Safe

by Rachel Hanna

  After lunch, Carly decided to spend some time reading in her room. Things had been cool with Aidan for a couple of hours. He had a sandwich while standing in the kitchen as she sat at the table alone. She didn’t know what to say or do. Her cowardly way of “breaking up” with him allowed her to never see the pain in his face.

  As Carly sat on her bed reading, she noticed the big jetted tub in her bathroom through the door that was cracked open. She had tried to imagine this safe house pit-stop as a mini vacation, and what better way to enjoy a vacation than with a bath in a jetted tub?

  Carly turned on the water and slipped out of her oversized sweatshirt and yoga pants. Sliding into the warm water, she closed her eyes and settled in for a long soak. Her mind wandered to Aidan. She thought about how handsome and masculine he had become. He was no longer the boy she remembered from school. He was strong and independent and capable.

  She had often wondered what made her choose a life without Aidan. Part of it had been her parents splitting up, which had rocked her world. She had wanted to escape her tiny town and look for bigger things. For some reason, in her undeveloped brain, she hadn’t seen that she could have freedom and Aidan at the same time.

  Meeting Ethan had been the icing on the cake. Here was a man that took her willingly, just as she was. He didn’t know about her family, her small town, her flaws and faults. Aidan had known her deeply, and she couldn’t pretend with him.

  As a grown woman in a frightening situation, she realized that she was paying the price for her mistake of turning Aidan away all those years ago. He was a man who wanted to stand by her. He wanted to be her friend and her boyfriend. They had forged a bond that spanned an ocean, and she pushed him away.

  Now, she was married to someone she really never knew. She was married to a murderer.

  ***

  Aidan paced the floor in the living room as he listened to the jets running in the tub upstairs. How could she be taking a bath and relaxing when he was feeling so on edge? They had come so close to talking about the past - the big elephant in the room - and he had stopped her. Why?

  He told himself that he had a job to do. Simple as that. He wasn’t going to get reeled in by that woman yet again. She had hurt him - almost destroyed him - once upon a time. Why let her in again? Getting close to Carly meant one thing: pain.

  If he focused on her again, he wouldn’t be able to do his job effectively. These past ten years had been a work in progress. He had learned how to do his job, but he had also learned how to block out emotions … or so he thought.

  What did she look like in that tub? His mind began to wander. Was her skin as soft as he remembered when he held her hand in high school? Were her lips still warm? Did they still taste like a mixture of vanilla and cherries? He wondered what she would do if he burst through the door of that bathroom and kissed her.

  Aidan walked slowly up the stairs. He was going to do it - walk through that door and tell her how she had hurt him. He was going to kiss her like a man this time, not like some young high school boy. He was going to show her how rough and rugged and manly he really was.

  He walked into her room and stood on the other side of the bathroom door. Anger welled up inside of him as he heard the jets running. He imagined that she was laid back in the tub, daydreaming about some hunky guy who would whisk her away from here. As he put his hand on the knob, the jets turned off. Waiting for a moment, he heard something. It was sniffling.

  “Carly? Are you okay?” he called out. Carly jumped out of her skin. Was he listening on the other side of the door? Had he heard her crying?

  “I’m fine. Go away,” she said through unintentional sobs.

  “I’m coming in,” Aidan said forcefully.

  “No, you can’t come in!” Carly yelled back, starkly aware that she was naked in the tub. To her surprise, Aidan backed into the bathroom and faced the door.

  “I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay,” he said sharply.

  “I’m fine. Girls cry all the time. It’s okay,” she said through breathless sobs.

  “It’s not fine with me. Here,” he reached behind his back and handed her bubble bath off the counter.

  “What’s this for?” she asked confused.

  “Turn on the water and cover yourself with bubbles,” he said. His voice was one of authority, which was new for Carly to hear. She did as he asked.

  “Okay, I think I am covered,” she stammered, worried that he would see some part of her that she wasn’t ready to show him.

  Aidan slowly turned around. He saw Carly slouched down in the tub, covered in bubbles with a red, tear-stained face. She looked small, sad and defeated. What had happened between the time he talked to her outside and right now?

  “What’s going on, Carly?” he asked as he sat down on the cold, tile floor beside the tub. He couldn’t help but let his eyes slide up and down the bubbles, looking for signs of her porcelain skin, like some hormone-riddled school boy.

  “I guess I just let my thoughts get away from me,” she said trying to catch her breath. Carly was not a crier. She never had been. Aidan had never seen a tear fall from her eyes. Now, he wasn’t sure if the bathtub was filled with more water or more of her tears.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said softly. He was surprised at his feelings for her right now. He felt sorry for her situation. And, he felt anger at the man who had been blessed to be called her husband but was trying to kill her.

  “I just wonder how I could have been so blind - so stupid - to pick someone like Ethan,” she stammered as she finally slowed her tears.

