Perfecting Patience

by Tabatha Vargo

  There were people everywhere moving in. A group of guys lifted the asshole from the floor and pulled him away. I looked around the room until my eyes met Snowflake’s. Finn had her by the arm and she was covering her mouth and looking at me with wide eyes like I was a monster.

  I had royally fucked up. I could see that now that the adrenaline was slowing in my veins. The crowd parted as I made my way over to Patience and Finn, but she shook him off and turned to leave before I could get to her.

  I changed directions to exit the bar behind her, but by the time I got to the exit, she was already crossing the street. She didn’t know the area and she left her cell phone at home. She was buzzed with blood spattered on her dress, and there was no way in hell I was going to let her run loose around the crazy streets of California alone.

  Without looking, I blasted out into the middle of the road to catch her on the other side before she could get too far.

  “Snowflake, wait!” I called out.

  She turned to look back at me and then her eyes widened.

  The loud blast of a SUV’s horn caught my attention, and I looked away in just enough time to see a pair of headlights. The sounds of grinding metal and breaking glass rushed all around me. I paused and turned to check on Patience and a look of absolute horror covered her face. Her mouth popped open and she screamed. That’s when I felt the jolt.

  The smell of burnt rubber and smoke filled my nostrils as I felt like I was flying into the midnight sky. It was peaceful to fly, quiet, but the landing was hard against my back.

  The air was knocked from my body and the back of my head throbbed. Something heavy fell on top of me and crushed my body to the asphalt beneath me. Pain shot through my arms and legs as something rolled across my right hand. I felt the tiny bones inside my fingers as they were crushed along with who knew what else.

  Then the pain was quickly replaced by numbness. It was a relief when the agony in my arms and legs dissolved away to nothing, but I knew in the back of my head that it wasn’t right not to feel anything. The urge to go sleep was taking over and my eyes started to close on their own. I struggled to stay awake.

  In the distance, I heard Patience screaming my name over and over again. Blood rushed down my throat when I tried to answer. The metallic taste coated my tongue and made my stomach roll, but I couldn’t move to get sick. I couldn’t do anything since everything was blissfully numb.

  The sounds around me became muffled and Patience’s voice was going away. I didn’t want to leave her voice. I wanted to stay with her always, but then the world spun really fast and everything went black.

  Nine

  Patience

  The smell of burnt rubber cut into my nose.

  I wasn’t sure when I received the ability to move with the speed of light, but one minute I was standing on the sidewalk watching a huge SUV head straight for Zeke, and the next minute I was falling to my knees beside him and screaming his name. My screams were sharp, so sharp they hurt my own ears.

  His face was covered in blood and he wasn’t moving. His arm wasn’t lying right and his hand was already purple and had obviously been crushed.

  Arms came around me and I reached behind me, blindly punching at whoever it was trying to take me away from him. Chet’s voice cut into my screams.

  “You have to move, Patience. They need to help him,” he said over and over again.

  Or maybe he only said it once, but his words rang through my brain a thousand times a minute. Still, I didn’t comprehend what he was saying and continued to fight.

  I leaned over Zeke’s motionless body and cried. I begged him not to leave me over and over again, but still he refused to move. Then there were more hands on me and even though I continued to fight, I was being lifted up and away from the only man I’d ever loved.

  “Patience, look at me!” Finn yelled in my face. “Stop fighting me. The paramedics need to help him. They can’t do that if you’re in the way.” His eyes were watered up and I could see the worry etched into them.

  I quit fighting and when I looked back down at Zeke, my legs quit working. Had it not been for Finn holding me up, I would have hit the asphalt for sure.

  The sounds of sirens were all around me and there were lights flashing, lighting up the sky in red and blue. The paramedics worked on him and from afar I could hear one of them calling out orders. Then he was being moved onto a gurney and put in the back of the ambulance.

  I leapt at the doors and smacked at Finn’s hands to let me go. When a paramedic tried to stop me, I pushed at him.

