Coming Clean (From the Damage)

by Genna Denton

  ***

  Alex sighed heavily as he set the weights back down. He stood up and stretched his arms in an effort to relieve the pain in his muscles. His father was adamant about winning Friday’s game. All his work and sacrifices meant nothing if he couldn’t win the first game of the season.

  Sacrifices. That was something Alex knew about all too well. Trying to keep his attention off his problems, he dropped to the floor and began his routine of sit-ups. His mind drifted to memories of Kelly. He remembered after she had the abortion and Alex dumped her, she’d gotten really dark. It killed him to see her so sad and distraught and he knew that nobody knew what was going on with her.

  A friend had called Alex and told him he saw Kelly checking into the bus station with luggage. Worried about what Kelly was going to do and what was going through her mind, he drove straight there. As he pulled his red corvette up to the empty station, he saw Kelly sitting on the bench alone with a suitcase and duffle bag. She looked so sad; her long blonde hair was down and blowing in the wind, her face was stained in tears. And Kelly Foster, the girl who never went anywhere without makeup, the girl who always wore jeans and skirts and cute dresses, was wearing a pair of black track pants with an oversized hoodie. She looked so small and fragile…

  He hopped out of his car. “Kelly, what are you doing?”

  “I’m leaving, you should recognize it.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “What, are you gonna tell your parents?”

  “That’s none of your business. Get in the car,” he ordered.

  “No!” She sneered, looking at him in disbelief.

  Alex grabbed her duffle bag and tossed into the open convertible. “Get in the car now!” She stood up to stop him and he grabbed her by the arm. “If this is about being pissed at me, fine, punish me all you want, but what about everyone else? Your friends, your parents? They don’t deserve this.”

  “I don’t care anymore,” Kelly said, picking up her suitcase.

  Alex jerked it from her hands. “That’s pretty damn selfish, don’t you think?”

  “No, selfish is forcing your girlfriend to get an abortion because you didn’t want to lose your spot as campus stud,” Kelly shot back.

  Alex was furious. That’s not how it was; that’s not what happened. Feeling angry and betrayed, all the emotions he was feeling filled his face. “Kelly, get in my car.”

  “What are you gonna do? You gonna throw me in it?”

  “You have to listen to me.”

  “Don’t even. I’m done listening to you, Alex!”

  “I understand what you’re going through, but you don’t have to be so damn childish about it!”

  “Really, you understand what I’m going through? You know all of those things that I have been dreaming about for the past five years? Well, they are gone now so why don’t you explain to me how you understand what I am going through?”

  “You don’t think I lost dreams too?” Alex yelled. “It wasn’t just your baby!” She slapped him hard across the face, and he grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to him. “I know you’re mad, but you can’t leave.” His voice was calm and his words firm. “And deep down, you know that. Now I’m only gonna say this one more time. Get in my car.”

  She looked up at him, her eyes glazed over with unshed tears. He wanted to take her in his arms, tell her he was sorry, tell her what really happened, tell her he was still so in love with her, but he didn’t. Instead, he drove her home and dropped her off, then went back to his house and drowned his sorrows in massive amounts of his father’s alcohol.

  “You’re starting to pick up. You might have a chance to win after all.” Allen’s voice broke through Alex’s thoughts.

  Alex climbed off the floor. “You know I’m not the only guy on the team,” he said.

  “Yeah, but I’m counting on you, son, and the rest of the team is too. Don’t let us down,” Allen said before leaving the room.

  “Of course you are.” He sighed and looked around the room. He didn’t know what to do next, more pushups, sit-ups, bench press, or the Bow-flex machine. He scanned the room once more before his eyes landed on the open window. He thought for a minute. Alex always did what was expected of him, no matter who it hurt. Right now, he wanted to do something for himself, something fun. He locked the door to the weight room and turned some music on, then climbed through the open window and escaped into the back yard.

  ***

  Kelly slammed her bedroom door behind her and quickly turned on her sad songs list on her iPod. Kneeling at the foot of her bed, she pulled back the purple fuzzy area rug and lifted the loose wooden plank from its place. She found herself going through this routine a lot lately. She pulled out her box of pictures, flipping vigorously through them to find the one she wanted. There it was, in black and white, the first and only sonogram picture of their baby.

