Jude

by Linda Warren

  “Math wasn’t my strong suit.” Elias smirked.

  Falcon pointed a finger at Elias. “First thing in the morning before anyone goes to work, you’ll get that heifer back to the herd.”

  “You’re a hard-ass, Falcon. Why don’t you just ask Mr. Hensley if he would like twenty-six? Maybe give them a discounted rate.”

  “I’m not discounting those heifers. They’re prime stock and it’s how we make our living. Have you forgotten that?”

  Jericho, who worked on the ranch and was a friend of their brother Egan, came into the barn from the corral. “Don’t worry about the extra heifer. I let one of the smaller ones out into the alley that connects most of the pastures and she took off running. I followed her on my horse all the way to the north pasture. She’s now back with the herd.”

  Elias thumbed his nose at Falcon. “And that’s how it’s done, big brother.”

  Falcon shook his head and caught sight of Jude. “What are you still doing here? I thought you had a date tonight.”

  Phoenix held up his hands. “Okay, everybody, leave Jude alone. This is his decision, his kid, not yours.”

  Jude and Phoenix had shared a special connection ever since the shooting of Ezra McCray. Jude and Phoenix had been riding bareback while their father was fixing fences. Jude was in front and Phoenix sat behind him with his arms wrapped around Jude’s waist. Almost as if it were yesterday, Jude could hear his brother.

  Jump the fence, Jude. This horse can do it.

  We’ll get in trouble.

  Dad’s way over there and we’ll be back before he misses us. Jump the fence, Jude.

  Hold on, he said and kneed the horse.

  The horse shot forward, galloping faster and faster as it neared the fence and they sailed right over it, but Jude couldn’t stop the horse fast enough. Before he could turn back toward the fence, shots rang out and the next thing he knew, he was in a hospital bed with his mother crying and his dad looking as if the world had come to an end. His sun-browned face was a mask of pain, misery and suffering. At six years of age, Jude thought maybe Phoenix was dead and he started to cry, too. But he soon found out Phoenix was fine and that Ezra McCray had shot at them. And his father had killed the man. It was a lot for a six-year-old to understand. It was a lot for a six-year-old to go through.

  From that day forward, Jude never spoke much. He was quiet and stayed close to his father, but even at that early age, he could see his dad was troubled by what had happened. Jude blamed himself and tried to make his father feel better. All his life he seemed to be fighting to make someone feel better and he had grown weary of the task.

  “Why didn’t Paxton come home with you?” Falcon asked Phoenix, his voice piercing Jude’s troubled thoughts.

  “He went on to another rodeo with Cole Bryant. He’s focused and determined to stay on the top of his game so he can make the national finals in Vegas. He’ll be home in a few days.”

  Paxton had had a rough year. He’d dumped his high-school sweetheart, Jenny, for someone he’d met at a rodeo and it had turned out to be a nightmare for him. It had almost done him in, especially since Jenny had fallen in love with Quincy and they were now married. The brothers had worked everything out, and Paxton wasn’t letting anything or anyone interfere with his career again.

  “Has anyone heard from Egan?” Falcon was doing his usual thing, keeping tabs on the brothers.

  “No,” Jericho said. “They’re supposed to find out the sex of the baby today, but Egan wants to wait until the birth. If I was a betting man, and I gave that up a long time ago, I’d bet they’re going to wait.”

  Jericho was one of a kind. He’d grown up on the streets of Houston, wrapped up with gangs and drugs. Egan had met him in prison, when he’d been unjustly sent there by an overzealous judge. Jericho had saved his life and Egan was forever indebted to him. When the family got Egan out, their mother promised Jericho a job for his bravery.

  The man stood about six feet four inches tall. He had dark features with a scar slashed across the side of his face. His long dark hair was tied into a ponytail at his neck. No one knew his lineage, but Egan had said he was part white, black, Mexican and Indian. A scary figure to some, but to the Rebel family he was loved and trusted.

  “Leah and I waited,” Falcon said. “Of course, ours was a completely different situation, but I agree with Jericho. Egan will win this round because Rachel will do what he wants.”

