The Cowboy's Christmas Family

by Donna Alward

  “Oh.”

  God, could this be any more awkward...

  “Look, Maddy, I’ve wanted to talk to you for a long time, but I got the feeling you weren’t ready.”

  Maddy gave her a sharp look. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.” She was all too aware of the baby, who seemed so very tiny. How was it possible she’d forgotten how small newborns were? All she could really see was a pink hat peeking out from beneath Laura’s jacket. A girl. Something twisted inside her, thinking of Gavin having a daughter.

  “I know. Which is why I figured, when I saw you, that now is as good a time as any. Maddy, you need to know the truth.”

  “No, I don’t want to hear the details. Please, spare me that.” Maddy wanted to run away, but the lot was packed with last-minute shoppers. A few were giving them funny looks. But the cart corral was on one side of her, her car on the other, and Laura in front. To escape she’d literally have to turn tail and run.

  “That’s just it. There are no details.”

  Maddy scoffed. “After all this time, you haven’t denied a thing. Now you honestly expect me to believe that you and Gavin never had an affair? Is that what you’re saying?” She stared pointedly at the lump of pink beneath Laura’s jacket, and had a perverse urge to want to see the baby’s face, to find out if she bore any resemblance to Gavin’s family.

  Laura’s face reddened. “Maddy, just give me two minutes and hear me out.”

  Her expression was so earnest, so desperate, that Maddy paused. Maybe they needed to have this conversation. Maybe it was one of the things keeping her from moving forward. Either way, she found herself reluctantly agreeing. “Two minutes, Laura.”

  Relief showed on the other woman’s face, and her right hand was pressed against the bundle inside her jacket. “I’m going to trust you with something. Something I trusted Gavin with, and I know he loved you something fierce.”

  “Don’t presume to tell me about my husband,” Maddy replied acidly.

  “He did love you,” she insisted, “and he said so all the time. He was helping me because I was an old friend. Nothing more. The only secrets we shared were because of lawyer-client privilege.”

  “Then the baby? How do you explain her?” Maddy looked down at the bundle sleeping beneath the jacket and instantly felt guilty. It wasn’t the baby’s fault that she was caught in the middle of all this ugliness.

  “If I tell you, I need your word you won’t tell anyone,” she said. “Maddy, I know you hate me. But I need you to promise me this. You do and I know you’ll understand.”

  Maddy paused, looked at Laura’s face. She was pleading with her. There was no craftiness in her expression. Never had been. And Maddy remembered how Laura had tried to talk to her a few times, even as recently as a few weeks ago when they’d been in the department store together...

  What she saw in Laura’s expression now was fear, and Maddy had a difficult time dismissing it.

  “Okay. You have my word.”

  Laura looked around, as if ensuring they wouldn’t be overheard. “Gavin was just being a friend and giving me some advice. You see, I ran away from the baby’s father before I even knew I was pregnant. I was so afraid he’d come after me, and I didn’t want him to know where I was.”

  “You were pregnant when you came to Gibson?” Now that was a shock. She counted back months. It had been one of the things that had bothered her most. By doing basic calculations, it had looked as though her husband had fallen into bed with his high school sweetheart the moment she came back to town.

  “Just. I hadn’t even taken a test. As soon as I found out, I called Gavin at his office. He met me at my place because I wanted privacy.”

  “And you kept meeting that way?”

  “Yes. The baby’s father...you see...he’s in jail. I made a lot of mistakes, Maddy, but coming home to Gibson wasn’t one of them. I never intended for rumors to start about Gavin and me. He was a good friend.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I was so shocked when I heard of the accident. And I wanted to set the record straight, but I was afraid. I don’t want this guy to ever find me or risk anyone saying something they shouldn’t, and so I let people believe what they wanted to believe. But I’m sorry about what that did to you. I can never make that up to you.”

  “You tried to tell me sooner,” Maddy admitted. “Right after the funeral...”

