Welcome Home, Daddy

by Carrie Weaver

  “Things are great. Who wouldn’t want to be home?” The man had an edge to his voice.

  “It was hard for me at first,” Drew said slowly. “Things were so different from Iraq. I’d gotten used to being always on guard. It took me a while to figure out I didn’t have to do that at home.”

  “You were just able to turn it off?” Steve asked quietly. “Because I can’t. If I’m in public, I start feeling like I’m gonna crawl out of my skin. People get too close, crowds are noisy. It’s like there’s an enemy I can’t see, but I know he’s there.”

  Drew nodded. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” Although his own reaction hadn’t been quite that severe, it wasn’t uncommon.

  He moved off to the side, inching toward a couple of lawn chairs in a corner. Quiet, enclosed spaces tended to be reassuring for someone with post-traumatic stress disorder. At least, that’s what Orion had said.

  Sitting, he motioned to the other chair.

  Steve sat, but his foot jiggled nervously.

  “Does the beer help?” Drew asked.

  “It mellows me out so I can function.”

  “That’s what I was afraid of. Orion always said needing a substance to function was a sign of a problem.”

  “I’m not an alcoholic. I drink a few beers to relax.”

  “But if you start to wonder if it’s more, let someone know. They’ve got programs that can help.”

  “If you can get in,” his friend muttered. “There are thousands of other guys having a hard time adjusting. It’ll just take time.” But it didn’t sound as if he had much hope.

  What scared Drew was Steve’s smell of fear—a musky variation of body odor that he’d sometimes noticed before he went out on patrol. Usually after he’d had a close call. Or a buddy had been killed.

  “Sometimes it takes more than time. Don’t be too stubborn to ask for help.”

  “I can’t, Drew.” The words seemed torn from him. “Vanessa thinks things should be normal now that I’m home. She deserves the husband she had before I went over there.”

  Drew saw Annie walk outside, clearly searching for him. He wanted to gesture to her, but had to give Steve his complete attention.

  “Nobody understands,” Steve declared. “Except the guys who were there.”

  “Then those are the ones you ought to find. They probably need to talk about it as much as you do.”

  “Group therapy? No way.”

  “It doesn’t have to be. I hear there are some good blogs and chat rooms online. Or if you can handle it, maybe just getting together with some guys to shoot pool and shoot the shit. Or bowl. Or play poker.”

  “You hear about some group like that, you let me know.”

  It was more of a challenge than an agreement to participate, but Drew was beginning to get an idea.

  “I will,” he finally said.

  Steve jumped to his feet, his beer finished. “I better, um, go make sure the gas is shut off on the grill.”

  Drew figured they’d made progress when his friend got a soda out of the ice chest.

  He sat there for a moment, thinking about what he wanted to do with the life God had given him. He’d avoided making a decision so far, but he doubted he’d be able to avoid it much longer.

  Annie came over and sat in Steve’s recently vacated chair. “That looked serious. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

  Drew ran a hand through his hair. “Just trying to be there for a friend in need. Not sure how well I did.”

  “Sometimes it helps just to know someone cares enough to ask how you’re doing, and actually listen when you tell them.

  “I’m a man and men want to fix things. I want to tell him he’s got PTSD and needs treatment, or it will only get worse.”

  “Did you?”

  “No, I didn’t think he was ready to hear it. I’m afraid he’ll have to hit bottom before he’ll get help. And even if he does, I’m not sure what will be there for him. Maybe I can check into it for Vanessa.”

  “I bet she’d appreciate that. It’s got to be tough for you, too, watching your friend go through something like that.”

  “Frustrating as hell. It shouldn’t be that way. These guys shouldn’t have to come home and feel lost. Like they don’t belong anywhere.”

  Annie touched his cheek, her fingers tentative, but oh so welcome. “Maybe there’s something else you can do?”

  He clasped her hand and held it to his cheek for a moment. Kissing her palm, he twined his fingers in hers and lowered their hands to his knee.

