DEADLY DECEPTIONS

by Bill WENHAM

  “Good Lord, no, Bristow. I just wanted to ask you a question in private,” he said.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be down on one knee when you do that?” she said, grinning now.

  “What?”

  “Oh, sorry, sir. My mistake. I had completely misjudged the situation. I thought you were about to propose to me,” she said.

  Middleton gave her an exasperated look.

  “I just wanted to ask you a simple question and I want a totally honest answer without any smart arse remarks, Bristow,” he said.

  “I always give you honest answers and I’m surprised that you would even think otherwise.”

  Middleton nodded.

  “I put that rather badly, Bristow and I apologize,” he said gruffly.

  “So, what’s the question, sir? Do you want the answer as to why the chicken crossed the road, or what?”

  “Bristow, I said, no jokes, please,” Middleton said.

  “Oh, believe me, sir, it’s no joke. The poor bloody chicken got hit by a car while the daft thing stood in the middle of the road trying to make up his mind which side of it to be on. Very serious business for the chicken, sir, and your question was?”

  “Were you hurt at all, Bristow?” Middleton asked.

  Bristow looked surprised at his eventual question.

  “Hurt, sir? Of course not, it was the chicken in the road, sir, not me,” she said.

  Middleton smiled at her and shook his head.

  “In your brief encounter with Mr. Rudge, Bristow – were you hurt at all?” he asked

  Bristow laughed.

  “Me hurt, sir? By Randy Andy? Not bloody likely, sir. It was his face that hit the dirt, not mine, but why are you asking me that?” she asked.

  “Did he actually touch you, Bristow? Think carefully now, did he actually touch you at all?”

  Bristow shook her head.

  “No, sir, he didn’t. I saw his shadow when he lunged at me from behind and I just threw him over my shoulder,” she said.

  Middleton nodded.

  “That’s what I thought. So technically, he didn’t actually assault a member of the police force at all did he?”

  Bristow shook her head again.

  “No, sir. It was an attempt only, at best,” she said. “So, we don’t really have a case against him at all then, do we, sir?”

  Middleton grinned at her.

  “You’re right, young lady, we don’t – but only you and I know that. Our Mr. Rudge doesn’t know it though, does he?”

  Bristow looked at him curiously.

  “What are you up to, sir?’ she asked.

  Middleton put his elbows on his desk, steepled his fingers under his chin and gave her a mischievous look.

  “I think we should offer the odious Mr. Rudge a deal, Bristow,” he said.

  Bristow frowned.

  “A deal, sir? Surely we’re not allowed to do that?” she said.

  “A suggestion then, but one that we strongly urge him to accept. Let me tell you what I have in mind. I think you’ll like it,” he said, smiling.

  A few minutes later, Bristow was grinning from ear to ear.

  “I just love it, sir, and I think it will make a lot of people we know around here very happy and will save the taxpayers a bundle of money as well,” she said.

  “Okay, then, open that door and let’s get to it. But just let me make a quick call first,”

  Bristow rearranged her face into a stern and stony look and went into the outer office and to where Andy Rudge sat in the tiny jail cell. A few minutes later, Middleton nodded as he joined her.

  Rudge looked extremely dejected.

  Middleton, Bristow and Sgt. Barnett made small talk while Mary brewed yet another pot of tea. Middleton walked over, spent a few minutes quietly with her and she took down a couple of pages of shorthand notes.

  After about fifteen minutes, the door opened and Rachel Donnelly walked into the police station and, on prior instructions from Middleton, she didn’t even glance in the direction of the cell at all.

  Middleton walked over to greet her. “Why, Good Morning, Ms. Donnelly. How are you and what brings you in to see us today?”

  “Oh, just passing, Inspector,” she said. This gist of this conversation had already been rehearsed over the phone when he had called her earlier.

  “Actually, Ms. Donnelly, you picked a very good day to drop by. We have a friend of yours also visiting with us today. Mr. Rudge. I believe you know him, don’t you?”

  Middleton now gestured toward the cell as Sgt. Barnett and Mary both suppressed grins.

