by Donna Alward
Five minutes later she stretched out her legs, slid down in the cushions and looked down at Liam’s sleeping face.
Safe. Secure. Not alone.
She could provide that for her son. And she was living proof that she could make it on her own. But sometimes she wished someone was there to take away her loneliness, too.
Chapter Four
The Gibson Christmas tree lighting was a big event. In past years, it had been a simple one-hour community occasion that was decently attended. But this year, with the advent of Snowflake Days, it was bigger and better. As Maddy parked her car in the fire department lot, she was amazed at the crowd already gathered. The lighting wasn’t for another forty minutes.
Her mom was in the passenger seat and her dad was squished in with the boys and their car seats in the back. “Are you guys okay with the stroller and stuff? I didn’t think I’d be needed this early.”
Her mom, Shirley, laughed. “Honey, the boys will be fine. We’ll just sneak a little rum and nutmeg into their milk and...”
“Mom!”
Her dad’s chuckle came from the back. “Maddy, you go. Leave us the keys, though, will you? So we can make sure we have everything and can lock it?”
She nodded and handed over the keys. “No candy canes for the boys, okay? I don’t want them to choke.”
She hopped out of the car and left the diaper bag behind for her parents. No candy canes? Ha. She’d learned one thing about grandparents very quickly. They nodded and agreed and then spoiled kids as soon as Mom’s back was turned. Maddy reminded herself that her mom had raised three kids and they’d all survived. Besides, she was too grateful for the help to say much at all. Since her brothers both lived out of state, she figured that one day she’d be able to repay the favor when her parents got older and needed help.
Cole was at the food donation station already, and he looked up and smiled as she approached. “Hey, there,” he greeted, and she couldn’t help but smile. He was bundled up in a heavy jacket and boots and mittens, but wore a ridiculously plush Santa hat on his head. “Sorry I missed you at the house today. I had errands for the festival and didn’t get back in time.”
“It was no problem. I hope the chili was okay.”
“It was perfect.” He took a bag of food items from one family and thanked them. “Okay. So here’s what I’ve done. Canned goods in one box, paper and cleaning items in another, pasta and rice and all the other stuff in this box. There are extra boxes under the table here if you need them.” He grinned, showing his perfectly white teeth. “And by the looks of this crowd, you’re gonna need them.”
She’d been half happy, half disappointed Cole hadn’t been at the house when she’d dropped by, and when Tanner had come in for lunch she’d kept busy making the chili while he ate rather than sitting and talking. And now she had this overjoyed feeling at seeing Cole again. She was a little embarrassed, bashful when their eyes met, a delicious twirly sensation tumbling in her stomach when she heard his deep voice. She surely wasn’t ready to move on, so why did she constantly feel like a schoolgirl around Cole Hudson? She reminded herself that he tended to have this effect on girls. He always had, even when they were in school. And yet he’d never had the reputation of being a ladies’ man. Not like his brother.
She stepped forward and accepted a grocery bag of donations from a family, finding an assortment of toothpaste, soap and shampoo inside. She put it in the proper box and jumped in surprise when she turned around and Cole put his Santa hat on her head.
“What are you doing?”
“Whoever works the station has to wear the hat,” he decreed.
“I’ve got a knitted one,” she protested, but then realized she’d left it in the diaper bag. With her parents.
“Is it invisible?” he asked.
She smiled at a teenage couple who came over, holding hands, and offered a jar of peanut butter and another of jelly. Cute.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” she asked, annoyed. And amused, damn him. She let the hat sit atop her head where he’d awkwardly placed it.
“Sure do. I get to plug in the lights. Let’s hope I don’t have one of those Clark Griswold moments where I plug them in and nothing happens.”
She did laugh at that. Christmas Vacation was one of her favorite holiday movies.
“I don’t want to keep you. Maybe you’d better check each one individually. And definitely make sure they’re twinkling.”
He leaned forward, a devilish look in his eye that made her realize that he and Tanner really did resemble each other. He touched the tip of her nose with his finger. “You are cheeky tonight,” he said, and he winked at her. Winked! “I like it.”
Her lips fell open and she scrambled for a crushing response, but before her brain kicked back into gear, he was gone.
The hat was warm from his head and she tucked it closer around her ears as the crowd grew and the food donation boxes filled. She greeted neighbors and friends, people she knew by sight but not by name by virtue of working in the library, and nearly everyone wished her a merry Christmas. The high school band teacher conducted a few instrument ensembles for background music, the trills of flutes and jazzy notes of saxophones brightening the air. Several feet away the business association, small though it was, had a table set up with cookies from the market and huge urns filled with hot chocolate and mulled cider. The rich, spicy scent was delicious.
At 7:00 p.m. sharp, Cole stood on a podium and got everyone’s attention with a sharp whistle. “Merry Christmas, everyone!” he called out.
Holiday wishes were returned enthusiastically by the crowd, along with clapping.
“I don’t have a microphone, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. Welcome to Gibson’s first ever Snowflake Days! Tonight we’re going to light our tree and sing a few carols and have an all-around good time. Tomorrow there’s a craft sale at the church, and you won’t want to miss it. I heard Gilda Turner’s made her famous fudge.”
