Butterfly Secrets

by G. L. Blackhouse

Jackson laughed.

  “C’mon, I think that you’ve had way too much to drink.”

  “I’m fine, Jackson. I know what I’m doin’, “I said, slurring my words.

  Jackson led me up the stairs and placed me in the bed. He tucked me in, kissed me on the forehead, and handed me two aspirin and a glass of water.

  “Here, take these, Em. Don’t want you waking up with a massive headache. Hopefully, these will help.”

  I reluctantly took the aspirin and washed them down with the water.

  “Get some rest, Em. It’s been a long day,” Jackson said as he turned to walk away.

  “Stay. I don’t want to be by myself, not after Roy,” I said, grabbing his arm.

  “I am staying, Em. I’ll be right downstairs on the couch if you need me,” he said, patting me on the shoulder.

  “No, I mean, stay in here with me,” I said as I pulled him down and kissed him. It was like I had to kiss him. Even though every part of me was numb, his kiss set my soul on fire. His kiss was much more intoxicating than any alcohol that I could ever have, even though I wasn’t one to drink anyway. Drinking meant giving up control, and losing control was something I didn’t do, except for tonight, anyway.

  My heart pounded, and my head felt even lighter. Wow, he was a good kisser! It wasn’t just teenage hormones back then. His kisses were none like I had ever felt.

  Suddenly, Jackson pulled himself away.

  “We can’t, Em, not like this. I want to. I’ve wanted to for so long, but not like this,” he said, moving further away.

  “Why not? You like me, don’t you?” I said with my head spinning.

  “Yes. More than you know, but it is because I like you so much that we can’t. Not tonight,” Jackson said as he helped me into the bed.

  “Then, just hold me. Please,” I pleaded.

  Jackson stood there for a moment in silence.

  “Please, Jackson. I don’t want to be alone.”

  Jackson reluctantly crawled in the bed behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist as he held me tight. His warm breath on my neck sent shivers up my spine. Suddenly, Roy, court, everything seemed to melt away through a clouded, drunken haze. I felt peaceful and safe. Just like I had when he and I were both teens, and he would comfort me. I quickly drifted off into dreamland.

  I am in a car. I’ve been here before. I can feel cold rain pelting against my wounded skin.

  Pain radiates throughout all of my body. So much pain that I feel sick and as though I might pass out. I have had pain before, but nothing like this. I feel scared that I am going to die. I can hear a man laughing. I slowly lift my swollen eyes. Oh, my God! It’s Roy. He yells something at me. I don’t respond. He smacks me. I try to speak, but I’m in too much pain. I can’t. He slaps me again. I moan. He cusses at me. I feel a hard kick to my ribs. Suddenly, the car is moving quickly. I panic as I realize the car has been pushed downhill. I want to move to escape, but my body is too sore. In the distance, I can hear several men laughing. I hear the loud sound of water roaring around me.

  The water is moving in the car. The car is filling up. I can barely breathe! I try to unbuckle, but there is no use. The seatbelt won’t budge. The air is getting thinner. The car is moving quicker and quicker downstream. Tears pour from my eyes. I am going to die! My heart is pounding so fast! I see a bright light. A gray-haired woman appears. She is dressed in a checked apron. She is smiling at me. She reaches for my hand and pulls me out of the car. I am above the car. I can breathe. The pain is gone. I see a woman in the car. The woman has dark hair. The woman is my mother.

  The water below us is raging and racing rapidly. I see cars, parts of houses, trash, and trees floating in the river as we continue to hover above the woman and the car.

  I see a sign that seems to glow as Grandma, and I float above the water. The sign reads: “Winnepeake Bay Water Rafting” 2.5 miles.

  I give Grandma a puzzled look. The sign is now flashing and getting bigger. What does this mean? Where am I?

  “Save her,” Grandma whispers as I look down on the car.

  I awoke in a cold sweat as I waved my arms and screamed.

  I felt soft, wet kisses on my face as Tiny nuzzled herself against me and licked my face.

  “Tiny,” I groaned.

  I felt the warm touch of Jackson as he gently rubbed my back.

