Zee Town Paranormal Cozy Mystery - Complete Series Omnibus: Books 1 - 6

by K E O'Connor

  “That was months ago,” I said. “You know he’s dating Jen.” Alex Strong had caught my eye when he’d first arrived in town as the new police constable. We’d been on one date, but I’d realized he was more of a friend than a romantic interest. My best friend, Jen Sharp, had started dating him and was ridiculously in love. I couldn’t be happier for her, when I wasn’t moaning about my lack of relationship.

  “I believe Nick is still single.” Laura raised an eyebrow at me.

  “That’s hardly shocking news.” No one knew anything about Nick Morton, our grumpy police sergeant. He was a man of mystery, and he liked it that way. “He’s rude and pig-headed and always complains when I try to help him.”

  “You mean, when you interfere with a police investigation he’s working on,” Laura said. “Is it any surprise he’s brisk with you when you put yourself in danger? I haven’t forgotten what happened at the carnival when Colin Figgins tried to silence you to keep his dirty little secret from the rest of the town.”

  I shuddered. I’d also not forgotten that Colin had attempted to strangle me. “I was trying to help Nick with his investigation while stopping him from picking on our innocent zombies.” That was another reason Nick rubbed me the wrong way. He wasn’t a fan of zombies. Who moved to a town where half the population were zombies if you didn’t like them?

  “You believe that as much as you want to,” Laura said, standing from her seat. “I’m a person down today, so you’d better give me your order now and not mind waiting.”

  “Is someone off sick today?” I asked.

  “No. Well, at least I don’t think so,” Laura said. “Audrey’s missing. She didn’t turn up for her shift yesterday. I went to the apartment she shares with her mentor and two other zombies, but there was no sign of her. Her room looked untouched, and no one had seen her. I’m hoping she’s gone on a walkabout and will come back soon. I hate to think of Audrey out in the cold. I know zombies don’t feel the cold, but I bet she hasn’t got a coat on.”

  “Does she often disappear on you?” I’d always thought Audrey was reliable. A bit slow at serving, but she did everything with a smile as she ambled around the diner.

  “No, this is the first time,” Laura said. “According to one of her roommates, she does go for long walks alone. Maybe she’s lost track of time. If Audrey’s not back by the end of today, I’ll speak to Nick and see if he can help me locate her. She’s an adult zombie, though, so I’m not sure he’ll do anything.”

  I ordered my food, and Laura hurried away to serve several people waiting at the counter.

  I was happy to wait for the food. It was always worth it. I passed the time people watching and trying not to grimace every time a happy couple walked past. It was just this time of year. Once Valentine’s Day was out of the way, I’d stop dwelling on my single status.

  With a stomach full of delicious, warming food, I was happier as I waved goodbye to Laura and left the diner, almost bumping into Jen as I did so.

  “Hey! I was looking for you. I just dropped by your office.” Jen hugged me. “I thought you might like to grab lunch. I guess I’m too late.”

  “Sorry. I needed cheering up.” I patted my stomach.

  “Cheering up?” Jen asked. “Why so glum?”

  I stared into a slushy puddle. “Oh, you know, all these hearts and flowers. It makes a girl wonder how long she’ll stay on the shelf before she’s so dust covered nobody notices her.”

  Jen clutched her coat around her, her blonde curls flapping in the wind. “I’ve got the perfect thing to cheer you up.” She grabbed my hand.

  “What do you have in mind?” I let Jen pull me along the street, hopping the puddles as I did so.

  “I’ve got a new range of nail polishes,” she said. “The brighter the better. It’ll put a smile on your face.”

  I didn’t hate the idea of getting my nails done. It wasn’t something I ever did, but being pampered sounded nice.

  We hurried into Jen’s salon, and she ushered me into a chair. “Get settled. I’ll bring you a tea and you can tell me your troubles.”

  “Are you sure you’ve got time?” I looked around at the other clients, the scent of apple shampoo and setting lotion filling my nose.

  “I can squeeze in a manicure. I’ve got a dye job going that needs another forty minutes. Mrs. Barrett is happy under the dryer, and my next client doesn’t come in for an hour.”

