Finding Eliza

by Stephanie Pitcher Fishman

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lizzie hurried around the kitchen preparing for the arrival of their dinner guests. The warm evening was perfect for grilling out, yet still cool enough to warrant lighting the fire pit for ambiance. Lizzie added candles and candy dishes throughout the outdoor seating area as Jack prepared his steak and chicken for cooking. The two hurried to finish last minute preparations before their guests arrived. Wanting to introduce Avery to the group, Lizzie had invited her grandmother and the gals.

  “It looks great, babe. They’ll love it,” she said as she walked by Jack’s counter of meat and sauce.

  Just then, Gertrude and her friends arrived. After a bevy of hugs and kisses, the ladies joined Lizzie inside to gather drinks before the Abernathy men arrived.

  “Remember, dear, there’s no talk about the diary tonight. We agreed.” Gertrude wanted a light-hearted evening filled with laughter not sorrow. “I know you’re focused on it right now, but it can’t control every aspect of conversation. Have you decided to go back to the Center next week?”

  “You make it sound like I’ve become obsessed.” Lizzie laughed. “Isn’t this what you wanted when you dragged me to your meeting?”

  “Well, friend, it isn’t that we don’t care. It’s just that we’re bored,” Blue said with a wink as she carried a tray of serving plates out to Jack at the grill.

  Everyone laughed but Claud, who rolled her eyes.

  “What she means is that there are many things to discuss,” said Abi, softening the words of her friend. “Perhaps pulling up an event like this of the past isn’t the best dinner conversation. That’s all, Lizzie. We’ve got a new guest who may like to talk about something else.”

  “A new guest who wants to talk about what?” Avery Abernathy asked as he walked into the kitchen.

  “Avery! Good, you made it. Have you met everyone?” Lizzie introduced their guest to the group. Each woman gave him a hug in true family fashion just as Thomas walked in carrying a plate of his famous biscuits.

  “I’m not interrupting some juicy gossip meant only for the ladies, am I?” said Avery.

  “My grandmother’s cronies are trying to convince me that you won’t want to hear the legends and lore of our family’s past. I think it might make for interesting conversation. It’s filled with sadness and history. Things we all can relate to, don’t you think?”

  Lizzie walked over to the refrigerator for drinks. “Who’s having lemonade and who’s having tea?” She opened the door and peeked inside, trying to locate the fresh drinks that she made. “Jack has the grill so I get the easy stuff like drinks and sides. I got the better end of the deal.”

  After gathering the drinks and sides, the group made their way to the back patio to visit. Questions about Avery and his family led the discussion. He told of his job and his home, but also how he wanted to be closer to his grandfather. Living out of town was harder, he said, now that Thomas was aging.

  “I’m not so old that I can’t hear you over there, boy,” Thomas teased. “He thinks I’m unable to care for myself. Next thing you know I’ll have him living with me as a babysitter.”

  “I think you’d enjoy it, wouldn’t you Mr. Thomas? You must like the idea of Avery moving closer.” Lizzie passed a tray of appetizers around for the group to enjoy. “You don’t have much family here anymore, do you?”

  “No, I don’t unfortunately. My brother was killed in the service, and my only child is Avery’s mama. I tease him but it would be nice to have family nearby. That’s all that is important.” Thomas leaned forward and patted Avery’s knee.

  Without warning, Lizzie felt a melancholy that fall over her.

  “Are you all right, Lizzie girl?” Thomas asked?

  “I’m just thinking about what you said. My family is so important to me. Unfortunately, we’re a small lot, too. It’s just me, Jack, and Gran now.” She looked over at her grandmother and gave her a sheepish smile. Jack planted a kiss on the top of her head then walked into the house for more grilling supplies before finishing the task at hand.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about that my dear,” Thomas replied.

  Lizzie saw the confused look on Avery’s face. “A car accident killed my parents when I was a child. It was my fault,” she said as she fought back the tears.

  “No, it wasn’t, and you need to stop blaming yourself. You were just a child,” Gertrude said. “Thomas, tell her. Children aren’t responsible for things like that. Accidents just happen.”

