Maxwell's Revenge

by M. J. Trow

  He poked his head back round the curtain. ‘I’ll go and talk to the others,’ he said to Jacquie. ‘Give me a call when you want me.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Jacquie, not turning round. She didn’t want to take her eyes off the boy in case, like the cat i’ the adage, he turned into the other possibility. ‘See you in a minute.’

  Maxwell smiled and ducked back out into the corridor. He went out into the waiting area and saw the unlikely sight of Henry Hall sitting with his mother-in-law-to-be, murmuring what were almost certainly platitudes, but kindly ones. As he approached, he could tell that his first impression was right.

  ‘… very strong at that age,’ Henry was saying. ‘I remember when mine were small, they were always eating things and they’ve all grown up well and strong.’ He looked up gratefully as Maxwell came up to them and took a seat on the other side of the dejected woman. ‘How is he?’ he asked and leant back, as if handing over the reins.

  ‘He’s been sick,’ he said. ‘He is now, rather reluctantly, using a bedpan. He refused to go before Jacquie arrived, because he doesn’t use potties any more, now he is a big boy.’ He stopped for a moment and ducked his head. His boy was even rather lovely when pooing and how many people were there in the world of whom you could say that? ‘The nurse said they are having to save everything, because of his having been giving something potentially harmful.’

  Betty indulged herself in another round of crying, which had strangely not increased the general boot-ness of her face, but it was now a wet, scarlet boot.

  ‘Now, now,’ Hall said, by now almost on automatic. He leant down and spoke to her as if she was a rather dim child. ‘Will you be all right here if we go over there a minute and have a talk?’

  She snuffled in reply and Hall decided to take that as a yes.

  He and Maxwell got up slowly and moved away, glancing back at her from time to time. They moved with that sideways, bent-over shuffle peculiar to people uncertain as to whether they should be standing up at all. Eventually, with a final look over their shoulders, they straightened up and moved off into the corner by the fish tank, obligatory furnishing feature of casualty departments the world over, complete with one strange black fish suckered to the glass and a moth-eaten guppy.

  ‘She’s taken it badly,’ Hall remarked.

  Maxwell took a deep breath. ‘Empathy is my middle name, Henry. I sometimes wonder what my parents could have been thinking.’ Hall looked up, glad to hear the old Maxwell back. This was the best proof that the little lad was not too poorly. ‘But even I am having trouble feeling sorry for her, being Jacquie’s mother notwithstanding. She had one simple task – to take Nolan for a walk and not let him eat anything. All right, I suppose that is two simple tasks; but they are very simple, I think you’ll agree. She managed the walk, which was pretty much optional as to how it was achieved. But she didn’t manage the other part, not even slightly. In another time, I’d have hacked her to pieces, à la the hound Gelert. As it is, I still may sue.’

  Hall waited while the other man vented his spleen, using his policeman’s nose to tell when to butt in. ‘I agree, Max, but even so …’

  ‘I’m still venting, Henry,’ Maxwell said crisply. ‘Wait your turn. She’s only here to so-called help with Nolan and in less than half an hour she proved she couldn’t look after the cat. In fact, I won’t let her look after the cat and he is getting on for the most self-sufficient cat I know. I expect she was wandering along, gassing with some hearty walking type and not even looking down to see what Nole was up to—’

  ‘I will have to interrupt you, Max, and I’m sorry. You’ve clearly had a horrible shock and what with … well, what happened before, it is hitting you hard.’ Henry Hall knew about Maxwell’s first family and felt for him as everyone who has been lucky enough to love and not lose must. ‘But I don’t think you can blame Betty entirely. For a start, Nolan is by way of being pretty much his own man and I applaud you both for that. The only thing that makes him different from the two of you in your treatment of him is that he is smaller. So he doesn’t take kindly to being given orders. Betty, on the other hand, seems to be an ordering sort of woman, if I may presume to make a judgement, having only seen her crying and weeping.’

  ‘Yes,’ Maxwell conceded. ‘That’s a very fair summation, Henry. You’re obviously not a Detective Chief Inspector for nothing. However, I miss your thrust on this one.’

  ‘All I’m saying is, don’t be too hard on her. I expect she told Nolan not to take anything from anyone. He’s used to being asked to consider not taking anything from anyone for reasons a, b and c. Do you see what I’m getting at?’

