The Battle Within

by LaShawn Vasser

  “No! Your response shouldn’t be how I got the pictures.”

  “April, I know those pictures look bad…”

  “They don’t just look bad…they ARE bad!”

  “We didn’t sleep together that night.”

  She lifted her chin, “Why? Was it because of her or you?”

  He couldn’t look her in the eye.

  She balled her fists at her sides, “Damn you, Franklin! I’ve been here for you through everything and yet you do this to me. I don’t deserve this.”

  “No…you don’t. I can only tell you that there is nothing going on between us. I was wrong, and I apologize. I know that it probably doesn’t matter to you, but I didn’t sleep with her. She’s committed to Roman.”

  “But, are you committed to me?”

  He dropped his head, “I wish I were. April…I can’t do this to you anymore. You want marriage and kids. I can’t give either of them to you. And, honestly, if I were able to have that kind of life…I’d want it with Sandy. I’m sorry but, I’m not in love with you anymore.”

  She slapped his face…hard. Then she slapped it again.

  “I hate you! You deserve every vile thing that has ever happened to you.” She got out of the car and slammed the door behind her.

  *****

  Roman drank almost a half of bottle of whatever was in the limo. The driver pulled up at the address he’d given him.

  He got out of the car and walked inside the apartment building. Roman took the elevator to the fifth floor. When the doors opened, he stepped off and went directly to the one place he’d always been able to find peace.

  He rang the doorbell…twice.

  Kate opened the door, “Roman…what are you doing here?”

  He didn’t answer. He just pulled her body close to his and kissed her hard on the lips as he backed his way into her apartment.

  *****

  Sandra was feeling so many emotions, but she needed to talk to Franklin. Instead of going into the house she went into the garage and got in her car.

  Half an hour later, she was at Franklin’s ringing his doorbell.

  He opened it looking exhausted…haggard.

  She pushed past him, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  His eyes couldn’t meet hers, “Sandy…it doesn’t matter.”

  Tears started to stream down her face, “It matters Franklin. IT MATTERS!”

  “You shouldn’t…be here.”

  “You don’t think I know that! You don’t think that no matter how hard I fight it…that my heart keeps leading me back to you!”

  “Roman loves you. I see it every time he looks at you. He’s hurt, but it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. He can give you the security and the family I know you want. I…I can’t give you any of those things. God…if I could…”

  “Franklin…I don’t care about any of that.”

  “I do! I’m losing my mind, Sandy! I’m literally losing my mind.” He slid down onto the floor, and she went with him. “You have no idea what it’ll be like watching me get lost inside myself. Possibly becoming a danger to me, and maybe even those around me. I love you too much to let you give up your life for me.”

  “You…still love me?”

  “I never stopped. It’s because I love you that I need to let you go. For you to live your life and be happy.”

  Sandy cradled Franklin’s head in her hands before kissing him. She kissed him hard on the lips. God help him, he was helpless to stop it. It wasn’t a kiss of skill or sweetness, but it was raw, urgent, and desperate. Sandy crushed her body to his and yet; still it wasn’t close enough.

  Something snapped within him as he took control of the kiss. He thrust his tongue deeply into her, feasting greedily as if his life depended on just being able to taste her. Everything was spiraling out of control as he held her by the back of her head.

  Neither of them could catch their breath as they clung to each other. His kisses made her feel drugged. Like she was floating on a cloud.

  Somehow, Sandy managed to run her fingers through his hair as she returned his desperate kisses. They mimicked the same rhythm as if he were buried deeply inside her body.

  He could feel her nipples harden underneath the thin fabric of her dress. It would be nothing to throw her down on the floor and make love.

  Franklin had to get a grip if he let this kiss continue any further, that is exactly what he would end up doing. He wouldn’t have the strength to stop. It almost killed him, but he pulled away and rested his forehead on hers. Their breathing was loud and heavy.

  After who knows how long, Franklin stood and brought Sandy up with him. Fighting back tears, his voice was thick, “This is harder than anything I’ve ever done…but please, go. You have to leave now. Go…marry Roman.” He pushed her away, “Your future is with him.”

  She whispered to him as she angrily swiped away another tear, “How? How can I give my heart to him when you still own it?”

  “Because he can offer you a life.” In a strangled voice, “God, if I could. If things were different but they are not. Somehow, you have to forget about us.”

  “You have to know I would stay; I would never leave you if you’d have me.”

  He whispered, “I know that.”

  The anguish in her voice was tearing him apart, “Then, why are you turning me away?”

  “Because, I LOVE YOU! I want you to have a life. I can’t give you anything, and Roman can give you everything. Sandy…go. Please. Please…just go!”

  Her legs felt like lead as she walked toward the door. Slowly, she opened it and hovered for a moment, then turned around, “I’ll always love you, Franklin.”

  In a whisper, he responded, “And, I’ll always love you.”

  *****

  Sandy went home and cried most of the night. Roman never came home, so she didn’t have to hide her tears and heartbreak.

  She prayed for the first time in a long time. Asking God for forgiveness and a miracle. If he would just spare Franklin’s mind, she would do anything. She prayed that Roman would forgive her for hurting him and for not loving him more than Franklin.

