Ghosts From Our Past: Both Literally and Figuratively: The Study of the Paranormal

by Erin Gilbert

  You should first set up a base camp for your team in one of the rooms (preferably not one where spectral activity has occurred). Establishing a base camp will allow you quick and easy access to all of your equipment, food, and whatever other supplies you’ve chosen to bring with you. A base camp also provides a common meeting place for everyone on your team, especially in case of emergency or failure of your walkie-talkies.

  Ideally, you will have enough investigators on your team for everyone to take a different room in the house. Realistically, finding a single night or day when enough people are free to hang out in a haunted house is unlikely to happen. Especially with a large team of ghost hunters, scheduling can be a real pain. Therefore, you’ll probably be working with a small crew—again, we recommend a minimum of at least two people for every stakeout.

  Draw up a plan of attack based on the number of rooms and the number of investigators, dividing time equally. Every person involved in the investigation should keep their own supernatural stakeout journal. It’s also a good idea to rotate in and out of rooms, so as to avoid fatigue and eye strain. Sitting around waiting for something to happen while at full attention is draining. Build in a break schedule. Don’t forget to hydrate. And eat! Extreme hunger and dehydration can cause you to hallucinate—and if you hallucinate, you might as well quit and start over again another time.

  So what are you waiting around for during a stakeout, exactly? Full-torso apparitions are easy enough to spot. Unfortunately, we’re not always so lucky. Or ever so lucky. Therefore, be on the lookout for strange things typically associated with paranormal phenomena.

  Signs of Potentially Paranormal Phenomena

  Strange lights

  Strange shadows

  Strange noises

  Strange silence

  Strange moving objects

  Strange physical sensations

  Strange smells

  Strange feelings of uneasiness

  Basically, it’s like the old saying about pornography: You’ll know it when you see it. When a ghost brushes up against you, there’s no mistaking it. Scientifically confirming what happened, however . . . well, that’s a different story.

  IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What to Do If You See a Ghost

  First off, DON’T FREAK OUT. This is easier said than done—even after a year of being plagued by the ghost of her next-door neighbor, Erin couldn’t sleep without the covers over her face. It might be a foregone conclusion that you’re going to freak out, but try not to.

  The “rules” governing ghost encounters haven’t changed much since Harry Price wrote the first ghost-hunting guide. For reference, here’s what Price had to say about what to do when you spot an apparition (updated with modern terminology):

  Do not move, and under no circumstances approach the entity.

  Observe the entity carefully. Take note of its duration and characteristics (e.g., color, form, size, clothing, corporeality) of its appearance.

  If carrying a camera, take photos or video.

  If the entity speaks to you directly, address it respectfully but forcefully. Ascertain as many details of its former or current identity as possible, depending upon its class.

  If the entity makes a threatening gesture or declaration, RUN. Otherwise, do not move until the entity disappears.

  Note the exact method of vanishing. If through an open door, quietly follow while maintaining a safe distance. If through a wall or other solid object, do your best to determine its destination and follow if possible.

  Source: Harry Price. The Alleged Haunting of B— Rectory: Instructions for Observers. London: University of London Council for Psychic Investigation, 1937.

  These are good tips and all, you say, but aren’t ghost hunters supposed to do more than just observe ghosts? Aren’t ghost hunters supposed to . . . shoot them or something?

  While some investigators and religious authorities offer exorcisms to rid haunted locations and possessed victims of paranormal entities, such activities fall outside of the purview of the scientifically minded ghost hunter. Besides, we don’t currently have paratechnology capable of either dispersing spectral particles or otherwise subduing or dispatching ghosts. While it’s possible according to Spectral Field Theory, the development of such tools would require massive amounts of funding—not to mention a technological wizard the likes of which comes along only once in a century, like Thomas Edison.

  On Drinking and Ghost Hunting

  We’re not here to tell you how to live your life. We’re not party poopers—we’ve never even been to a party. However, we must warn you that DRINKING AND GHOST HUNTING DON’T MIX.

  That goes the same for any substance capable of impairing your judgment. Not only do you risk injury or death—some of these old haunted houses are dangerous enough as it is—but who’s going to believe that you saw a ghost when you smell like you’ve been rolling down the street with Snoop Doggy Dogg? All you’ll have done is make a mockery of parapsychology.

  Save the extracurricular activities for later, once you’ve had a chance to debrief. Personally, we like to kick back after the postmortem with a little hot chocolate with whipped cream on top. Nothing says “success” like a whipped cream mustache! Well, proving that ghosts exist would say “success” even more, but until then, we like to celebrate life’s little victories.

  Step Four: Postmortem

  The final step of the metaphysical examination is the postmortem. This is where you will debrief with your crew and write up a report of your findings. Many “weekend” ghost hunters (i.e., amateurs seeking thrills and chills) neglect this step. We don’t blame them—who likes doing paperwork? (Put your hand down, Erin.) If you’re serious about your investigation, though, you’ll put in the time to complete this step. While some teams like to go home and get a good night’s rest before writing up a report, we feel that’s a mistake. Yes, your brain will be sharper, but you may also forget some of the details.