  Maxwell looked thoughtful. ‘Yes, Henry. I do. You’re right. Too much democracy. Logic. Tears before bedtime.’ Then the frightened father took over again, ‘But, for God’s sake, Henry! Even so …’

  Hall put a heavy hand on Maxwell’s shoulder. ‘I’m going to have to question him, Max.’

  ‘Who? Nole? But he’s just a baby, Henry! There must be laws covering this sort of thing. Ask Betty.’

  ‘And she will be … how much help, on a scale of one to ten? I’d rather go with the kid.’

  Maxwell considered. ‘All right. Ask Nolan. But only when we get him home. And only with us there.’

  ‘And I will leave my handcuffs at the nick. Look, he knows me. I think he quite likes me.’ The DCI almost chuckled. ‘He tries to take my glasses off.’

  No wonder, thought Maxwell. Like the rest of us, he wonders if you’ve got eyes behind there.

  ‘Nothing he says will stand up, so don’t worry about video links to court or anything else. I just think that we might get the only partial description from him that we have at the moment. Sylvia’s old running man is a start, but hardly comprehensive. Betty says they were all dressed for walking in shorts and things. All ages, both sexes. In other words, a perfect cross section of the population. So if Nolan noticed anything, anything at all, like a funny nose or a missing tooth, the sort of thing you might expect from the son of a policewoman and a raving lunatic, then it will help.’ Payback time.

  Maxwell was shocked. Henry Hall had almost been amusing. It was nearly as scary as the rest of the afternoon’s experiences put together. He made a decision and hoped Jacquie would agree. ‘Yes, Henry. That will be fine. Come over this evening, when we have him back home.’

  Hall looked over his shoulder. ‘I think you’ll have him home before then. Look behind you.’

  Jacquie had come through the double doors with a smiling Nolan in her arms. He was a little pale, but smiling broadly. He gave a laconic wave to his father. ‘Hi, Dadda.’ He looked across at his grandmother, who had jumped to her feet but not gone forward to meet her daughter and grandson. Jacquie gave a lightning glance at Maxwell and then went straight to her mother.

  ‘Can you just hold Nole for a minute, Mum,’ she said and handed the rather reluctant toddler into her arms. It was the most difficult thing she had ever done, and possibly the best. Maxwell and Hall went to join them, united in silent admiration for their favourite woman policeman.

  She turned to Maxwell with a smile to light up his life. ‘His poo was quite normal,’ she said happily, adding automatically, ‘sorry, guv. The doctor thinks he perhaps just ate a fly or something. I’m not so sure. He was given a lolly by a man, he says. I told him he shouldn’t have taken it, but he says the man had been talking to Ninja, so that he thought it would be all right.’

  ‘Ninja?’ Hall was confused.

  ‘Betty,’ said Maxwell in an aside. ‘If I thought I could begin to explain, I would.’

  Jacquie touched Hall’s sleeve. ‘We’ll need a lift home, I’m afraid, guv. Is that OK?’

  ‘Of course,’ he said, his eyes still on Nolan. ‘Look, Jacquie, is it all right if I come in with you when we get back to your house and just … well, ask Nolan a few questions?’

  ‘What?’ Jacquie looked fit to bite him.

  ‘I think he should, darling,’ said Maxwell, cringin
g inside as he spoke. He knew what her reaction would be and here it came now.

  ‘What?’ she said again. ‘Max, are you insane? He’s just a baby.’

  ‘Granted,’ Maxwell said. ‘Well, I think he would prefer the word “boy”. But, yes, he is young for this, but he knows Henry. He tries to take his glasses,’ he said, he hoped winningly. ‘He may be the only witness.’

  ‘There’s my mother,’ she said, truculently.

  There was a silence.

  She gave in all at once. ‘Yes, Henry,’ she said, wearily. ‘You can come in. But only for a short while. I think we all need a quiet evening, just the three of us …’

  ‘Four,’ said Maxwell, with a sigh.

  ‘Oh, yes, four of us, to get over this.’

  ‘Understood,’ said Hall, briskly. ‘We’ll get someone from the nick to bring your car home. That will save you a journey in tomorrow.’

  ‘I’m rostered tomorrow,’ Jacquie said.

  Henry Hall was a kind man at heart. He didn’t consider the hours of work it would take him to replace her with a policeman who didn’t exist. He just said, ‘I’ve rearranged it. Take all the time you need.’

