by Donna Alward
Chapter Five
Cole felt Tanner’s eyes on him the whole way home.
“If you have something to say, just say it,” Cole growled. Tanner was grinning at him like a fool and Cole wasn’t in the mood.
He’d been thinking too much about Maddy’s smile...and knowing he shouldn’t be. That didn’t fit in the category of “being neighborly.”
“You are one sneaky bastard,” Tanner finally said, leaning back in the seat and chuckling. “I wondered when you hired her to help out at the house. Hell, bro, we’ve managed on our own before for a few weeks.”
“That’s not it at all,” Cole protested. “Gavin left her in a hell of a mess, and she’s trying to make a Christmas for those boys.”
“And the winter tires? You went to a lot of bother to have them put on without her knowing. Not to mention the expense.”
“She’s driving out to the ranch with just those all-seasons on. It’s not safe.”
“Sure.”
Cole’s annoyance grew, and he knew it was because his brother was right. This did go beyond being good neighbors. But what did it mean? Or what did he want it to mean? “Look, let’s just say I’m playing secret Santa for a family who could use a hand this Christmas, okay?”
“Sure,” Tanner repeated, in that same smug, infuriating voice.
Cole glanced over at Tanner. “The committee for the festival has a list of families who applied for some help to get through the holidays. Know who’s not on the list? That’s because she’s too damn proud. And I can’t blame her. Her private life has been the topic of conversation around this town for the last half of the year, probably longer. I can’t imagine she’d like her financial situation made public, too. She’s a good person who got a raw deal and if you don’t want to help, that’s fine, but you can get off my case about it.”
Tanner’s teasing smile disappeared. “Damn, Cole, calm down. I was just riding you a bit. You don’t usually give me ammunition. I was just having a little fun.”
Cole sighed. “Look, I’m a bit touchy. Maddy’s a nice woman. But people can be judgy.”
“No judgment here.” Tanner lifted a hand in peacemaking gesture. “I’m the last person to pass judgment on anyone. If you want help, say the word. I like Maddy, too, and her boys are something.”
They sure were. Busy and rambunctious when awake, but little angels when they slept.
Tanner lowered his hand and spoke again. “Just so we’re clear, if you did happen to have feelings for Maddy, I wouldn’t say a word. Hell, it’s the first time I’ve seen you fired up over a woman since—”
“Don’t.” Cole bit out the word. He didn’t want to talk about Roni. He’d given her everything he had, and she’d cut and run, leaving nothing more than a note behind.
“Hey,” Tanner said, quieter, “I like Maddy. She’s always been real nice. My only caution would be to say you’ve got your work cut out for you. Can’t imagine she’s too fond of romance right now.”
“You got that right.” Cole tapped his hand on the steering wheel. “Which makes this a nonissue. Anyway, the only job I’ve got for you tomorrow is to give me a hand delivering all this to the food bank.”
“You got it.”
The cab of the truck was quiet for a while, and then Cole posed a question that had been on his mind for some time. “Hey, Tanner? You ever think of getting married again?”
Tanner laughed. “Again? I’m not sure three days in Vegas really constitutes being married in the first place. Legally? Yeah, I guess it was. But it wasn’t like we, uh, had a marriage. It was a stupid idea and I’m not in any hurry to repeat it. If that answers your question.”
“Sorta,” Cole replied. But he wasn’t going to pry further. Tanner had a right to his privacy, too.
The topic was completely dropped as they arrived home, locked the truck in the garage and headed inside where it was warm. But even as they sat down to watch TV, Cole couldn’t get Maddy off his mind. The way she’d smiled up at him tonight had made his chest feel weird, as if it was expanding or something. He wished he could have seen her face when she realized she had four brand-new tires on her car.
He’d made her parents promise not to tell. He didn’t want her knowing they came from him. But he wished he could have seen her smile anyway.
He could call himself Santa Claus or a good neighbor or however he wanted to put it. But Tanner had been closer to the truth.
