Perfecting Patience

by Tabatha Vargo

  Zeke was busy talking to the waitress about the bill and all I wanted to do was run out into the fresh air. I reached over and grabbed his hand, but he mistook my move and linked our fingers together. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen and my mouth was too dry to form words.

  I squeezed his fingers and he smiled over at me before turning back to the waitress. He let go out of my hand to pull his wallet out of his back pocket. Then the space got even smaller when a crowd of people surrounded our table.

  “You’re Zeke Mitchell from Blow Hole, right?” a short brunette asked.

  I heard Zeke respond and then there were napkins being thrown on the table for his signature. Zeke was laughing and signing with his left hand while went into full panic mode. The people around us were laughing too hard and talking too much. They were sucking out all the available oxygen when I needed it.

  Finally at my boiling point, I jumped up from my chair. It flew behind me and fell onto its back with a loud bang. The talking stopped and all eyes turned on me. Not bothering to look back at Zeke, I fled the space and pushed two girls out of the way as I ran out the front door.

  I’d left my bag at home, which meant my chill pills weren’t a possibility, and I had no other way to stop the panic rising up my spine and making my head feel heavy and fuzzy. So instead of stopping outside the café, I kept running. I ran until my lungs burned.

  The world around me felt off balance as dizziness poured into my brain. My legs felt wrong as my sneakers gripped the asphalt beneath and pushed me forward. I wasn’t sure how long I ran, but at one point I started to worry that my legs would just stop working altogether.

  I began to feel better when the blurs around me started to look familiar. When the fresh smell of coffee invaded my senses, I stopped outside my apartment and leaned over to suck in as much air as I could. My fingers dug into my knees and black dots swam before my eyes.

  I heard a car pull up and then I heard Zeke call my name, but I ignored him. I turned away from my name and ran up the stairs. As quickly as I could, I unlocked my front door and ran to my bathroom.

  Locking the bathroom door behind me, I went for the top of the medicine cabinet. My nails scratched at the faded white metal and made me flinch. As quickly as I could, I emptied the last pill in the sandwich bag into my palm and tossed it into my mouth and under my tongue. The bitter bite swarmed my mouth and made my jaws lock.

  Falling to the tile floor, I rocked back and forth until I could feel the relaxation spread through my arms and legs. Finally the fog cleared, I breathed in a deep breath, and the shaking stopped. It was then I noticed Zeke beating on the door and calling my name in a panic.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t know what I did, but please open the door.” The door rattled on its hinges. “Snowflake, let me in. Let’s talk about whatever it is.”

  I pushed myself from the floor and opened the door. He stood there holding his arm to his chest, sweat forming on his forehead. His dark-brown eyes took me in from head to toe and his eyebrows pinched in confusion.

  “What’s going on? What did I do?” He pushed into the small space and pulled me to him.

  “Nothing, sweetie. I just had to pee really bad.”

  I was getting better with the quick white lies. It was a bad thing to be good at, but it worked.

  He looked at me like I was crazy, then tucked a sweaty strand of hair behind my ear. His eyes roamed my face and made me feel nervous.

  “You ran all the way here from the café, which has a bathroom, just to use the bathroom?”

  I stuttered for a bit and then smiled sweetly up at him the way I knew he liked.

  “There were so many people there. Did you see the line to the bathroom? I was trying to get your attention, but you were talking to the waitress and I couldn’t wait any longer. I’m sorry if I freaked you out.”

  I squeezed by him and walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. The nasty taste of the pill was caked on my tongue and made me feel a little sick to my stomach.

  He followed me and put his arms around me from behind. Rubbing my stomach, he breathed me in and planted a tiny kiss on the back of my neck.

  “No worries, babe.”

  I skipped practice that afternoon and we spent the rest of the night watching movies and doing homework together. Zeke was actually pretty damn good with numbers, so he did most of my probability and statistics work. I was never more grateful to have him near me.