  “You aren’t stupid, Carly. You are one of the smartest people I know. You said yourself that he was a good guy early on.”

  “But maybe I missed the signs. I was in such a hurry,”

  “Why were you in a hurry?” Aidan asked confused.

  “Aidan, you have no idea what I went through when my parents divorced. You were in England. Their divorce rocked my world so bad. Then my Dad ran off with his mistress all the way across the country. I just wanted to get out of there, away from that town and those memories. I had been Daddy’s girl for my whole life, and then he just left me like I didn’t matter. I had made plans to leave for summer classes. Then you came home,” she said.

  “And I confused you, didn’t I?”

  “Yes. Majorly. I didn’t know what to do. You were my best friend, but you were acting differently toward me. I didn’t know how to handle the new feelings I was having. I just wanted to escape, and Ethan appeared. He allowed me to be someone else. He didn’t know the real me, my family, my past. It was like a clean slate.”

  “I’m sorry, Carly. I should have understood what you were going through. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard when I came home. I was just so glad to see your face in person after so long. I spent a year thinking about you, wanting to be with you again. I didn’t realize that you had other things going on that weren’t about me,” he said as he reached for her hand on the side of the tub. She felt a jolt of electricity go through her body when he touched her. “Somewhere along the way, I developed feelings for you. But that didn’t mean you had feelings for me. I just assumed, and I am sorry for that.”

  “It’s not your fault. I didn’t give myself time to figure out what I wanted. I just jumped without thinking, and I hurt you in the process. I really didn’t mean to, Aidan. You were the most important part of my life, and I’ve always felt a hole,” she said sitting up and looking at him. He was keenly aware that bubbles were the only thing covering her chest, and they were starting to slide a bit. “You were my friend, and I was so scared to mess that up… but I did in the end anyway.”

  “I can’t say I wasn’t hurt. I was devastated. I left the restaurant that night and got so drunk that I didn’t even wake up until noon the next day. I moped around for weeks until my parents made me get back in school. I wanted to call you so many times, but I couldn’t,” he said looking away.

  “Please forgiv
e me, Aidan. I am so sorry,” she said allowing the tears to come again. Aidan stood up and walked across the bathroom. He picked up a large towel that was folded on a shelf. Without speaking, he walked back to the tub and held it up like a drape. Carly stood up, and he wrapped it around her. Before she could speak, he scooped her up and carried her into her bedroom, putting her down on the edge of her bed.

  “I forgive you, Carly,” he whispered as he knelt, his mouth and warm breath so close to her that she almost kissed him. Before she could, be hugged her so tightly that she almost couldn’t breathe. “Remember how we always sealed our arguments with a hug?” he reminded her of their childhood way of doing things.

  Carly felt let down suddenly. Had she wanted him to kiss her? What was she thinking? Her very life was on the line. She couldn’t focus on romance right now. His embrace was warm and safe. She didn’t want to let go. All of the years of pent up regret were flooding out of her as she sobbed into his shoulder.

  “You were my best friend. I am so sorry that I let you down like that. I owed you more than you got. You must have felt so much resentment toward me,” she said. He pulled back and looked at her in the eye.

  “Carly, I came back from England thinking that we would be together, but I didn’t give you a chance to adjust. I just waltzed in like I owned you, and for that I am sorry. Can we just put it behind us and start new?” he asked with a slight smile.

  “Of course. I won’t ever forgive myself, but we can start fresh,” she said with a slight smirk.

  “Good. Now, it is getting close to dinner time. Do you like steak?” he asked standing back up.

  “Yes, I love steak,” she replied as the romantic moment was broken. Of course he couldn’t kiss her. He had a serious girlfriend - a fiancée. He was a man with values and morals. She knew that keeping her distance would be the best, both physically and emotionally.

  Chapter 9

  Aidan went downstairs to make some phone calls as Carly got dressed. Looking through the clothes they had bought for her, she found a green sweater and a pair of jeans. Thankfully, they fit well enough, though they weren’t necessarily her style. She dried her hair and put on some makeup trying to make herself feel better.

  As Carly walked out of her room, she could hear the echo of Aidan talking downstairs on his cell phone. He was pretty upset about something.

  “I don’t care, Bill. You have to find this guy! If you have reason to believe he is headed this way, you damn well better get a tail on him somehow!” Aidan whispered angrily and hung up the phone. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

  “Everything okay?” Carly asked as she walked downstairs pretending she didn’t hear anything.

  “Oh. Yes. That was just one of my guys. Paperwork issues,” he mumbled as he went to the refrigerator and took out a root beer.

  “Drinking before dinner, huh?” she asked smiling.

  “Root beer, actually. I see you found more clothes. That looks nice on you,” he said with a smile.

  “Not really my style. This is that mountain look,” she said looking down.

  “I kind of like that mountain look on you,” he said softly as he looked at her.