There were laughs through the crowd. Gilda was getting close to ninety and every boy and girl who’d grown up in Gibson had, at some point, tasted Gilda’s fudge. There was none like it anywhere.
“And at the library tomorrow afternoon, we’ve got wagon rides for the kids, plus treats and story time. Finally, tomorrow night at the Silver Dollar, we have a dance for the grown-ups. Admission is ten dollars at the door and all the proceeds are going to the playground fund for a new structure to be built in the spring.”
A round of clapping filled the air.
“Now,” he said, his voice echoing over the crowd, “I’m going to turn things over to Ron here—” he nodded to his right “—and we can start the caroling. But first...can we have a drumroll, please?”
Maddy snorted, the scene from Christmas Vacation still in her head. Someone from the band did a roll on the snare and at the moment Cole went to plug the tree into the extension cord, he looked over in her direction, a goofy expression on his face. She half expected him to break out in “Joy to the World.”
Then the tree was lit, all thirty feet of it, top to bottom in beautiful colored lights that reflected off the snowy evergreen tips. A collective ooh sounded, and then clapping, and then the choir director, Ron, took the podium and started the crowd singing “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.”
Cole jumped off the podium and disappeared into the crowd. Maddy let out a sigh and hummed along with the song. Donations had slowed to a now-and-again occasion, so she tidied the area and packed the boxes more efficiently for delivery. She half expected Cole to show up again, and when he didn’t she pushed down the disappointment. She had no business looking for him. Sure, they’d seen a lot more of each other in the past few weeks, but she shouldn’t make that into anything.
She had to worry about Liam and Luke, and that was all.
At eight o’
clock she finally caught sight of him again, coming around the perimeter of the crowd. Things were wrapping up now; the crowd was down to about half, and the hot chocolate and cider were being packed up and the garbage put into bags. She hadn’t even seen her parents or the boys, but she hadn’t heard them fussing, either, so everything must have gone just fine.
“Wow, you’ve got everything ready to go,” Cole remarked as he stepped up to the table. “Once the crowd disperses, I’ll bring the truck down and we can put everything in the back.”
“It was a good turnout, I think.”
“I think so, too.” He grinned at her. “I saw your mom and dad with the boys. They were sound asleep. The boys, I mean,” he added, making her laugh.
“Fresh air and moving in the stroller will do that,” she replied. “Unfortunately for me, that means they’ll probably fight going to bed tonight.”
“I never thought of that.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Cole, there are many times that that’s all I think about.” She chuckled. “Sleep suddenly takes on a life of its own when you’re not getting enough. Though to be honest, it’s better now. They do sleep through the night. It’s more getting them down at a decent time.” Maddy put her hands into her jacket pockets, her fingers chilly despite the gloves she wore. “I find I like to have an hour or so to myself to unwind. To read a book or watch a movie uninterrupted.”
“Maybe the boys can have a sleepover at your parents’ place sometime.”
She frowned. “Oh, Cole, I couldn’t ask them to do that. They do so much already.”
The caroling ended with a rousing version of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” and then everyone headed for their cars, chatting and laughing. Maddy held the sound close to her heart. She loved living here. Loved the goodwill of the town, even despite the whispers she knew still happened behind hands. Eventually they’d forget, wouldn’t they? Maybe, just maybe, if she found a way to let it go and move on, everyone else would, too.
She looked over at Cole. He didn’t seem to care about the rumors at all. “Cole, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” White clouds formed from his breath as he looked over the crowd, lifting his hand in a wave at someone he knew.
“When Gavin...well, when it came out that Gavin had been seeing Laura, were you surprised?”
The question certainly surprised him. His gaze snapped to hers and his face flattened into a serious expression. “Wow. Okay. To be honest, yes, I was surprised. I thought you guys were solid. And Gavin never struck me as a cheater.”
Tears stung her eyes. “Me, too. I think that’s what keeps me from moving on. How could I have been so wrong about him?”
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly.
“They dated in high school. You knew that, right? Maybe he never got over her.”
“Have you asked her?”
Maddy’s blood ran cold. “Of course not. I can’t do that.”
“I understand. She might be able to give you some answers, though. It might help.”
“I...I just can’t, Cole. It’s too humiliating. Besides...” She looked up at him. He was watching her earnestly, as though he was really trying to help. It had been a long time since Maddy had truly felt as if someone was on her side. Most people were angry on her behalf, thinking they were being supportive. And they were...to a point. But this was different. This wasn’t righteous indignation. It was genuinely trying to help her sort through her feelings, and she appreciated it the most out of all he’d done for her lately.
“Besides,” she continued, “I’m not sure I want to know the details. I just want to find a way to let it go, so it doesn’t matter anymore.”
He lifted his gloved hand and put it on the side of her face. “You will,” he said with a quiet confidence. “When the time is right, you will. You’re a strong woman.”
She suddenly felt like the Grinch, whose heart grew a few sizes. Hers felt warm and full as she looked into his face, illuminated by the light of hundreds of Christmas bulbs on the tree.