  Jen’s salon was always popular. She catered to both humans and zombies. She did a great job of making even the limpest hair look amazing and helped the zombies look as human as possible.

  She brought over two large mugs of tea and set them on the table. “Hands,” she ordered.

  I obediently placed my hands on the table. “Be gentle with me,” I said as she inspected my fingers, a critical look on her face.

  “These nails have seen better days. You have to stop doing your own manicures,” Jen got to work on my cuticles. “So, tell me about this lonely heart of yours.”

  I looked at the multi-colored hearts dangling in the salon window. “I’m a sad, lonely, single woman. It’s four days to our big Valentine’s celebrations.”

  “You’re worried no one will send you any cards or flowers on the big day?”

  “It’s not that,” I said. “Well, it would be nice to get a card. And not one from you, before you even think about sending me a card and pretending it’s from a secret admirer.”

  “As if I would.” Jen widened her eyes and grinned. “You’ll get loads of cards.”

  I doubted that. “Laura has dozens already.”

  “From loyal customers who’d fade away if she didn’t supply them with lots of tasty treats.” Jen dipped my fingers in warm water and massaged almond infused oil into my cuticles.

  “It shows people love her,” I said, thinking about my own card free desk.

  “Lots of people love you, too,” Jen said. “We wouldn’t be able to manage without you hosting amazing events every year. You do the events on Valentine’s Day, our big Easter parade, the summer carnival, and the Christmas ball. What am I forgetting?”

  “Halloween,” I said. “I like to make the most of the fact that we live in a town full of zombies.”

  “Exactly! Which is why you’re indispensable,” Jen said. “You’ll get some cards. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  “How about you?” I asked. “What nauseatingly romantic thing are you planning with Alex?”

  Jen grinned so widely her dimples popped. “We’re going to the dance together. I’ve never been to a formal dance with anybody. I have no idea how to do any of the steps.”

  “There’ll only be a few formal dance numbers. I’ve made sure the band plays different music so everybody can get involved. You won’t be treading on Alex’s feet for long.”

  Jen brought out a bright red nail polish. “How about this? It’s called Foxy Red.” She shook the bottle in front of me.

  “Have you got anything subtler?”

  “No, and it’s perfect for you. It’ll make your hands look pretty and hide your bitten thumb nails.”

  When I painted my own nails, I went for pastel shades, something discreet that didn’t show the chips too badly.

  “A coat of this and men will be drooling over your beautiful hands,” Jen said.

  I admired Jen’s enthusiasm. It would need more than a coat of polish to sort out my love life. “Have you seen Audrey? She’s been missing for a couple of days. Laura’s worried about her.” Jen not only ran the salon but also volunteered at the zombie shelter, taking in waifs and strays when they needed a bed for the night or a warm meal.

  Jen looked up. “Audrey’s missing? I hadn’t heard. It’s not like her. She’s reliable. She sometimes helps me at the shelter.”

  “Laura’s going to ask Nick to find her. He won’t be interested. You know what he’s like.”

  “Nick’s a decent police officer,” Jen said, a note of warning in her voice. She’d heard me complain about
Nick too many times. “If Audrey’s in trouble, he’ll want to help.”

  I wrinkled my nose and stared at the hearts hanging in the salon window. “I wonder if he’ll get any cards this year.”

  “Are you thinking of sending him one?”

  I glared at Jen. “Not for a second.” I spotted a figure dash past the salon, huddled in a black coat and hat. “Is that Selina? What’s making her run so fast?”

  “Let’s find out.” Jen hopped up and dashed to the door, yanking it open. “Selina, where’s the fire?”

  Selina Talbot paused and turned, only her nose visible from beneath her furry hood. “I’ve got a dead zombie coming in. Want to take a look?”

  Chapter 2

  “A dead zombie! Who is it?” I called out, peering around Jen, who was blocking the salon doorway.

  “No idea,” Selina said. “If you want to know, you can join me at the morgue.” She turned and sped away.

  I hopped up and grabbed my coat.