  I was taking some pretty rough classes since I’d finally changed my undecided status to a psychology major. The more I Googled stuff about my mental problems, the more I enjoyed reading about the different kinds of phobias and medications. If anyone knew about being a mess in the head, it was me.

  The next day, I missed my first class to go with him to his first physical therapy appointment. He finally had the cast removed and was able to wiggle his fingers, but I could tell by the look on his face that it was still painful.

  “Okay, Mr. Mitchell, I’ll see you next week. Enjoy your weekend, but be easy with that hand. Just because the cast is gone doesn’t mean you should be doing anything too strenuous.”

  “Got it, doc. No fighting or playing.” Zeke winked over at me.

  After getting a new prescription for pain medication and paying the bill, we were done.

  “I can’t wait to get my hands on my guitar,” he said with a big smile as he held the door open for me. “But first I want to fill my hands with this.” He pulled me into his arms and grabbed my ass.

  I smacked at his good hand, and my laughter drew more attention to us.

  “That sounds great, but first, I have a class.”

  He drove me to class and I kissed him softly on the lips. His fingers dug into my hairline as he pulled me closer.

  “I never get enough of you,” he whispered against my lips.

  “Good,” I said as I popped open the passenger’s door.

  “I’ll be here at three to pick you up.”

  “See you then.”

  I shut the door behind me and then leaned down to look at him through the glass. Kissing my fingers, I blew him a kiss through the window. He playfully pretended to catch it and put it against his mouth. I smiled. Usually when I did that, he’d catch it and grab the crotch of his pants in a joke.

  Before putting the car in reverse, he mouthed the word “forever” to me. I could only hope we lasted forever. I wanted him forever, and I was positive he felt the same, but the fear of him finding out about my dishonesty weighed heavy on my heart.

  Fourteen

  Zeke

  I wasn’t sure when I became a jealous freak, but it felt like all could think about was my snowflake leaving me for someone else.

  It more than likely had something to do with the fact that no matter what she said, I constantly felt like she was hiding something from me. It was that gut instinct that everyone always said you should never ignore. I kept reassuring myself that she’d never do anything like that. She wasn’t mentally capable. She still had issues with anyone other than Sydney and me touching her, but stranger shit had happened.

  The only time she was okay with physical contact was on the soccer field and even then she barely let herself get touched. I kept that inner argument strong in my mind, but the evil bastard in the back of my head kept reminding me that Patience had allowed me entrance into her world; why wouldn’t she allow someone else that luxury? Why wouldn’t she allow someone more worthy?

  I kept myself occupied while she was in class. I’d become her little house bitch and until I could get my ass back to work, I was totally okay with that. I made sure the house was stocked with groceries and cooked something new every night. I couldn’t believe how much I actually enjoyed cooking. The laundry was always done and the apartment was always clean. The less she had to worry about at home, the better.

  She didn’t know it, but I’d even started covering her bills. She was too busy with school and soccer to realize she was
n’t getting late notices, and I didn’t say anything. It was the least I could do, and I kind of liked taking care of her. For the first time in my life, I could see a real future with Patience. One filled with rings and babies, things that had never crossed my mind before.

  The thought of making Patience mine in every way gave me a sense of satisfaction that I never thought the word marriage would give me. But those thoughts were for a later time—a time when I was back with the band and she was done with school.

  I pulled up in the parking lot outside Patience’s last class and waited until it was time for her to come out. I lay back in my seat and listened to the radio. It was starting to cloud up, and I expected it to start storming soon. I didn’t want her to have to walk across the parking lot in the rain, so I moved her car closer to the building. She’d have a hard time seeing me here, but I could pull up and get her once I saw her come out.

  The rain came quick and soon there was so much water running down her windows that everything on the outside was blurry. Trees swayed in the wind as people ran to their cars and moved to shelter.