  “Oh, my goodness, Inspector, what on earth is Andy doing in there?”

  Her face wore a suitably surprised expression.

  “I’m afraid he’s been arrested for assaulting a police officer. A female one even. My own Detective Sergeant here, of all people, as a matter of fact, Ms. Donnelly.”

  “Oh, my,” Rachel breathed. “That’s an awfully serious offense, isn’t it? I heard somewhere that someone can get ten years in prison for doing that. Is that true?”

  Middleton deliberately didn’t answer her question directly. Instead he just smiled and said, “That would be up to the courts and a judge to decide, Ms. Donnelly. It could be more or it could be less, depending upon the evidence against him and for good behavior in prison. Unfortunately, good behavior isn’t something Mr. Rudge is really known for around here, is it?”

  “Have you charged him yet?” Rachel said, right on cue.

  “No, not just yet,” Middleton said. “Mary, here, will be typing up the charges shortly, but I’m afraid I must ask you to leave before we can actually do that.”

  “Of course, I understand perfectly,” Rachel said and as she turned to leave, again right on cue she smiled sweetly at Rudge and said, “Well, Andy, good luck. Maybe you’ll get away with only ten years – but I wouldn’t bank on it if I were you, not if I’m called as a character witness against you, you won’t!”

  Rudge looked devastated as Rachel turned away and left the station.

  Now it was time for Middleton and Bristow to make Rudge ‘an offer he couldn’t refuse’ as they say in the movies.

  “Sgt. Barnett, please cuff the prisoner and bring him into my office,” Middleton said in a stern tone of voice. A moment or two later, Sgt. Barnett pushed Rudge ahead of him into Middleton’s office and shoved him roughly into the nearest chair. Then he left as Bristow took up guard at the open doorway. She held a pen and a notebook.

  Andy Rudge looked terrified, with all of his former bluster, bravado and swagger gone.

  Bristow almost felt sorry for him – almost, she reminded herself, just almost.

  “Now, then, Mr. Rudge, you are a resident of Little Carrington, is that correct?” Middleton asked.

  “Um,” Rudge mumbled.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Rudge. You must answer my questions more clearly. Detective Sergeant Bristow is taking notes, sir.”

  Middleton was careful not to mention the words ‘charge’ or ‘arrest’ because that wasn’t his intention. He had something completely different in mind. Technically, Rudge was only being held on suspicion of assault since he had never been formally charged with anything yet.

  “Repeat your answer, please, Mr. Rudge,” Bristow snapped at him.

  “Yes,” Rudge said, in a barely audible whisper.

  “You’ll have to speak up as well, sir,” Bristow added sharply. “I can’t guess at what your answers are.”

  “Do you own a home here or are you renting?” Middleton asked.

  “Yes,” Rudge said again.

  “It’s either one or other, sir,” Bristow said scathingly. “It was an exceedingly simple question, Mr. Rudge.”

  “Renting, a cottage,” Rudge mumbled.

  “And how long is your lease?” Middleton asked.

  “Five years, renewable,” Rudge answered, a little more clearly now.

  “So, how much time is left on your current term?”

  Ru
dge thought for a moment or two. The question really didn’t need an answer because Middleton knew it already.

  “About three months, I think,” Rudge said.

  “Mr. Rudge,” Bristow said, taking over, “You no doubt know what kind of a jail term an assault on a police offer can result in?” She said it as a question deliberately but was careful not to say that he’d be getting one.

  Rudge nodded.

  “I’ve done you a huge favour today, Mr. Rudge,” Middleton said. “I’ve managed to convince Detective Sergeant Middleton to drop her potential charges against you.”

  Rudge’s eyes opened wide and he leaned forward in the chair.

  “You have?” he said unbelievingly.

  Middleton smiled at the cuffed man.

  “I have, sir, but it isn’t quite as simple as merely dropping any charges, Mr. Rudge. You see, there’s a condition to it.”

  “A condition? What kind of a condition?” he asked cautiously now.