  Jen turned and waggled a finger at me. “No, you don’t! We’re not done here.”

  “My nails look fab. Let’s get to the morgue.”

  Jen groaned. “Only you would be excited to see a body.”

  “I’m not excited, I’m curious. Come with me!”

  “I can’t leave my customers.” Jen waved me away. “Get out of here. But I want all the gossip.”

  I grinned at her as I left the salon and hurried along the chilly streets and over to Selina’s clinic, which doubled as a morgue, keeping my hands out of my pockets as I let the polish dry as best it could in the icy cold.

  I entered the clinic and pulled open the door to the morgue. I got another blast of chilled air in my face, this time from the climate controlled conditions of Selina’s surgery.

  Selina not only looked after the morgue but doubled as our town doctor, medical examiner and mortician, particularly when it came to zombies. She had an interest in repairing them when they lost toes, limbs, or sustained an injury.

  Zombies didn’t feel pain, at least not that we were aware of, and they’d been tested for months before being deemed safe to be around humans, but they could be injured. When they received an injury, it didn’t heal. That was where Selina came in, providing excellent patch repairs to zombies.

  “Selina!” I called out. “Are you in here?”

  “In the back,” she shouted. “Give me a minute. I’m suiting up for my new arrival.” She came out a moment later, wearing a white lab coat, plastic gloves, and a hair cover. “I need to make sure I don’t contaminate the body in case there’s evidence to collect.”

  “What happened to the zombie?” I asked her.

  “Nick was vague on the phone,” Selina said. “He found a body on the beach. The tide had almost reached it, so any evidence may have been washed away. There’s no harm in taking a look. I might find something useful.”

  “Nick didn’t say who it was?”

  “No. In his usual ultra-efficient manner, he gave me the barest details and told me to meet him here. I’d planned on having the afternoon off, but it looks like I’ll have something to keep me occupied.” The twinkle in Selina’s dark eyes suggested she didn’t mind. She lived for her work as much as I did.

  The sound of a truck reversing to the back door of the morgue made us pause. “Stay here,” Selina said. “I need to get the body in and signed for.”

  “Are you sure it’s okay for me to stay?” Being alone in a morgue felt creepy.

  “Sure,” Selina said. “A word of advice. If anyone moves, run.” She chuckled as she hurried away.

  I grimaced. Selina had a dark sense of humor. It came with the job.

  I paced around, keeping my coat on to stay warm as I waited for her to return.

  Selina wheeled in a trolly a few minutes later, complete with what looked like a zombie, covered in a white sheet.

  “Let’s see what we’ve got.” She lifted the sheet and folded it over the zombie’s body. “Hmmm. I don’t recognize this one.”

  I peered at the body, but was too far away to get a good look.

  “He won’t bite.” Selina smiled at me. “He’s dead. Take a look and see if you know who it is.”

  I walked slowly toward the body. I’d not seen a dead body before. Well, if you discounted the vast number of living dead who walked around Zee Town. They were different.

  I looked at the pale, gray zombie on the trolly and swallowed.

  “Do you know who it is? You know most of the zombies in this town. I often see small groups of them hanging about outside the tourist office, trying to get a glimpse of you.”

  “They don’t hang around the office,” I said, feeling a pang of sadness as I looked at the zombie’s pale form. “And yes, I know this zombie. His name’s Phil. He’s not been in Zee Town long. He arrived a few months ago. I’ve seen him eating with some of the other zombies at the shelter when I volunteered with Jen.”

  “I figured he must be a new arrival.” Selina peered at his face. Her gaze lowered to his arm stump. “You don’t see many like this.”

  I nodded. We didn’t have many one-armed zombies in town.

  Selina scribbled notes on the pad on her counter. “The shelter will have more records about him if he was staying there.”

  “Do you know what happened to him?” I couldn’t see any injuries on the parts of his body that were visible.

  “We’re about to find out,” Selina said. “I’ll check for injuries. It would need to be something serious to stop an adult zombie in his tracks. We’re talking head chopped off or cut in half. Then he would still be able to drag himself around. The best method is to sever the brain stem. That’s not what’s happened here.”