  “Thanks. So, when will dinner be ready?”

  “I was just about to put the steaks on. We have this little indoor grill, so I figured I would cook them that way. How do you like your steak?”

  “Well done.”

  “You mean burnt and chewy?” he asked with a chuckle.

  “No. Well done. I mean dead. Very dead,” she said laughing.

  For the next hour, they cooked together like a couple. Carly couldn’t believe how good Aidan was in the kitchen. She wondered how good he was in other places, too. They sat down and ate dinner, laughing at all of the old times. Carly talked about college and her mother. Aidan asked about her father, but that was still a touchy subject.

  “You’re lucky, Aidan. You have good parents. Mine were not as stellar. They started out great, but they finished in a pitiful way,” she said looking down at her green beans.

  “Parents make mistakes, Carly. I am sure your Mom did the best she could. Your Dad, on the other hand…” he said rolling his eyes.

  “My Mom apologized over the years for not being there enough. She was so hurt by what my Dad did. She dealt with it in her own way by staying too busy to spend time with me. My Dad has never said he was sorry. He hasn’t been there for me in a long time. He wasn’t even at my wedding. Ethan’s best friend gave me away,” she said shaking her head before continuing to eat.

  “I’m sorry, Carly,” Aidan said.

  “I guess what I don’t understand is how I could sleep with that man for ten years and not know he was a criminal,” she said with a sarcastic laugh.

  “Please don’t talk about that,” Aidan didn’t mean to say it.

  “About what?” Carly asked cocking her head.

  “Sleeping with him.”

  Carly looked at him for a moment with confusion. Why would that bother him so badly at this point? He was engaged to be married. “Sorry.”

  “Look, Carly, I just can’t hear about you being with someone else. It… well, it bothers me. There, I said it.” Aidan stood up and put his plate on the counter. Carly sat there for a moment looking at his empty chair before she stood up herself.

  “I don’t get it, Aidan.”

  “What don’t you get?”

  “I don’t understand why the knowledge that I made love to my own husband for ten years would bother you now. You are engaged to be married! I just don’t understand these emotional outbursts.”

  Aidan looked down and then back up at her. Again, he squared his shoulders as if he was steeling himself for something.

  “I am not engaged. I am not even dating anyone.”

  “What?” Carly said in shock.

  “I lied.”

  “Why on Earth would you lie to me about something like that?” Carly asked with her eyes wide.

  “Because I didn’t want you to think that I had spent the last ten years wanting you… missing you,” he yelled back.

  “Well, have you?” Carly asked.

  “I tried to get over you, Carly. I really planned to never see you again. I even got married in freaking Vegas to a woman I had only known two months. The marriage lasted a whole three weeks before I came to my senses. I have compared every woman I’ve dated to you. So, yes, I have spent the last ten years needing you and wanting you and wishing that I was enough of a man to get you,” he said staring into her eyes.

  Carly felt a rush of emotions as she ran across the kitchen and pressed her lips to his. Shocked, he moaned as he pushed her body into the cabinet behind her. His hands grasped both of her cheeks as his tongue explored every inch of her mouth. He couldn’t kiss her fast enough or hard enough. He wanted to move right through her.

  She ran her nails along his back as they kissed. When she pulled back, her lipstick was gone and her face was red. Catching her breath, she looked up at him. His face was full of desire and sadness at the same time.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she put one hand on his cheek.

  “For what?” he asked as he touched her hand on his cheek.

  “For not realizing what I had sooner. For not seeing you for who you were. For thinking that something better than the life I had must have been out there,” she whispered, closing her eyes. He kissed her forehead. “When I kissed you back then, it just felt weird to me. You were my friend, and I hadn’t caught up with your feelings yet.”

  “You were young. I was young. I never quit thinking about you, Carly,” he said as he kissed the area between her neck and shoulder. She shivered from his touch as waves of heat ran through her.

  “Do you ever wonder?” Carly asked.

  “Wonder what?” Aidan asked as he pulled back to look at her.

  “How we would have been… together?” She bit her lip and looked down in embarrassment.

  “All the time. Right now, it’s all I
can think about, actually,” he said, grinning as he scooped her up into his arms. “Do you want to find out?”

  Carly hesitated for a moment. She didn’t want to rush into anything. That’s when it hit her that she had known Aidan for more than half of her life. He had always been there in her heart and her mind, even when he wasn’t physically there. She wasn’t rushing into anything. She was finishing what she started years ago.

  “Yes, Aidan. I want to find out,” she whispered and nibbled on his ear.

  “Stop that or I won’t make it up the stairs,” he groaned back at her with a smile.

  Chapter 10

  Aidan placed Carly on the edge of the bed. They both knew there was no going back now. Hearts racing, they were far beyond kissing at this point. She pulled him on top of her as she struggled to remove his shirt. She yanked it over his head and flung it across the room as they both laughed.