“That was rather self-deprecating, wasn’t it?”
“I view it as a rather classic example of self-deprecation, yes.”
Damn it. “This is going to be hard, isn’t it?”
“Things worth doing often are. I’ve also been asked to tell you that if these animals had not been influenced with magic, this wouldn’t have even been an option, and that everyone involved would usually discourage such a scheme. It’s the perfect storm leading up to this arrangement.”
“I’m an epic mess so I need epic therapy animals?”
“I’m letting you get away with that one because it’s amusing and you acknowledge you need help.”
“I figure it’s not worth the argument. Can I have a clue about what species we’re talking about? The way you’re talking, my therapy animals might eat me if I fall out of line or forget their breakfast.”
“I recommend against forgetting to feed them breakfast.”
My eyes widened. “What kind of therapy animals are they?”
“Very big and hungry ones.”
“This isn’t going to end well, is it?”
“It’ll be just fine. For you. Anyone who tries to do something to you, however, might live to regret it. As an RPS agent, I like this a lot. I like it so much I’m willfully ignoring the downsides to this arrangement.”
“You’re really not going to tell me.”
“Seeing is believing, and honestly, it took some pictures sent to my phone for me to believe this is actually happening.” Terry herded me to the SUV and popped open the back. “They will make traveling interesting, though.”
“I’d ask, but you’d just tell me to wait and see, so I won’t ask.” I added my bag to the collection in the back. “Will they terrorize the congress?”
“Definitely.”
“I like them already. What are their names?”
“Amisha and Endah.”
“Those are pretty names. Do they mean anything?”
“I’m sure they do, but I don’t know what they mean. I was too busy staring at my phone in disbelief when Dr. Stanton texted me about the situation.”
I climbed into the SUV and buckled my seat belt. “I have no idea how my life turned out this way, but whatever. Let’s get this over with before I decide it’s time to run to Europe. Kidnapping Ethan sounds like a lot of work, especially if I have to prevent you two interlopers from stopping me.”
“There’s something to be said about the path of least resistance.”
“Can we stop for lunch first?” I asked. “I’d like my final meal before my therapy animals eat me.”
“We can stop for something to eat, but your therapy animals aren’t going to eat you. What do you want?”
“Fast food I haven’t eaten before. Surprise me.”
“You got it.”
Terry fed me fast food tacos, and I inhaled ten before my stomach decided I’d consumed enough. If I’d been given my way, I would’ve taken a nap. Instead of sleeping off my act of gluttony, Terry took me to a government building. The gate guard gave him trouble until Vince leaned over, showed his RPS badge, and whispered something that yielded immediate results.
I waited until we were through the gate to ask, “What did you say to that poor man?”
“I told him His Royal Highness was expecting us, and I reminded him he doesn’t have the authority to block the RPS from bringing someone into the entry of the building. He was giving Terry trouble because Terry is badged for Montana, so I put an end to the ribbing.”
“Can you turn around? I feel an urge to scorch that guard a little.”
“No,” both RPS agents replied.
“Why not?”
“Assault of a guard doing his job is illegal,” Terry replied.
“Annoying you should be illegal, and I’m very unhappy it’s legal.”
“Well, at least you have your principal’s cooperation, Terry. I wish you the best of luck convincing her she shouldn’t scorch anyone who annoys you. It could be worse.”
“I’m not sure how it could be worse for him. And this doesn’t count as self-deprecation. I am going to cause you problems, Terry. If my mental state isn’t problematic enough, I could spontaneously combust at any moment, and that’s not really a great work environment.”
“I’ve had zero concerns about your talent causing spontaneous combustion. I’m more concerned the wildfire near Sacramento will strengthen and you’ll be determined to deal with it personally.”
“You are correct, but I need to secure my Californian prince first. If I don’t, he might get away, and I’m not exactly talented at catching men. I really don’t want him to get away. But Vince bought me a leash, so there’s hope?”
“I didn’t buy the leash to prevent his escape. That said, I don’t think anyone has ever suggested that His Royal Highness should be leashed before, especially in a somewhat public venue. I’m very much looking forward to watching how this plays out.” Vince chuckled. “Of course, I will deny any allegations I have a sense of humor or any interest in observing such an event.”
“Does His Royal Highness know you’re a prankster, Vince?”
“He suspects it but has never been able to confirm it for himself.”
“When I take Ethan to New York, I’m taking you with me. I’ll kidnap you if I must.”
“Rachel, you shouldn’t tell RPS agents you’re planning to kidnap them,” Terry chided.
“I’m kidnapping you, too. You can protest and struggle if you’d like, but I’m kidnapping you, too.”
“I had guessed that much from prior commentary.” Terry parked the SUV near the back entrance of the building, which was guarded by four men. “Try not to light anyone on fire, Rachel. Also, expect your bag to be examined. I’ll be scrutinized, too. Vince will just show off his badge and declare his firearms.”