  “You guys are pathetic.” Elias laughed. “Why doesn’t he just say no?”

  “If you ever find anyone to marry you, we’ll remind you of that,” Falcon told him, and looked around. “Where’s Grandpa?”

  “He was right behind me.” Elias walked to the barn door and looked out. “Can you believe this? His horse is tied to the chain-link fence at his house. Who does he think is going to unsaddle that horse and take care of it?”

  Elias’s cell phone buzzed before anyone could answer.

  “That’s probably him about to tell you,” Phoenix said.

  Elias fished his cell out of his pocket and frowned. “It’s Grandpa. Thank you, Quincy, for buying him a phone.” Elias clicked it on. “Yeah, Grandpa. I’ll do it. What did you say?” Elias pushed Speakerphone and held the cell up. “You’re my favorite grandson,” echoed through the barn and everyone tried hard not to laugh. It was Grandpa’s favorite saying, and he’d said it to every one of the brothers at some point.

  Elias slipped the phone back into his pocket. “The favorite grandson is going to go help his grandpa. Now don’t y’all feel guilty?”

  Quincy’s cell buzzed and he quickly grabbed it from his pocket. After a second, he said, “I got to go. That was Jenny. White Dove is in labor. Jenny has been watching that horse for days and I hope everything goes okay.” He hurried toward the barn door and then turned back. “Jude, Zane wanted to be there. Do you want me to call him?”

  “Go ahead.” He threw a blanket over the saddle. “It would give him something to do while I’m out. I’m going into town to see Annabel. She deserves an explanation.”

  “Good for you.” Quincy hurried away and Falcon and Jericho soon followed. That left him and Phoenix to sort through the tangled mess of Jude’s mind.

  “You okay?” Phoenix asked.

  Jude leaned against the railing. “Do you feel you will never be the same as you were when you were five years old?”

  “Come on, Jude.” Phoenix shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as if that could keep the memories at bay. “This family will never be the same, but we have to learn to accept happiness and forgiveness into our lives. I’m doing that. Dad said it wasn’t our fault and I believe him because I believed him all my life and I’m not going to change now. We were kids and kids do silly things. We’re not to blame. Dad said so.”

  “It’s just…”

  “What is it with you and Quincy? You both seem to have a need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Let it go. Please.”

  “Dad was gone two years when Paige got pregnant and I needed to talk to him so badly. Quincy was in the army and I couldn’t talk to him, either. I made all the wrong decisions and I can’t even say it was for the right reasons. I was just a scared kid and I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted Paige to get out of a bad home life and the scholarship gave her that opportunity. I couldn’t take that away from her.”

  “Jude, you did the right thing. You went back and got your son and he’s an amazing kid. Pat yourself on the back for once. If you feel you have to tell Paige, then tell her. Zane is a different matter. But I’m sure you’ll make the right decision for him, too. Stop agonizing over it.” He grabbed the reins of Jude’s horse. “Go spend some time with that pretty teacher and I’ll take care of the horses. And, for heaven sakes, smile, Jude. You’re freaking me out.”

  “I just don’t want to hurt her.”

  The horses milled around, neighing, ready for feed.

  “Well, I’m not judging her or anything, but I can al
most guarantee you before this is over, someone is going to get hurt and I’m just hoping it’s not you or Zane. Just saying.”

  Phoenix was right. He couldn’t make any of this better for any of them. He just had to make sure his son wasn’t hurt. While Paige was in town, he somehow had to explain what had happened all those years ago. She deserved that. He knew that with all his heart and nothing anyone said would change his mind. Sometimes in life he had to make the rough decisions because he was a father. He could only pray this decision was the right one for his son.

  And Paige.

  Chapter Three

  “Dad, Dad…”

  Jude sat up in bed and squinted at the clock. Five in the morning. “What are you doing up so early?”

