B00DPX9ST8 EBOK

by Parkin, Lance

  Commemorative mugs, plates and tea towels were made in anticipation of Edward V’s coronation on 24th June, but the event didn’t occur. Parliament declared Edward and his “brother” Richard illegitimate; their uncle had Mr Seyton conduct a press conference on this development with the finest gossips in England, including the Lincolnshire Tattletale and the Wessex Busybody. Richard was subsequently crowned as Richard III.

  The now-illegitimate Princes were relocated to the Tower of London - the king invited Peri and Erimem to serve as their handmaidens. Henry Stafford, the Second Duke of Buckingham, sought to bring the Woodville family into conflict with the king as a means of claiming the throne for himself. He hoped to trigger this by convincing Peri and Erimem to poison the “boys”, but the king discovered the plot and threw Stafford in prison.

  Richard III had Peri and Erimem double as the Princes while the genuine article went to work as waitresses with their uncle Clarrie at The Kingmaker. Peri and Erimem routinely appeared in public as the Princes, seen from afar playing tennis or exercising. The king got fed up with Shakespeare/Seyton and had him tortured, learning much about the web of time. Peri and Erimem spent the next two years masquerading as the Princes, but the public didn’t take much notice of the “lads”. History would record that the Princes were last seen in 1484.

  Pointy beards were all the rage in France, and considered a fashion statement for the 1480s (as distinguished from the large, open-necked beards of the 70s).

  1485 (August) - The Kingmaker [426]

  The fifth Doctor, Peri and Erimem arrived from 1597, wanting to investigate the death of Richard III’s nephews. But while the Doctor departed to patronize The Kingmaker tavern, the TARDIS - telepathically resonating with the Doctor’s recent boozing - hiccupped and slipped back to 1483 with Peri and Erimem aboard.

  Henry Stafford was tortured to death by Sir James Tyrell, the king’s Royal High Concussor. The barkeep Clarrie - formerly George, the Duke of Clarence - was identified and died in a chase, drowning in the Thames. In future, the play Richard III would spread the belief that he had drowned in a vat of Malmsey wine.

  William Shakespeare, a.k.a. Mr Seyton, escaped imprisonment and demanded that the Doctor take Richard III to stand trial in Queen Elizabeth’s era. Much calamity ensued, and after a brief visit to 1597, the TARDIS arrived at the Battle of Bosworth Field. Shakespeare was forcibly hauled out of the TARDIS by a sixty-fourth century publishing robot that eventually exploded. Erimem had broken Shakespeare’s arm, and a laser pistol wound had singed his foot and given him a limp, so Shakespeare was mistaken for the king. He was killed, blubbing like a girl, after scrambling up a tree.

  The Doctor relocated Richard III’s nieces, Susan and Judith, to join their uncle in 1597.

  The Canavitchi helped guide the Spanish Inquisition. [427] Agonal, an immortal who gained strength from suffering, fed on its fear and death. [428] The Doctor was present during the Spanish Inquisition. [429] The earliest parts of Chase Mansion were built during the Wars of the Roses. [430]

  1485 - Sometime Never [431]

  An Agent of the Council of Eight kidnapped the two nephews of Richard III to prevent their having an impact on history. The eighth Doctor and Trix later rescued the boys, and took them to the early twenty-first century.

  1487 - The Left-Handed Hummingbird [432]

  In the Aztec city of Tenochtitlan, the god Huitzilopochtli’s taste for blood grew every year. By 1487, his priests demanded twenty thousand sacrifices. These fed the psychic Huitzilin - a human mutated by the Xiuhcoatl, an Exxilon device that leaked radiation. Huitzilin used his powers to remain alive, and used the Xiuhcoatl to make his people worship him. For centuries, he would visit the most violent places in human history, feeding off the carnage of such events. He would become known as the Blue.

  In the late fifteenth century, the Doctor visited China. [433] He believed the best Chinese takeaway came from the Ming dynasty. [434] The Doctor encountered Torquemada in Toledo, where an auto-da-fé didn’t go as planned, and “mini-Beelzebubs” hauled Torquemada from his bed. [435]

  The Doctor met Christopher Columbus. [436] He travelled on the Santa Maria, but Columbus refused his suggestion of plotting courses with an orange and a biro. [437] The Doctor told Columbus that there was more to travelling than going from A to B. [438]

  1492 - The Masque of Mandragora [439]

  The fourth Doctor and Sarah Jane accidentally brought the Mandragora Helix to Renaissance Italy, where it made contact with the Brotherhood of Demnos cult. The Doctor drained and dissipated the Helix’s energy before it could plunge Earth into an age of superstition and fear.