  Sandy wasn’t sure when it happened, but ultimately, she cried herself to sleep.

  It was early the next morning when Roman finally made it home from Kate’s. He was prepared to end his relationship with Sandy. He’d had enough of this up and down rollercoaster. If she wanted Franklin, be together and be happy. He was done.

  However, he couldn’t bring himself to go upstairs to the bedroom they shared just yet. Instead, he went into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator, bending low, looking for a bottled water. His mouth was dry probably from all the alcohol he’d consumed the night before. He wasn’t completely wasted when he arrived at Kate’s. But, after having sex with her didn’t dull the pain, he had several more drinks until he passed out.

  He knew he was wrong for using her body to drown out his sorrows, but he’d also told Kate last night, that the only thing he was prepared to give her was his body. She said she would take what she could get until he was ready to give her more.

  Roman took the cowardly way out by leaving before she woke up this morning; he just had too much on his plate for today to deal with his issues with Kate.

  He stood up and when he closed the refrigerator door, Sandy was standing behind it.

  “Good morning.”

  He couldn’t speak. He just drank in the sight of her. Her eyes were, red, puffy, and swollen, just like his. Even though he wanted to pull her into his arms and forget none of this ever happened, he didn’t. He stood still wondering if her tears were for him or Franklin.

  She spoke softly, “You didn’t come home last night.”

  His eyes were bloodshot, “Does it matter?”

  She looked down at her hands where she still wore his ring, “It matters. This may not mean much to you but, Roman, I’m sorry I hurt you yesterday.”

  He licked his dry lips, “It wasn’t just yesterday. Aren’t you t
ired of telling me you’re sorry? I know I’m sick of hearing it.”

  In almost a whisper she responded, “Yes, I guess, I suppose you would be.”

  He scratched the back of his head, “Can I just ask one thing?”

  She looked up at him, “Of course.”

  “Are you still in love Franklin?”

  She bit her lip before nodding, “Yes.” It hurt so much to know she caused the pain on his face. She wished she could wave a magic wand so that she could give him her whole heart.

  “Do you think you could have ever loved me if it weren’t for him?”

  “Roman, you are an amazing, yes. I know I could have loved you with my whole heart.” Sandy couldn’t hold back her tears, “I’m not sure what’s in my future, but there is no future for Franklin and me.”

  “I’m prepared to walk away, Sandy and let you go.”

  “I understand. I’m broken too. And, I’m so sorry I hurt you.” Sandy started to turn around, but Roman caught her by her waist and pulled her close as he buried his face in her hair.

  He breathed in the scent of her, “I can’t let you go. I know I should…but I can’t let you go. If you’re sure there’s no future with Franklin, then with time, you could love me.”

  “Roman…it’s not fair to you. I…I’m broken.”

  “Can you promise me commitment? Can you be committed to me?”

  Breathlessly she responded, “Yes.”

  “No matter what? No matter what the future holds?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then, will you marry me next Saturday?”

  She pulled back to look into his eyes. If not for Franklin, she would love this man. And, after a brief moment of hesitation, Sandy nodded, “Yes.”

  *****

  Roman and Sandy slept until late afternoon. She was still exhausted but dragged herself out of the bed. As she was walking down to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, the doorbell rang.

  Sandy tightened her robe to answer the door. When she opened it, there was a delivery man standing there with a couple dozen of red roses.

  She wasn’t sure when Roman must have ordered them, but they were beautiful. After accepting the roses, Sandy set them down on the table right next to the settee. She looked for the card. The blooms were so full that it was almost hard to find, but she found it.

  The note said the following:

  Be careful of men who keep secrets especially secrets with April Linden.

  XO

  Sandy had had enough. She ripped the card up and threw the flowers in the garbage. As of this morning, she and Roman were starting over.

  Chapter 25

  Five days later….

  Thanks for meeting me for lunch. Things have been tense at Franklin’s. I didn’t want to leave him, but I’ll be heading back to California in a couple of days and was hoping we could at least have a meal before I leave.”

  “I’m glad you called. And, I can only imagine. I’m sorry about your brother.”

  He looked at her questioningly, “What do you mean?”

  “That night at the party, I heard April say he was diagnosed as a schizophrenic a couple of years ago. She’s so different from Sandy. I just don’t know what Franklin see’s in her.”

  “I knew something was going on with him, but I didn’t find out exactly what until I got home from the party. And, that’s pretty much the consensus from everyone who knows April.”

  “She’s a piece of work. When I heard her say the reason she broke up with him was because of his illness, I almost felt like strangling her myself.”

  “Wait…What? That can’t be right. She’d already broken up with him when he told her. Franklin didn’t tell her until after she came back into his life.”

  “Well, that’s not what she said that night. She specifically said she found out and that was why she broke up with him.”

  “How? How would she have found out? I don’t think Franklin knows that. He told me she broke up with him because he was a workaholic and because things were moving too fast.”

  “That’s a good question if that was the real reason she broke off the engagement, how did she know?”