Cole was getting sweet on Maddy Wallace, and he wasn’t at all sure what he wanted to do about it—if anything.
* * *
SOMETIMES MADDY WISHED the boys were older so they could walk on their own and didn’t always need to be in a stroller or in her arms. Of course, she reminded herself, that also meant that she’d end up having to chase them around. Still, as she carried a backpack with supplies and a kid on each arm, she felt like little more than a pack mule.
Snowflakes fluttered through the crisp air as she crossed the library parking lot to where a wagon and team of horses waited. Despite her weariness, she smiled at the sight of the wagon. Duke Duggan sat up front on a makeshift seat, holding the reins in his hands. The wagon’s sides were decorated with swoops of red and green garland, and one of the horses stamped its feet, the sound of bells jingling through the air. Quinn Solomon was already seated with his daughter, Amber, and Rylan Duggan was waiting by a ramp that had been fashioned to help passengers aboard.
“Afternoon, Maddy.” Rylan gave a roguish grin. “You and the boys goin’ for a ride?”
“Apparently.” She smiled back. “Where’s Kailey today?”
“Working the craft show and lunch. She’s handling the cash box for the raffle, and Lacey’s at one of the bake tables.” He gave a nod. “I don’t remember anything like this from when I was a kid.”
“Are you coming on the sleigh ride, too?”
He laughed. “Naw, I’ll leave that up to Duke. I get to do crowd control.”
She did laugh then. She’d just bet Rylan would be a great bouncer, but there wasn’t a lot of need for muscle at a Christmas sleigh ride.
“Ma’am?” he said, holding out his hand.
“I got this,” said a voice behind her, and a delicious shiver went down her spine. Dammit.
She schooled her features and turned around, pasting on a platonic smile that she hoped gave no hint of the sudden rapid beating of her heart. “Oh, hi, Cole.”
“Hi.” His smile warmed her clear through. “You’ve got your hands full, as usual.” He reached out and took Liam into his arms, the movement looking strangely natural for a bachelor. Liam stared up at him with big blue eyes, most of his face shadowed by his thick hat and scarf.
“I thought I’d take the boys on the ride before story time,” she said.
“That’s a great idea. Let’s get on and get good seats.”
Let’s? As in the both of them?
He gestured with his free hand and she had no choice but to go up the ramp ahead of him. Once on the wagon, she moved toward the front and perched on a bale of hay covered with a dark blue blanket. Quinn was across from her, listening to his daughter chatter on a mile a minute. Cole sat beside her and settled Liam on his knee. “So,” he said conversationally, “did you enjoy the tree lighting last night?”
“I did. The committee did a great job.”
“Are you going to the dance tonight?”
She laughed. “Right. I’ll probably be in bed by nine o’clock. These guys went to sleep okay last night, but they got up at five.”
“Don’t you ever get to go out, Maddy?”
The question hurt a little. She and Gavin had gone out quite often before the boys had come along. Their social life had been part of a perfect marriage. The nights out had become more infrequent after the twins had been born. Now she was too tired
to go out, and even if she did want to, it was hard to justify the extra expense.
Never mind the whole third-wheel thing.
“Oh, I go now and then.” She offered another smile, though it was harder to keep it on her lips. Luke fussed in her arms, and she looked away from Cole and focused on making her son comfortable.
The wagon was filling up and happy kid chatter eliminated the need for more conversation. Within minutes Rylan secured the gate at the back and Duke clucked to the horses, setting the wagon in motion. The bells on the harnesses jingled merrily and the boys perked up, looking around as they sensed the movement and heard the noise. They moved through the end of the parking lot and over a little curb, then the twenty yards or so to the walkway that followed the river.
There was a skim of ice on the water, making it dark and still, though it wasn’t quite frozen enough for skating yet. The recent snow clung to the branches on the trees, and the passengers were full of holiday spirit as they jingled their way west.