  “Yes. Horrible timing.”

  “And a few times since.”

  “Yes.”

  “God.” Maddy let out a huge breath, the implications of what this meant swimming around in her head. “This changes everything. It’s so... I don’t know... Wow.”

  “I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you, thinking that he had an affair. And so many times I wished I could set the record straight. But it’s just safer for me this way.” She looked down at her daughter, her face wreathed in worry. “Safer for her.”

  And as a mom, Maddy understood that a child’s welfare always came first.

  “What was Gavin helping you with? Legally?”

  “I don’t want Spence to find me. Or know about Rowan.”

  Rowan. The baby’s name was Rowan. Maddy looked down again and instantly thought, not Gavin’s. Not his daughter. It shouldn’t have made a difference. But it did. There was relief, and a lot more that Maddy would really have to sit and think about later.

  “And Gavin was doing that?”

  Laura nodded. “Family law wasn’t his thing, he said, but he referred me to someone in the office he trusted. And he made sure I had what I needed, particularly when I felt so rough the first few months here and I was trying to find someone to hire me. No one wants to hire someone who’s only available for six months.”

  Laura sighed and looked at Maddy. “You know we dated in high school. I trusted him...but I didn’t trust anyone else. And I still don’t. But I’m trusting you because you need to know. Your husband didn’t cheat on you. What you two had was real. He didn’t tell you he was helping me because I asked him not to, and Gavin Wallace was a man of his word.”

  Maddy’s eyes stung. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I had no idea. You’ve borne your share of gossip, too, and it can’t have been easy.”

  “I thought about leaving and starting over somewhere new. But Gibson is all I have right now. I still have a few friends who are behind me.” She blushed a little. “And my grandparents are here.

  “Anyway,” Laura continued, “I don’t expect us to be friends or anything. I just wanted to clear the air. To let you know you weren’t wrong to believe in him.” She gave a small sniff. “Gavin was so good to me, and all I’ve done is tarnish his reputation. That’s my biggest regret, you know. I’ve been just sick about it. The only reason I haven’t spoken up has been because of Rowan.”

  “Maybe someday you’ll be able to,” Maddy said. “If things are safer for you.”

  “I hope so,” Laura said, meeting her gaze. “I truly do.”

  “I’m glad,” Maddy replied, swallowing against a lump in her throat. “I’m sorry I made it so difficult for you. If I’d known...”

  “Who can blame you? I’m lucky you didn’t come banging on my door, ready to tear a strip off me.”

  Maddy couldn’t help it, she laughed. And thought in different circumstances she probably would have liked Laura quite a bit.

  “Do you have everything you need? For you and the baby?” she found herself asking.

  Laura’s face registered surprise. “Well, yes. Most of the necessities, anyway.” She smiled. “Funny how I wasn’t planning on being a mom, but now I’m so excited. And scared. It’s a huge responsibility, isn’t it?”

  Maddy nodded. “Thank you, Laura. For telling me.”

  There was a general sense of the conversation winding up; they weren’t going to magically become
good friends all of a sudden. “You’re welcome. Merry Christmas, Maddy. To you and your boys.”

  “To you both, too,” Maddy replied.

  Laura walked off, and Maddy watched as she went to her car and carefully extricated the baby from the carrier and tucked her into the car seat in the back.

  Not Gavin’s baby. Not Laura’s lover. After months of trying to get used to the idea of her husband being a stranger, to find out that he was innocent put her entirely off balance. She frowned, then checked her watch. Three o’clock on Christmas Eve and she still needed to get those last-minute items. And she had a lot to think about. Because in the space of a ten-minute conversation, everything she thought she knew had been turned upside down. For the second time this year.

  * * *

  TO COLE, IT DIDN’T feel much like Christmas Eve. Not even with his mom and dad home and the traditions in full swing. He couldn’t stop thinking about Maddy and what she must be doing and how he’d blown it and shouldn’t have said the things he did...