  I shuddered, not sure if it was the cold in the morgue or Selina’s calm way of discussing killing zombies that made me uneasy. “Could he have given up and faded?” This happened sometimes. A zombie lost the will to keep going. We’d discovered this anomaly after Zee Town was established. If zombies weren’t regularly stimulated and given things to do, they lost their ability to engage. I’d seen it before. An isolated zombie didn’t last long.

  “Let me check for injuries and run some tests. We’ll see what comes up,” Selina said. “Do you want to stay?”

  I was ready to leave. I was relieved it wasn’t Laura’s missing zombie, but it was still an unpleasant experience. “I should go.”

  “I expect the Valentine’s Day events are keeping you busy.” Selina pulled a mask over her face. “Is anyone taking you to the dance this year?”

  “I’m taking myself, since I’m working it.” That didn’t sound too sad to me.

  Selina raised her eyebrows. “It’s time you found yourself someone.”

  I glanced at my bare ring finger. “There’s no one around I want to date.”

  Selina shook her head and turned toward Phil’s body. “You need to be less picky.”

  “Like you, you mean?” The words came out harder than I’d intended. Selina had lost a lot of people she cared about in the zombie uprising. Her husband included.

  Selina waved her hand in the air, as if batting away my sharp words. “I date. It takes a certain kind of man to keep me interested. I’ll be at the dance. Someone’s taking me.”

  I frowned. Zara had a date, so did Jen, and now Selina was going to the dance with somebody. What was wrong with me? I wasn’t hideous to look at. I kept myself in shape, kept my unruly hair neat, and made an effort with my makeup.

  Selina raised a scalpel. “Are you sure you don’t want to watch?”

  “I’ll leave you to it.” I turned and pushed open the morgue door, bashing into Nick as I did so. Whoops! He was the last person I wanted finding me here.

  He staggered back and rubbed his arm where the door had hit him. “Are you lost?” he asked me, his pale blue eyes narrowing.

  “No more than usual,” I said. “I just dropped in to speak to Selina.” I decided not to mention I’d been poking about trying to get information about her ne
w morgue guest.

  “How convenient that you’re here at the same time a body arrives,” Nick said. “I hope you’re not preventing Selina from doing her work.”

  “As if I would,” I said. “We were discussing the dance.”

  “Sure. That’s bound to be lots of fun.” Nick scrubbed at the stubble on his chin.

  “Will you be going?” I asked innocently. “I’ve not seen your name on the guest list.”

  “You won’t see me dancing. Ever,” Nick said.

  Stool, Nick’s three-legged dog, limped around the corner, his tan and black fur standing up in peaks. His speed increased as he spotted me, and his tongue rolled out in the doggy version of a smile.

  “Hello, boy.” I bent to pat his head. “Is Nick taking you out in this nasty weather?” I ran my hands across his damp fur.

  “As usual, Stool decides where he goes and when,” Nick said. “He’s been trailing after me all morning, despite having a perfectly good dog bed in the station he can nap in any time he likes.”

  I stood and gave Nick a questioning glance. “I’m guessing he must love your company.”

  “More like he loves the dog biscuits I have.” Nick patted his bulging waterproof jacket pocket.

  Stool’s ears shot up as his gaze lasered onto the pocket.

  “Actually, I’m glad I’ve seen you.”

  “That will be a first.”

  I snorted a laugh. He wasn’t wrong there. “Laura’s concerned about Audrey, the zombie who works at the diner. She’s gone missing.”

  “A missing zombie?” Nick scratched his head. “How long has she been missing?”

  “At least two days. Laura thought she might have wandered off, but there has been no sign of her anywhere. She wants to make sure Aubrey’s not hurt or lost. Can you look for her?”

  Nick frowned. “I’ll add it to my list of things to do. A missing zombie who may have gone for a walk won’t be top of my priorities.”

  “Not as important as a missing human, you mean.” Nick had never had much affection for the town zombies. He always looked to them first for any crimes that occurred. I often found myself doing battle with him to make sure he didn’t wrongfully arrest any innocent zombies.