Sudden Hope

by Daniele Lanzarotta

  “Probably Lizzie and Mandy.”

  “Probably? Have you seen them do this?”

  “No ma’am, but you saw what happened in the girls' bathroom the other day.”

  “I’ll look into this, Alec.”

  “But—”

  “I need proof, Alec. Now, the bell is about to ring. You should get to class.”

  I walk away knowing that this was pointless.

  When I come back out, I find Skylar and Kyle waiting on me.

  Kyle starts to open his mouth, but I stop him. “That was pointless. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  SKYLAR

  In a way, I think Alec finally understands why I deal with Lizzie and Mandy by letting things go and attempting to stay out of their way.

  Over the next few days, Kyle, Alec, and I become inseparable. Well, mostly Alec and me. But we hang out with Kyle a lot, especially during baseball practice, games, and to practice for the talent show, which is coming very soon. Over and over, I try to include Mike in the things that we do, but he always says no. It saddens me to no end. I miss his friendship as much as I miss Kristi. Alec knows it too. He even tries to talk to Mike a few times, but Mike’s whole attitude toward him is so odd. Our friendship has changed, and so has he.

  For a few days, Lizzie and Mandy seem to be in their own little world. It’s nice to live a drama free life. But little do I know, that this is just the calm before the storm.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  SKYLAR

  The following Tuesday, I go from class straight to Alec’s baseball practice. I sit on the bench, and Kyle comes over and sits next to me to talk while they wait for practice to start.

  Once the coach calls everyone to the field, Kyle starts to look around. “Have you seen Alec? He’s never late.”

  “No,” I say. “He said he would meet me here after school today.”

  “I have to go before coach sees me here, but can you text him to see what’s up?”

  I text him and I wait. I call but no one answers. I text him again and wait… and wait.

  I keep staring at my phone, until the guys get a break and Kyle comes over.

  “Nothing?” he asks.

  I shake my head.

  “Let me go grab my phone. Maybe he sent me a message.”

  Kyle starts to go to the locker room when the coach stops him. He runs up to talk to the coach and then leaves.

  When he comes back, he is looking at the ground.

  “Nothing?” I ask.

  “No.”

  I look away. “He was acting weird yesterday.”

  “How so?” Kyle asks.

  I bite my bottom lip. “He was just not himself. Like, he was far away most of the time.”

  Kyle sighs. “Can you wait until I finish practice? I’ll give you a ride. Maybe he’s home.”

  “Yeah. I’ll wait. I’ll keep trying his phone.”

  By the time practice is over, I’m stressed as hell. Kyle doesn’t even change to go home. We get in his car and he drives over to Alec’s.

  Kyle knocks on the door but no one answers.

  “Now what?” I ask.

  He looks at his watch. “His mom should be getting home from work soon. Do you want to wait?”

  “Yeah.”

  We sit on his doorstep. Eventually, my mom gets home and comes over to find out what’s going on. She asks if we want to have dinner while we wait, but I know I can’t eat anything; not until I know what’s going on with Alec. Kyle thanks her and says he isn’t hungry. I know he’s as worried about Alec as I am.

  We keep waiting until Alec’s mom gets home.

  She looks concerned when she sees us.

  “Hey, kids. How come Alec is not with you?”

  Kyle and I look at one another. “I don’t want to worry you,” says Kyle, “but we were kind of hoping that you know where he is. He missed practice today.”

  Her face goes pale. “Why don’t you come in?” she says. With trembling hands, she unlocks the door.

  “Have a seat. I’m going to try calling him.”

  She calls and leaves him a message to call her back immediately.

  She sits down across from us. She glances at Kyle and then at me. “His doctor called yesterday and asked him to come in to do one of his blood tests again, just to make sure everything is okay.”

  Now I’m the one shaking. “Is that bad?” I ask.

  “The doctor said it is just procedure… something he wants to keep an eye on, but you know Alec, his head went to the worst place.”