  Zane jerked on his jeans. “I want to go check on the new foal. It was amazing, Dad. White Dove was nervous and Uncle Quincy just talked to her and rubbed her head and her stomach and she calmed down. Her contractions were strong and Uncle Quincy kept her calm, you know, Dad, like you do. No one can do that but you and Uncle Quincy with cows and horses. You got the touch. And…”

  “Take a breath.” Jude sat up and watched the excitement on his son’s face. Zane had been in bed when Jude had come in last night. He’d stayed longer than he’d expected at Annabel’s. He’d wanted her to know the truth and found it easy to talk to her. She understood he wanted to wait until the situation with Paige was over. She didn’t want to get involved, either, if his heart was somewhere else. Jude didn’t know where his heart was. But then, he did. It was with this little boy whose eyes were sparkling like firecrackers on the Fourth of July.

  “It was amazing, Dad, I tell you. Uncle Quincy taped her tail because she was swishing it and then Jenny washed White Dove’s udder, teats and vulva with water and soap. And—”

  “Vulva?”

  “Yeah, it’s—”

  “I know what it is.” He was surprised his son did, but that was Zane. He’d probably read about birthing and knew every detail. Once he learned something, he never forgot it. His memory was uncanny.

  “Well, the foal’s feet were like this.” Zane stuck out his arms as far as he could and placed his head between them. “That’s the way she came out, in a white amniotic sac. Jenny said it was a perfect birth and Uncle Quincy agreed. Once the front feet and head and shoulders appeared, it was like swoosh and the rest of it followed into a yucky mess. Jenny’s already calling her Little Dove because she’s white and black like her mama. It took four attempts before Little Dove could stand on wobbly legs and she’s the cutest thing. You should’ve seen it, Dad. Do you think her legs are long like Bear’s ’cause they’re related?”

  Jude swung his feet to the floor. “Yep, Red Hawk is their father.” Zane had seen births before on the ranch, but he was extra excited because he spent a lot of time with Quincy and his paint horses.

  “I think I want to be a vet.”

  Jude stared at his precious son with his hair in his eyes. “How about a scientist or a chemist who discovers a cure for cancer?”

  “Cool, Dad. I can do that, too.” Zane grinned as he slipped a T-shirt over his head. “After everything was over, Quincy said I better go to the house or Grandma would be worried. He was right. She was sitting up, waiting on me. She said she can’t go to sleep unless I’m safely in bed. I’m lucky to have a grandma like that.”

  “Yes, you are.” Jude felt a pang of guilt for staying out so late. He didn’t want his mother to stay up and wait for Zane. That was Jude’s job. Once in twelve years wasn’t bad, though.

  “You were out with Ms. Hurley. Did you talk about me?”

  “Our favorite topic of conversation.”

  “Cool, Dad. I’m going to check on Little Dove and then come back and get ready for school so I can find a cure for cancer.” His cheeky son had the audacity to wink.

  Zane darted out the door and Jude stood and stretched and then made his way to the shower. Today was the day. He would meet Paige for the first time in almost thirteen years. He wondered if she’d changed. Everyone changed in that amount of time. He certainly had. He wasn’t that scared teenage boy anymore. Raising a child had toughened him up quickly. He had to stay on his toes to make good choices and cowboy up when things got rough.

  That scared boy had become a man ready to take on the world for Zane. He’d never for one minute regretted going back to get his son. But today he would have to explain that decision to Paige. He was prepared now. The scared boy had surfaced for a moment because he was afraid of losing the one thing that mattered the most to him in this world: his son. That bond was rock-solid and Jude knew that better than anyone.

  Since he was going to a funeral, Jude put on starched jeans and a white shirt. With his hair combed, his hat in his hand, he headed for the door, only to be stopped by Zane coming through it.

  “That was quick.” His son had a strange look on his face, one Jude knew well. Something was wrong and he knew not to push or Zane would clam up. “The foal okay?”

  “Yeah. She was sucking, so I guess everything’s okay.”

  “Didn’t you talk to Uncle Quincy?”

  Zane shook his head. “He and Aunt Jenny were curled up in the hay under a blanket asleep, so I didn’t wake them.”

  “You could have. It would have been okay.”

  With his small shoulders hunched, Zane replied, “I don’t know, Dad. It’s different now.”

  “How is it different?”

  “Uncle Quincy doesn’t have much time for me anymore.”

