Dev Haskell Box Set 8-14 (Dev Haskell - Private Investigator)

by Mike Faricy

  I had my pistol out and headed down the hall. The guy who’d bounced off the wall was in a halfway sitting position and very still. I didn’t recognize him, but one thing was sure, he wasn’t Luscious. I pressed my back against the wall, then called out. “Luscious, you all right?”

  “These boys interrupted my dream. I was just about to cut into a thick juicy steak, and they had to spoil it for me. I’m all right, Mister Dev, but I ain’t happy.” Another voice groaned immediately after that.

  I reached into the room and flicked on the light. Luscious was sitting on the bed, in the process of unwrapping a small Butterfinger. He was in his underwear, possibly the largest pair of plaid boxers I’d ever had the misfortune of seeing. He smiled at me as I stepped into the room with my pistol. A pair of legs jutted out from beneath one of his massive thighs. I could just make out a head squirming from beneath his other thigh. The face was scarlet, heading toward purple, and looked to be in a good deal of pain.

  “Luscious, I think you’re killing that guy. It looks like he can’t breath, he’s turning purple.”

  The guy attempted to groan, but he emitted just a short little squeak, not very loud, it sounded like air escaping from a balloon. I guessed he’d probably suffocate in the next sixty to ninety seconds if Luscious didn’t get off him.

  “Maybe you should let him up, before he dies.”

  “It’s not like we invited the two of them in, Dev. You know, enter at your own risk. Then they proceeded to threaten someone, namely me. All I was doing was just trying to get a decent night’s sleep. I don’t know.”

  I heard something out in the hallway and peeked out. The guy on the floor appeared to be coming around, sort of. At least he could move his head from side to side and give a little groan.

  “I found a couple more of those candy bars, I left them out on the kitchen counter for you. If you’re interested.”

  “Butterfingers?”

  “Yeah, they’re on the kitchen counter, right by the wastebasket, well, unless these guys took them.”

  Luscious’ eyes went wide at the thought of someone eating his candy bars. “How many were left?”

  “I think there were four. Maybe check to see if they’re still there.”

  He nodded then slowly rose with a groan. The guy beneath him, now a dark purple, inhaled deeply, rolled off the bed, dropped to the floor and lay face down. Luscious stepped out of the room, and a moment later I heard a cry. I popped my head into the hall again and there was Luscious, grinding his foot with most of his weight behind it into the guy’s hand. It might have been a carpeted hallway, but with Luscious grinding, I envisioned a number of broken bones.

  Neither one of these idiots was in any condition to go anywhere. Luscious eventually stepped off the hand, and the guy immediately started crying and curled into a fetal position.

  Luscious had left his cellphone on the bedside table, and I picked it up and called 911.

  “Ramsey County emergency services.”

  “Yeah, hi, I just had a break-in at a home I’m watching for the owner. I’ve detained two individuals. Umm, they’ll probably need an ambulance to take them to the hospital.”

  There was a slight pause before the dispatcher replied. “You have them detained?”

  “Yeah, two of them. If you could send the police and probably the paramedics.”

  “What’s the address?”

  I gave her the address, then confirmed the phone number and gave her my name, Luscious Dixon. The guy on the bedroom floor was bleeding from his mouth, I guessed cracked or broken ribs, maybe a collapsed or punctured lung. The guy in the hallway was sobbing, more or less silently, still in the fetal position. I walked out to the kitchen where Luscious was running his finger across the kitchen counter to pick up the last bit of crumbs from the candy bars.

  “Hey, Luscious, I called the cops, they’ll be here in a couple of minutes. I’m going to step outside. You’ll have to deal with them.”

  “What?”

  “They’re just going to arrest these two jerks. Paramedics will be here, too. Your friends are not in the best of shape.”

  Luscious just shrugged.

  “I’m sure once they come with sirens on, a couple of folks will be outside, neighbors. I’ll just stand out there, so I won’t be far away. Think you can handle that?”