  “I know there’s something else I can do. But you’re not going to like it.”

  “Why would I object to you helping your friends?” She pulled her hand away. “Do you think I’m that insecure?”

  “It’s just that I feel I’m being led down a path that’s going to make it difficult to be the…kind of family man I want to be.” Or you want me to be.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I want to rejoin the army and become a chaplain, so I can be there with these guys when they need someone the most, before they ship home.” The certainty expanded till there was no more room for doubt. “And that means deployment.”

  The color drained from Annie’s face. She stood. Though she stared down at him, her gaze went over his left shoulder, as if she didn’t really see him. As if she’d already made up her mind.

  “I can’t talk about this right now.” She gestured toward the crowd in the yard. “Especially not here.”

  “Annie, I—”

  She turned and walked away.

  Drew had never felt more alone.

  ANNIE ATE HER LUNCH in the teachers’ lounge, making room for Kara Barton. The sign language translators were essentially in social no-man’s-land. They weren’t teachers, though most teachers welcomed their presence. And they weren’t aides, either. It took special training and accreditation to be an interpreter.

  “Hi, Annie,” Kara said, tucking her silvery-blond hair behind her ear. With her tiny frame and pert nose, she could almost have passed for one of the students.

  “Hi.”

  “How’s your day going?”

  Annie cleared her throat, wishing she and Kara had a close friendship. She needed someone now. But something held her back from confiding. “Okay. Wish I didn’t have to stay late today, though. I have so many things to do at home. I don’t think Micah has a set of clean clothes left.”

  “Want me to take your practice?”

  Annie considered it for a nanosecond. The pay was good and she needed the extra cash. But ultimately, she couldn’t face the loss she’d feel if she didn’t see Drew during the week. She needed him to keep babysitting.

  “Thanks, but I need the money. You’ll be the first one I call if I have a scheduling conflict, though.”

  “Please do.”

  Annie unwrapped her sandwich. She’d be glad when Micah outgrew his penchant for peanut butter and jelly. He’d been particularly enthralled when he’d seen the commercial for peanut butter and jelly combined in one jar. It didn’t get any better than that for a two-year-old. And unfortunately, she hadn’t had time to shop for the lunch meat she preferred.

  “So tell me about Drew.” The predatory gleam in the woman’s eyes put Annie on alert. Kara acted like a woman on the trail of a juicy story.

  “He’s a friend.”

  “Oh.” Her disappointment was evident. “Because I volunteered yesterday at the preschool and Micah said something interesting during show and share time.”

  Annie suppressed a groan. Show and share was every parent’s nightmare, because eventually a child was bound to reveal something so personal, so mortifying, that the parent was never able to look the teacher in the eye again. Her friend Marlene, who taught kindergarten, had confirmed the fact.

  A bite of sandwich lodged in Annie’s throat.

  Sipping her soda, she managed to wash it down. “Oh?”

  “He said he had a daddy.”

  “Well, of course.
Everyone has a father.”

  “He said his daddy’s name was Drew.”

  Crud. If she confirmed it to Kara, the whole school would know. Gossip traveled faster than the speed of light around this place.

  Sighing, she faced the music. “Drew is Micah’s father. It’s a long and complicated story and I really don’t want to go into the details.”

  “Are you going to get married?” Kara breathed, as if Annie’s life was the stuff of romantic fairy tales.

  “We’re just friends.”

  “I doubt that. He sure looked like he wanted to be more than friends.”

  “It’s not going to happen, Kara. He’s a good guy, he’ll make a terrific father for Micah…”

  No matter how noble his reason, Drew was intent on putting himself in danger right along with his friends, and that meant hands off.

  “…but he’s just not for me.” A hollow ache took Annie by surprise.

  “That’s too bad.” Kara’s smile faded. “I so wanted someone to be having wild monkey sex. And it certainly isn’t me.”