  The color drained from Thomas’ face. Tears welled up in his eyes. “No,” he said as he wiped his eyes. “I can’t do that, Gertrude.”

  Lizzie had never heard her friend speak as harshly to her grandmother as he just did. His voice cracked with a combination of sorrow and anger. It was a feeling that Lizzie understood well. She knew that there was something else under the surface that was bothering him. She was just unable to tell what it was.

  “Are you okay, Mr. Thomas?” Lizzie perched on the edge of her chair unsure of what she should do next. She looked at Avery who shared the same terrified expression. “I feel like I’m missing something.”

  “Lizzie,” Thomas started, “sometimes children do cause problems that they don’t realize. They don’t always have control over the events around them, just as your grandmother said. The guilt can still follow them around for decades. I just don’t know how else to say it. I have that same guilt. I’m guilty.” Thomas collapsed his head into his hands and sobbed. All eyes sat on him, and no one knew quite what to do.

  “Well, isn’t this a quick twist in the evening’s story line,” Blue whispered to Abi who shushed her old friend. “What? It’s true, isn’t it?”

  “It’s my fault, Gertrude. It’s all my fault. Please forgive me,” Thomas cried as he walked to his old friend, begging for forgiveness. He picked up her hands into his and continued to cry.

  “What’s your fault, Thomas?” Gertrude said hesitantly as she looked at the group. “We’ve been friends a long time, and you’ve never done anything against me. You’re talking foolishness. Everything is fine.”

  “No, it’s not. I did it. I killed Eldridge and Eliza.”

  Lizzie gasped and dropped the glass of lemonade in her hand sending shards of glass everywhere. The group started talking at once. Gertrude pulled her hand away and whispered something under her breath that Lizzie couldn’t quite hear. Jack came running over with a broom and dust pan. By his expression Lizzie knew that he hadn’t been privy to any of the conversation. His wide eyes searched her face for signs of her emotions. Lizzie sat in shock as she listened to the noise around her. Thomas, a man that she loved and respected from the time she was a little girl, had admitted to having a part in the murder of two teenagers. All at once she felt pain, sadness, and anger.

  Avery stood in the center of the group and raised his hands as if to protect his grandfather. “I think this conversation is a little misunderstanding. That’s not what my grandfather meant. I think that we might need to back up a little bit.”

  “Let’s just calm down for a moment,” Claud said. “Blue, honey, do something,” she whispered to her friend sitting next to her.

  Blue shifted in her seat as she attempted to stand. “You didn’t want me to talk, remember?” Claud’s jaw dropped. “Well, make up your mind.”

  The room sat in silence. Lizzie looked at Thomas, tears welling up in her eyes. “You mean you were there? You were with them that night?” She paused for a moment, taking in the full weight of his statement. “It can’t be you. If it was you, then that means you’re the one that I’ve been searching for. That means you’re the one that I’ve had nightmares about. You’re the murderer.”

  Before she realized what she was doing, Lizzie was standing in front of the fire pit looking into the eyes of the elderly man. On instinct, Avery stood to match her movement. He moved closer to Lizzie, touching her lightly on the arm in an attempt to move her away from his grandfather. Without a sound, Jack stood to
face Avery, ready to make a move should the young man get too rough with his wife. Blue walked to Lizzie’s side. Patting her back, she guided Lizzie to her chair without a sound.

  “It’s all my fault,” Thomas said as he wept into his weathered hands. “I heard Mr. Alston praying in the church. I asked my father what it meant to have hidden secrets. He made me tell him the entire story, which I did. I was a child and did what I was told. If I didn’t, my daddy would have beaten me. I was afraid. I had no idea that he was going to do what he did.”

  Avery pulled a chair next to his grandfather and took a seat. “Just listen to him, please,” he begged Lizzie. His eyes softened as he placed a hand on his grandfather’s back. “Just tell them what happened, Gramps.”

  Thomas took a deep breath and began again. “After my father learned what I knew, he went to find Eldridge. I didn’t realize he was hunting for them until we were in the truck driving around town. My father made me sit in the middle of the seat between him and my older brother.”