  What remained of the Helix seeped into the ground and water around San Martino. The people there became endowed with traces of Helix energy - by 2009, the Helix would be able to control their descendants. In the centuries to come, San Martino would become uninhabited and lost to history. [440]

  Following the Mandragora incident, Duke Giuliano formed the Orphans of the Future: a secret society dedicated to helping mankind. In the centuries to come, Giuliano’s written account of the Mandragora affair became known as The Book of Tomorrows, and was regarded as a work of prophecy. The Orphans eventually split into two camps - the White Chapter and the Crimson Chapter - based upon their interpretation of The Book, particularly its prediction that an “alien intelligence” would return to Earth in half a millennia. The White Chapter believed that the returning aliens would take humanity away to a better life; the Crimson Chapter thought the aliens wanted to eradicate mankind. [441]

  = The sixth Doctor visited the planet Yestobahl in 1494. [442]

  The Doctor was present when Torquemada died in Avila - an event that involved the arrival of the personification of Death, complete with scythe. [443] The Doctor was with Vasco da Gama when he sailed into the harbour of Zanzibar in 1499. [444]

  The Cylox were immensely powerful psionics and a very long-lived species, being the equivalent of adolescents after surviving for millennia. Two of the Cylox, Lai-Ma and his brother Tko-Ma, had spent several millennia annihilating planets in another dimension. Around the late fifteenth century, an intergalactic court exiled them to a pocket realm located on Earth. The brothers later loosed their shackles and agreed to see who could destroy Earth the fastest. The Ini-Ma, the brothers’ jailor of sorts, endowed its essence into female members of the bloodline that would produce Loretta van Cheaden. [445]

  The painter Hieronymus Bosch was a friend of the Doctor, who posed for one of Bosch’s triptychs: The Garden of Earthly Delights. The Doctor spent hours lying against a table, and Bosch went mad if he so much as twitched. [446] Guieseppe di Cattivo, a contemporary of Leonardo da Vinci, was known in fifteenth century Florence as the Artist of Nightmares. [447]

  The Sixteenth Century

  c 1500 - The Ghosts of N-Space [448]

  Around the turn of the sixteenth century, the third Doctor and Sarah were briefly seen as ghosts.

  During the sixteenth century, the Ancient Order of St Peter existed to fight vampires. [449] Stattenheim and Waldorf created working plans for a TARDIS during the sixteenth century. [450] Jack Harkness visited a dying galaxy and found a sole survivor. He relocated it to Earth, where it came to inspire myths about the shapeshifting Selkie. [451] Veec-Elic-Savareen-Jal-9 became a fugitive after speaking out against the warmongering Hive Council on Jal Paloor. Darac-Poul-Caparrel-Jal-7 was dispatched to capture him. [452] The Doctor visited Venice in the sixteenth century. [453]

  Legends spoke of Hetocumtek as a vicious warrior god who descended from the heavens, and tried to conquer the peoples of the Great Plains. The most powerful medicine men of the Mojave tribe trapped Hetocumtek in a totem pole that was buried in the Mojave Desert. It was said that if ever the totem fell back into the hand of men, Hetocumtek would be freed. [454]

  A young Prince Henry found a quill made from a temporal phoenix feather. It could rewrite time - so Henry had his Scrivener use the quill to kill his brother, Arthur the Prince
of Wales. This paved the way for him to become King Henry VIII. [455]

  Leonardo da Vinci

  Both the Monk and Scaroth claimed credit for inspiring Leonardo to consider building a flying machine. [456] The Doctor told da Vinci that coleopters were more trouble than they were worth. [457] The Doctor visited Leonardo while he was painting the Mona Lisa, “a dreadful woman with no eyebrows who wouldn’t sit still”. [458]

  The model who sat for the Mona Lisa was “a dreary Italian housewife who laughed like a camel and farted like a donkey”. Leonardo painted the Mona Lisa using oils he blagged from his neighbour, Guieseppe di Cattivo, and had been made from minerals found in a rock that fell from space. [459] Leonardo had a cold. [460]