  “You sure? You know how I don’t like confrontation.”

  “Yeah, I’m aware of that, and yes, you can handle this. I doubt there will be any confrontation. Tell you what, maybe pull on some pants and then help yourself to the ice cream in the freezer. Caramel something or other with big chunks of chocolate in it. Okay?”

  He seemed to consider that option for a moment, then nodded and headed down the hallway to the bedroom. He was back a minute or two later with his jeans at least on, if not buckled. He hadn’t bothered with a shirt. I could hear a siren in the distance.

  “Just tell them these guys broke into the house and threatened you. Here,” I said, pointing at a whiteboard on the refrigerator door. “This is the contact information for Bonnie, they can call her if they need to. Like I said, I’ll just be out front, but they were looking for me on another matter, and I don’t need the hassle. Okay?”

  Luscious looked like he was searching for something to say but finally nodded his head yes.

  “Good, you grab a spoon while I get that ice cream out for you.” I opened the freezer compartment and pulled out the plastic pail of ice cream. It was labeled as family size, a full gallon, and I had no doubt Luscious would finish it all by himself. “Appreciate you doing this favor for me,” I said as the siren grew louder.

  Luscious smiled. I wasn’t sure if it was because of what I just said, or rather, the fact that I handed him a gallon pail of ice cream.

  Chapter Thirty

  I cut through three backyards, walked between two houses, out onto the street, and then headed back toward Bonnie’s. There was a squad car out in front of her place, and an ambulance was in the process of backing into the driveway next to her car. Maybe a half-dozen people were milling around out in front of the house, most wearing hastily thrown-on clothes, although one woman wore fuzzy white slippers and a blue terrycloth bathrobe. She glanced in my direction and eyed me suspiciously. I sort of hung back by the street and asked some guy in shorts and a t-shirt what was going on.

  “Not sure, I’m guessing probably a heart attack, something along those lines. Poor soul.”

  “Do you know the family?” I asked.

  “No, no. Seen the kids once in awhile, the mom, but never spoken to them.”

  Two of the paramedics walked back outside, opened up the rear doors of the ambulance, then pulled a gurney out of the back and rolled it up to the front door.

  “Yeah, looking an awful lot like a heart attack,” the guy next to me said. About ten minutes later two police officers brought someone out in handcuffs. I recognized him as the guy from the hallway. He was limping, with an officer holding onto either arm. He held his hand out in front of him with some sort of bandage wrapped around it. The arm was in a sling, and he looked like he was still crying. He scanned the crowd as they led him to the squad car. He seemed to sort of do a double-take when he looked at me. I smiled back as the officers gently guided him into the rear seat of their squad car. Once they closed the door, the cops looked at one another, shook their heads and laughed before they headed back into the house.

  It was another ten minutes before the paramedics wheeled out the gurney with the other guy on it. He didn’t look too hot, and he had an oxygen mask covering his face. One of the paramedics carried an IV drip bag and walked alongside the gurney. The ambulance left a few minutes later with flashing lights but no siren. The cops left five minutes after that. I sort of lingered at the edge of the front yard until everyone had returned home. The woman in the blue bathrobe was the last one to leave, and she gave me a long look before departing.

  As she walked back to her house I slipped alongside Bonnie’s ga
rage, then made my way up the stairs to the deck and into the kitchen through the back entry. Luscious was seated on the couch, watching cartoons and eating out of the ice cream pail. Two-thirds of the ice cream was already gone.

  “Everything go okay?”

  Luscious licked his spoon and nodded. “Yeah, they were really nice,” he said, sounding more than a little surprised.

  “They ask about me at all?”

  “Nope. I’m going to have to file a report, but I can do it on a computer later today. They gave me a case number. I got it written down on one of those cards on the kitchen counter there.”

  “Those two guys ever talk or say anything?”

  “The guy I sat on couldn’t seem to talk, he just kept gasping and groaning. The other one never stopped crying, and he kept asking the cops to take him away. I guess they didn’t like me very much.”