  Jude sat on the bed and patted the spot beside him. Quincy had spoiled Zane, just as he’d spoiled Grandpa and everyone else by lavishing his attention on them. He was that type of person.

  “Uncle Quincy still loves you and you’re still his partner. But life is about changes. Nothing stays the same.”

  Zane looked up at him. “I think that’s a line from a song, Dad.”

  Jude ruffled Zane’s hair. “It’s true. Having fun with Uncle Quincy will change, too. You’ll want to spend more and more time with your friends and away from the ranch.”

  Zane’s eyes narrowed. “I’m never leaving the ranch.”

  Jude didn’t push it, because they’d had this conversation many times about college and it always upset Zane. “Trust me. You won’t always think that way. You’ll change. As much as you say you won’t, you will. And if you don’t, the ranch will always be here. It will always be home.”

  “And you’ll always be here?”

  “You bet.” There was no place on earth Jude would rather be. Zane got that from him. By Zane’s somber expression, Jude knew something else was bothering his son. “What is it, son?”

  “Uh… Uncle Quincy and Aunt Jenny were curled up together. Uncle Quincy had his arms around her and they were like one person.”

  They’d already had the sex talk, so it couldn’t be about that. Jude was sweating bullets thinking about how to answer his son.

  Zane saved him. “Uncle Quincy really loves Aunt Jenny.”

  “And she loves him.”

  “Yeah. That’s nice, huh?”

  “Yes. You have one more person who loves you.”

  “Aunt Jenny gives big hugs and she smells good.”

  “So you see it’s a good thing Uncle Quincy found someone.”

  “Yeah.” There was still a slight hesitation in Zane’s voice.

  “If you want to talk to Uncle Quincy, just go over to his barn and talk to him. He won’t disappoint you. I promise.”

  There was silence for a moment and Jude struggled to find words to soothe his son’s bruised heart. Before Jude could find the right words, Zane looked up at him again and asked, “Did you love my mama like Uncle Quincy loves Aunt Jenny?”

  Jude’s throat closed up and every word he knew dissipated like smoke into thin air. He tried not to show any reaction but knew that wouldn’t work. He’d always been honest with Zane, but now he struggled with the truth. He wasn’t sure why. It was just difficult to talk about his feelin
gs for Paige, especially with his son.

  He swallowed hard. “Yes, I loved your mother more than I can ever tell you. We were inseparable in high school and…”

  Zane wrapped his arms around Jude’s waist and buried his face against him. “You don’t have to talk about her, Dad.”

  He held his son close. “It’s okay. You were conceived in love. That’s why you’re such a happy kid.”

  Zane drew back to gaze up at Jude. “I hope she doesn’t come back like Eden’s mom did. I don’t think I would like her. It’s just me and you, right, Dad? You and me against the world. We’re Rebels and we’re rowdy.”

  “You bet. Now you better get ready for school. Aunt Rachel will be here any minute.”

  “Okay.” Zane stared at Jude. “Why are you all dressed up?”

  Jude took a moment. “I’m going to a funeral this morning.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry someone died.”

  Jude hugged his son. Zane had this innate softness inside him, making him genuinely considerate and sincere. He was truly sorry someone had died. That was just the way he was. He got that from Paige.

  Ruffling his son’s hair, Jude said, “We need to get your hair cut again.”

  Zane pulled back, smiling. He was happy again. “I want to get it cut before the race because I don’t want any hair in my eyes when Bear and I zoom past everybody. We’re going to win, Dad! Uncle Quincy said so. I filled out the form and put it and my money in an envelope. When are you going to take it in to the paper?”

  “I’ll take it before I go to the funeral.”

  “Cool.” Zane dashed into his room and came back with the envelope. “It’s all there. You just have to give it to Miss Maureen and get my number. I hope it’s a nine. Nine is my lucky number. Oh, yeah.” Zane danced off to his room.

  When had nine become his lucky number? That was news to Jude, but he had a feeling that as Zane grew, a lot of things were going to be news to him. Little boys tended to keep secrets. He knew that for a fact ’cause he’d kept many from his parents. Not biggies, but secrets.