  You can hold your postmortem anywhere. Twenty-four-hour coffee shops are perfect. So are diners like Denny’s and Waffle House. It’s important for every member of your team to be part of a post-investigation debriefing, which should occur as close to the conclusion of the stakeout or other on-site expedition as possible.

  Assign the task of note-taking to whichever team member has the neatest handwriting. Take turns discussing your experiences. No detail is too small—you never know what will become important later. If you took two Tylenol for a headache, that’s important. If you felt a draft, even near a cracked window, that’s important. If you heard a disembodied voice whisper the name “Utu”—sun god at the temple of Sippar—that’s definitely important.

  Depending upon what you encountered on-site, you may need to later cross-reference your research with the results of the parapercipient interviews and evidence in order to form a theory about the phenomena you’re investigating. If you believe it still might have a paranormal explanation, further research is in order. Start with the classifications found in Chapter 8, and continue with the usual sources listed in our bibliography.

  Finally, we’ve reached the point where you must either verify or reject your hypothesis. Is the location haunted? That’s up to you to decide after reviewing the postmortem notes. You may decide you don’t have enough evidence to say one way or another, in which case you will need to schedule additional stakeouts, re-interview parapercipients, or submit evidence to specialists for further evaluation.

  Concluding Thoughts on Metaphysical Examinations

  If your initial forays into paranormal investigation are a bust, don’t get frustrated—you’re in good company. To paraphrase Nikola Tesla, the scientist does not aim at an immediate result. She does not expect that her advanced ideas will be readily taken up. Her duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come; her duty is to point the way.

  The fact that one hundred years of sustained paranormal researc
h and investigation haven’t yielded the same results as, say, the first hundred years of physics is no reason to dump the whole enterprise. “The field which now seems so mysterious will be explored someday, and it will yield—yield very richly,” Thomas Edison once said. “I don’t know of any man today who is fitted to explore it; but the man will rise when the time is ripe, and he is ripe.”

  For all we know, the time may be ripe right now. And that fabled man (or woman) “fitted to explore” the unknown? It could be us—a couple of nobodies from Battle Creek, Michigan. Or it could be you. That’s right: YOU COULD BE RIPE.

  That totally came out wrong. Sorry. We weren’t trying to imply you smelled ripe, dear reader. We’re not in the business of pointing fingers (or in this case, using those fingers to plug our noses). If anyone smells ripe, it’s probably us. After all, we’ve been living on Chinese food and Hi-C going on thirteen days now. The other students in the rare book room have taken to avoiding us like the plague, because we probably look like we have the plague. Erin does have a nasty cough . . .

  Where were we? Oh, yeah: Just because you don’t see a ghost during a metaphysical examination doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your time. If that were the case, we’ve wasted thousands of hours! Don’t let it frustrate you. Desperation has a funny way of driving people to do desperate things. When you’re dealing with the paranormal, desperation can turn deadly. Especially if you give up hope on finding evidence of ghosts on this side and instead look for ways to lure them across the barrier.

  Most traditional methods of attracting the paranormal, such as Ouija boards, aren’t reliable or scientifically proven to work anyway. You may just be setting yourself up for further disappointment. More important, however, you could be placing yourself and others in grave danger. The barrier is in place for a reason. In the next chapter, we’ll cover numerous attempts that have been made to coax spectral entities into appearing. As soon as we’ve taken hobo showers using the ladies’-room sink, that is. See you in a few!

  Ectoplasm Cleanup Tips: An Update

  While we spent the bulk of this book lamenting the fact that we hadn’t gotten our hands on any real ectoplasm to test in a lab, times have changed. Boy, have they ever. Testing requires only a small amount of residue, which can be collected in a four-ounce sample cup from high-density manifestations. The real problem we’ve run into isn’t collecting samples—we now have enough ectoplasm to last a lifetime—it’s cleaning the stuff up.

  Figure 11.1.

  1. In addition to the paratechnology we introduced you to in Chapter 9, every modern-day metaphysical examiner should also have the following equipment at the ready in case of an ecto-contamination incident:

  Personal protective equipment (e.g., goggles, face masks, disposable rubber gloves)

  Cleaning solution (i.e., a disinfectant containing bleach, soap, and water)

  Cleaning supplies (e.g., towels, scrub brushes)

  Biohazardous waste bags

  Absorbent material (e.g., sawdust, kitty litter)

  Four-ounce sterile polypropylene specimen container (available in bulk from online medical supply stores)

  2. After donning your personal protective equipment and collecting sample residue, you can begin cleaning up the scene. Sprinkle sawdust (or another absorbent material) onto the ectoplasm. Don’t forget to put up a warning sign (Figure 11.1)!

  3. Wipe up the clumped ectoplasm with disinfectant-soaked towels. Dispose of used towels in labeled biohazard bags and repeat with fresh towels until all liquid ectoplasm has been mopped up.

  4. Spray disinfectant onto the area and let set for 15 minutes.

  5. Clean the area with unused towels, this time using soap and water. Place towels and all personal protective equipment in biohazard bags.

