Honey on Your Mind

by Maria Murnane

  “A major ligament in the knee.”

  “At his age, that could be career-threatening,” Tim said.

  Shane was thirty-four.

  “Really?” I said.

  They all nodded silently.

  “Oh no,” I added quietly.

  Jake paced the family room as we waited for the game to come back on. When it did, the commentators said that Shane was being evaluated by team doctors.

  “Let’s cross our fingers for good news,” Jake said.

  It wasn’t good news. Jake made a few phone calls, and we soon learned that Shane hadn’t just torn his ACL, he had torn all the major ligaments in his knee. Surgery was scheduled for two days after Christmas.

  There was no way around it; Shane’s career was in jeopardy.

  • • •

  “Thanks so much for having me. I had a great time.” I hugged Tim and Natalie at the front door several hours later. Jake’s parents had left a few minutes earlier, and I was still defrosting from that good-bye. His dad had wrapped me a bear hug, but his mom had offered only another chilly, polite smile. I didn’t want to offend her by going in uninvited for the hug or even a kiss on the cheek, so I’d just stood in front of her awkwardly until she’d turned away to get her coat. I’m sure everyone who witnessed it cringed.

  Natalie hugged me back tightly. “It was our pleasure. I hope we see you again.”

  I hope so too, I thought.

  “I really enjoyed meeting you,” Michele said. “I’ll be watching you on the show.”

  “You should tell one of your jokes on the show,” Brett said with a laugh.

  Jake poked his back. “Are you trying to get her fired?”

  “If you don’t watch it, I’m going to tell another one right here,” I said.

  As Jake and I drove back to the bed and breakfast, we mostly talked about Shane. I certainly wasn’t happy he was hurt, but I was selfishly grateful for the diversion. Jake was clearly preoccupied, because if he’d been paying attention, he would have noticed that I’d barely made eye contact with him all afternoon.

  • • •

  Early the next morning, we said a rushed good-bye at the bed and breakfast. My train wasn’t until ten, but Jake had to fly straight from Boston to Chicago to meet up with the Hawks, so he needed to leave at the crack of dawn to return the rental car and catch his flight.

  I was still half-asleep when he left.

  “I’ll call you later, OK?” he whispered.

  I nodded, my eyes half-closed. I still hadn’t asked him about him about what I’d heard. I desperately wanted to, but I just…couldn’t.

  “I’m sure your mom hates me,” I whispered back, then immediately regretted it. Lame.

  He laughed and kissed my forehead. “Go back to sleep.”

  I put my hand on my forehead. “I knew it. She hated me.”

  “Hey now, I didn’t say that. Don’t worry, she’ll warm up.”

  “I wish I could have washed my hair. I bet she totally smelled the fried chicken wafting off me. Smelling like dead fowl does not a good first impression make.”

  He laughed again. “You’re nuts. I’ve got to run now. Are you going to visit Shane next week?”

  I nodded. “Probably.”

  “I’m going to try him from the airport, but I may not be able to get through, so if he hasn’t heard from me when you see him, tell him I’ll track him down soon. I’m sure his voice mail is about to blow up.”

  I hoped that wasn’t the only thing about to blow up.

  He shut the door behind him, and I cursed myself for not having the guts to speak up.

  You suck, Waverly.

  On the train ride home, I had a hard time focusing. So many things in my life were changing, and I couldn’t control any of them. As I watched the countryside roll by outside the window, thoughts flew around in my head like shrieking bats. The noise was relentless:

  My dad is getting married!

  Andie is moving in with her boyfriend!

  McKenna is a mother!

  Shane’s career might be over!

  My new career is just getting started!

  My new business is opening in a week!

  My boss drinks too much!

  My friend is sleeping with her husband!

  Jake’s mother hates me!

