The Battle Within

by LaShawn Vasser

  This was definitely it. He was about to tell her, and her future depended on being able to pull off an Oscar-worthy performance. Eyes wide, she drew her knees up to her chest, “What? Why? What’s going on, Franklin?”

  “You know that I’ve always had trouble sleeping after my mother left. My dreams as a child were unpleasant, but things got considerably worse in my early twenties. However, for a time they calmed down. Over the last few years, my dreams have become progressively worse. Sometimes, I can’t tell if the things I see or hear are dreams at all. So, I went to see someone. April, I have an illness that will become worse with time.” His voice was thick with emotion, “It’s possible that it could get to a point where I won’t even be able to take care of myself. There is no way I can’t burden a wife and child with that.”

  “No! No…I don’t believe that. I…I…can’t. Have you received a second opinion? Have you been to any of the doctors at Advocate Memorial? I…I could talk to my father. They can help you. I know it!”

  An empty laugh escaped him, “I’ve had second and third opinions. Ironically, the initial diagnosis was from Advocate. I’ve been seeing someone there for a while now.”

  She buried her head in her hands, “Who? What doctor?”

  “Dr. Leslie Caprice.”

  Neither of them spoke. Franklin couldn’t help thinking that the sound of the waves rolling onto the shore was like a lifeline. He also knew having this exact conversation with Sandy would have been a thousand times worse.

  “There has to be something else we can do?”

  Franklin reached out as if to pull her into his arms, but pulled back. “There’s nothing anyone can do. You’re the first person I’ve told. I wanted you to know so you could make an informed decision about the type of relationship you want to have with me. You have to know if we go any further, our relationship cannot include marriage or children.”

  Tears shimmered in her eyes, as she looked deeply into his and touched his cheek, “Franklin, I want you. I want to be here for you, and I’ll never leave you again. I promise.”

  She touched his heart. It felt as if he’d been waiting a lifetime for someone to say those exact words.

  Chapter 3

  Present day…

  Franklin tossed and turned most of the night unable to shut off his thoughts. The conversation earlier with April had unnerved him more than usual. He flipped over again until he lay flat on his back with his arm thrown over his face deep in thought.

  Was April really expecting marriage and kids? They’d discussed it in detail two years ago on the beach before they reconciled. She knew damn well why that wasn’t possible. Nothing’s changed so why was she pushing the issue?

  He was committed to her in a way he’d never been committed to anyone. No, their passion wasn’t earth shattering but it was enough. And, more than he deserved.

  For a moment, anger for feeling cheated out of life bubbled to the surface. Franklin never complained about being dealt a shitty hand, but it hurt like hell knowing he’d never have the kind of love and family as Jason.

  Franklin spent most of his life terrified he’d become Matthew Roth. All the statistics supported him repeating his father’s abuse. But, statistics didn’t make something true. When he’d proposed to April, it was only after he’d gone through an extensive amount of counseling and felt confident he’d make better choices. He was Franklin Roth, not Matthew.

  April had been there for him while he did the work to become a complete person and didn’t deserve this. His head was so full it might just explode. What he wouldn’t give for a few hours of mindlessness or better still, sleep.

  Franklin turned his head and glanced at the clock for what was probably the hundredth time. He’d been awake for at least an hour, and it was now 4 AM. Sleep wasn’t going to find him so he figured he might as well get up and use that energy productively.

  The sun hadn’t even risen when he’d left home. A half an hour later, he found himself at the gym. There was a woman on a bike, another on a treadmill, and a man on the free weights. Otherwise, the place was almost empty. However, it was still ridiculously early but would soon fill up in a few hours.

  There was something about a gym. Ever since John Rutherford had shown him a way to channel his emotions through physical fitness, the gym had become a safe haven of sorts, a place he could go to clear his mind. The musky smell surrounding him even the thick moisture in the air was welcome.