  “You did what you had to do, Luscious. Remember, they ruined your dream about that steak.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I told the cops. They thought that was pretty funny.”

  “They ask anything about Bonnie?”

  “No, I gave them her name and they wrote down that phone number, but that’s all. Guess what?”

  “What?”

  “One of the paramedics knew me.”

  “Knew you?”

  “Well about me, he told the bunch of ‘em I was in the NFL, and then he asked me for my autograph. Pretty cool, huh?”

  “That’s really cool, Luscious. You save the day here and those guys get to meet a hero. I’d say that’s a pretty successful day and the sun isn’t even up yet.”

  Luscious smiled and dug deeper into the gallon pail of ice cream.

  “Tell you what, Luscious. If you want to hit the sack that’s okay with me. I’m not going to be able to sleep, and I want to check in with Iggy, downstairs. They didn’t go down there, did they?”

  “No, never even asked about it. Once those two started whining and crying, well, they just got them out of here and told me thanks for helping out.”

  “Proud of you, Lucious. Well done.”

  Luscious smiled, then rocked back and forth until he had enough momentum to stand up from the couch. “Think I’ll be going back to bed,” he said, then headed down the hallway with what was left of the ice cream.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  I had to knock on Iggy’s door a number of times before he answered. “Who, who is it?”

  “It’s just me, Iggy, Dev.” I heard what sounded like a sigh of relief, or was it a groan? I couldn’t be sure. The door opened a moment later.

  “You never responded to my messages.”

  “You sent me a message?”

  “Text messages on your cellphone, three of them, as a matter of fact. I saw those two on the deck. The lock only took them a moment, and apparently you hadn’t bothered to place the board behind the door, again.” He turned and walked into the darkened room.

  “Could you see them on your computers?”

  “Yes, but like I said, the door off the deck only took them a moment. Once they were inside, I could barely make them out in the dark.”

  “Yeah, well, fortunately for us, they woke up Luscious.”

  “Yes, they thought he might be me. They called him by my name.”

  “They did?”

  “Right before he attacked them. It happened so fast, and since the lights were off I couldn’t make out what had happened. Then you were there and turned on the lights.”

  “I would say they’re getting desperate, especially with Bonnie’s meeting scheduled for tomorrow. I wonder if they have anyone waiting for her out in Seattle.”

  “I’ve already sent her a warning. Told her we had yet another incident here,” Iggy said. Even in the dark I could tell he was staring at me and not at all pleased.

  “That was their third attempt,” I said. “Hopefully they’ll get the message this time. I’m sorry about all this, Iggy. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

  “It could have been catastrophic, they could have bundled me off to God knows where or gained access to all my systems,” he said, then glanced around at his computers like they were his children, which. in a way, I guess they were. “I can’t sleep, I’m constantly monitoring. I send you alerts, warnings, information and you don’t seem to pay attention. I don’t know…”

  He sat there in the dark feeling sorry for himself. For just a half-second I wondered what sort of situation growing up would cause someone to wrap themselves in Mylar and live in the dark. But that was unfair, he was probably the smartest kid in the class, and ‘normal’ idiot kids like me would have picked on him. Then add to that working for some government agency no one wanted to talk about, and it all started to make sense, sort of.

  “Iggy, I’m not going to let anyone get to you, I promise. And Luscious feels the same way. You’re safe here. Luscious just put two guys in the hospital, and when they get out they’re going straight to jail. Wegger’s days are numbered. You just keep on doing what you’re doing and we’ll be one step ahead of him. He’s getting desperate, that’s why he’s doing this crazy stuff. Okay?”

  “Promise me you’ll pay attention to the warnings I send.”

  “I promise. Is there anything else I can do to make you feel more secure?”

  He thought about that for a moment, then said, “Your dog.”

  “Morton?”

  “Yes. Maybe he could come visit every once in awhile.”