  “I’m going with him!” I yelled.

  The paramedic stepped to the side and allowed me to jump into the back of the ambulance with Zeke.

  He looked awful. No resemblance to the dark and sexy man that captured my heart so many months ago. I reached out and rested my fingers lightly on his leg. I couldn’t lose him. I’d already lost so much in my life. I refused to let go of him. I couldn’t do it.

  Noises sounded loudly in the back of the ambulance and the paramedics practically pushed me to the side as they went to work on him. One used a contraption to breathe oxygen into him while the others checked his pulse and proceeded to do CPR.

  I couldn’t move. He was leaving me and it was my fault. Had I not pitched a fit and run out of the bar, he wouldn’t have been chasing me. He wouldn’t have been hit by the SUV. We’d be on our way back to the boys’ condo where Zeke would have spent the entire night showing me how much he loved me.

  Instead, he was lying there out cold and his body was holding on to the last bits of life he had. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t breathe. It was as if my body was giving up with his. I didn’t want to live in a world where there was no Zeke. Besides Sydney, he was the one good thing I had left. He was it for me.

  I leaned down into his ear and softly moved his blood-matted hair from his face.

  “I love you so much, Zeke. Please don’t leave me.”

  I knew in my heart he couldn’t hear me, but it was all I could do.

  When we got to the hospital, the paramedics rushed him inside and I was left standing there under the concrete carport, covered in blood. I couldn’t make my legs move. As badly as I wanted to follow him into the hospital and be there until the very end, I couldn’t. How selfish was that? I was a selfish bitch and I was the reason he was fighting for his life.

  Time flew by and still I remained rooted to the hard concrete beneath my sandals. At some point, Finn and Chet were talking to me, but I couldn’t respond. I didn’t even fight it when Finn scooped me up and carried me into the waiting room of the hospital.

  I’d once shot the man I knew as my father, and I thought I knew shock, but nothing could have prepared me for this. I was in shock. People moved around me. Someone handed me a cup of coffee and I held it there until the heat of the cup was gone and the black liquid inside was cold. Everything had stopped and sped up all at once, and as badly as I wanted to give in and let a massive panic attack take me, my body’s response systems weren’t firing.

  Hours later, the doctor came out. The grim look on his face let me know what I already knew in my heart the entire time. Zeke was gone. He was never coming back. I’d never hear his deep laughter or feel his protective arms around me ever again. I’d die. The minute the doctor said what I knew he was going to say, I’d be the next to go.

  “I’m looking for the family of Zeke Mitchell.”

  Finn stood up next to me. I hadn’t even realized he was with me.

  “We’re the only family he has. He’s practically my brother and this is his fiancé.” Finn touched my shoulder.

  I wasn’t his fiancé. I’d never be his fiancé. I’d miss out on all of that with Zeke, and it was my fault.

  I stood up next to Finn and my legs felt like jelly. I looked into the doctor’s deep green eyes and willed him to say something other than Zeke was gone. He was contemplating not telling us since we weren’t technically family. I couldn’t go another second without knowing
.

  “Please,” I whispered. “I need to know. Is he…?” I couldn’t say the word. The word “dead” sucked all the moisture out of my mouth and made me sick to my stomach.

  Reaching into the pockets of his long white lab coat, the doctor rocked on his heels once before finally giving in.

  “He pulled through.”

  My legs gave out and Finn caught me and held me up.

  “What?” My voice sounded as if I hadn’t used it in years.

  Happy tears sprang from my eyes and rushed down my cheeks.

  “He’s been sedated. Once he was awake, he started to become violent with the staff and was speaking out of his head about wanting snowflakes. We didn’t want him to injure himself more, so we didn’t have any other choice.”

  Hearing that he was fighting back made me so happy. Not that I wanted him to hurt himself, but Zeke was a fighter; he had been for his entire life. It gave me hope that he wouldn’t give up any time soon.

  “When can we see him?” I asked in a rush.

  I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to see him and watch his breathing. As long as he was breathing, then he was still here with me.