  The improbability of hearing the term “wild monkey sex” coming out of Kara’s decidedly Waspish mouth distracted Annie from her misery. And made her view her colleague more kindly.

  “Bob’s not, um, rocking the bedroom, huh?”

  “No, most of the time he sleeps on the sofa in his den.” Kara’s expression was so forlorn that Annie forgave her for participating in her husband’s snide remarks about single mothers.

  “That’s too bad.”

  “I suppose it’s just a normal part of married life. I mean, it can’t always be fireworks, can it?”

  It was a relief to focus on Kara’s problem and avoid her own. “If it’s bothering you, talk to him.”

  “I have. He just changes the subject. I’m worried that he’s…having an affair.”

  “Maybe counseling?”

  “I was hoping since you’re single and uh, hip, you might know of some ways I could spice things up. Get him interested again.”

  Annie coughed, glad she’d taken only a small sip of soda. Otherwise it might be squirting out her nose. “I don’t lead nearly as exciting a life as you might think. But I’ve seen ads for stores that sell…toys. Maybe do some shopping?”

  Too bad Kat wasn’t here. She could probably give personal recommendations. But Annie hadn’t so much as looked at a vibrator even with her nonexistent love life.

  “I’ll do that. Thanks.” Kara smiled in relief, as if all it would take was a new toy to turn Bob into a tiger.

  Annie glanced at her watch. She squeezed Kara’s arm and stood. “I’ve got to run. I’m sure things will work out.”

  DREW WAS NORMALLY EAGER for Annie to get home, but not today. It had been three days since Beth’s party and Annie would not discuss his career plans. He’d stopped by on Sunday, but she’d refused to let him in, saying he needed to call first. When he called on Monday, her phone went straight to voice mail.

  It looked an awful lot like she was trying to shut him out of her life, while allowing him the bare minimum contact with Micah.

  Drew surveyed the chaos of the great room and went over to turn off the TV. “Hey, buddy, better clean up your toys. Your mom will be home soon.”

  “No.”

  Drew grabbed Micah and tossed him in the air. “Did I hear you say no?”

  The boy giggled.

  “When does the ‘yes’ stage start?” He tossed him again.

  Micah laughed.

  Drew set him on the ground.

  “Wrestle!”

  “If I wrestle with you, will you pick up your toys?”

  “Yes!”

  “Finally, a yes.” Drew wrestled him to the floor, tickling him until he couldn’t tell where one giggle left off and the next began.

  He stopped to let Micah catch his breath.

  A few seconds later, the boy flung himself at Drew as he knelt to pick up train parts, causing him to topple backward.

  Micah climbed on his chest and bounced in victory. “Me won!”

  “Oh, you’re killing me,” Drew groaned.

  He bounced harder, then jumped up and did a body slam. Drew wheezed as he tried to regain his breath.

  Micah didn’t seem fazed. Maybe it was the adrenaline rush he had going. The kid leaped up, prepared to do it again.

  “No!” Drew shielded himself with his arms.

  Micah started at him with windmill punches.

  “Oh, man, cut it out. That’s the last time I let you watch WWF with me. No soda, either.”

  “That should have been a no-brainer,” a female voice said from behind him.

  Drew hoped like crazy Kat had dropped in for an unscheduled visit. But he knew better.

  “Annie?” he wheezed.

  “None other.”

  “Did I get another demerit as a father?”

  “Demerits are the least of your worries.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  STANDING THERE IN THE great room, angry as hell, Annie only wished her irritation was because of Drew’s roughhousing with Micah.

  No, it was the crushing realization that Drew was merely a short-lived blip on their radar screen.

  He let out an “oof” as Micah got in one last slam.

  “Micah James. That’s enough.” Her mom tone stopped him in his tracks.

  Drew groaned as he struggled to his feet. “You’re going to have to teach me that trick.”

  She crossed her arms. “You’ll develop your own technique. Besides, you won’t be needing it much, being out of the country. I’ll be the one dealing with the aftershocks.”