  “The one who passed in the War?” Claud whispered to Blue who sat next to her again.

  “It turned out to be his initiation into the Klan. I was still young, so I was only made to watch. I remember my mother screaming not to take us. She was clawing at my daddy as he piled me into the car. I saw him back-hand her across the face, and she fell into the dirt. She kept screaming for him to stop. I can still hear her voice trail off as we drove down the road. I heard her calling on the name of God, begging for Him to bring her baby back.”

  Just then, Jack walked out of the house with a box of tissues for the ladies and a clean handkerchief for Thomas. Lizzie thanked him and realized that she hadn’t even noticed him leaving. She stared into the fire as it danced, leaving trails of light flashes in her eyes. She heard the group asking Thomas questions, but none of the words made sense.

  “I can’t believe it was you. I worried that I’d know a murderer, but I never thought it would be you.” Lizzie turned to look at him. “You’ve preached love and Lord to me all my life, but you killed two innocent teenagers. How could you take someone’s life and then still be close to our family?” Tears streamed down Lizzie’s face, catching her hair in sticky tangles around her cheeks. “You betrayed me, yet you come to my house year after year, and you see me Sunday after Sunday. You look me in the eyes at church and tell me that you love me. How could you after what you’ve done?”

  “Gramps, I think that’s enough,” said Avery as he scrambled to his feet. “We have to go. Say goodnight. We’ve got to get out of here.” Avery tried to rush his grandfather onto his feet as panic flooded his chest. A fight or flight response was kicking in, and he had to leave fast. He looked around the seating area into the faces of women he barely knew and wondered what was going to be next.

  Abi sat next to Gertrude who remained silent. She patted her friend’s hand and glanced at Claud who was again whispering a prayer. Even Blue sat speechless at the new revelation. Avery thanked Jack and gathered his grandfather’s jacket.

  As they were walking toward the side porch, Thomas Abernathy grabbed his chest in pain. His face tensed as panic washed across his eyes.

  “Gramps, what’s wrong?” screamed Avery.

  Within seconds it became clear to those in the yard what was happening. Thomas Abernathy was having a heart attack.

  “Jack, call 911!” Lizzie screamed. She was immediately faced with a choice. Did she hate the man who destroyed her family or did she pray for the kindly grandfather figure who cared for her? The personality of the man in front of her was no longer as clear as she thought just a few minutes before. Her whole world became more complicated. Lizzie wasn’t sure what would happen next.

  The ladies stood watching as Jack tried to assess the old man while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. The flickering of the fire pit light started to fade until all they saw was the red flashing lights guiding the EMTs to Thomas.

  “I just don’t understand,” Lizzie muttered to herself as she stood in the corner of the patio. Gertrude stood next to her in silence. “Gran, I just don’t understand what Mr. Thomas did. Why would he do that to Eliza?”

  Lizzie no longer felt like a confident adult. Once again she felt like a child searching for a solid place to stand with her grandmother.

  “Pray, Lizzie. Just pray,” Gertrude said.

  The group stood in silence as the stretcher carried Thomas Abernathy out of the Clydell’s backyard and toward the ambulance with Avery in tow. Lizzie watched as her husband raced to his truck to follow behind.

  “Lizzie? Are you coming or not,” said Jack as he climbed behind the wheel.

  She stood in her backyard, glued to the ground, and looked toward the sky unsure of what to do next. A quiet whisper slipped from her lips as she shook her head.

  “No.”

  Chapter Twenty

  After the ambulance left for the hospital, the conversation between the women flooded the room. Hurried voices went over and over details until Lizzie couldn’t take any more. She struggled with what she heard and couldn’t sit still.

  “Quit your pacing, girl. You’ll wear a hole into the carpet if you aren’t careful,” Blue shouted. “Plus, you’re making me dizzy.” She walked across the room to stand near the opened window.

  “Gran, it was Mr. Thomas’ father? His father!” Lizzie was still in disbelief. “Did you ever suspect that? Did you know his family? I just don’t understand.” Lizzie paced across the living room and next to the couch where Abi sat. Her friend reached up her hand and clasped it around Lizzie’s wrist.