  I knew that last one was an exaggeration, but she was hardly warm and fuzzy. She’d definitely softened around the edges a bit as Christmas Day wore on, but it would be an overstatement to say she’d been outright nice to me. Thankfully, everyone else had been wonderful. But rising above the din and impossible to ignore, no matter how hard I tried, was what I’d overheard.

  Is Jake moving to Los Angeles?

  Why hasn’t he said anything to me?

  Why doesn’t his mother like me?

  She’s his mom. If she doesn’t like me, does that mean we’re doomed?

  Is what she said about our future true?

  Was it a mistake to give him my keys?

  I was still mad at myself for not talking openly with Jake, but I couldn’t figure out a way to do so without it all turning into something bigger than I was ready for.

  What was I supposed to say, anyway?

  Blech.

  The countryside kept flying by outside. So much change. So much movement. So little certainty.

  On top of everything else, I kept thinking about Wendy and Gary. I couldn’t shake that vision of Wendy, sitting alone in the conference room with a bottle of vodka. What had gone wrong with them? Was it Wendy’s career ambition that had caused Gary to stray? Was that even a fair question to ask?

  Is my career getting in the way of a future with Jake?

  Is Jake’s career getting in the way of a future with me?

  I don’t want to move.

  I don’t want to lose Jake.

  Should I want to move?

  It’s hard enough now. How long could we make it with even more distance between us?

  Ugh. I could hardly keep up with my present, much less envision my future.

  I sighed and pressed my face against the glass to watch the changing scenery outside.

  • • •

  “Does it hurt?” I asked.

  Shane shook his head. “It did for a couple days, but not anymore. They’ve loaded me up on painkillers. I’m actually feeling good right now.”

  It was a few days later, and Shane and Kristina and I were in their enormous, luxury apartment. Shane was resting in a recliner chair in the living room, his left leg propped up on pillows. Kristina was a few feet away, rolling out cookie dough on a granite island that separated the kitchen and living areas.

  “Watch those painkillers,” Kristina pretended to scold him. “I don’t want you to end up in a back alley somewhere looking for your next fix. God knows I see enough of those types at the hospital. I certainly don’t need to be living with one.”

  He laughed. “Got it, boss.”

  I watched them tease each other and wondered why they were in such a good mood. If Shane’s career was indeed in jeopardy, as everyone had been saying, shouldn’t they be upset? At least a little bit? Was I missing something?

  “So what happens now? Are you already planning your big comeback?” I asked.

  Shane took a sip of water. “I don’t think so. I think I’ve had enough of life on the road.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded. “It looks glamorous, but it’s sort of a grind, as I’m sure Jake has told you.”

  I let out a small sigh that may or may not have been noticeable. Please don’t make me think about Jake right now.

  Shane shifted slightly in the recliner. “So I could probably try to come back, but I think it’s time to hang it up and start a new chapter.”

  “Hang it up? Really? But what about winning a championship? Kristina told me you didn’t want to retire until you had a ring.”

  He glanced at Kristina before looking at me. “I guess you could say my priorities have changed.”r />
  “Your priorities have changed?”

  He nodded but didn’t elaborate.

  “Are you going to become a TV analyst?” Shane was smart and articulate, which made the transition seem like a no-brainer.

  He nodded. “Yes, well, that, and…” His voice trailed off.

  “That and what?”

  Silence.

  I raised my eyebrows. “Hola?”

  “It’s OK. You can say it,” Kristina said to Shane.

  I looked over at her. “Say what?”

  “Go ahead, say it,” Kristina said.

  I looked back at Shane. “Say what?”

  He smiled. “Yes, I’m going to become a TV analyst…and a dad.”

  I whipped my head toward Kristina. “What?”

  She laughed. “Yes, it’s true.”

  My eyes got big. “You’re prego?”

  She walked up behind Shane’s chair and put her hands on her hips. “Officially knocked up as of seven weeks ago. Can you believe it?”

  “No way! I thought you guys were going to wait until Shane’s career was over to have kids.”