  It wasn’t much longer until I saw her platinum locks bouncing out the door of the building. I cranked up the car to pull up to get her, when the tall guy from the party raced up to her with his umbrella. She huddled under the umbrella with him and he took her hand. They started talking and I saw her head go back as she laughed at something he said.

  I almost put the car in drive and ran him over. Would it not hurt Patience as well, I swear I would have. He stood there beside her for a few more seconds and then turned and walked away as I pulled up next to the sidewalk.

  She didn’t waste any time jumping into the passenger’s seat.

  “Oh my God, I’m soaked!” She giggled and pulled at her clothes.

  “I bet you are. Is that what he does to you?” I peeled out of the parking lot and raced down the street to the apartment.

  What was it about the fucker that I didn’t like? I’d never talked to him a day in my life, yet there was something I couldn’t put my finger on that let me know he wasn’t a good guy. I didn’t want Patience being around something that was bad. Well, no one except me.

  “Please don’t start with this, Zeke. I told you before, I’m trying to hook him and Hope up.” She sighed in aggravation.

  “Then why is he touching you. I saw him grab your hand and you didn’t pull away. I don’t like seeing other guys touch you.”

  I hated it. It made me feel like all my bones were breaking at once, and I wanted to rip his hand off and feed it to him.

  “He shook my hand. It wasn’t a big deal. You’ve got to stop worrying about this, Zeke. I’m not going anywhere. I’m with you. You’re the only person allowed to touch me. I promise. You have to start trusting me. Until I give you a reason not to, I deserve that trust.”

  She looked like she was about to cry, and I was so mixed up mentally I didn’t know what to do. I heard what she was telling me, but I also knew what my gut was saying. The two were in total disagreement with each other. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was hiding something and all that did was pique my jealousy.

  I slowed the car and she reached over and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. I felt like a fool. I knew inside that Patience was hiding something, but I’d be the fool for her. And if by some chance I found out later she was doing something with that tall piece of shit I kept seeing her with, I’d kill him. End of story.

  * * *

  The following weekend, Patience and I were joining Hope and a few of her friends out to a dance club. I wasn’t really into dance clubs, but Patience seemed excited to go and she begged me to go with her. I had issues telling her no, so I sat on the couch and waited while she got dressed.

  Flipping through the channels on the big cable remote, I got lost in a car rebuilding show on one of the manly channels. Updating Snowflake’s cable was one of the best things I could’ve done. You can only watch so much news before you start to hate the world around you.

  I looked up when I heard the bedroom door open and my mouth dropped. She looked so fucking sexy I almost went to her, threw her up against the wall, and buried my cock in her right then and there. Her hair was down and curled, the front pushed back, giving a clear view of her gorgeous face. The tiny bit of makeup around her eyes made her blue irises pop.

  Her bare neck gave way to a deep neckline. The thought of putting something pretty around her neck filled my mind. I’d be sure to remedy that as soon as I was alone again. I’d never really bought jewelry for a girl before, but I’d done a lot with Patience I’d never done before. I couldn’t wait to get her something special.

  She had on a soft blue dress that was low and short. Her long tan legs were smooth and shiny, and her cute feet were covered in a pair of strappy silver heels. My eyes moved from her head to her toes, and I couldn’t help but feel satisfaction at knowing she was all mine.

  She smiled over at me and self-consciously patted her hair and smoothed down her dress.

  “Do I look okay?”

  Okay wasn’t a word I’d use to describe the way she looked.

  “No,” I said simply.

  Her face fell and she turned to go back in the room.

  “You look sexy.”

  She paused and turned around to face me again.

  I stood from the couch and went to her. Putting my arms around her waist, I pulled her body close to mine.

  “I’m already hard just looking at you.” I ran my fingers down her neck.

  She reached down between us and grabbed my cock as if she didn’t believe me. I closed my eyes at the sensation of her hand cupping me. Pressing my hips, I pushed myself against her palm. I wanted her. I wanted to push that dress up around her waist and fuck her until she screamed my name.