“I’ll have your firearm cleared so it’s not locked in storage, Terry. There’s no way I’m risking her in the congress session without you being fully armed. While she has a versatile defensive and offensive talent, it’s for your protection as much as it is for hers.”
“If someone shoots at you, I’m just saying there’s going to be a murder. I do not react well to that sort of thing, and I was taught, from a very early age, the only correct response to someone pointing a gun at me or someone I care about is immediate incineration. I prefer a gentler approach if possible, but something will be incinerated by the time I’m finished.”
“Noted,” Vince replied, sliding out of the SUV. While I escaped my seat belt, he circled the vehicle and retrieved the bag filled with my perverted purchases.
I took the tote from him, slung it over my shoulder, and peeked inside. “Do you think there’s enough stuff to offend the entirety of California’s congress?”
“There should be. That you’re stating your uterus is closed for business will be sufficient enough to offend them. There are quite a few conservatives currently in office.”
“I love how you phrased that, Vince. It makes me wish I had a sign I could hang around my neck. 'The baby factory is closed for renovations. Please make inquiries no sooner than three years following marriage.'”
“Three years?”
“The bastards should have to wait for assuming they have any input on what my uterus does.”
Terry snickered and locked the SUV before tossing Vince the keys. “I’ll leave that discussion for you and His Royal Highness.”
“Do you think he’s going to be angry I’m basically informing the world my uterus is not open for business until after marriage?”
“No. He won’t be angry. He’ll respect your wishes for that. Honestly, knowing him, he will respect it to the degree he will wait until marriage to make certain your wishes are respected on that. He’s a good man in that regard,” Vince replied.
“I was under the impression he was a good man. Period.”
“That he is, but among royalty, there are still holdout conservatives who do not agree that women
should have the right to withhold heirs.”
“Stupid royalty,” I muttered.
Vince chuckled, shook his head, and strode to the guards, pulling out his RPS badge and talking with them in a low voice. After several minutes, the guards nodded and opened the door.
With Terry leading the way, I entered the building. A stark white lobby waited with a security gate and more guards within. “Well, this is welcoming.”
“Back entrances are often welcoming in this utilitarian manner.” Vince pointed at the table beside the security gate. “You’ll need to empty your pockets and put everything there. They’ll check the contents of your bag.”
“Is it more dramatic if I just turn the bag over and spread out boxes of condoms everywhere? I’m okay with this. I want to see if they’re as easily offended as the congress.”
“If you want. They’re going to sift through the bag at a minimum.”
I sighed. “Let’s get this over with, then.”
“It’ll be better when you’re officially outed. They have lessened security for royalty. Why bother checking their bags when they likely have some form of destructive talent?”
“That’s ridiculous. I mean, it’s true, but it’s ridiculous. I could melt that gate to slag if I wanted, though. It wouldn’t take me long.”
Vince shot a glare my way. “Please don’t reduce the gate to slag. That would complicate matters for us.”
“If they even think about frisking me, I’m reducing the gate to slag along with their hands.”
“I’ll make certain they’re aware they are not permitted to touch your person.”
I pointed at the security wand dangling from the hip of one of the security guards. “They can use that thing, but there really won’t be any touching of my person. I have a very limited list of people allowed to touch my person right now. It has one name.”
Terry joined Vince in glaring at me. “If I have to move you for your safety, I will move you for your safety.”
Oops. “Okay, I won’t burn your hands off if you absolutely must.”
“Your RPS agents didn’t run scenarios with you, did they?”
“Run what?”
Both men heaved sighs.
“That doesn’t sound promising.”
“Scenarios are how RPS agents teach principals how to behave during emergencies, Rachel.”
“Oh. I was just told to incinerate anyone who tried to do anything to me.”
“We’re going to have to fix that. I really thought you would have had some experience with having a proper detail.”
“Terry, just assume I don’t know anything. Then you can be pleasantly surprised when I do know something, and I won’t feel stupid when I don’t know something I should.”
“That does not count as a self-deprecating statement, as it’s the most sensible thing I’ve heard her say yet,” Vince announced before heading to the security gate and showing off his badge. “The gentleman is the lady’s assigned RPS detail from Montana, and she’s authorized to have unidentified entry into the building per His Royal Highness. She will be attending the congress session with him. I helped her pack the tote, and if you’d like to spare yourself the embarrassment of dealing with a bag loaded with condoms, it’d make our day easier.”
The security guards stared at my tote bag, their brows rising.
After a long, awkward silence, the guard with the wand near the gate asked, “Condoms, sir?”
“His Royal Highness is being sent a hint.”
“An entire tote bag of condoms is a hint?”
“There’s also a leash, body oils, and other various accessories for her enjoyment.”
“And she’s taking it into the congress session?”
“I do believe she’s hoping to thin the ranks of prudes through a blunt declaration her reproductive system is currently unavailable for anyone’s use. I do believe this will motivate His Royal Highness into getting the congress to abolish some old, conservative rules.”
According to their expressions, the guards believed Vince had declared himself to be a unicorn or a chartreuse flying pig.