  “We were, but sometimes Mother Nature has her own ideas. So this injury, while unfortunate, has a silver lining.” She leaned down and kissed Shane’s enormous bald head.

  I smiled. “Wow, that’s so exciting! You must be thrilled.”

  Shane shifted again in the recliner and adjusted his leg. “Terrified is a better word for it. I have no idea what to do with a baby.”

  “Oh, shush,” Kristina said. “You have good hands, and I’m a pediatrician. We’ll be fine.”

  Kristina left to use the bathroom, and Shane turned to me. “So Jake’s good?”

  I nodded. “Why do you ask?”

  He shook his head. “No reason.”

  He clearly knew something, but I let it go.

  On the way home from Kristina and Shane’s place, I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Shane had described the major changes in his life.

  It’s time to move on to a new chapter.

  I pulled the keys to my new office out of my purse and ran my fingers across them. Honey on Your Mind was still so new, and Waverly’s Honey Shop was just finding its footing as well. New York was definitely a new chapter in my life, but in some ways, I felt years behind Shane and Kristina.

  I also felt years behind McKenna.

  In a way, I even felt behind Andie. At least she and Nick were moving forward. As his mother had so graciously pointed out, Jake and I didn’t even live in the same state. The best I could say was that Georgia was in the same time zone as New York, which was closer than when I’d lived in San Francisco. Could we make it if he moved to Los Angeles?

  I looked at my reflection in the streaked glass of the subway window. Why do I keep comparing myself to other people?

  Suddenly I remembered something Shane said to me way back when I first met him. In a classic Waverly moment, I had blurted out something about feeling that I was missing the boat because I was nearly thirty and hadn’t figured it all out yet as everyone else seemed to have done. He told me not to be so concerned about what other people were doing with their lives.

  Life is not a basketball game, he said. No one is keeping score but you.

  I turned to my reflection again…and reflected.

  Look at all you’ve done, Waverly.

  In a few short months, I’d started a brand new life, and who cared it if wasn’t on the same track as my friends’ lives. The truth was, I’d managed to go from carrying a subway map at all times to feeling like a bona fide New Yorker, all on my own.

  I now had keys to my own office.

  I had a good job at NBC.

  I even had developed a growing disdain for tourists.

  I squeezed the keys in my hand and smiled at the person in the window.

  She might be a little neurotic, but she was doing just fine.

  • • •

  I called Jake after dinner. I rarely caught him live at this hour, so I was planning to leave him a voice mail while channel surfing, but he surprised me by picking up.

  “Are your ears burning?”

  I put the remote control on the coffee table as I sat down on the couch. “Huh?”

  “Are your ears burning? I was just talking about you.”

  “You were? Good things, I hope?”

  “Always. I was just going to give you a call. What are you up to?”

  “I just got home from Shane and Kristina’s.”

  “So you heard?”

  I frowned. How did he know about the baby? Shane said he hadn’t told Jake yet and gave me the green light to do so.

  “Heard what?” Maybe he was talking about something else?

  “Oh, just some NBA gossip.”

  Something in his tone told me he wasn’t being entirely forthright.

  I decided to tread cautiously. “You mean gossip about whether or not Shane’s going to retire?”

  He didn’t answer for a moment, and I got a weird feeling in my stomach.

  “Jake? You still there?”

  “Sorry, got a little distracted. Yes, still here.”

  “Is everything OK?”

  “Yeah, just got a lot on my mind right now. So what’s up?”

  I closed my eyes and decided to ignore the pit in my stomach.

  “So, um, anyhow, when I was visiting Shane, he did share some big news, but it wasn’t about basketball. Actually, he and Kristina shared the news together.”

  “Yeah? What did they say?”

  I opened my eyes. “Kristina’s pregnant.”

  “No way. For real?” He sounded genuinely surprised.

  You really didn’t know?

  “Yep, she’s about two months along. They’re thrilled.”

  “That’s awesome. I need to call him. Things are just so crazy right now. Taking those few days off for Christmas really put me underwater.”