  “Annie, it doesn’t have to be this way.”

  “Doesn’t it? I didn’t get the impression there was much room for compromise. You’ve decided what you want. If I needed proof of how little we mean to you, that was it.”

  Drew frowned and stepped closer. “That’s not it at all.” He reached for her.

  She held up her hand. “Don’t.”

  “I should have waited until I had it all sorted out in my mind. I handled the conversation badly and I’m sorry.”

  “So it would have been better that I had no idea? If I continued to grow to depend on you and…care…when there’s really no future for us?”

  “Mommy mad?” Micah tugged on her pant leg.

  She picked him up, holding him tight, reminding herself that they’d been just fine before Drew had shown up.

  Closing her eyes, she rested her forehead against Micah. “No, sweetie, I’m just…disappointed.”

  He wrapped his arms around her neck and patted her back, just as she did when he was upset. It brought a lump to her throat and made her feel even more vulnerable.

  “Annie, could Kat take Micah for a while, do you think?”

  She opened her eyes and wished she hadn’t. Drew looked so strong and solid standing there, as if he could be an immovable support in their lives.

  But she knew how fleeting life was once a strong man made up his mind to pursue danger. Her father had seemed superhuman until she’d seen his body crumpled at the base of a mountain.

  “I don’t know,” she murmured. “I just don’t know.”

  “You said I wasn’t willing to compromise, but you didn’t give me a chance to try. You just walked off, and barely spoke to me on the way home from Beth’s.”

  “What’s to explain, Drew? You’ve made your choice and you made the situation very clear. We’re just a diversion to you.”

  “You know that’s not true.” He squared his shoulders. “I love Micah. And I’ve got…feelings…for you.”

  Annie was dismayed by how badly she wanted to believe him, how badly she wanted to walk into his arms. “Enough to make a difference in your plans?”

  Desperation flashed in his eyes. “Enough that I’m willing to look into staying stateside. Or places that aren’t combat zones, but are close to the guys in need or injured, like Germany. Who knows, maybe you and Micah could come with me.”


  Annie’s breath caught in her throat. “What are you saying? This is happening too fast.”

  Micah squirmed. “Down.”

  Drew took him from her and set him on his feet. Swatting him lightly on the rump, he said, “Go play with your trucks while your mom and I talk.”

  He cupped her face with his hand, kissing her, just a light touch of the lips, but enough to remind her how much they’d once shared. “Drew, I—”

  “Shh. Hear me out. This is all new. Let’s drop back a few paces and give ourselves room to explore this. We deserve to know if we could be a family someday.”

  Annie leaned against him, wanting what he described so badly and wondering why she hadn’t seen it before. Day by day, little by little, she’d been falling for him.

  She let her gaze rove over his face, searching for hidden motives. There were none. Just a wonderful, strong, giving man who wanted a chance.

  Though it scared her, Annie knew she had to give him that chance. To give the three of them that chance.

  “Okay,” she whispered. “We’ll see where it leads.”

  “You won’t be sorry,” he promised, his voice husky. Dipping his head, he kissed her again, really kissed her.

  Annie relaxed into him, murmuring his name as he deepened the kiss. And she knew she was home.

  DREW WAS RELUCTANT TO turn Annie loose. Kissing her took him back to that wonderful, crazy evening Micah had been conceived, but this was so much better now that he knew the real Annie.

  Aware of Micah playing trucks by the coffee table, he reluctantly relinquished her, gratified that her cheeks were flushed and she seemed disoriented.

  “Spend the weekend with me? Both of you?” The question was out before he could censor it. “I mean, I could sleep here on your couch….”

  Annie glanced away. “Even on the couch, it might confuse Micah.”

  “Micah or you?”

  She hesitated. “Both.”

  “Just think about it?”

  “You don’t know how tempting it is.” She stepped back a pace and he could almost feel her pulling back emotionally, too. “But no, we can’t.”

  “Let’s at least spend Saturday together. All of us.”