  “Kelly.”

  She whirled around to find Alex with his head popped in her open window. Tightening his hand on the windowsill, he climbed the rest of the way in and planted his feet on the floor.

  “Well, this is déjà vu.” Kelly crossed her arms in front of her chest to hide the picture she was holding.

  Alex leaned against the window frame. “Yeah, a little bit.”

  She waited for him to finish, but he just let his words trail off. “Did you want something?”

  “Yeah.” He began to pace back and forth, then stopped, turning to face her. “I never meant to hurt you. I should have told you about my father’s involvement from the get-go.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  “Because I was scared. I was just a kid.”

  “I was a kid too.”

  “I know that.” He bit his bottom lip. “Why can’t you ever just take an apology?”

  “Just the fact that you think you can apologize is insulting. I don’t want to hear how sorry you are, or how much you want to do things differently, because you can’t. Nothing you say will ever make up for what you did.”

  “You mean what we did.” His features hardened as he gave her an even stare.

  “God, you don’t even know why I’m so mad at you, do you?” Exasperated, Kelly let her arms drop to her sides as she slumped down on the bed. “That’s just like you.”

  “You’re right, I guess I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

  She sighed, keeping her gaze downward, staring at the loose floorboard. “I’m mad because everything happened so fast. I mean, I barely remember it. I just remember a lot of yelling, and threats. I remember being so worried and stressed out that I couldn’t even think without getting a headache. I just…” She clasped her hands tightly together, cradling the picture between her palms and concealing it from Alex’s view. “I just wanted things to go back to the way they had been. And that didn’t even happen.”

  “It wasn’t any different for me,” he whispered.

  Looking up at him, she wondered, for the first time, just how it’d felt to be bullied by his dad. She knew how it felt to be bullied by someone she loved and trusted, and to have a parent do that…Alex must’ve felt ten times the pressure Kelly had.

  “He’s my dad, Kelly,” he said, his voice quivering like he might cry. “He tells me to do something and I do it. That’s just…how he wired me.”

  The sympathy he stirred in her left her feeling uncomfortable. She didn’t want to hear his side of the story—it was easier when things were black-and-white and Alex was the clear-cut enemy. She needed someone to blame and he was an easy target. Trying to shake off the feelings, she dragged her hands through her hair, desperately trying to harden her heart against him. But as she did, the picture fell from her hands and fluttered down to the hardwood floor.

  His eyebrows furrowing, Alex bent down to pick it up and Kelly winced. As he looked at the picture, his features softened and he sat down next to her. Alex’s eyes drifted to the box, and the three other shots from the sonogram that day.

  “Wait a second.”
He reached out, picking up one of the photos. “You told me you didn’t have any more of these.”

  Kelly jerked the picture from his hands and shoved it back into the box, closing the lid tight.

  “Can I have one?”

  “What?” Kelly exclaimed. “No! Get out of here.”

  Alex looked crushed, and for a moment, it made her feel guilty. But only for a moment. She watched him leave out her window the same way he’d come in. She just wanted all of this to end.

  Chapter Ten: Helpless

  “What do you mean you can’t do anything?” Meagan demanded.

  “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you don’t have enough evidence for a restraining order,” Officer Burrows said.

  “What do you mean she doesn’t have enough evidence?” Trevor asked. “Look at the cut on her chest. The guy attacked her in her own house!”

  Officer Burrows sat behind his big mahogany desk; he tapped his pen against the table. “There’s no proof he was the one who did that to her. Nobody saw anything…I’m afraid it’s yet another case of he-said, she-said.”

  “This is ridiculous—”

  The officer interrupted him. “Look, I apologize. I wish we could help you. Personally, I believe you, but legally, there’s nothing I can do right now. Maybe you should consider getting a lawyer and filing a civil suit.”

  Meagan rolled her eyes in an effort to keep from crying. “Yeah, well.” She grabbed her purse and stood from her seat. “Thanks for nothing.”