  ‘Henry, I could kiss you.’

  It was only because it was Maxwell speaking that Hall did not allow it. Just this once.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It was nice to be home. Ninja, boot polish touched up suitably, was making tea in the kitchen. Nolan sat in state on the sofa, with Metternich spread defensively across his lap. Nobody would have given his Boy a lolly if he’d been there. Only a parent could see how the afternoon had affected the lad. He had hold of Metternich’s right ear between the finger and thumb of his right hand. The middle fingers of the other hand were firmly in his mouth. He kept nudging Jacquie and Maxwell with a bare toe every once in a while, as if to check they were still there, sitting on the floor on either side of his makeshift throne. Henry Hall sat opposite him, on the pouffe that usually held either his father’s feet or his cat.

  ‘Nole,’ Maxwell said quietly, ‘Mr Hall would like to ask you a few questions about this afternoon. Is that all right, mate?’

  Nolan turned his eyes without moving his head and regarded his father solemnly. He let go of his sucked fingers for long enough to murmur, ‘S’all right, Dadda.’

  ‘Right. Now, if the questions make you worried or sad, you must just say so and you can stop.’

  ‘Is like a quiz?’

  Hall raised an eyebrow at Jacquie.

  ‘Yes, poppet. A quiz.’

  ‘You do quizzes?’ the policeman asked Maxwell, the tone of amazement unmistakeable.

  ‘Well, yes. Nothing hard. Colours. Teletubbies. The role of the lumpenproletariat in Hegel’s dialectic. That sort of thing.’

  Hall knew his man by this time. So he knew that it was a possibility that one of those was a joke. ‘Right.’ He turned to Nolan. ‘So, Nolan, like Mummy says, this is a quiz.’

  ‘Awright,’ Nolan said around his fingers.

  ‘Take your fingers out, poppet,’ Jacquie said, ‘or Mr Hall might not hear what you say.’

  He looked at her with big eyes and for a moment she just wanted to grab him and take him upstairs to wrap in blankets and look after him while she had breath. But, right now, there was a killer to catch. He slowly let his fingers drop out of his mouth and wiped them dry on the cat. He turned his big eyes on Henry. ‘OK,’ he said. ‘Numb’one.’

  Henry got the idea. ‘Nolan,’ he said. ‘Question number one. Did a man or a lady speak to you when you were walking with Granny today?’

  ‘I wen’ with Ninja for a walk,’ Nolan offered.

  ‘I’ll give you a point for that,’ Henry said. One small thumb went up in the air. ‘Did a man or lady speak to you when you were walking with Granny?’

  ‘Ninja talk to some men.’ A smile crept over his face and he giggled. ‘They were funny men.’

  ‘That’s another point,’ said Henry. Maxwell and Jacquie could only watch in amazement. Was this the bland Henry Hall they knew and sort of liked? He seemed quite human. ‘Why were they funny, Nolan?’ he asked.

  The little boy squirmed with the pleasure of remembrance. ‘They were funny,’ he said again and pointed to his legs. ‘They had trousis like Nolan.’

  ‘Shorts,’ said Jacquie. ‘Mum said they were walkers.’

  ‘Right.’ Hall turned his attention back to Nolan who was beginning to lose interest. ‘Did a funny man speak to you, Nolan?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘No? Not at all?’

  ‘He gived me a lolly.’

  The adults’ heads went up as they sniffed a clue at the waterhole.

  ‘Good boy. Two points for that!’ With care and muttering under his breath, Nolan triumphantly displayed all four fingers and his thumb. So what if he had inherited his father’s maths acumen? The child was being helpful and Hall went with it. ‘Did you eat the lolly?’

  Nolan pulled a face and shook his head. ‘No.’

  ‘What?’ It was like Greek choral speaking – every adult voice in the room raised in query.

  He looked from his mother to his father, then back to Henry Hall. He leant forward as if to impart a secret. He dropped his voice, almost to a whisper. ‘It was hobble. Yeuch.’ He shook his head and did a whole body shudder.

  Everyone held their breath as Henry Hall asked the 64,000 dollar question. ‘What did you do with the lolly, Nolan?’

  The little boy threw himself sideways, convulsed with laughter, much to the annoyance of Metternich who had only put up with the shuddering out of laziness. With a snicker of annoyance he left the sofa, via Henry Hall’s knee.