  “A very simple and extremely generous one under the circumstances. Only a complete moron would refuse to accept a condition such as hers. Especially when you consider the alternative,” Middleton said.

  “What’s the condition?”

  “I’ve checked and it can be arranged at very little monetary cost to you initially, as well, sir,” Middleton said.

  “What is it?” Rudge repeated, with a little belligerence creeping into his voice now.

  “Why don’t you tell him, Detective Sergeant? After all, it’s your offer to drop any charges and it’s your condition. Personally, I wouldn’t have considered such a thing for a second.”

  Bristow sauntered over to stand beside Middleton’s desk. She closed her notebook and put it down, with the pen, on the desk. Then she stared down at Rudge with a look of pure contempt on her face.

  “Because of the reputation that you’ve earned in this community for being very rough on women, Mr. Rudge, and as a woman also, I had to think long and hard before I could even consider doing anything like this. If I was the judge, you’d be looking at the maximum jail time and then some, sir.

  But, if I did that, I’d be no better than you, would I? So, this is your lucky day. Do you want to hear just how lucky you are, Mr. Rudge? Are you listening?”

  Rudge nodded.

  “I’m listening,” he said.

  “First of all, I’m not interested in an apology from you. It’s far too late for that.”

  Rudge sneered at her, with some of his normal bravado returning. This was only a bloody woman, after all, he thought. She can’t hurt me!

  “You weren’t getting one anyway, so, what do you want?” he said.

  Middleton cut in with, “I would watch your tongue and your attitude if I was you, Mr. Rudge. This is a rather unique and one time offer. Screw it up and you could spend all those years of jail time regretting it.”

  “Sorry, miss.” Rudge mumbled.

  “My condition is as follows, Mr. Rudge. You will pay off the balance of your cottage lease immediately and cancel all further options on it by you. To ensure that you do, your driver’s licence will be held here until we are advised that the transaction has been completed.”

  Bristow paused.

  “Is that it?” Rudge asked, a little incredulously. “That sounds simple enough.”

  “Of course not, sir. Don’t be so ridiculous. That is only the first part of it,” she said.

  “So, what’s the rest of it then?” Rudge asked, curiously now.

  “As you say, sir, it’s very simple, Mr. Rudge. Deliberately so. It is simple enough for even you to understand. In order for you to walk free from here today, you will sign an agreement to leave Cambridgeshire and to never return here under any circumstances whatsoever. If you do not meet those terms, an arrest warrant will be issued. You have exactly one week to comply, sir, and as I said, it really couldn’t be any easier – even for you.”

  Middleton gave a faint nod to her, his signal for her to execute the coup de grace. He pressed to intercom button on the desk set.

  “Mary, bring in the document please,” he said.

  The door opened and Mary brought in the document that they’d all cooked up between them earlier. There was only one page and Rudge would not receive a copy.

  Bristow took it from Mary and laid it face down on the desk beside her.

  “Think of this as your ‘Get out of jail free’ card, Mr. Rudge. It’s really up to you whether you want to play it or not. The offer, as they say, is on the table.”

  She paused and smiled wickedly at him.

  “And now for the last part of my condition, sir – the condition that will keep you out of jail, Mr. Rudge,” she said.

  “The last part? What the hell is that? How many parts are there?” he demanded.

  Bristow smiled sweetly at him and shot the final arrow.

  “You will continue to support your wife and your daughter according to the terms laid out in the document that you are about to sign, sir. If you renege on any part of it, an arrest order will be issued. From now on, your wife will lease the cottage but you will continue to pay the costs of it.”

  Once again, she made sure that she didn’t say that the arrest order would be for him!

  “That’s bloody coercion,” Rudge screamed. “I won’t do it!”

  Bristow calmly picked up the paper and made as if to tear it up.

  Rudge stared at her with disbelieving eyes as Middleton sat shaking his head.

  “Oh, dear, Mr. Rudge, that was not a very smart move on your part at all. Just a moment, Detective Sergeant Bristow, I think that Mr. Rudge may wish to reconsider his decision,” Middleton said.

  Bristow put the paper back down on the table.