  I can’t breathe. I recall when it was Kris in that bad place. She had the tendency to always assume the worst.

  “I think I know where he is,” says Kyle. “I’ll text you when we are with him,” he says.

  “Please do. It’s already getting dark out.”

  Kyle gets in the car and starts to drive. “Where do you think he is?” I ask.

  “There is a waterfall near here. He likes to go there to think sometimes. It’s about forty five minutes—”

  “I know.” I say.

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. He took me there.”

  “Wow. Okay. Well, I can almost guarantee that’s where we’ll find him.”

  With Kyle driving, we get there in a little over thirty minutes.

  We spot Alec’s truck and park next to it. Finding his truck doesn’t make me feel any better. I want to make sure he is safe and okay.

  Kyle goes to the back of his car, opens the trunk, and grabs a flashlight.

  I look over and make a joke, because sometimes that’s what I do when I’m nervous. “You have a lot of interesting things in there. Planning on kidnapping someone?”

  “Ha. No. I just like to be prepared for anything.” He hands me the flashlight and grabs a knife.

  “You’re kidding, right?” I say.

  “Nope. It’s getting dark and there is no telling what’s in these woods.”

  He grabs the flashlight from my hand. “Let’s go. Stay behind me and watch your step.

  Kyle moves fast. I think at some point he forgets I’m behind him, but I’m surprisingly fast enough to keep up.

  Neither of us says one word. We just keep listening for weird sounds, which there are plenty.

  When we get to the opening, I spot Alec sitting on the rocks where we were the other day. “Thank God,” I say.

  Kyle and I both approach him. Once Alec hears our footsteps, he turns around.

  He looks from Kyle to me, “What are you doing here?” he snaps.

  “Looking for you,” I say. “We’ve been worried. Then your mom said--”

  Alec shakes his head and cuts me off. It’s like he’s a different person. “If you’re worried just because I’ve been gone for a few hours, you won’t be able to handle it if I’m sick again.”

  I feel like I’ve been sucker punched. Kyle steps between Alec and me.

  “Get up!” says Kyle.

  Alec gets up and stares at Kyle.

  “Get it together, Bro,” says Kyle in a stern tone. “This is probably nothing. You have to re-do a test. So what? It will probably come back okay, and even if it doesn’t, we’re here for you… whether you like it or not. You’re stressed and worried out of your mind. We get it. But don’t take it out on people who care about you.”

  “Crap,” says Alec. “I’m sorry, Sky.” He takes a step toward me and I take a step back.

  I look down, avoiding him, mostly because I don’t want him to see me crying. I can see him move around Kyle and take another step toward me. This time, I stay put.

  Once he stands in front of me, he puts his arms around my waist and kisses the top of my head.

  “I’m afraid if I get sick again, you’ll see the bad side of me. I keep thinking about the bad days I had…. Ask Kyle. He was around.”

  I look up and see Kyle and Alec looking at one another. “Yet, I’m still here and would be by your side all over again,” says Kyle. “But quit stressing about stuff that
hasn’t happened, and might not ever happen again. And don’t push people who care about you away.”

  Alec grins at Kyle. “You are your mother’s son.” He then looks at me. “I’m really sorry, Sky.”

  “Is this why you missed practice today?” I ask and he looks away immediately.

  “I told the coach I need to leave the team.”

  “WHY?” Kyle and I both ask at the same time.

  He steps away from me. “Because I can’t deal with this. I can’t focus having to wait for doctor appointments, and then for more test results.”

  “Alec, you need to talk to someone,” says Kyle.

  “Talking is the last thing I want to do. It just reminds me over and over, about what could happen; what may already be happening. I just want to get this over with and move forward.”

  “But you are not moving forward, Alec!” I snap and even Kyle looks at me in shock. “You’re hiding behind this ghost from your past. Today, you’re leaving baseball. Who knows? Tomorrow you could be leaving me.”