  Thirty minutes later, I was being led to Zeke’s floor. Finn and Chet went back to the condo to get me a change of clothes. Walking around with blood spatter covering my clothes wasn’t a great feeling.

  I stepped up to his bed and gasped at his swollen face. I leaned over and softly kissed his forehead. His right hand had been crushed by a tire, so he had a cast that went up to his elbow. His left arm was wrapped tightly in bandages. There were spots of red where the blood was starting to seep through.

  His legs weren’t broken, but they were cut up pretty bad as well. It was the cut on the back of his head that worried everyone, but knowing Zeke, if he were awake, he’d be more freaked out by the fact that his hand was crushed. The doctor said it would be months before he’d ever use it again, if he ever did.

  When I couldn’t stand it anymore and I didn’t think my body would hold me up any longer, I sat on a couch across the room. Another hour passed as I sat in that one spot and stared at him. If there was any movement, I didn’t want to miss it. And when he woke up, I wanted to be there.

  I closed my eyes for just a second to let them rest, and when I opened them again, the room was completely lit up by the sun. It took me a minute to gather my wits, but once I did, I jumped up from the couch and rushed to Zeke’s side. He was lying still, but he was breathing, and at that point that’s all I needed to see.

  “Good morning,” I whispered softly as I planted a tiny kiss on his lips.

  “Good morning to you, too,” Finn said from behind me.

  I jumped and turned around quickly. He was standing in the doorway with two cups of coffee in his hands.

  “I brought you a pick-me-up.” He made his way over to me and handed me a cup. “Any changes?”

  “No. We’re just waiting for him to wake up. The doctors came in a few times last night, but that was it. Thanks for the coffee.”

  “No problem. I brought you some clothes last night, but you were asleep on the couch. I’ll stay here with him if you want to go back to our place and grab a shower.” He sat on the couch and took a sip from his coffee.

  It was weird seeing Finn so serious and drinking coffee. He was usually on something, drinking anything alcoholic, and none of the boys were ever serious.

  “No. I’ll stay here. I want to be here if he wakes up.”

  “Okay. Chet’s supposed to be bringing some lunch later. You should probably eat something when he does.” He gave me a friendly smile.

  “I will.” I sipped my coffee. “Thanks again for last night. I’m sorry if I hit you or anything. I didn’t realize what I was doing.”

  “No worries. Me and Chet are big boys. I think we can handle getting knocked around a little. No way could a pretty little thing like you take us down.”

  I nodded and smiled over at him. He was right. No way could little ol’ me hurt either of them physically, but still I felt like I needed to apologize.

  “Quit flirting with my girl, assface,” Zeke rasped.

  Gasping, I turned my attention back to him. His eyes were still closed, but I could tell he was in pain from the expression on his face.

  I set down my cup and grabbed his good hand.

  “Zeke? I’m here, baby.”

  “Snowflake.” My name slipped from his lips like a prayer.

  I leaned down and pressed my cheek into his palm. “Yes. It’s me. It’s Snowflake. I’m so sorry, Zeke. I’m so sorry. I love you so much.”

  His lids slowly worked their way open and then I was staring down at bloodshot brown eyes. A tiny smile lifted his lips, but the pain set back in and he flinched and closed his eyes again.

  Finn went to get a nurse, and I sat on the bed beside Zeke. It only took a few seconds for him to come to his senses and start trying to get up. I pushed with all my might to get him to lie back down, but even with broken bones, he was so much stronger than me.

  “Zeke, please just be still until the nurses get here,” I begged.

  “I’m not staying here. I fucking hate hospitals and that bitch drugged me. I’m going home. Take me home,” he said as he pulled at his IV.

  I cupped his cheeks with my hands and forced him to look at me.

  “Sweetie, you’re hurt. Please let them take care of you. If you love me at all, you’ll let them do their job. I was worried sick. I don’t even want to think about something else happening to you. I can’t lose another person I love. Please.” I couldn’t stop the tears.