  “Em. It’s me, Jackson. Are you okay?”

  “Mama?” I asked, looking around the room, frightened.

  “You’re home, Em. It must have been a bad dream,” he said empathetically.

  “She was here, Jackson. I mean I was her. I saw Grandma,” I said, surveying my surroundings and trying to orient myself.

  “It’s okay,” Jackson said, continuing to rub my back.

  “It was Roy. He killed her!” I said, trying to overcome the shock of my dream.

  “It was just a dream, Em. You’re okay,” Jackson said, trying to comfort me.

  My head was pounding, and my hands shook. Any other time, I would have been terrified for Jackson to see me like this, to let myself get this close to anyone, but at the moment, I was just relieved not to be alone.

  “It may sound crazy, but this was more than a dream. It was Grandma. She was trying to show me something. I am sure of it!” I said, sitting up in the bed and fumbling around in the dark for my things.

  “What happened, Em?” Jackson said, flipping on a softly lit lamp.

  “I think I know where Mama is,” I said frantically, looking for my things.

  “Are you sure? I mean, how do...” Jackson said, standing up.

  “I just know, Jackson. I just know. We have to go find her!” I said, interrupting him, grabbing a t-shirt, jeans, and hoodie.

  “Okay. Let’s get you cleaned up first and get you some coffee,” Jackson said.

  “I’m not that drunk. I know what I saw. It was Mama. Grandma showed me,” I said from the bathroom as I hurriedly put on my clothes.

  “Okay. But where?” he asked.

  “Is there anywhere to white water raft around here?” I asked from the other side of the bathroom door.

  “Yeah. There’re a few places on the river. Why?”

  “Is there somewhere called Winnepeake Bay?” I asked, walking out as I searched the room for my phone and purse.

  Tiny stayed at my heels as I looked.

  “Yes. How did you know? That place hasn’t been opened in years,” Jackson said in shock.

  “I told you. I just know,” I said, looking for my phone.

  “What are you doing? It’s three am,” Jackson asked with a concerned expression

  “I’m looking for my phone. I need to call Jimmy to get him to take me there.”

  “You can’t drive there, Em. It is too far out, too secluded. The only way to get there is by raft,” he said.

  “Then I will raft,” I said as I continued looking for my phone.

  “I have no doubt that you can raft, but the waters get pretty dicey. Will you let me take you?” Jackson asked, walking over to me.

  “Yeah, but it has to be today,” I said firmly.

  “Okay. Let me run to work and finish up a few things, and then I will be back to pick you up,” Jackson said.

  “Please, Em, we will go, but it’s not morning yet. Those waters are dangerous in the daylight, not to mention the dark,” Jackson said.

  “Okay, but know if we don’t go today, I will go by myself, and there will be no talking me out of it,” I said, crossing my arms.

  “Alright. Can we please get you some breakfast? You will need your strength,” he said.

  I nodded. Maybe he was right, but I was going today with or with Jackson.

  We walked downstairs as I scooped up Tiny and carried her in my arms. Jackson turned on the coffee pot and then reached into the fridge and handed me a glass of tomato juice.

  Jackson was incredibly considerate and warm. Images of the night came flooding back of me in my drunken stupor as I glanced to see a hole in the wall by
the door.

  “Oh, don’t worry about that. I know someone who can get that hole fixed like new,” Jackson said, looking at the gaping hole near the door.

  “What happened?” I asked, looking at the hole vaguely, remembering that in some way, I was probably responsible.

  “You almost shot me,” Jackson said, taking a sip of his coffee.

  “What? You are kidding me, right?” I asked, laughing nervously.

  “No, I’m not. Thank goodness you aren’t exactly Annie Oakley, but yes, you shot at me, but not purposely, at least I don’t think so,” he said jokingly.

  “I- I am sorry,” I said, apologetic and embarrassed.

  “It’s okay. Can’t say the same for the vase, though,” Jackson said with a laugh as we both looked over at the vase shattered on the floor with dirt all around it.

  “Oh, no!” I said, still looking at the vase in horror.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said with my hands over my face, embarrassed that I could’ve killed Jackson.

