of hungry kisses.
The world was ruined. Turned to chalk and dust and ash—a world without Joy. She’d ruined waterfalls and surfboards. Hiking and junk food. Towels and kitchen counters. Laundry and dirty dishes. Burgers and flirting. Sunburn and laughter. Picnics and drivin
g. Beer and sunsets. Raindrops and kissing. What else was there?
What am I living for, Joy?
I don’t want this world without you.
I don’t want a joyless existence.
Why didn’t you come, Joy?
I really thought you would come.
Hayden squeezed his eyes tightly closed against the loneliness that wrapped around him, cradling him, soothing his broken heart. The hot water joined hands with the beer and held him in place, loneliness sitting on his chest. Hayden couldn’t move if he tried. So he didn’t.
Joy
When she saw Hayden sitting there, his eyes clamped shut, the anguish plain on his face, she knew she’d made the right decision. Jo had turned around three times on her way to the hotel, but seeing Hayden now made all of her doubts fade away. He felt the exact same way she did. She could see it written on his face—the tension of his arms, the furrow of his brow, the hard set of his jaw. Staying away was hurting them more than helping. And she didn’t want to hurt anymore.
Jo slipped off her sandals and let her sundress fall to the ground. She set her purse down and silently slipped into the inviting Jacuzzi, sitting as close to Hayden as she dared. He still hadn’t noticed her yet. His eyes were closed, flitting back and forth beneath his lids like he was trapped in some unpleasant dream.
The jets weren’t on and the water around Hayden was tranquil and still. Jo could see him clearly through the illuminated water. He glowed blue, his hands at his sides, balled into fists, his dark t-shirt plastered to his skin. She ached to touch him. She reached out, the heat in her veins shifting from panic to pleasure the moment her fingers brushed his hand.
Hayden’s eyes flew open. His head snapped up and he looked at her with dazzling awe. “Am I dreaming?”
Words failed Jo as she gazed at Hayden in the moonlight. All she could do was shake her head, but still, she wasn’t sure she was telling the truth, because this did feel like a dream. It felt like a fantasy to be next to him, staring into the deep blue eyes she’d come to adore.
Hayden swallowed once, twice. His vivid eyes drinking her in. “I didn’t think you’d come.”
“I didn’t think I would either.”
“Why did you?”
“You’re breaking the rules, Hayden,” she warned.
“You’re here, Joy. You’re breaking them, too.”
Jo let his words sink in. She knew he was right. She knew she shouldn’t be there. She knew it would only hurt worse in the end. But she also knew she couldn’t keep herself away.
She took a deep breath, trying to convince herself that she was strong enough to handle this, that she could take the blame for whatever happened between them tonight. Hayden reached a hand up and tucked an unruly strand of hair behind her ear. His touch burned in the most delicious way. Jo gazed into his eyes, wanting to dive into their endless blue. She was too swept up in the current of emotions between them to even notice she was drowning, that he was pulling her under, that she was already gone. But in that single moment, as he pulled her onto his lap, she didn’t care. Her resolve was torn away, drifting on a life raft somewhere far, far away.
She knew what would happen when she decided to come here and she wanted to believe she could live with the consequences . . .
But then Hayden said her name. He whispered it like a plea as his lips brushed hers. “Joy . . .”
She pulled away, pleasure screaming to pain as she broke their kiss. “Hayden, I need to know what you want. Because this isn’t . . . I can’t give you more than this, than tonight.”
“Yes you can, Joy. I know you can.” His hand slid up her chest, pressing against her heart. “You just have to stop being afraid. Listen to your heart, Joy. Admit that it beats for me and I promise I won’t break it.”
“Hayden . . .”
“I know it’s scary, Joy, but I promise it’s worth it.” He pressed his hand harder against her heart. “This feeling has to be worth it, otherwise what is this all for?”
Jo tried to pull away. He was ruining it. She just wanted to have one last night with him. One perfect goodbye . . . “I can’t give you more, Hayden. I shouldn’t have come.”
She stood up but so did Hayden. His arms were around her, pulling her to his chest. He kissed her hard and deep, his hands sliding over all the broken, frightened places of her body, forging her with his touch.
When he finally pulled away his eyes were burning. “I want more than this, Joy, and I know you do, too. I don’t want rules. I don’t want secrets. I don’t want an expiration date on us,” he said, cupping her cheek. “Why do you want this to end?”
“I don’t. But it has to, Hayden. It just has to.”