  Franklin took his gloves out of his gym bag before securing it in the locker room. He spent about twenty minutes warming up before he went over to the boxing bag. Standing about two-three feet away with his hands up in a fight position, he exploded forward with a jab. One…two…one…two…jab…cross punch. Jab…jab…punch.

  At some point, he’d taken off his shirt. Every time he jabbed those washboard abs tightened. His chorded muscles glistened as he worked until his entire body was drenched in sweat. It was as if someone poured a bucket of water all over him.

  Franklin was so focused that he barely noticed when someone came over to hold his bag.

  Glancing up to find that it was Jason. He stopped almost mid-punch and dropped his arms to his side as he tried to even out his breathing. “What’s up? Surprised to see you here. I didn’t think anyone could pry you away from Vicky and the baby.”

  Jason couldn’t keep the happiness off of his face, “Believe me, I didn’t want to leave. I left them sleeping, so I’m trying to get in a quick workout before they wake up.” His smile faded a bit as he rubbed his chin, “I haven’t seen you work out like this since college. Something on your mind?”

  Franklin took off his gloves and bent down to pick up his bottled water, “No more than usual, why?” He took a drink.

  “You were bringing the heat on this bag.” Jason shrugged, “You want to talk about it?”

  Franklin took another drink of his water. Then inhaled deeply, “April is ready to take things to the next level.”

  Jason whistled, “Can’t say I’m not surprised. You guys have been back together…what…a couple of years? From the beating you’re putting on this bag, I’m going to take a stab at it and say you’re not ready.”

  “It’s more complicated than that.”

  Jason raised an eyebrow, “Really?”

  Franklin rubbed the back of his neck, “April knows me almost better than you. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with her…”

  “And for reasons you’ve still never fully explained, she broke off the engagement. Is that what you’re afraid of? It happening again? Or….”

  Franklin frowned, “No. I’m not afraid of that. And, or…what?”

  Jason appeared skeptical, “I don’t know…maybe you know deep down that April is not the one for you, that maybe there’s a certain someone still in the back of your mind.”

  “Come on Jay. I made my choice, and so did she. We’ve both moved on a long time ago.”

  “Yeah…is that why the last time you two were in the same room neither of you could keep your eyes off of each other? And, that was only a couple of weeks ago. Come on man…I’ve never seen you look at April the way you look at Sandy. I just don’t get it. What happened that was so big you two couldn’t overcome it?”

  Jason had known Franklin long enough to know that he was holding something back. They’d never really kept much from each other, so it had to be a big deal.

  It was time to end this conversation. Franklin had come to the gym to clear his mind, “Let’s drop it for now, Jay. I just came here to get in a good workout. I’ll figure this out.”

  He nodded, “I’ll drop it for now. But, you’re my son’s godfather and my brother in all the ways that matter, so whatever it is…I won’t drop it forever. You were there for me when I was at my lowest, I hope you know that no matter what…I’ll never forget that.” Suddenly, even the gym wasn’t offering the solace he was seeking. Feeling suffocated, he needed to get away. He looked down at his watch; it was almost 7:30 AM, “I
didn’t realize it was this late. Since you’re still on paternity leave, one of us should be at the office to steer the ship. Plus, I’ve got another stop to make before I get there.” He picked up his gloves, “I’m going to hit the showers. But Jay…thanks.”

  “So, you’re good?”

  Franklin waved Jason off as he headed for the showers, “I’m good. I’ll catch up with you tonight when I bring over the financial reports for you to review and sign.”

  Chapter 4

  Flashback two and a half years ago….

  April arched her back and rolled her neck and shoulders in an attempt to loosen up the kinks in her body.

  The day had been long and exhausting. She’d assisted in several surgeries and couldn’t wait to get home and out of her scrubs. However, there were still a few more patients to see and at least a couple of hours’ worth of paperwork to complete.

  As much as she loved her independence, the moment she and Franklin were married, she planned to trade in her medical career to focus solely on her role as his wife.