  “It’s okay. Happens to the best of us. But, just to be on the safe side, you probably shouldn’t be wielding a loaded gun when you’ve been drinking,” Jackson said as he gently removed my hands from my face.

  A jolt of electricity ran through my body at the feel of his warm hands against my skin. Suddenly, my headache seemed to dull, and all that I could sense was just the heat of his skin against mine.

  “Well, guess I had better be going,” Jackson said as he cleared his throat and abruptly stood up. “I’ll be back around one to get you,” he said as he waved goodbye and walked out the door.

  I sat at the table as I finished up my coffee. Images of me kissing Jackson ran through my head and the blissful feeling of his lips against mine. My heart raced as I remembered the feel of his body against mine and how I felt safe and at home. I glanced over at the shattered vase, and my ecstasy quickly turned to fear when I thought of Mama screaming and fighting for her life in the car as she drowned. It had been one of the best and worst nights of my life. I saw the sign in my dream flashing, “Winnepeake Bay.” I heard Grandma’s words “save her” play over and over again in my head. But how?

  CHAPTER 18- WINNEPEAKE BAY

  After an hour of being lost in my thoughts, my phone rang. It was Jackson. He said that he would be a little later than he had planned, but that we would still have plenty of time to go to Winnepeake Bay to search for Mama. Jackson said that he shouldn’t be any later than 3 p.m. I told Jackson bye and hung up the phone. The longer that I sat there, the more nervous and anxious I became as I thought about my dream and the possibility if it were really true. The sense of urgency I had earlier, had faded. Now I was wondering if I really was prepared to see my mother’s rotting corpse trapped in some car. I felt sick to my stomach. My head hurt, and my heart ached. Flashes of Mama being stuck in the car and screaming for her life seared through my mind.

  I glanced at my phone and thought about calling work. It could wait. Funny, but I hadn’t really worried about work at all. It hadn’t even come up. I marveled at how before I had been so consumed by work that even an hour passing without thinking of it was unheard of for me, let alone almost a full week. I had been so busy that I had forgotten entirely about my job.

  I smiled as I thought of Jackson, making me coffee, and my heart jumped at the thought of him lying in bed, cuddled up against me, holding me close. I had been alone for so long and had only depended on myself. Sure, men had come in and out of my life over the years, but I never allowed any of them to stay the night, let alone cuddle with me in bed. That kind of vulnerability and intimacy was something that I had carefully avoided. Now, I had not only allowed Jackson to stay the night, something I never permitted. I had asked him to sleep in the same bed, he had held me in his arms, and I hadn’t even slept with him.

  I shook my head as I wondered what this place was doing to me. I had fought so hard over the years to keep my distance. Now it was as though I was becoming another person.

  But, to my surprise, I had felt more connected to him and safer than I had ever felt in my entire life.

  Jackson had also seen a dark side of me, a secret part that I had hidden from the world. He had witnessed one of my most horrible nightmares, and he had heard my crazy notions of my grandmother’s messages in my dreams. Jackson was not only still around, but he was willing to entertain the idea that it was true.

  Dare I say that I had allowed myself to fall for Jackson? The thought both excited and terrified me.

  I picked Tiny up and petted her as she happily licked my face.

  “What is happening to me, girl? What kind of spell does Grandma have on this place?” I asked Tiny.

  I carried Tiny in one hand and grabbed my cup of coffee as I walked into the living room and sat down for a moment to gather my thoughts.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a brown leather jacket on the back of the chair arm. I put down my coffee, and Tiny then walked over to the jacket and picked it up.

  It smelled like Jackson. A mix of woods and spice. Even his jacket had my senses in an uproar.

  I held tightly to his jacket as I began to reminisce about the feel of his lips against mine. I sighed as I thought of the feel of his skin hot against mine and his gentle touch.

  Suddenly, I heard my phone ring. It was Kev, who was just a reminder of how dysfunctional and scarred my relationships turned out to be. Dress me up however you like, but I was still the same messed up, broken-hearted Em underneath, who had no idea how to love. It didn’t matter if I was in Chicago or back home in Georgia.