  “Sky, I wouldn’t do that.”

  “It sure looked like that was what you were trying to do when I got here.”

  “Sky—I”

  I feel like everything I was holding in, finally comes out. “Kyle is right. You should talk to someone. And you know what? I’m scared you could get sick again. But I’m even more scared that you do and choose to die instead of fight.”

  “It’s not that easy, Sky.”

  “I’m sure it’s not. But you have to have hope, Alec. Lack of hope is what took Kristi away and I don’t want it to take you too.”

  He stands in front of me, staring into my eyes like he doesn’t know what to say, or maybe he doesn’t even bother to form a response. He warned me many times he wasn’t changing that rule and, here I am, pushing him again.

  I turn around. “Let’s go, Kyle”

  I start to walk away, into the woods and in the dark, but don’t get far before Kyle catches up to me with the flashlight. We walk quietly until we get to his car.

  “Thank you,” says Kyle.

  “What for?” I ask between sobs.

  “He needed to hear that.”

  But now I feel guilty for saying that, like I’m pushing him too hard.

  Kyle’s gets a text.

  “He’s on his way,” he says. “Do you want to wait or leave before he gets here?”

  “I want to leave,” I say.

  ALEC

  I can’t believe that I have messed up this badly. By the time I get to my truck, there are no signs of Kyle or Sky.

  It’s already past nine so I know Skylar is probably going to be in trouble. I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack if I don’t get to talk to her tonight.

  I drive back home, but instead of going in, I go over to Skylar’s house and knock on the door.

  Her dad opens the door and I expect him to give me a hard time for it being almost ten at night, but he doesn’t.

  “May I talk to Skylar, please?” I ask and I’m surprised by how shaken up my voice sounds.

  “Does your mom know you are home?” he asks.

  I shake my head.

  “Why don’t you go let her know that you’re back and that you’re okay? You can talk to Skylar after that.”

  I nod, “Thank you, Sir.”

  I go next door and before I can unlock the door, Mom opens it and pulls me into a hug.

  “Mom, I’m okay.”

  She takes a deep breath. “Don’t you do that to me again, Alec.”

  “I won’t, Mom. But I need to go next door and talk to Skylar. I really messed things up.”

  “It’s late, Alec.”

  “I know, but her dad said that it’s okay, and I won’t be able to sleep until I clear this up.”

  “Okay, son.”

  I go next door and find Sky sitting on the front porch, waiting on me. She has been crying and I feel even worse.

  I sit next to her.

  “I’m really sorry,” I say.

  “Me too,” she says back.

  “What are you sorry for?” I ask confused.

  She sighs. “You warned me about things—you were very clear about what I was getting myself into—”

  I interrupt her. It’s best if I make this easier on her. She has already been through a lot. “I understand, Sky. I really do and I don’t blame you for breaking up with me.”

  She looks at me and cocks her head to the side. “I’m not breaking up with you, Alec. Not unless you regret us getting together.” She pauses. “Do you?”

  I shake my head. I know I’d break that rule for her over and over again. “I don’t regret it at all. I’m sorry I lost it today, Sky. I’m—I’m terrified.”

  She moves over so she’s right next to me, our arms touching. Then she slips her hand into mine and we sit quietly for a while.

  “What’s on your mind?” I ask.

  “I was remembering the day I learned that you were afraid of heights.”

  “I must have blocked that out of my memory.”

  That gets a smile out of her.

  “We had climbed that tree right there,” she points to the side of her house. “But then you were scared to get down, so I got down first and told you to close your eyes and jump—that I would catch you.” She’s laughing now and I’m starting to remember it. “And you did. You took me down with you and we both ended up with some scratches and bruises,” she pauses. “Why are you looking at me like you’re surprised? You were there.”

  “I’m starting to think that you have a really bad habit of trying to save me.”

  She turns shy and looks down. “You are worth saving.”