  In a moment of pure ecstasy, April closed her eyes relishing in the fact that in just a couple of months, April Linden would cease to exist. She would become Mrs. Franklin Roth.

  He had been slow to propose but after enough hints, some not so subtle, he finally presented her with a five-carat emerald cut yellow diamond. And, it wasn’t a moment too soon. Her parents were driving her insane.

  While Franklin’s proposal helped to ease some of the burden of expectations regarding her life, being the daughter of the Lindens was often, overwhelming. She always had to make sure she upheld the family reputation. Image was everything in her neck of the woods.

  The shadow of her parents loomed large. Especially, the shadow of her ridiculously successful father, Dr. Michael Linden. Bitterly, April couldn’t help thinking that maybe the weight of carrying the family’s legacy wouldn’t have been so heavy if she could have shared it with her sister, Ally. But, Ally wanted no parts of it…or them and vice versa.

  Ally had embarrassed the family by breaking the cardinal rule. She married a blue collared man without a real family name, wealth or history. April would never understand her choices. It was just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it was a poor one. Why she’d made that decision defied logic.

  Anyway, because she married so far beneath her, Ally hadn’t seen or talked to anyone in their family in over two years. And, to be honest, April was still pretty pissed at her too. So, she hadn’t tried to contact her either. It was all probably just as well.

  Her parents would never accept Ally’s husband. Thus, leaving the pressure to carry on the family name squarely on her shoulders.

  It had always been her father’s dream for both of his girls to become professionals in either the medical or psychiatric field. But at the very least, he’d wanted at least one of them to follow in his massive footsteps.

  Unlike Ally, there was no way April was willing to be cut-off financially from the Linden fortune so it was a given she would become Dr. April Linden. But, becoming a doctor still didn’t seem to be enough for her ambitious father. He was looking for her to become a Nobel Prize-winning Laureate just like him. Considering she never really wanted to be a doctor in the first place that was highly unlikely.

  However, Franklin Roth was a game changer. He was her ace in the hole. Her parents loved him. She could still fulfill her mother’s lifelong dream of marrying well and not become a complete disappointment to her father.

  Ava Linden fully expected April to find a suitable husband, especially after the Ally debacle. Her expectations didn’t include finding a cure for cancer or something close to it. However, marrying Franklin and raising a family came in as a close second.

  “A Nobel Prize Laureate, I’ll never be. Oh well, Mrs. Franklin Roth is more than fine,” she thought.

  Smiling inwardly, she couldn’t help but believe that her mother had taught her well. Not only had Ava taught her how to be the wife of a prominent man, but she'd also left a blueprint on how to catch one.

  Little did anyone know but April would literally be following in her mother’s footsteps. Ava had met her father in college and if the dates on her birth certificate were correct, had gotten pregnant before they were married.

  In less than eight months, she and Franklin would also become proud parents. Luckily, he proposed before she needed to play that trump card. She would have to tell him soon before she started showing. But, that aside, becoming grandparents would send them over the moon.

  It was no small feat to land Franklin either. There were tons of women lined up all vying to be with him. And why wouldn’t they? He was the CFO of CkR International, a Fortune one hundred company and considered by many as a financial wizard. Franklin’s wealth and prominence would not only be enough to placate her parent, but their gene pool certainly wouldn’t suffer from his Adonis-like features.

  After the wedding, April would need to send Bridget Reed a fruit basket or something. The likelihood, she and Franklin’s paths would have crossed on their own was low. She’d met him through Bridget and Jason.

  He was a workaholic and rarely came out to social functions. But, every now and then, he might be convinced to attend a fundraiser or two which was where they met, at a CkR fundraiser for domestic violence.

  April thought about all the beautiful women that were competing for his attention. She may not be the most attractive or have supermodel looks, but she was smart enough to do a bit of research on him. Franklin had an affinity for helping abused children. She suspected that there was probably some history there and used that knowledge to get into his head.