  Except he’d just told the truth. It might have been rotten timing and the wrong words, but he hadn’t lied. He’d fallen for Maddy, and it was too soon for her. What hurt was the knowledge that it might always be too soon. He could try to prove himself over and over, but until she was willing to trust herself and her own judgment, she’d never trust him to keep his word.

  For the second time in the last month, he had the thought that he’d gleefully punch Gavin Wallace in the mouth—if he were still alive to take a beating.

  “Is this some weird experiment where you try to light the tree on fire with the sheer power of your brain?” Ellen asked, sitting beside him on the sofa.

  “What?”

  She sighed. “You’ve been sitting here scowling for the better part of an hour. I asked Tanner what was going on with you and he shut up tighter than a clam.”

  Cole smiled for all of a millisecond at that. They might have their differences from time to time, but he and his brother always had each other’s backs.

  “What is it? You’ve been quiet ever since we got back yesterday. The house and ranch are fine, so something’s going on with you.” She peered closely at his face. “If I didn’t know better I’d say it was a woman, but we were only gone three weeks.”

  He looked at her, feeling miserable, then back at the tree as he let out a sigh.

  “A girl? Really?” His mom perked up at that. “Who?”

  He might as well talk. His mom would keep at him with as much tenacity as a dog with a bone until he told her everything. “You warned me, and you were right. I took a liking to Maddy Wallace, but it’s not going anywhere. The whole thing with her husband has shaken her too much to take a chance on me.”

  “Oh, honey.” She put her hand on his knee. “On you? Or on love in general?”

  “What does it matter? The end result’s the same, isn’t it?”

  “What happened?”

  He gave her the abridged version, with enough detail for him to realize how deeply he’d gotten himself into it and how, despite the short amount of time, he and Maddy had really shared a lot. “Those boys, too,” he said glumly. “God, they’re cute. And a lot of work. But then when you hear their belly laughs, it’s like the whole world smiles along.”

  He looked over at his mom, who was studying him with tears in her eyes. “Oh, man, don’t start with tears. I don’t think I can handle it.” Not because he couldn’t handle a woman crying, but because it made him feel like crying himself. Which was ridiculous, but the stinging behind his nose was a good indication.

  “I warned you, you stupid idiot,” she half laughed, half lamented. “I should have known better. Maddy’s a good person, and you’ve always been one to help someone who could use a hand.”

  “It’s not that I don’t understand where she’s coming from. I do. But I can’t compete with Gavin. I can’t make up for his wrongs. I pushed too soon and I hurt her with what I said.”

  “Then say you’re sorry.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “I know. It never is.”

  He was quiet for a minute. Then he rubbed his hand over his face and stared at the tree some more. “She told me I took her pride. It wasn’t what I intended, but I didn’t really consider how she’d feel. I hired her to work here and told myself I was doing her a favor because she wouldn’t have accepted the money outright. I did the secret Santa thing for the same reasons. But no matter how I did it, Maddy’s one point of pride in everything was that she was making it on her own two feet. And by jumping in and taking over, even in those small ways, I took that away from her. And yeah, I did it to help a friend, but it also made me feel like I was something special, you know? So how does that make my motives that pure?”

  Ellen chuckled a little bit. “Oh, honey, altruism is seldom completely pure. It’s satisfying to know that you’ve helped someone who needs a hand. It’s a positive thing in a world dominated by selfishness and I, I, I. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

  “I miss her. Two days and I miss her. And the boys. I was going to ask her to bring the boys over for Christmas Eve and now it just feels like there’s no point to Christmas. None at all.”

  “Give it time, Cole. For all anyone knew, Maddy and Gavin were happy with two precious babies as recently as seven or eight months ago. She’s dealt with a lot since then.”