  Leonardo convinced the Doctor to take him back to the time of Christ, and following this journey produced a “marvellous adoration painting”... that he didn’t finish. The Doctor ended up owning some of Leo’s designs, and gifted them to his great-grandson Alex, to further the boy’s interest in architecture. [461] The Doctor took Leonardo to attend the wedding of Bernice Summerfield and Jason Kane; Leonardo designed their wedding cake. [462]

  1505 - City of Death [463]

  Captain Tancredi, one of the splinters of Scaroth the Jagaroth, kept Leonardo a virtual prisoner and ordered him to begin making six additional copies of the Mona Lisa. Scaroth hoped to sell them at great profit to fund his time experiments in 1979. The fourth Doctor arrived, and wrote “This is a Fake” in felt-tip on many of Leonardo’s blank canvasses. Leonardo painted the copies over them.

  Although nobody took notice of Leonardo da Vinci’s sketches of helicopters or tanks at the time, his drawings would “seed” the idea for such inventions, and help to facilitate their creation in future. [464]

  Guieseppe di Cattivo painted a self-portrait in 1509. He also painted his masterpiece, The Abomination, but discovered that nobody could look upon it without losing their sanity. He locked The Abomination in a special case made from hangman’s gallows, and the next morning was found in his Florence apartments, completely insane. [465]

  The Doctor watched Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel, and told him that if heights frightened him, he shouldn’t have accepted the commission. [466] Michelangelo drew the sixth Doctor. [467] The tenth Doctor learned how to sculpt from Michelangelo. [468] The Monk owned a cupid that Michelangelo had sculpted. [469]

  The Baobhan Empire fell in a galactic war, and the Baobhan Sith were all but exterminated. A spaceship with a few surviving Baobhan females crashed in Yorkshire, where the ship projected a force field that kept the sun at bay for seventy days. The Baobhan feasted upon the locals until a Sisterhood killed them. A single Baobhan survived, trapped within a pile of rocks that became known as Lucifer’s Tombstone. The village of Thornton Rising grew up around it. [470]

  In 1514, a Sontaran ship crashed near Mount Omei in China. A monk, Yueh Kuang, investigated the starfall. The Sontarans taught him martial arts for three months. He then returned to share his new knowledge with his fellow monks, deposed Abbot Hsiang and took over as Abbot. [471]

  Guieseppe di Cattivo died in 1518 in a lunatic asylum. [472] The Doctor thinks he invented the expression “mind like a sieve”. [473] Cortez landed in South America. [474] A fragment from the Omnim planet fell to Earth and was carved into an Aztec stone knife of sacrifice. The knife was included in the plundered treasure aboard the Spanish ship Santa Isabella, but the crew surrendered the knife to English raiders. The hilt was taken to Madrid. [475] The Doctor met the magician Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa von Netteshiem, and thought him an example of how dark powers destroyed great talent. [476]

  1522 (summer) - “Dragon’s Claw” [477]

  For years, Japanese pirates attacked ports along the coast of the East China Sea. One group was repelled by the Shaolin monks of Mount Omei. Abbot Yueh Kuang, their leader, had an advanced energy weapon. The fourth Doctor, Sharon and K9 arrived and found people killed by the gun. They were captured by the monks and taken four hundred miles to their monastery, where the Doctor discovered they’d been taught martial arts by the mysterious “eighteen bronze men”. The Doctor snuck into the Hall of the Eighteen Bronze Men and survived a series of death traps to discover a group of Sontarans. The aliens were planting hypnotic commands in the monks, creating a deadly fighting force. The Doctor discovered their crashed ship, and learned its transmitter was damaged. The Sontarans needed a rock crystal to repair it, and only the Emperor had one large enough. The Doctor returned to the monastery, and one of the monks, Chang, slew the Sontarans in a hypnotic killing frenzy.

  The Trib Museum was established in 1528. Its treasures would include fifteenth-century longbows from Earth. [478]

  Henry VIII

  On one of their earliest visits to Earth, the first Doctor and Susan met Henry VIII, who sent them to the Tower after the Doctor threw a parson’s nose back at the King. The TARDIS had landed in the Tower, and this enabled the Doctor and Susan to make good their escape. [479] The Doctor had six wedding invitations from Henry VIII. [480] An early incarnation of Iris Wildthyme met Henry VIII and two of his wives - and a good time was had by all. [481] Iris and Panda hobnobbed at Hampton Court, then left for the future to avoid being beheaded. [482]

  King Henry VIII mistook the Doctor for a jester. [483] Henry VIII dissolved The Convent of Little Sisters of St Gudula. [484] Priests from around the country hid at Cranleigh Hall. [485]

  By the 1530s, the Spanish knew of an Incan myth about a fire god. It was based on the “burning” sentience. [486]

  1533 (19th July) - SJA: Lost in Time [487]

  Rani Chandra was transported back in time to find a piece of chronosteel, and met the doomed Queen Lady Jane Grey on the last day of her nine-day reign. The chronosteel had adopted the form of a dagger and threatened to derail history, but Rani prevented a Protestant from using the blade to martyr the Queen. Rani returned with the item to 2010.