  All of her hard work paid off because she could lay claim to winning the prize. He’d asked her to marry him.

  Chief of Staff, Dr. Tamara Jacoby’s voice shook her out of her thoughts, “April…can you go to the lab and pick up some tests results? They’re pretty urgent.”

  She wrinkled her nose. Why did Tamara always have to bother her with menial tasks? Couldn’t a lab tech bring her the results? Better still, where was Stacey Prince, that new RN? “Dr. Jacoby, I’m pretty busy right now. Can Stacey or someone from the lab bring them to you?”

  There were only a few people standing around at the nurse’s station, but their chatter stopped immediately as all eyes focused on them. Unfortunately, this scenario between Dr. Tamara Jacoby and Dr. April Linden was all too familiar.

  Tamara slowly raised her head to make direct eye contact. As she lowered the patient’s chart she’d been reviewing, her eyes narrowed into slits. Irritation was clearly evident on her face, “From what I can see…you’ve been standing around at this counter for the past fifteen minutes doing absolutely nothing.”

  “Excuse me? I’ve been in surgery most of today. And, if your test results are that urgent, you can go pick them up yourself.”

  “If your father weren't a member of the Board of Trustees for the American Psychiatric Association with a prominent office and position on the hospital grounds, you would most definitely NOT be on staff here.”

  April shrugged, “Who knows…maybe you’re right, maybe you’re not. However, at least the staff can be assured that I didn’t get my position because of what I can do in the bedroom versus the operating room.”

  Dr. Jacoby almost growled, “I’m the Chief of Staff because I’m damn good at my job. You, on the other hand, have failed over and over again to pull your weight around here. So, I’m sorry if you think walking over to the lab is beneath you. But, the sooner you get me what I need, the sooner I can tell my patient how we’ll proceed with his treatment.” Angrily, she turned on her heel and stomped off speaking over her shoulder, “Bring the results to my office.”

  “Witch,” April spoke underneath her breath. She was seething. It was no secret that they hated each other. Dr. Tamara Jacoby always wanted to make sure April knew her place.

  There wasn’t much April could do about it since her husband was not only a member of the Board o
f Trustees for the hospital but also its CEO. However, her father was just as powerful, so it was highly unlikely that Tamara would or could be able to fire her. Although, she could make her life hell. For now, they were at a stalemate and just had to deal with each other.

  A couple of the nurses giggled in the background. April snapped, “Shows over! Get back to work.” She snatched up her keycard from the counter and headed for the elevators down to the lab.

  *****

  When the elevator doors opened, April stepped off and walked down a long hallway toward the laboratory. She hated coming down to the basement because it always felt so creepy. There weren’t very many people in this part of the hospital. Most of the offices had been moved to the first floor. The lab was the last to be moved.

  She pushed the double doors open and went inside. A young woman at the front desk smiled warmly, “Hello, Dr. Linden. Can I help you?”

  “Yes, I’m here to pick up some test results for Dr. Jacoby.”

  “We’re a bit short-staffed, so it might take me a few minutes to pull the results for you.” Just as the young woman was about to ask another question, a familiar face came around the corner, Dr. Leslie Caprice, “April? What in the world are you doing down here?”

  “I’ve been sent on an errand by none other than Dr. Jacoby.”

  She smirked, “Are you two still at it?”

  “I think it’s safe to say yes seeing as I’ve been reduced from being a doctor to a medical technician.”

  Somehow, Leslie managed to speak through her laughter, “I know she can be demanding. I guess I’m in the same category. I’ve been reduced from psychiatrist to medical technician too. I had to come down here to get my own results. Not quite sure what is going on with this hospital. We seem to always be short-handed.”

  April was about to follow Leslie when the young woman at the desk stopped her, “I’m sorry…before you go inside, I’ll need you to sign in. And, I’ll need you to sign the results out as well.” Releasing a frustrated sigh, April signed the document sitting in the clipboard on the desk.