“Maddy, are you ready to go?” Her mother’s voice came across the clear air and Maddy quickly stepped back and away from Cole’s innocent touch. He dropped his hand and schooled his features quickly.
“I’ll go get the truck,” he said, and set off to the parking lot.
The stroller wheels squeaked on the snow as her parents approached. The twins were tucked in with blankets, sleeping peacefully. A tender feeling stole over Maddy as she looked down at them. Tired as she could be, and stressed with supporting the three of them, she loved them so much. There was nothing better than hearing their big baby belly laughs or getting sloppy kisses and warm cuddles.
“Cole’s gone to get the truck. I wanted to help him put the boxes in the back before I took off.”
“Cole, huh?” her dad asked, his blue eyes twinkling at her. “He’s a nice guy.”
“Yes, he is. And that’s all he is, Dad.”
“Well, shoot.”
Her lips fell open. “I thought you always liked Gavin!” How could they be rooting for a new...whatever? Boyfriend? That sounded ludicrous.
“Honey, we did. We were so shocked when...well, you know. But you’re too young to be alone.”
“And it’s too soon for me to be thinking of anything else,” she reminded them. Gavin had been gone less than six months.
Cole’s truck crept toward them and Maddy turned away from her parents, hoping they couldn’t see her hot blush. Maybe she was reminding herself as much as them?
Cole hopped out and Tanner got out of the passenger side. “Hey, Maddy,” he said easily. He gave a nod to her parents, shot a smile down at the sleeping boys and then, with the boundless energy he always seemed to have, let down the tailgate and reached for the first box.
“You probably want to get those boys home and out of the cold,” Cole said, picking up a box. “I found Tanner, so there’s no need for any help loading this up. We’ll have it done in no time.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. Go home and have a glass of wine and I’ll probably see you around tomorrow at some point. I’ll be out and about at the different events.”
“All right.” She was tired, and tomorrow she wouldn’t have any help with the boys. Hopefully they’d sit quietly while she was reading stories at the library. They did tend to love story time, thankfully.
They made their way back to the lot and Maddy’s brow puckered in confusion. “I thought I parked over there?” she said, pointing at an empty area of the fire station lot.
“Your car’s right there,” her dad said, pointing to the right. “Long day, sweetheart?” His voice was teasing, but Maddy was certain she hadn’t parked there.
“Do you have the keys, Dad?”
“Right here.” He pulled them out of his pocket and handed them over.
As they approached her car she noticed something stuck under the windshield wiper. Closer examination showed it to be a promotional Christmas card from McNulty’s Auto, just a few doors up the street. She took it from under the wiper, thinking it a simple holiday advertisement, but there was a piece of paper stapled to the top.
Merry Christmas, and drive safely—from Santa Claus. Then there was a receipt, rung up for zero dollars but showing four brand-new winter tires.
New tires?
She stepped back from the vehicle and looked down. Sure enough, there were brand-new tires on her car. It was exciting, on one hand, but on the other, she didn’t like charity. “Dad? Did you and Mom do this?”
There was a gleam in her father’s eye. “No, we didn’t. Must’ve been Santa.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She frowned. “And is this why my car was moved? You have to know something. You had the keys.”
Her dad merely shrugged. “Maybe we
should get the boys out of the cold?”
“Mom?”
Her mom, too, was trying hard not to smile but looking as pleased as the cat that got the cream. “It is chilly for them to be out so long.”
She wasn’t going to get anything out of her parents. She recognized the expression on their faces, and they could keep a secret like nobody’s business.
The whole way back to her parents’ place, Maddy wondered who would have gifted her with the tires. The only person she could think of was Cole, and that was a stretch at best. It was a long way from talking more often to spending hundreds of dollars for such a present. He was already helping her out by giving her the extra work. It couldn’t be him.
Besides, he’d been at the tree lighting all evening, and it must have been a very fast job to get it done in the little over an hour she’d worked the food-bank booth. It had to have been her parents. It was a very nice, very practical Christmas gift.
“Thank you both,” she said, once she’d pulled into their driveway. “I’ve been meaning to put tires on and should have done it weeks ago.”
“Santa,” her father reiterated with a grin. “Drive safely.”
Drive safely. The same words as on the note. She had to admit, she was relieved. It was easier to accept such a thing from her parents than someone else.
Once she got home, she wrestled the boys inside, changed them into pajamas, gave them each a drink of warm milk and tucked them into bed, taking a few minutes to sing softly beside their cribs, hoping to soothe them back to sleep. It took about a half hour, but when they were finally asleep she sneaked out the door and let out a deep breath.
Cole’s parting words echoed in her head. Feeling indulgent, she did just as he suggested. She poured herself a glass of wine, ran a hot bath and dug out the book she’d been reading about twenty pages at a time.
Maybe it was high time she started pampering herself a bit.
And if she thought about Cole Hudson while doing it, she wasn’t going to beat herself up about it. She’d been a wife, a widow and the object of pity for too long. Maybe it was past time she felt like a woman again.