  “Sweetheart, sit,” said Abi.

  Gertrude thought for a moment and then spoke. The stress of the evening had taken a toll on her, just not in the same way as Lizzie.

  “To be honest, no, but it doesn’t surprise me as much as you’d think. His daddy was a mean man. Cruel. I wasn’t allowed anywhere near Greer Abernathy.”

  “I wonder if your dad suspected his involvement. There wasn’t anything about him in the diary, was there?” asked Lizzie.

  “No. There were sections near the end where my father alluded to possible suspects, but he didn’t list any names. It was all just ramblings as he had aged.”

  Everyone in the room stood quiet and still. Jack had gone to the hospital to be with Avery so that he wasn’t alone in a strange facility. As a sheriff’s deputy he was usually able to get more information from the hospital staff, making him a helpful asset in an emergency.

  “You have to remember one thing, Lizzie,” Gertrude started.

  “If you tell me that times were different one more time…” Lizzie muttered.

  “Well, they were,” interrupted Blue. “You can ignore it all you’d like, but it’s the truth. Now, don’t assume where your grandmother is going with this one. Take a seat and listen.”

  “If Greer had a hand in it, it wasn’t like Thomas or even his brother had much choice. Back then we did as we were told. His father was heavy-handed. If Thomas had disobeyed him, he wouldn’t have stood a chance. He was a little boy then. His daddy would have gotten physical most likely if he said anything, even with his older brother. There wasn’t anyone to save us if parents like Greer Abernathy started swinging.”

  “You’re taking that as an excuse for the way they treated your aunt? Did you read the same details that I did, Gran? The details may not be crude or crass, but it’s clear. They raped her. Your aunt was raped. His family did that to her.” Lizzie was inconsolable. She felt betrayed as her grandmother made excuses for the man who tore her family apart.

  “What would you have me do, Lizzie? Hate him? This is Thomas Abernathy we’re talking about. Do you not remember how he loved you and cared for you after your parents died? He’s a mainstay at the church. Everyone loves him. Again, I remind you that he was a child when this happened. You can’t blame a child.”

  “I can’t believe you’re defending him. If I’m held responsible for what I did, then he’s held responsible, too.” Lizzie flew up
the back wooden staircase to her home’s second floor in a rage, leaving the women in the kitchen. She slammed the heavy wooden door sending echoes throughout the quiet house.

  “Oh, that temper,” said Claud.

  “It’s just like when she was a teenager all over again,” said Abi.

  “Just let her go. She needs to cool off. We’ll talk about it later,” said Gertrude to her oldest and dearest friends.

  “Do you think she’ll come around?” asked Claud.

  “I don’t know. She’s got such a problem with forgiveness. I just can’t understand why she won’t let go of the anger and just relax into grace.”

  “She can’t because if she does that then she has no one else to blame for the death of her parents,” said Blue. “She can’t explain it if there isn’t anyone to blame.”

  The friends sat in silence as they waited. Gertrude knew that Blue was right. It was exactly what Lizzie had been fighting all those years. Lizzie couldn’t come to terms with the idea that sometimes bad things just happened.

  ***

  Lizzie sat on the edge of her bed with her feet hanging down the side, her thoughts muddled and conflicted. She should be at the hospital awaiting news of Thomas Abernathy’s health. He was a surrogate grandfather to her from the time she was a little girl. Now, he felt like a stranger.

  She reached across the bed to her nightstand where the diary lay. If her grandfather suspected the Abernathy family she wanted to know his thoughts. She flipped through the pages with frantic panic until she found an entry written later in his life.

  ***

  Diary of Alston James: 19 July 1968

  “It is time to come out of the shadows, stop being afraid, and put evil away.”

  I’m not sure who said it, but it keeps sitting in my mind. It’s time to come out of the shadows. I’ve lived there too long. I’ve kept Anne there with me. I’ve focused on forgetting. Each Sunday You remind me that I must forgive. The evil will continue to grow inside me if I don’t forgive. My anger will never affect him, but it will rot me from the inside out.