  I started to slowly push her up against the wall. She smiled up at me and didn’t stop me. Pain shot through my hand when I lifted her, but I ignored it. She latched her legs around my hips as I started to push up her dress. The black panties she wore underneath made me harden more.

  “Do you want me?” I asked as I pushed her panties to the side and ran my finger across her clit.

  She was already wet and ready. I loved that I had the same effect on her that she had on me.

  “Yes,” she whispered against my cheek before she started to softly suck on my neck.

  I quickly unbuckled my belt and started to unbutton my jeans. I could practically feel her heat surrounding me already. I pushed my jeans around my hips and got ready to move my boxers. Everything stopped when a loud knock sounded on the door.

  “Hurry up, y’all! The girls are waiting in the car, and I have way too much ass hanging out to be standing out here alone,” Hope called through the door before beating on it more.

  “Shit,” I said as I pulled back and let her feet touch the floor.

  I pulled up my jeans and put myself back together while she rushed to the door and let Hope in.

  “Damn, girl! You look H-O-T hot! Zeke, you better get ready to stand guard.” Hope laughed.

  “Oh my God, whatever!” Patience chuckled.

  I shook my head because I knew Hope was right. I’d have to play guard dog tonight with Patience looking the way she did and so many drunk fucks with grabby hands. I didn’t mind it, though. She looked beautiful and it was my job to protect her.

  We turned off the lights and locked the door behind us. Patience walked in front of me and I was mesmerized by the sway of her hips and the back of her thighs. I wanted nothing more than to pull her back in that apartment and bury myself in her for the rest of the night.

  Hope rode in the car with Patience and me, but that didn’t stop me from touching her leg and letting my hand roam under her skirt. She didn’t stop me either; instead, she scooted up on the seat and let her legs fall open. Damn, she was devastating. The things she did to me physically and mentally were mind-blowing.

  Like I knew I would be, I spent the night making sure fuckers kept their
hands to themselves. I took a few shots with the girls and danced a few times with Patience and her friends when the DJ played something other than that fucked-up techno bullshit.

  I loved seeing her laugh and smile so freely. She was slowly healing, and I was glad I was a part of her healing process. She was standing by me through all my hand crap and in a few weeks I’d be released by the physical therapist and I’d be able to go back to work. That is if I kept my shit straight and didn’t do anything stupid.

  Going back to work gave me mixed emotions. I was excited to play with the boys again and I was crazy ready to put down the second album, but I dreaded leaving Snowflake. I didn’t know if I was capable of leaving her again, but she was so engrossed in school and soccer that there was no way I could even think about asking her to come with me.

  The good news was, once we were done with the second album, I could come back to Florida to be with her until it was time to tour again. I’d make this work. I’d find a way to be with her without putting music and the band on the back burner. She deserved that much from me, and as much as I loved to play, I loved her more.

  Patience and her girls were on the floor, dancing and laughing. She smiled over at me as she ran her hands down her body and shook her hips. I winked at her and then finished off my beer. Turning back to the bar, I ordered another beer for me and another round of shots for the girls. I paid the bartender and put the change in the little tip bottle on the bar.

  When I turned back around, the girls were still dancing, but Patience wasn’t there. I looked around the club to find her, but she was nowhere to be seen. I left the bar and walked toward the bathrooms, thinking that’s probably where she was. She’d been drinking the whole time we were there.

  I stepped into the little alcove and waited there until she came out of the women’s restroom. I didn’t like the idea of her being alone in a place like a club. It wasn’t safe and considering her history with bars and clubs, I had reason to worry. She seemed to find some form of trouble whenever there was alcohol involved.

  The door to the bathroom opened and Patience stepped out. I almost moved from my dark corner, but I paused when the tall fucker that I kept seeing her with stepped out behind her. I felt as if someone kicked me in the stomach. My abs tightened at the site of the two of them together creeping out of the bathroom as if they didn’t want to get caught.