Someone started up a chorus of “Jingle Bells” and soon everyone was singing along—some definitely louder than others, a few slightly off-key but making up for it with enthusiasm. Beside Maddy, Cole’s tentative baritone joined in. He kept Liam on his lap, and she relaxed quite a bit, seeing as the boys were content to babble along with the singing and were busy looking around them.
“This is really nice,” she commented as the song ended and the wheels squeaked against the thin layer of snow on the path. “I’m glad we came.”
“Me, too.” Cole smiled down at her and she got that weird weightless feeling again. He was a friend. He was technically her employer. It wouldn’t do to have a crush, would it?
She blinked, looking away from his gaze. That was silly. A woman her age—a widow—had no business getting a crush. Crushes were for teenagers.
A little voice intruded, though. She was only thirty-one. Not quite in her dotage yet—even if she did feel it most of the time.
“Hey, guess what happened last night?” she asked, changing the subject. “I got new tires. The note said from Santa, but I know it was my mom and dad.”
His face lit up. “You did? That’s great!”
“I’ve been meaning to put my old ones on. But one more winter would have been pushing it. It’s really a godsend.”
“That was really thoughtful of them.” He shifted Liam on his knee, settling him more into the crook of his arm as the group started a rendition of “Frosty the Snowman.”
She nodded. “I don’t know what I would have done without them the last few months. They’ve stepped in so much. I feel guilty about it sometimes, but it’s not forever.”
“Your parents are great. I remember your dad keeping hard candies behind the counter at the hardware store. Whenever I went in with Dad, he’d sneak me one.”
She laughed and bounced Luke up and down on her knee, as he was getting restless. “He still keeps them there. Make sure you ask him for one the next time you go in.”
He laughed. “Pretty soon these guys will be asking him for candies. I’m sure your parents don’t mind helping you, Maddy. According to my mom, grandkids are really important.”
He said it with just a touch of acid in his voice, and Maddy laughed. “Getting pressure to settle down, are you?”
“Don’t even.” He lifted an eyebrow.
“Well, you are good with kids. I mean, the boys like you.”
“They like Tanner, too.” His eyebrow arched higher. “Though you can’t fault a one-year-old for bad taste.”
She giggled. “Funny. Tanner’s...charming.”
“And he knows it.” Cole was grinning, too. “I shouldn’t give him such a hard time. He’s a good brother. A little...unreliable now and again, that’s all.”
Maddy sighed. “Aw, he’s just not as weighed down with responsibility as some of us.”
Cole shrugged. “Sometimes I wish I could be more like him.”
Maddy thought for a minute. Yes, Tanner was charming, but she liked Cole’s serious side. “You’re fine the way you are, Cole.”
His gaze touched hers, and she thought she saw a flicker of surprise in the depths. “What?” she asked. “Has no one told you that before?”
He shrugged. “Not really. Not that it’s a big deal. I just... Oh, never mind. Let’s start another carol.”
He started everyone singing “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town,” and Maddy marveled that he’d rather lead a carol in his tentative voice than talk about himself. Then again, guys weren’t much into talking about feelings, were they?
She gave a derisive huff under her breath. Maybe if Gavin had talked about his real feelings earlier, he might not have felt the need to reconnect with his high school girlfriend.
They turned around at the other side of the bridge and started back toward the library, singing more carols and their breath forming clouds in the air. Liam was getting sleepy, and he cuddled into the lee of Cole’s arm. Even Luke had mellowed out, resting his head against the chest of her puffy winter jacket. Cole looked over at her as they neared the parking lot. “God, they’re sweet kids, Maddy. You’re doing such a good job with them.”
There was nothing he could have said that would have been a bigger compliment.
“You’ve held things together in a nasty situation,” Cole said, his voice low so the rest of the people on the wagon wouldn’t hear. “I know it can’t be easy. I just... Don’t let what happened make you feel bad about yourself.”