  6. Remove your jumpsuit or other clothing and place in a separate biohazard bag to be laundered. If you’re standing around in your undergarments, put on some clean clothes before you get arrested for indecency.

  7. Take biohazardous materials to your local waste-collection facility for proper disposal. Not all landfills are currently equipped to handle ecto-contaminated waste, so call ahead.

  Adapted from Nell Behrens, “Fast and Easy Spill Cleanup for Bodily Fluids,” Good Housekeeping, June 2010, pp. 156–157.

  Chapter 12

  Attracting the Paranormal

  Luring Spirits from the Other Side

  Purposefully attracting the paranormal—otherwise known as “conjuring”—is a dangerous game. It is also unnecessary. We’ve seen throughout history that the most malevolent and desperate spirits seem to find their way back through the barrier without anyone’s help. As for the rest, they’re just chilling on the other side. They’re like the bears—and the lions, and the wolves, and every other animal—at the Detroit Zoo. If you catch them at the right time, you might get a good show, but most of the time they’re going to be out of sight, napping. Not that ghosts nap, but you know what we mean.

  Additionally, you don’t know what else is beyond the barrier. What unknown types of Class VI and VII interdimensional entities are just waiting over there for an invitation into our world?

  It’s like sticking your hand through the bars of a cage, without having any idea what type of animal is on the other side. That’s what Thomas Perks, a seventeenth-century schoolteacher, learned when he used an ancient book of black magic to conjure spirits and ended up being terrorized by a fright of Class VI specters.

  The most dangerous aspect of conjuring, however, is the damage to the barrier that results from the process. As we’ve already discussed, weak spots in the barrier already exist in the form of ley lines, which crisscross the Earth. What we didn’t tell you was that ley lines may be even more vulnerable to exploitation by spirits than has been previously believed. (We didn’t want to scare you, at least before you were ready.)

  The ever-increasing reports of ghosts throughout history are due to more than just the cultural factors and correspondent population growth we examined in Chapter 4. The chances of a full-blown interdimensional cross-rip increase with every passing day.

  The barrier is losing strength. More and more spirits are returning. Ley lines themselves may, in fact, be due to humanity’s meddling with the barrier betwixt life and death. And every time some living numskull breaches the barrier, they risk further weakening the only protection we’ve got from malevolent entities.

  In most cultures throughout history, well-founded cultural taboos against the practice of calling up spirits have kept us from doing further damage to the barrier. Conjuring was illegal for many years in most countries around the world—in England, it was even punishable by death at one time, as decreed by the Witchcraft Act of 1604 and subsequent laws. For most of recorded history, conjuring was relegated to the fringes and attempted by very few.

  As you read in the earlier chapter on the history of ghosts, however, mediumship became a fad during the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries. Many mediums promised to connect sitters with spirits of their choosing, even if they were still located in the spectral ether—which, of course, required the mediums to breach the barrier and pull unwitting spirits into our world. Luckily for us, the majority of spiritualist mediums were fraudulent. They were swindlers, incapable of doing damage to the barrier. Humanity, it seems, dodged a spectral bullet. Next time a “fad” like spiritualism comes along, we may not be so lucky.

  Before We Proceed, a Disclaimer

  Attracting the paranormal is not something metaphysical examiners should attempt on their own. The stakes are too high. Experimental probing of the barrier should be undertaken only under the strictest of controlled conditions, conducted by highly trained paratechnicians in a laboratory setting with adequate safeguards in place. You wouldn’t let just anyone shoot monkeys into space, would you? No. You leave that up to the professionals. The discussions that follow on old-school and new-school conjuring methods are fo
r educational purposes only. In other words: Don’t try this at home.

  Who Calls Up the Dead?

  Medium: As we’ve discussed, this is someone who claims to have the ability to speak directly with spirits (sometimes located on the other side). Also known as a “channel.” There is some evidence that certain people may be more sensitive to spectral particles, thus enabling them (under very particular, controlled conditions) to send and receive communications through the barrier. However—and this is an important point glossed over by most spiritualists—everyone has the ability to experience paranormal phenomena on this side of the barrier. In other words, you don’t need to be a medium to see a ghost.

  Shaman: A medium with special “powers” (e.g., healing the sick, divination, etc.). Term used primarily for tribal cultures with strong beliefs in communication with the dead, as well as in New Age circles. Shamans reach out to spirits through trance-like meditations, sometimes induced with hallucinogens such as mushrooms and mescaline. “I start outside and reach the mental through the physical,” the modern-day shaman Jim Morrison once said. Can shamans break through to the other side, or are they just tripping? Despite over half a century of laboratory research into consciousness-altering substances, no scientific evidence of its assistance in spirit communication has been uncovered.

  Necromancer: In times past, people who called up spirits of the dead through ritual magic were called “necromancers.” Nowadays, the term is used almost exclusively in occult circles to describe black magicians who attempt to raise the dead—not the spirits of the dead, but their actual physical bodies. In other words, zombies. Speaking to or seeing spirits of the dead is one thing; smelling their decomposing bodies is a whole different ballgame.