  1536 (4th May) - Recorded Time and Other Stories: “Recorded Time” [488]

  Anne Boleyn learned that King Henry VIII wanted his time-rewriting Scrivener to make him the immortal King of Time. She used the Scrivener’s phoenix pen to summon the sixth Doctor and Peri, who became one of the Queen’s ladies in waiting. Henry proposed marriage to Peri. He also exacted vengeance on the Queen, making the Scrivener write that she was an adulterer, a sorceress and had a sixth finger on one hand. The Scrivener expired after defying the King’s wish that the Queen be burned alive, writing instead that she would receive a clean sword-strike to the head. The Doctor destroyed the phoenix pen.

  The Doctor witnessed the execution of Anne Boleyn. [489]

  In 1540, under the reign of King James V, a shooting star landed near the Torchwood Estate in Scotland. Only a single cell of an alien - a werewolf - survived. In the generations to come, the cell would take host after host and grow stronger. The local monks in the Glen of St. Catherine tended to the creature, and made plans to facilitate the Empire of the Wolf. [490]

  The Utlunta were slavers who purportedly drained the blood of other races to power their organic spaceships. The leader of a benevolent race trapped the Utlunta, and himself, in a pocket universe. He went mad, forgot his purpose and fled back to the proper universe - which also freed Lilu, the last Utlunta. While Lilu and her spaceship were pitched forward to the fifty-first century, the leader wound up with the Tigua Indians of pre-Columbian America, He became the source of a Comanche legend of the demon Nepesht and his vampiric offspring. [491]

  c 1550 - The Jade Pyramid [492]

  The ruler of Japan sent his samurai to collect the prized jade pyramid in the town of Kokan, and to bring it to Kyoto. The eleventh Doctor and Amy prevented bloodshed and made off with the pyramid. They also disabled a spaceship and the Otoroshi that it animated.

  Around 1550, the Doctor was attacked by a jiki-ketsu-gaki, or vampire, in Japan. He was buried in a snowdrift and spent three months recovering in a monastery. He confronted the vampire, let her drain his blood until she was sated a
nd fell asleep - and then burnt down her castle. [493]

  Hexagoran scouts reconnoitered sixteenth-century London, but judged Earth as unsuitable for colonisation. [494] The Canavitchi supplied Nostradamus with many of his prophecies. [495] The fourth Doctor’s long scarf was made by Madame Nostradamus, “a witty little knitter”. [496]

  1555 (January) - The Marian Conspiracy [497]

  The sixth Doctor helped Evelyn Smythe explore her ancestry. While the Doctor visited the court of Queen Mary, Evelyn stumbled on a Protestant plot to poison the Queen and replace her with Elizabeth. The time travellers were both imprisoned in the Tower of London. They met Reverend Thomas Smith, Evelyn’s ancestor, before escaping and preventing the assassination.

  The Elizabethan Age

  The Doctor attended the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth I. [498] The Doctor was appalled by the Earl of Essex’s behaviour at the Coronation. [499] The eighth Doctor, Samson and Gemma also visited the Court of Queen Elizabeth. [500]

  1560 (spring) - The Room With No Doors [501]

  A Kapteynian slave escaped from a Caxtarid slaver ship, and its capsule crashed in the Han region of Japan. Within days, the Victorian time traveller Penelope Gate also visited Japan. A month later, the seventh Doctor and Chris Cwej arrived and became embroiled in a dispute between rival warlords Guffuu Kocho and Umemi, both wanting possession of the capsule. The Doctor managed to prevent either of them from taking control of it.

  Iris saved the fourth Doctor and Sarah Jane in Scotland, in an escapade involving Mary Queen of Scots - who crocheted Iris a nice seat cushion. [502] The Doctor advised Mary Queen of Scots to change her muckspreader. [503]