  ‘Ow,’ the policeman said, absently. What were a few flesh wounds when he might be on the verge of a breakthrough? ‘Go on, Nolan, you can tell me.’

  Nolan shook his head solemnly, then his expression brightened. ‘I tell Dadda,’ he said. ‘I whipser.’ Maxwell leant forward, as did Hall.

  ‘Don’t bother,’ Jacquie advised quietly. ‘Whipsering is a little ad hoc at the moment.’ And indeed, Maxwell looked poised for sudden flight as he leant there against his little one’s mouth.

  And sure enough, they heard clearly, through Maxwell’s head like a buzz saw. ‘I put it in Ninja’s handbag.’ Then he beamed around the room. ‘Have Nolan won the prize?’

  Henry Hall leant forward and tickled the boy’s toes. ‘You certainly have, Nolan. What do you usually get?’

  ‘Hmm.’ The boy put a finger theatrically to his chin. ‘What do userly get, Mummy?’

  Jacquie looked at Henry Hall. ‘Well, we usually leave it to the quizmaster, don’t we?’ It was usually a sweet of some kind, but that didn’t seem appropriate somehow. ‘A small toy, perhaps?’

  Nolan looked Hall in the eye and repeated, ‘A small toy, haps?’ with a tilt of the head.

  ‘Well, I’ll tell you what,’ Hall said. ‘I have given Mummy some days off to spend with you, Nolan, so I’ll give her some money and she can take you shopping on Monday and you can choose something nice.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Nolan and suddenly uncoiled from his seat and wound his arms round Henry’s neck. The smell of that small neck and the damp kiss on his cheek was the best thank you Henry Hall had had in years. He stood up, wearing Nolan like an exotic necklace, then handed him gently back to Maxwell. Jacquie had turned her back and was surreptitiously wiping her eyes.

  ‘Take care of him, Max,’ said Henry. Then, tipping his head at Jacquie, ‘Of both of them.’

  ‘Will do, Henry. Um, I’ve something to ask you. Can I see you out?’ And hefting Nolan up onto one hip for comfort, he led the way out onto the landing.

  Jacquie sat curled up in the corner of the sofa, letting relief wash over her. There was a clink of cups and her mother was there with a tray of tea.

  ‘Sorry to take such a long time,’ she said. ‘It took me a minute to find everything. I like to use cups and saucers in the afternoon, rather than mugs.’

  Jacquie lifted her he
ad. ‘I’ve got cups and saucers?’ she asked in amazement.

  ‘Well,’ her mother pursed her lips and looked a trifle disapproving, ‘there were some in the cupboard, at the back.’ The unspoken corollary was that they belonged to Maxwell, left over from another life, one that had mostly happened while Jacquie was at junior school.

  ‘Oh, there’s all sorts of stuff in there if you look,’ she replied. There was no good trying to argue this one; it would always be there in the background. Her mother seemed to resent the fact that neither she nor Jacquie could ever know everything about Maxwell, and not because he hid it on purpose. It was just that it takes time to tell a person every single thing that has ever happened. Just filling each other in on the day they were still in often took until the wee small hours of the next one, let alone what happened in June of 1967.

  ‘Has Mr Hall gone?’

  ‘Yes. He needed to get back to the nick to rearrange the rota and make a few notes.’ Jacquie sipped her tea.

  ‘Didn’t he want to question me at all?’ Her mother looked hopeful. ‘He is such a gentleman, don’t you think? I had no idea from what you’d said.’

  Jacquie mulled that one over. Yes, on sober reflection, he was quite a gent, in that he, like Maxwell, tended to treat everyone the same. It was just that he treated everyone as if they were another potential number in the police computer; Maxwell treated everyone as if they were sentient human beings until it was proved otherwise. Henry must have really pulled out all the stops to impress her mother. Finally, she said, ‘Yes. I could have much worse for a boss, that’s certain.’

  Her mother leant forward and touched her knee. ‘Are you all right, dear? Only, this afternoon has been a bit eventful, hasn’t it?’

  Jacquie’s tea did a vertical take-off. ‘Eventful? Eventful? Please, mother, don’t get me started! You took Nolan for a simple walk, with simple instructions. We end up in A&E. If he wasn’t so picky about what he eats, we could be now mourning our son. So don’t give me eventful.’ Her voice rose to a scream. ‘I don’t know why I even thought you could do this. I needed help and what did I get? Well?’