  She stormed out of the police station, letting the doors slam behind her. “Meagan, wait,” Trevor called. But Meagan didn’t want to wait. She didn’t want to slow down or talk about her feelings. She just wanted to disappear. This situation had already claimed enough of her life. How was she supposed to move on when Seth was constantly in her face? Constantly reminding her of what he did to her? “Meagan.” Trevor touched her arm, yanking her violently from her thoughts. It startled her and she turned around in full swing and slapped Trevor across the face.

  “Ow!” he exclaimed.

  Meagan’s hand flew to her mouth, “Oh my God, Trev, I’m so sorry. I—I don’t know what I—” Meagan trailed off and sunk back against her car.

  “It’s okay,” Trevor said. “Don’t sweat it.”

  Meagan crossed her arms and sighed. The sunlight was bright out today. It shone down on her, casting shadows on everything. She could feel the heat from it, and she couldn’t believe how dark she felt on such a bright day. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  Trevor gave her that look of sympathy that had barely left his face since he found her in the hall; since she’d told him the truth. He stepped toward her, extending his arms to give her a hug. She sunk back a little further. She couldn’t bear the thought of touching someone. Not even her own brother. “I’m sorry…I just can’t…”

  ***

  The smell of liquor and cigarette smoke filled Kay’s senses as she stepped into her house. A long time ago, she would have held her breath to protect her from such a horrendous odor, but she realized she would probably suffocate before her dad quit drinking. She eyed the living room; no sign of her father. She darted for the stairs, hoping to be in the safety of her room before her father realized she was home. She crept up the first few stairs, but stopped when she heard his drunken, heavy footsteps behind her.

  “Tryin’ to get away from me, Kay?” he asked.

  She slowly turned around, strongly fighting the urge to run upstairs, or roll her eyes and make some snide remark. “No,” she said instead.

  “Where have you been? School let out four hours ago.”

  “I have a life, ya know,” she scoffed, then swallowed hard and wished she hadn’t said a thing.

  He stepped up onto the first stair. “Oh, you have a life, do you?” he said sarcastically. It was kind of funny, his heavy footsteps and the odor that filled the house made Kay sure he was drunk. But standing right in front of him, talking to him, he seemed completely sober. No slurred words, no imbalance, just him.

  Something inside Kay was unraveling. She didn’t feel like backing down like a little mouse anymore. She took a step down, coming face to face with him. “Yeah,” she said. “I was out with a friend.”

  “Was it that friend who picked you up in the cherry red sports car? That blonde prick, is he the friend you’re referring to?”

  Kay crossed her arms. “Yeah, maybe it was. Why do you care?”

  “I don’t want you runnin’ around with teenage boys. Getting pregnant and getting diseased.”

  “Oh, so you care now? And all those times you’ve beat me up was just what? Tough love?”

  “I never beat you up.”

  Kay laughed in disbelief. “No, not at all.” She turned to walk back up the stairs when her father grabbed her by the arm and jerked her back. She hit the floor at the bottom of the stairs. She felt dizzy, and a sharp, piercing ache spread throughout her body. She wasn’t sure if she’d fallen down the stairs or just from them. She grunted as she stood to her feet. “What do you call that?” she asked, still desperate for a breath.

  “I call that putting you in your place,” he said as he came down the stairs.

  Kay nodded. “Okay, well just so you know, I think I’ve been put in my place enough.”

  “You’ve got a smart mouth tonight, don’t you, little girl?”

  “Don’t call me that,” she snapped. “I’m not your little girl. I never was.” She turned to walk away.

  “You’re not going anywhere.” She whirled around just as his fist came flying toward her face. She brought her arm up, blocking his hit with her forearm; one of the first things she learned in self-defense today. Her dad’s eyes widened, then he looked even angrier. A surge of power coursed through her body. It felt so good to stand up for herself, finally. Then everything came crashing back down when he removed the black leather belt from around his waist and thrust it at her.

  ***

  “Go, go, go, go!” Couch Walker yelled. “West, you’re supposed to be my strong side! Gibbons, where’s my defense? The game is tomorrow, boys. You don’t look like you’ve been practicing a lick!”