  As if he’d been drugged again, he stopped fighting me. I felt the soft brush of his thumb against my cheek and then he sighed and fell back against the bed with a hiss. He clinched his eyes in pain and then looked up at me with sadness.

  “My hand?” he asked softly.

  I didn’t want to be the one to tell him, but no way could I let anyone else do it. I shook my head and pushed a thick shock of black hair from his eyes.

  “It was crushed. It’s going to be a while before you can play again. You’ll need physical therapy and some other stuff.”

  He clenched his jaws so tightly I thought they’d pop. First, raw sadness passed through his expression and then he was angry. His face turned bright red and the strain in his neck made a muscle jump. He swallowed hard in frustration and pain. I’d never seen him respond this way before. I wasn’t afraid of him; I was afraid for him.

  Before he could say anything, I spoke again.

  “Zeke, it’s fine. Everything’s going to be fine. We’ll take care of everything and you’ll be playing again before you know it,” I said reassuringly.

  He wouldn’t open his eyes and look at me. Instead, he shook his head before turning away from me completely.

  I stepped to the side as the nurse came in and questioned him. She asked about his medical history, about recent drugs, and then she left. After that, the doctor came in and checked him over again. Throughout all of this, Zeke never looked at me or spoke a word. I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. I didn’t know if he was angry or hurt. I just knew he wasn’t okay.

  “He needs to rest,” the doctor said as he left the room.

  That was our cue to leave, but I refused. I would sit there with him until he was better. He’d do the same for me, and there was no way I was walking away. This was sort of my fault, after all.

  * * *

  Three days later, Zeke left the hospital. He still hadn’t said much to me, basic answers and never any questions. I’m not sure what worried me more—the fact that his hand was crushed, or the fact that he’d pretty much given up all control. It wasn’t like him and I hated to see him quietly go along with everything. He was broken, physically and mentally.

  I had planned on going home before classes started back, but no way was I leaving him when he needed me here. I called Aunt Sarah and told her what was going on and she fully supported me missing a few classes to help Ze
ke.

  Another day passed and still he didn’t talk to me. He just lay in bed and either stared at the ceiling or slept. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I spoke up.

  “Tell me what’s wrong, Zeke. You haven’t said much to me since you woke up, and I’m starting to get worried. Whatever I can do to make this better or easier, I’ll do it. Just tell me and I’ll do it.”

  I pushed a stray piece of hair from his face. Dark eyes turned to me and cut through me. His succulent mouth was pinched in an angry expression that I’d seen before many times when I first met him. It was as if the man I’d first met had returned in full effect and the sweet guy who whispered I love you through the phone and kissed me sweetly was gone.

  “I think you’ve done enough,” he said before he turned away and blocked me out.

  Ten

  Zeke

  I didn’t want to be angry. I never wanted to say hurtful things to Patience, but every time I looked down at the cast that covered my right hand and forearm, I couldn’t help but feel rage.

  Playing my guitar was my release. It got me through a lifetime of craziness, and now I couldn’t do it for months. Who knew if I’d ever be able to play again? My life, my job, everything I’d worked so hard for, all of it was gone in the blink of an eye. Gone. All because I was chasing after a chick, which was something I swore I’d never do. I loved Snowflake, but I loved playing guitar, too.

  She didn’t say anything after I was rude to her. I hadn’t meant to be, but after days of holding in my anger, I just snapped. I could tell I hurt her feelings, though. Her lower lip trembled a bit and her eyes widened. I felt like shit, but I was just so pissed off at everyone.

  She didn’t need to even be there anymore. She didn’t need to see me lying around like a bum, not being able to work. School was where she wanted to be so badly, and that’s where she should be.

  “Don’t you have class or something?” I asked.

  I couldn’t look at her. I was never good enough for her and now I was in even worse condition. She deserved better than some out-of-work musician, a has-been, a nobody. If my hand never healed, I wouldn’t be able to take care of her. I wanted nothing more than to do just that.