  “Hmm…her father, Dr. Michael Linden, is a very powerful and well-renowned figure in the mental health field. Maybe somehow, she found out that way. But, honestly, something just doesn’t feel right about this whole thing.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Franklin…he just doesn’t seem to exhibit the behavior of someone who has the disease. I mean, I haven’t been here long…to say one way or another. But, if he hadn’t had several opinions, I would almost certainly think maybe post-traumatic stress disorder but not schizophrenia.”

  “What kind of doctor are you?”

  “I’m a neurosurgeon.”

  “Wow. That’s um…pretty intimidating.”

  “Not really.”

  He still looked contemplative, “Do you have a computer at your house?”

  “Yes. Why? What are you thinking?”

  “I’m not sure, but there are a couple things I’d like to look up. I don’t want to do it at Franklin’s.”

  After lunch, Troy and Andrea went to her apartment and as soon as they walked through the door, he connected to the internet.

  “You look focused, I’ll make us some coffee.”

  “Thanks.”

  They spent most of the afternoon trying to piece everything together. The more they looked, the more questions were raised.

  Troy asked Andrea one more time, “Are you sure she said she broke off the engagement because of his illness?”

  Andrea nodded, “Yes. That’s what she said.”

  “I mean, the obvious answer to how April found out is either her father or a connection between her and Franklin’s psychiatrist, Dr. Leslie Caprice. April works for Advocate Medical. That’s the same hospital as Franklin’s psychiatrist. I did some snooping around his place and found that out.”

  Troy looked up her bio. “She graduated from Stanford University. So, did April!”

  “Hmm…so they are some smart witches! But, it could just be a coincidence.”

  “I bet you anything they were classmates. If she told April anything, that alone is enough for disciplinary action. Damn…I wonder. I wish there were a way I could find out.”

  “Maybe you can bluff her. She has no idea who you are or what you know. Or, what you can prove.”

  “You know what, you’re right. I think I should have a chat with her doctor to doctor.”

  “I wish I could go with you, but Sandy’s rehearsal and dinner are tonight.”

  “Really? I hate to say this, but honestly, I didn’t think after last week…there would even be a wedding.”

  “Neither did I. But, they seemed to have patched things up. I think she’s making the biggest mistake of her life, but Vicky and I are going to walk down that aisle as if we don’t know it. Anyway, keep me posted on what you find out.”

  *****

  Troy wasn’t able to see Dr. Caprice that afternoon because she’d been in an all-day conference. But, she was in the office the next day seeing patients.

  He didn’t call ahead for an appointment. He wanted the element of surprise on his side.

  He walked up to Char, her receptionist, to see if she were available. He flashed that beautiful California smile, “Hi, I’m Dr. Erickson. I was wondering if Dr. Caprice had a quick moment to discuss a mutual client.”

  The receptionist smiled brightly, “I’ll see Dr. Erickson. She should be finishing up with another client in just a few moments. If you’ll have a seat, I’ll check with her when she comes out.”

  “Great.” He decided to see if he could squeeze some information from the receptionist, “So, how long have you worked for Dr. Caprice?”

  She giggled, “I’ve been here about five years.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “Yeah, she’s pretty awesome to work for. Why?”

  “I’m consulting on a case here, but m
y primary practice is in California. However, I like it in Atlanta. I’m a neurologist. I’m just asking about some of the people I might need to know if I decide to move my practice.”

  Clearly falling for his charms and wide-eyed, she responded, “Oh you would love this hospital! Most everyone is so nice.”

  “How about Dr. Linden?”

  “Which one? April or Michael?”

  “Both.”

  “I don’t see Dr. Michael Linden that often but Dr. April Linden comes down quite a bit. She and Dr. Caprice are pretty good friends.”

  Bingo. She’d just confirmed his suspicions.

  The door opened to Dr. Caprice’s office. She spoke a few words of encouragement to her patient before he left.

  Troy stood.

  Char spoke, “Excuse me, Dr. Caprice, Dr….” The receptionist looked slightly embarrassed. She’d been gazing so deeply into Troy’s eyes, she didn’t remember his name.

  Troy responded, “He filled in the awkward silence, Dr. Erickson.”

  Char smiled, “He’d like a moment of your time.”

  Dr. Caprice looked at him as he extended his hand, “Hi, I’ve been asked to do a consult on a patient that’s currently in your care.”

  She checked her watch, “Umm…I have about twenty minutes before my next patient; please step into my office.”

  They went inside, and she closed the door. Dr. Leslie Caprice was all smiles.

  “Thank you for seeing me. I wanted to chat with you for a few minutes regarding a patient of yours…and now mine.”

  “Sure. I’ll tell you as much as I can without any patient release papers.”

  Troy reached into his bag and pulled out the papers. He’d always been pretty good at forging Franklin’s signature. “I actually have them with me.” He gave them to her.

  The smile on her face faltered after she saw the name on them. She stuttered, “Fra…Franklin Roth? I didn’t know he was seeking an outside consult.”

  His radar was sensing something major, “Yes. I’ve had a chance to go over his case for the past several months. From what we’ve discussed, and what I’ve observed, I’m inclined to believe Franklin exhibits symptoms more in line with PTSD than Schizophrenia.”