  “Lighten up, Dad,” Alex said. He hated how his dad yelled at practice. He sounded like a drill sergeant. “We’ve been at this for four hours…we’re tired.”

  His dad looked the group of teen players over. “All right, get out of here. Remember to wear button-down shirts and ties to school tomorrow.” The group of boys hauled into the locker room and Alex plopped down on the bench, resting his head against the wall.

  “Hey, Walker.” A voice broke through his thoughts. Through tired eyes, he looked up just in time to see Mark Smith, the linebacker, plop down beside him.

  “Smith, what’s up?” Alex asked, not bothering to lift his head.

  “Your dad’s brutal, man.”

  “Yeah, tell me about it.” Alex laughed.

  “So, did ya get lucky?”

  “Excuse me?” he asked, cocking his eyebrow in confusion.

  “The other night at my party, I saw you go into my parents’ bedroom with a girl.”

  “Ah, that,” Alex said, remembering what had brought their fun to a screeching halt. He entertained the thought of lying, of telling him he’d had sex with Kay. But then he remembered her telling him about how people always disappeared the next morning. “No, we didn’t.”

  “You didn’t?” Mark asked in surprise. “Why not? It looked pretty hot and heavy to me.”

  Alex sighed and leaned forward. “What are you getting at, dude?”

  “I was just gonna say, it’s good you’re getting back in the game. Even if it is with Parker’s leftovers.”

  “Excuse me?” Alex asked, feeling offended.

  “Trevor Parker, you remember him, right? They went out a couple times recently. He said she was real easy.”

  Trevor Parker. He ran the name through his mind a few times before he finally placed the guy. Meagan’s older brother had graduated a year or two ago.
Small town, Alex thought as he stood to his feet. “First of all, leftovers? Man, that is wrong on so many levels.”

  “You’re getting soft,” Mark said, snickering as he headed toward the showers. “I heard you say worse things than that about Kelly.”

  Alex felt every muscle in his body stiffen at the mere mention of her and he thought he might explode. Couldn’t he get one day without thinking about her, or without someone bringing her up? Couldn’t he get one day of peace without being reminded of how much of a coward he was?

  “Good, you’re still here.”

  Turning, Alex saw his dad walking toward him.

  Great, what is it now?

  Slapping Alex on the shoulder, Allen sat down next to him and lowered his voice to a whisper. “You remember Wakefield?”

  “You mean the quarterback?”

  “As soon as the game starts tomorrow, I’m going to have the players blitz. While everybody’s going after the QB, I want you take out Wakefield’s knee.”

  “What?”

  “You have some kind of problem with that?” His dad gave him that stern look, the one that said this was a rhetorical question.

  “Where do I start?” Alex mumbled. “It’s a huge risk. If I got caught it’d ruin my image and—”

  “That’s exactly why you’re not going to get caught. Right?” He leaned closer. “Look, I get it. It’s unethical. But Wakefield is too good of a player. We can’t let him play in tomorrow’s game. Not for long, anyway.”

  “So, instead of playing fair, you want me to take out the competition.” Alex scoffed, shaking his head. Was there no limit to his dad’s obsession? Was nothing too dirty for him?

  “It’s a one-time thing. I won’t ask you to do it again.”

  “That’s what you said when you told me to convince Kelly to—”

  Allen squinted in confusion. “Are you still hung up on that? You’re the dumbass that knocked her up. I fixed it for you.”

  “Fixed it,” Alex repeated, feeling the words choke in his throat. Deep down, he knew it was a good thing that he and Kelly didn’t have the baby. They were only seventeen, of course, and neither one of them had ever had to work a day in their life. But, all rationalities aside, the way the situation went down was wrong. It was wrong for his dad to bully him into bullying Kelly; it was wrong for Alex to have agreed to do it. It was wrong to have dropped her off after taking her to the clinic and then dump her afterward. “You know,” he whispered, feeling something inside him break, “I keep talking to you as if you actually listen. I guess it’s easy to forget what an ass you are when you talk such a good game.”