  The call went to voicemail. I listened.

  “Hi, Em. I’m sorry for the way things went in the truck on the way to the game. I hope we can at least be friends. Clyde wanted me to call and tell you that they had to backorder that part again, so it will be another few days. Talk to you soon,” Kev said.

  I hung up the phone. Now I was sure to have to stay in this town for another few days. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, this town seemed to be pulling me back. This place had more secrets to share, and it didn’t seem that I would be allowed to leave until I discovered them. It had to be Grandma. She was stubborn, and it appeared that she had no intention of letting me go until I found out all that she had to say.

  I decided that I should call work. It was time that I faced the fact that I was going to be here a little longer, like it or not.

  Donna, Dr. Brown’s secretary, answered the phone in her usual Chicago accent.

  “Dr. Brown’s office. How may I help you?” she asked.

  “Hi, Donna, it’s Em. I mean, Amelia.”

  “Hi, Amelia. Sure is strange not having you at the office. I think Dr. Brown might have a stroke if you don’t return soon,” she joked.

  “How are things going with my licensure?” I asked.

  “Unfortunately not as well as we planned. At the licensure board, the lady is on vacation this week and won’t even return until mid-week next week. Honestly, we’re probably looking at another seven to ten business days. These things just take time,” she said.

  “Are you kidding me?” I asked. I hadn’t planned on having to take another week. Still by the way that Donna spoke, it sounded as though it might be another two to three weeks before I could even legally return to work.

  “No, I wish I was. Dr. Brown is trying to speed things up. I will call you if anything changes.” Donna said.

  “Thank you, Donna.”

  “You’re welcome, love. See ya soon,” she said.

  I hung up the phone. I reasoned that I had better just deal and make the best out of the situation that I could.

  My phone rang again. This time it was Aunt Georgia.

  “Hi, Em! I was just checking on you,” she said.

  “I’m fine, Aunt Georgia,” I said, lying. I was anything but.

  “I’ve been worried to death about you since court. Lord, I can’t believe that you got drunk with Jimmy. What were you thinking, Em?” she said.


  “I’m okay. It wasn’t the best decision. I just wanted to forget about all this for a while, but I am fine now. I promise,” I said.

  “Well, never mind that. I called to tell you that there is a big storm that could hit. It just depends on how the winds move,” Aunt Georgia said.

  “Do you know when?” I asked, trying to hide my concern as I thought about the planned trip to the bay.

  “It’s not supposed to be until later in the evening. But, I just wanted to tell ya to get out your candles and everything. Our electric has a tendency to go out during the storms,” she said.

  “Thank you, Aunt Georgia.”

  “You know, Honey, you can always stay down here with us. I can have Julie come and get you,” she said warmly.

  “I know. I appreciate that. I’ll call ya later,” I said as I hung up the phone. I decided not to tell Aunt Georgia about the planned outing to the bay. She would only worry and think that I had lost my mind listening to some crazy dream. I reasoned that It was best just to keep the whole thing to myself.

  It was now 4:30 p.m., and Jackson pulled up with a raft on top of his Tahoe. He was wearing a blue hooded windbreaker and walked toward me, carrying a red hooded windbreaker for me.

  “It might be too big, but it will cut out the wind and keep you dry,” Jackson said with a smile as he handed me the windbreaker.

  “They’re giving some bad weather reports. You sure you don’t want to wait until tomorrow?” Jackson asked.

  “I’m going. I’ve waited all day, and I’m not going to wait any longer. You can come with me, or you can stay, but either way, I’m going,” I said, crossing my arms. Deep down, I was terrified not of the storm but of the fact that my dream could actually be real, and I would find Mama.

  “Alright, then we’ll go,” Jackson said with a sigh. He knew that there was no use arguing with me.

  “I got to find Mama, Jackson. Every minute counts,” I said.

  I set out some fresh food and water for Tiny and told her goodbye as I followed Jackson to the SUV, and we both got in.

  “Do I need to bring anything?” I asked, unsure of what you take on a rafting search and rescue.