  “I’m not sure how he’ll do in the dark, but lets try it. I’ll go get him now.”

  “No, wait until he wakes up, had his breakfast, and his trip outside to do his duty.”

  “Okay, after breakfast then.”

  “I’ll download Dog TV for him.”

  “Dog TV?”

  Iggy gave an exasperated sigh. “It’s cable, for dogs. Highly effective in showing them proper play behavior and social interaction.”

  “Dog TV.”

  “Just have him down here later this morning, I’m already looking forward to the visit and it will serve as a good diversion.”

  “Dog TV?”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  I could hear Luscious snoring from down the hall. Morton was sound asleep in bed, snoring. I checked my cellphone on the bedside table. I had three messages, all from Iggy, although at some point I had apparently set my phone on silent. He was right to be upset. I phoned Bonnie a little after nine, Seattle was two hours behind us.

  “Hello,” she sounded wide awake.

  “Hi, Bonnie, Dev.”

  “So what’s the word? I got a half-dozen messages from Iggy. The last one said things had quieted down. Thanks for talking to him, he can be wound a little tight from time to time.”

  “Gee, really? Luscious has to fill out some police form online later today. One, if not both of the intruders, are in the hospital. No damage done here. Like you mentioned, Iggy has more or less calmed down.”

  “One of his emails, I think the third or fourth, gave me the access code to his file with his last will and testament.”

  “That may have been a bit of an overreaction. Then again, he’s seeing all this on his computer screens, living down there in the dark. Is it any wonder?”

  “Yeah, and don’t forget, at the end of the day it was a break-in. That’s terrifying for anyone.”

  “Things quiet out there?” I asked, Morton had just strolled past the kitchen and stood waiting by the sliding door.

  “Yes, not a bother, but then again, they probably want me to succeed so I’m not really anticipating any difficulty here. Just stay on top of things back there,” Bonnie said.

  I kept talking as I opened the sliding door and let Morton out. “Maybe third time is the charm. First Wayne, then Wegger’s younger brother, followed by these two fools early this morning, you’d think sooner or later someone would start to catch on.”

  “I’d say look for a change in tactics. I just wish we knew what it was going to be.”

  “Well, yo
u just focus on your meeting this morning. Everything is fine back here. Let me know if you’re flying home tonight. I’ll pick you up at the airport.”

  “That would be nice, but you don’t have to do it. I can just grab a taxi.”

  “Call me, and good luck later this morning.”

  I thought some more about where Bonnie was vulnerable. She was probably correct in her assessment that nothing was going to interfere with her meeting in Seattle. Success on that front was, after all, what all parties wanted. It would serve no purpose to destroy Iggy’s computer systems or burn the house down. They’d tried to get me out of the way, and Luscious had thwarted that attempt. I couldn’t think of anything else that could be eliminated or used as leverage. The kids were…the kids!

  I kept thinking about the kids while Morton ate his breakfast. When he finished I brought him downstairs to Iggy’s and knocked on the door.

  “Who’s there?” Iggy asked a minute later.

  “Hi, Iggy, it’s Dev. Hey, I brought Morton down, if you’ve got time.”

  The door opened almost immediately, and as soon as it did Morton began wagging his tail and banging it off the wall.

  Iggy bent down and stuck his latex-gloved hand out from underneath the sheet of Mylar wrapped around his shoulders.

  Morton hesitated for just a fraction of a second, then let Iggy scratch his head, which set Morton’s tail going even faster.

  “I’d say he likes you, Iggy.”

  “Then please come in, Morton,” Iggy said and stepped out of the doorway. Light spilled out of the normally dark cave I’d gotten used to Iggy inhabiting.

  “Iggy, you have lights?”

  “Special low ambient light. It’s what I usually have on when I work.”

  “But it’s always been so dark when I’ve been in there. I thought you were working in the dark all the time.”

  “I just turn it off when someone’s at the door. You never know who it could be, the darkness provides just that much more security and, well, it shortens everyones visits, too.”