  “I know.” He looked at his mom and felt a rush of love. She was so steady. So strong. He realized that all this time the reason why no other girls had held his interest was because they’d been mere shadows compared to his mom’s grace and strength. Maddy was the first to come close. “It’s just that I finally fell in love and I don’t want to wait.”

  She leaned over and gave him a hug. “You,” she said quietly, “are one in a million. Just you remember that.”

  “Thanks. And thanks for the talk. It didn’t really fix anything, but at least the tree is probably safe from spontaneously combusting. For the time being.”

  She smiled and patted his knee again. “Your dad and I are going to the church service at seven. Are you coming?”

  He shook his head. “Naw. I’ll do a last check on the stock. Tanner’s on call—again. But he’ll be home around nine. I think we should all meet back here, have a Christmas toast, and just be thankful for our family. How does that sound?”

  “Perfect,” she replied. “Now, I’m going to go wake up your father. He says he needs a vacation to recover from vacation. And if I don’t get him up now, he won’t sleep tonight.”

  Cole laughed and watched his mother disappear. But when she was gone the heaviness settled in his heart again. He wanted what his parents had. He’d thought he’d found someone to have it with. But as his parents always said, it took two. And he was sitting here alone.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Christmas Eve church service was tradition in Maddy’s family, and her parents had stayed for dinner and were going to church with her and the boys before heading home again. They’d be over in the morning around eight to see the boys, and Maddy was dreading the few hours when she’d be home alone, staring at the tree, looking at the few presents beneath it. Two from her parents, one from Gavin’s folks that they’d sent up from Florida and two envelopes from her brothers, both of which she was pretty sure contained gift cards.

  It wasn’t that she was ungrateful. She just suspected that the magical part of her Christmas was over, done with the end of her secret Santa surprises. The anticipation was gone, and in its place she simply felt lonely.

  The service was lovely as usual, with lots of carols and candlelight and smiles. Maddy sat and listened to the Christmas message and let her thoughts drift to Gavin, and Laura, and Cole, and all the stuff that had created such havoc in her life the past half year. She was so torn. She felt guilty for believing that her husband had
been cheating and had fathered another child, but on the other hand, she understood that with the absence of denial came doubt. She thought about Cole and the wonderful things he’d done for her in the past month and then remembered that she’d wanted to stand on her own two feet. Was he right? Did she just have too much pride and was it getting in the way of her happiness? Or was it insecurity? She looked over at her boys, one on each of her parents’ laps, and felt as if she’d let them down, too.

  Laura had said that Gavin had been devoted to their marriage. Tears welled up in Maddy’s eyes. She’d loved him, too. And perhaps that was why she’d been so stuck since his death. Everyone had been so convinced of his guilt that she hadn’t felt free to love him, or grieve for him, or really let him go. She’d been outraged, and she’d let that take over to get her through. Because it was expected.

  But she could examine those feelings, because now he was the husband she remembered. Kind, caring, willing to help a friend, even if it meant keeping a secret. Somehow, it had felt as though there’d been a final piece that just didn’t fit into the puzzle, but now it slid into the empty space easily, completing the picture. And it was a good picture. Maddy understood now what Laura had meant this afternoon. She, too, had promised to keep Laura’s secret, and she would. It meant that Gavin’s reputation couldn’t be restored. And that seemed cruel and unfair.

  But she knew the truth, and that was all that mattered right now.

  “Are you okay?” her mom whispered.

  “I really am,” she murmured back. “And I’ll explain everything tomorrow.” She smiled at her mom, feeling more at peace than she had for a very long time.

  When the service was over, she put on her coat and reached for the boys’ outerwear. Before she could get them dressed, however, Ellen Hudson approached, her silvery hair perfectly styled, the golden tan of her face evidence of her vacation in the sun. “Maddy, I wanted to come over and thank you for the help you gave out at the house while we were away.”

  Maddy felt awkward and miserable as she looked at Cole’s mom. “You’re welcome. Your home is lovely, Mrs. Hudson.”