Hayden studied her and Joy silently willed him to understand. She wished she could tell him everything her heart ached to say, but it would bring the end to them quicker than anything. She could see the love in his eyes as they searched hers for answers she couldn’t give.
“Joy, what are you so afraid of?”
“I’m afraid that I could love you!” she blurted out.
“Is that such a bad thing?”
“Yes,” her chest was heaving and she tried to pull in enough air to rectify the insanity pouring out of her. “Yes, because if I love you, then it means I have something to lose, and I can’t . . . I can’t lose like that again.”
Hayden
His heart clenched inside his chest. Of course she was terrified. Her mother had abandoned her and she thought he would to. He should’ve seen it sooner.
His eyes softened as he pulled her to him, sweeping her into his arms so he could sink back into the inviting warmth of the water. Joy felt like a coiled spring in his arms and Hayden wanted to kiss her boneless. But not yet, not until she understood that he had no intention of ever hurting her.
“Joy, look at me.”
She didn’t. Instead she bit her lip and desire slammed into Hayden like a tidal wave. He frowned at her silence, before freeing her lip with a savage kiss.
Joy gasped as Hayden held her bottom lip gently with his teeth, pulling it toward him for a moment too long. They were both breathless when he finally let go.
Hayden’s voice was husky. “What did I tell you about these lips, Joy?”
She only blinked at him, fear and desire swirling behind her bright green eyes.
“Joy, listen to me. I may not know everything about you, but I do know that you don’t trust easily and that there’s a reason for that. I know you’ve been let down by the people who are supposed to be there for you. And I know that makes it hard for you to let anyone in, to let anyone love you. But I don’t want you to be afraid to love, Joy.” He brushed another strand of golden hair away from her lovely face. “Love is the only thing worth living for in this world. The only thing that can repair the poison that losing leaves behind. Trust me, I know.”
“How?” she whispered.
“Because I’m in love with you, Joy. And it outshines everything else.”
Joy’s lip quivered. “But . . .”
Hayden’s fingers brushed her lips, catching the protest she was trying to form. “But nothing. I love you, Joy. And I’m not willing to live my life around the fear of it ending anymore, because that’s the opposite of living. And you make me want to be alive.”
Joy
Jo’s heart hammered in her chest, as she leaned closer to Hayden.
He loves me.
The last of her hesitation floated away as she pressed her lips to his.
He loves me and he’s not afraid.
Somehow, it made Jo less afraid. Instead of focusing on what she had to lose, her mind shifted to the possibility of what was to come, what she could gain.
Her hands wrapped around his neck as Hayden settled her onto his lap. Their kisses were soft and innocent at first, but they escalated quickly. Jo’s legs finding their way around Hayden’s waist as his body crushed hers like a burning vice. Their passion turned desperate, frenzied. Oxygen had never felt so overra
ted. Jo hated the scarce seconds it took to catch her breath because they tore her from Hayden’s lips.
She traced a hand down his torso, pulling at the defiant fabric of his shirt. She wanted it off, she wanted everything between them gone, all walls stripped bare until there was nothing but them, nothing but the way his words and his mouth made her feel.
‘I’m in love with you, Joy.’ He’d said those words and she never wanted him to take them back. She never wanted to hear him say anything but that forever and ever.
Jo shifted in his lap, holding him tighter, trying to fit him closer. Hayden’s sudden intake of breath startled her. She pulled away and his gaze tore through her like a knife.
His voice was roughly a whisper when he spoke. “Joy, don’t start this unless you intend to finish it. My heart can’t take it.”
“I don’t know how to stop,” she whispered. “I’ve tried, Hayden. I want to stop. I want to do the smart thing and walk away, but I want you more.”
His eyes searched hers for a silent moment and everything she wanted, everything she knew she could never have, passed between them. “Jesus, Joy. I want you, too. You have no idea.”
Jo’s heart clawed at the cage of bone keeping it from Hayden. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered.
“It’s too late for that,” he murmured as his lips crashed into hers.
Jo didn’t hesitate. His kiss was everything she’d been missing; everything she wanted. It was the sun and moon. It was air and water. It was her world.
This right here . . . it was the reason she’d made the reckless decision to come tonight. Because she couldn’t get enough of this feeling. Life offers lessons, not excuses, she reminded herself. But she didn’t care. Hayden was a mistake she wanted to make over and over again.
The Summer Boyfriend Page 21