  I start to lean in to kiss her, when we hear a noise coming from behind us. We both look back and see the curtains move.

  She blushes. “It’s probably my dad spying on us.”

  Now I’m the one who is embarrassed.

  “Alec?” I look over at her.

  “When do you go back to the doctor?” she asks.

  “I did the lab work already. I have to go in the day after tomorrow for the results.”

  “How bad is this really? I mean, IF you’re even sick again. All I know is that you had a rare type of bone cancer, but I don’t know anything else about it.”

  I take a deep breath. “I had what’s called Ewing tumor—peripheral primitive neuroectodermal tumor,” I pause. “Or like they explained to me… bone cancer—really rare in kids.” I sigh. “But that isn’t even the reason I’m worried. I think if it was back, they would have seen it on the scans; besides, I have no pain. It just freaks me out that the doctors want to re-check blood tests. I’m afraid this could be anything; maybe even another type of cancer. I just feel like this is a nightmare. I always prayed the tumor wouldn’t return, but I could have something new.”

  “Or it could be nothing,” she says.

  “I’m not that lucky, Sky.” I pause, “Only one percent of childhood cancers are like the one I had. If that is not bad luck, I don’t know what is.”

  “But you got better,” she says. “You’re here and you have people who love and support you. Your perception of bad luck is pretty screwed up if you ask me,” she tries to smile but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

  Her mom then opens the door to make sure everything is okay and asks Sky to come back in soon.

  “Sky?”

  She stares into my eyes.

  “Let me take you out on a date tomorrow night.”

  She shakes her head and smiles.

  “No,” she says and I feel like my heart stops beating. “Let me take you out,” she says. “I have something planned for us.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  SKYLAR

  I can’t sleep at night and I can barely focus in school the next day. At lunch, I sit with Alec and Kyle, but none of us talk much. In fact, I spend most of my time watching Alec as he watches the other guys from the baseball team goof around.

  “Where is your friend
Mike?” Kyle asks to break the silence.

  “I haven’t seen him today. I sent him a text but he never replied.”

  “Soooo Alec,” says Kyle. “I talked to coach and explained the situation. He said you should think it over and not make any final decisions until after you have your appointment.”

  Alec shakes his head. “Damn it, Kyle.”

  “It doesn’t hurt to wait,” I say. I even sound exhausted. I feel emotionally drained.

  “Fine,” Alec snaps and I ignore it. If I’m nervous, I can’t even imagine how he is feeling.

  After school, Kyle goes to practice and Alec drives us home. We end up going to his house to watch movies in hopes that will make time go by faster. We both sit on the couch and snuggle together while we watch some zombie movie that is on. I can’t focus on the movie either… my mind is consumed by Alec. I sit up, look at him and lean in. We start to kiss and something comes over me. Maybe it’s fear of losing him… I don’t know, but our kiss deepens—it becomes more passionate—more desperate. Alec turns around and gets even closer to me. It’s like for one moment, we are just one, and then, we both force ourselves to pull away.

  I know that my mind and emotions are all over the place. Alec and I are far, far away from being close in that way.

  It’s one of those moments when no words are needed. We both just take a moment, relax against the back of the couch and go back to watching the movie, until I say, “I thought these kind of moments came as a result of watching romance movies, not by watching zombies craving juicy brains.”

  Alec starts laughing.

  “So, about this date you have planned,” he says. “Does it involve food? Because I’m starving.”

  “Well, it could.” I say. “I’m going to my house to get things ready. Can you meet me by your truck in thirty minutes?”

  “Sure can.”

  Twenty minutes later, he is knocking on my door.

  “Hmm I thought we were meeting by your truck?”

  He grins in a way that makes my whole body weak. “My girl deserves better than that.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. Are you ready?”

  I smile back at him, “Yes.” I reach for a cooler next to the door.

  “I’ll carry that,” he says. He holds the cooler with one hand and slips his other hand into mine.