“He’s not wrong. I’m a royal ranked flameweaver. The contents of my bag are the least of your concerns.”
The guards stared at me, and then one by one, their eyes widened.
“You’re a New Yorker?” the guard with the wand asked.
“Genetically, yes. I make a very bad New Yorker. It’s part of why I’ve been trying to become a Californian. I might have to settle with married to a Californian at this point, though.”
Ethan chose that moment to stroll down the hall, striding through the security gate with zero care when it beeped and complained. “I was wondering when you’d get here. Dr. Stanton is getting impatient. Did you feed her, Vince?”
“She had tacos, sir. She demolished ten of them before admitting defeat. She is determined to experience all the fast food California has to offer.”
“Excellent.” Ethan looked me over. “Whoever did your makeup did a good job. It’s sassy. I like it. Be sassy today. You have an entire congress to intimidate.”
I held up my bag. “I brought weapons.”
The security guards sighed.
“Literal or figurative ones?”
“Perverted ones.”
Ethan’s brows furrowed. “Perverted… weapons?”
“I can’t do anything normally, Ethan. Don’t you know this by now? I’ve been told there are two therapy animals present I need to meet, but I might be their therapy human?”
“They definitely need a therapy human. I’ve met them, and I had one wrapped around each leg, and they cried when I came to find you. The animal empath had to promise I’d return. I’m concerned I just stole your therapy animals.”
“We can share.”
“We might need to. If they get on with you, too, they’ll go into the congress session with us. Even if they don’t get on with you, I’m adopting them because I get on with them, and I refuse to see them bounced around because they’re inconvenient.”
“The more people tell me about my new therapy animals, the more I'm concerned I need to find some people and light them on fire for abusing my new therapy animals.”
“The abusers are already dead.”
“Well, shit. That is not at all fair. I would do a far superior job of killing them.”
“You would.” Ethan turned to the security guards. “She’s with me, and I don’t want what’s in her bag to be spoiled. I could use a good surprise today. I have to deal with the congress. She can light me on fire at her whim, so it’s not like you’re doing anything for security. I’m sure she could light up the entire building in one go if she really wanted.”
“I probably could, but I haven’t tried such a thing before.”
“Please don’t.” Ethan linked his arm with mine and pulled me towards the security gate. “If your boss gives you trouble, have her talk to me. I’m happy to clarify the situation for her. If I have my way, your boss can enjoy trying to convince me I shouldn’t bring my new wife to the building at my whim.”
While I appreciated his blunt admission of what he wanted, I wondered if opening Pandora’s box to the security guards would do us any good. “Weren’t we supposed to avoid telling anyone what we’re up to?”
“The congress will know within the hour, so there’s no point in hiding it. Endah needs a hug, and I think you’re the one who needs to give it to her.”
“Are you sure you’re not the animal empath?”
“Anyone with a heart wants to hug Endah. I don’t need animal empathy to have a heart. There’s so much of Endah to hug, too.”
“I see you’re smitten.”
“I can’t help it. I saw them, and they looked so dejected. I knew they had to go home with us even if they don’t make the cut to be therapy animals. But I really hope they make the cut.” Ignoring his RPS agents, the protesting security guards, and anyone else unfortunate enough to get in his way, Ethan dragged me down
the hall to a bank of elevators, and he stabbed the up button with a finger. “I booked a conference room right outside of the audience chamber, so we’ll head there. Don’t mind security. I’ll bring you through myself so they don’t hassle you.”
Ethan’s RPS agents caught up, and Terry followed in their wake, shaking his head.
“You helped annoy my RPS agent, Ethan. Don’t annoy my RPS agent. I’ve created enough problems for him without you helping. If he runs away, I’ll have to chase him, and if I have to chase him, I can’t deal with your idiotic congress.”
“I’m not going to run away, Your Highness,” Terry replied, and his use of my title hammered home we were in an official building doing official things.
I could live with officially claiming a Californian prince as mine, but the rest of it went on the list of things I loathed.
“But you might if Ethan pushes your buttons.”
“I can fashion handcuffs out of thin air, and while he has a royal talent, even he has trouble with handcuffs. I can also ground myself against his electric abilities, and while he has other useful talents, he won’t use them on me because they’re dangerous.”
Ethan grunted. “I dislike how accurately you’ve torn down my offensive threats, and I resent that.”
“I’ve discovered royalty tend to resent anything impeding them from their goals. I can handle your resentment without issue.” Terry pushed back the sleeve of his suit and checked his watch. “Is there a specific time you wanted to offend the entirety of California’s congress, Your Royal Highness?”
“In half an hour. They’re expecting me. They believe I have a proposal for them. In actuality, I have a proposal for Rachel, witnesses, and everything I might require should I convince her to accept and follow through with the proposal. My parents even came to the session to ensure this will go through without an issue.”
Most people would’ve said ‘without a hitch.’ The deliberate exclusion amused me. “Even I can tell you’re hoping to be married by the end of the day.”
Cold Flame Page 27