  “Well?” she said.

  “Did my Roberta put you up to this?” he demanded.

  “Hardly, Mr. Rudge. We’ve never even met the lady. You brought all this on yourself. Surely you haven’t forgotten attacking me? You could say that these are the consequences of that action, sir.”

  Rudge just stared at her.

  “But that will take every penny I’ve got and I won’t even have a job if I leave here. That’s bloody impossible!” he said sullenly.

  Bristow gave him another smile.

  “First of all, Mr. Rudge, it is when you leave here, not if. And I would tend to look on this as an opportunity rather than impossible, sir. At least, you won’t be in jail, will you?” she said cheerfully.

  She stepped forward, unlocked his cuffs and handed him the pen. His hand shook as he signed the paper. Bristow took it and the pen back from him. She folded the document and put it into her bag. It bore only one signature – Rudge’s, and it was not witnessed by anyone, but Rudge didn’t notice.

  “Don’t I get a copy of that?” he asked.

  “No, sir, you don’t and don’t push your luck either. I can still easily tear it up and we’ll be back where we started. You get your freedom instead, sir, and you have…”

  Bristow paused and looked at her watch

  “… exactly one week from now to secure it. I think I’d better spell this out to you as well, sir, since I noticed that you didn’t even bother to read what you signed…”

  Middleton shook his head at Rudge again.

  “…Part of that agreement states that we are to be notified as to where you are and where you are employed at all times and of any changes that may occur. There is no termination date on the document, Mr. Rudge. It’s really a shame you didn’t bother to read it and please don’t force us to track you down. It would have some really dire results for you if we do,” Bristow said and pulled him roughly to his feet.

  “And now get to hell out of here before I change my mind!” she snapped at him.

  He gave Middleton a bewildered look.

  “Can she really do this to me?” he asked.

  “A little late in the day to be asking that kind of question, I would think, sir. It seems to me that she’s already done it.”

  A ve
ry unhappy Randy Andy Rudge just stared at him.

  “And by the way, sir, just in case you were wondering, the door to your freedom is that way,” Middleton said, and pointed.

  As before, Andy Rudge fairly bolted out of the front door of the station.

  When he was gone, Bristow and Middleton were joined in the little office by Sgt. Barnett and Mary. The four of them were just about falling on the floor laughing

  “And just where in the dusty tomes of the law did you find that little gem, sir? “ Bristow asked.

  “Ah, that’s not listed under any law, Bristow…” He paused and grinned at her. “It’s under justice and commonsense. A far more dusty and hard to find place these days, I can assure you.”

  “What are you going to be doing with that bit of paper now, Sally?” Sgt. Barnett asked her.

  Bristow grinned at him.

  “Well, first of all, I’m going to show it to Rachel Donnelly, all her ladies and to his wife. It should give them all a bloody good laugh as well, and then, when we’re sure he’s gone, we’ll have a ritual burning of the evidence,” she said.

  “The law, like God, it seems, works in some bloody mysterious ways its wonders to perform - at least in this community,” Middleton said, laughing.

  Then Sgt. Barnett surprised them all and himself by quipping, “If God looks anything like our Sally here, I just can’t wait to get to heaven.”

  “Really, Sergeant Barnett, I didn’t know you cared,” she said, smiling and raising her eyebrows. Barnett blushed furiously and then said, “Neither did I until I just said it.”

  For a moment or two, there was an awkward silence then Middleton got up, walked over to the cell door and closed it.

  “Well, good people, all’s well that ends well, as far as Rudge is concerned and I know Roberta Rudge will be pleased with the outcome,” Middleton said.

  When Bristow had told Rudge that they had never met his wife, it was only partly true. They’d never met her face to face but Middleton had phoned her and had outlined their plan. Roberta had thought it was a hoot and wholeheartedly agreed with it.

  “It has all of the advantages and I can’t see a single downside to it. I can’t divorce the little creep but at least this way, my lifestyle doesn’t change and I don’t have to live with him any more. Go for it, Inspector, with my blessing and thank you,” she’d said.