She sighed. “I’ve tried over and over to figure out if I did something wrong, you know? I was so blindsided. I just can’t figure it out. Maybe if I could, I’d stop being angry. Instead I feel...”
She stopped. This was more than she’d said to anyone before, even her parents. Certainly not her friends. She hadn’t even asked if they’d known about the affair. She didn’t want confirmation that she was the last to know.
“You feel what?” Cole leaned over a bit, his shoulder buffering hers a bit, creating a sense of intimacy.
She swallowed against a sudden lump in her throat. “Truthfully?” she murmured, her voice barely audible. “Stupid. I feel stupid.”
He reached over with his free hand and squeezed her wrist. “You’re not stupid.”
“Whether I am or not is kind of irrelevant. I still feel like I am. It’s like everything I thought I knew got turned upside down.”
“Can I make a suggestion?”
“You’re going to anyway, so go ahead.” She aimed a lopsided smile at him.
He squeezed her arm again. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
She laughed. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.” He gave a small nod. “Truth is, Maddy, if Gavin didn’t want you to know, he would have hid things from you, so how were you supposed to figure it out?”
“Shouldn’t I have seen the signs?”
Cole’s gaze softened. “Honey, you trusted him and you believed in him. That says a lot about the kind of person you are.”
“Gullible.” She rolled her eyes.
“Kind,” he contradicted. “Someone who looks for the best in people. More people should be like you.”
He shifted Liam just a little, adjusting his weight as the boy’s eyes grew heavy. “Like I said, your boys are lucky to have you.”
His words sent a warmth through her, a confidence that she hadn’t felt in many months. She tried to be a good mom, and she tried to stay positive. Maybe Cole was right. Maybe she should stop feeling foolish and stupid and just...move on.
It wouldn’t be that easy, of course, but she had to stop looking for what she’d done wrong. It really didn’t matter anymore, did it?
The horse team plodded into the library parking lot, bells still jingling. Maddy checked her watch and saw that it was 2:40, perfect timing fo
r returning and getting everything set up for story time. Rylan was waiting in the parking lot and released the gate on the wagon, helping rosy-cheeked children disembark. Cole and Maddy were nearly last, since they were sitting up front, and Cole kept Liam in his arms.
“Thanks for your help, Cole. I’d better get inside.”
“I’ll help. After that I could use some hot chocolate.”
“Cole, I can manage. If this is a veiled way of trying to give me a hand, I’ve been managing the twins on my own for a while now.”
“Maybe I want to spend more time with you.”
The words were such a surprise that she had no response. Her cheeks felt hot despite the bite in the air and she kept her feet moving toward the library doors. Up until now Cole hadn’t actually come out and said that he was putting himself in her path. But what he’d just admitted was pretty clear, wasn’t it?
And now she didn’t really have time to decide how she felt about it. The crowd at the library was growing, she had a sneaking suspicion that the boys needed a diaper change, and she needed to take a breath before sitting down to entertain a bunch of kids.
Once inside she wordlessly took Liam from Cole’s arms. He fussed a bit but she bounced him on her elbow and got him into better position before heading straight for the bathroom. Once both boys were taken care of, she made her way through to the reading corner at the back. It was decorated for the occasion, with a little artificial tree and twinkly lights. There was a rocking chair at the center, where she’d sit while reading, and several little cushions scattered around the carpet, waiting for children to get comfortable. A table was stationed nearer the entrance, where the floor wasn’t carpeted, and Maddy saw hot chocolate being ladled out and cookies being consumed in huge quantities. Her stomach rumbled, but right now she hoped to sneak a few minutes to feed the boys so they’d be content during story time.
Maddy retrieved their sippy cups from her pack and sat one child on each knee, rocking in the chair as they gripped the cups in their chubby hands and drank away. She would have killed for a shortbread cookie or two—she’d missed lunch—but she was accustomed to waiting. Luke squirmed a bit to get settled, and more than a little milk dribbled down his chin, but Liam cuddled in like an angel.