  His voice still sounded…strange, and I got the feeling he was itching to get off the phone. Or maybe I was the one itching. There was no denying the awkwardness between us, which seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

  “So I guess I’ll let you go, then?” I intentionally posed it as a question. “You seem a little distracted.”

  He sighed. “Yes, I am. I’m sorry, Waverly.”

  The pit in my stomach tightened slightly.

  “It’s OK. I know you’re busy,” I said softly.

  “Yeah, I’m swamped, I’m sorry. But listen, there’s something I want to talk to you about. Just not now.”

  The pit turned into a massive sinkhole.

  “You’d like to talk?” I whispered. No one wants to hear those words from a significant other, especially someone whose fiancé once broke up with her two weeks before their wedding by telling her they needed to “talk.” Jake knew what had gone down with Aaron. He knew how afraid I was of getting hurt again.

  That can’t be what’s going on here.

  It can’t be.

  He cleared his throat. “Yeah. But I think we should do it in person.”

  Do it? Do what?

  I swallowed. “In person?” In-person talking is even worse.

  “I was thinking of coming up for New Year’s. Does that work for you?”

  “New Year’s? I thought you had that work party.” The Hawks’ owner was throwing a big bash and Jake thought it would be in bad form to skip it. Since I’d be working anyway, I’d encouraged him to go.

  “I still can’t make it for New Year’s Eve, but I could fly up New Year’s Day, probably in the afternoon.”

  “Um, OK, sure.” Part of me wanted to just ask him what he wanted to talk to me about, but a bigger part was too scared to hear the answer.

  “Listen, I’ve got to run now. I’ll let you know when I book my ticket.”

  “OK.” My lips felt numb.

  “Bye, Waverly.”

  “Bye, Jake.”

  I hung up the phone and slowly placed it on the coffee table.

/>   He hadn’t said, “I love you,” before hanging up.

  I sat extremely still for a few moments, then quietly lay down on the couch and began to cry.

  “He really said you need to talk?” McKenna asked.

  “I think technically he said, ‘I want to talk,’ but you get the picture.”

  “And he didn’t say about what?”

  “Nope.”

  “Oh, sweetie, that doesn’t sound good.”

  I frowned into the phone. “I know.”

  It was later that evening, and I was back on the couch, although now I was in my pajamas and eating an enormous bowl of chocolate chip ice cream with fudge sauce. I’d finally emerged from the Dark Ages and bought a Bluetooth earpiece, which made eating ice cream while chatting on the phone, something I’d struggled to master for years, much easier.

  “Maybe he just wants to tell you about the job offer in person?”

  “Call it women’s intuition, but I don’t think so. Plus, don’t people usually give good news like that over the phone? It’s the bad news they deliver in person, right?”

  She didn’t reply for a moment, so I knew she agreed with me.

  “You think maybe he’s going to ask you to move out there with him?”

  I sighed. “I don’t know. I want him to ask me, but I have a weird feeling about it all.”

  “Things went well at Christmas, right?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Yes. His family was great, really great. Everyone except his mom. And if I hadn’t overheard her like I did, I would have thought it went as well as it could have.”

  “She sounds a bit uppity. I bet she was wearing pearls. Was she wearing pearls?”

  I laughed. “How did you know?”

  “Just a feeling.”

  “She’s a bit stiff, that’s for sure. And I’m clearly not her version of the ideal girlfriend for Jake. Apparently Holly, otherwise known as Miss Perfect, has that title.”

  “Please, you know Jake loves you for not being perfect.”

  “I hope that was a compliment.”

  “It was. The way you describe Jake’s mom makes me think of Andie’s mom.”

  I sat up on the couch. “Oh my God, you’re totally right. She’s just like Andie’s mom. A little cold, a little distant. Very traditional. I could tell she likes things just so.”

  “Is she a bitch?” McKenna asked. “Andie’s mom is definitely a bitch.”