A Path Worth Taking

by Mariella Starr

  “Marie was a wonderful friend,” Beth admitted. “Matilda Braxton was not. Men think if you put two women together they will be friends, but it doesn’t always work out. I won’t speak badly of Matilda except to say she wasn’t a very nice person. After she left here, she abandoned her husband and children. I’m glad you’ll be here with us. Garret says once the crops are in, he intends to do more building.”

  “I’ll be in your way,” Lettie insisted. “I’ve already taken your bed. At least, I can move out to one of the barns stalls.”

  “Nonsense, you can’t take a newborn baby to a barn. Once you get on your feet, you can move into the little room off the kitchen. It was our bedroom before we added this room onto the house last fall. Part of Garret’s plan to enlarge the house is to add a new room each year. He has it all drawn out on paper. At the end of this summer, he will be building another room. Then he wants to put a big fireplace on the far wall here and make this room into a proper living room. My husband has plans for the future of the Wakefield Ranch, and he wants our home to grow as our family does.”

  “You love your man, don’t you?”

  Beth’s smile was genuine. “Oh, I do, Lettie. I do.”

  Lettie was a small woman, even smaller than Beth, but she was exceptionally strong. She was out of bed and on her feet in only a few days, despite everyone’s urgings to stay in bed and rest.

  Beth was in the very early part of her pregnancy and was tired and sleepy all the time. Lettie put her to bed for naps and seized control of the kitchen. What the little woman could do with food was amazing. No more than a week had gone by before Lettie was permanently living in the little lean-to off the kitchen. She rose early every morning, fixing breakfast before Garret left for his chores and allowing Beth to sleep longer.

  Having her dearest friend with her during the day to talk to and help with the chores was a godsend for Beth. She was not having an easy time. She was sick to her stomach, not only in the mornings, but every time she looked at food, smelled food, or tried to eat. She was also dizzy and exhausted.

  One morning, Beth stayed in bed later than usual. When she did arise, she screamed. She was bleeding. Not long after, the cramping started. Beth had no idea what it meant, but her friend did, and Lettie explained as best she could.

  Beth was terrified as Lettie tried to calm her down and explain what might be happening. There was nothing either of them could do if it was God’s will. Several hours later, Lettie went into the fields to find Beth’s husband.

  “What’s wrong?” Garret demanded.

  “Beth lost the baby,” Lettie said. “She needs you.”

  Garret ran. When he got to the cabin, his wife was gone.

  “Where is she?” he demanded, running outside as Lettie was walking back.

  “There she is,” Jasper said pointing.

  Garret ran to Beth. She was sitting on a rock at the edge of the stream.

  “Honey?”

  “Why?” Beth sobbed. “Why? We are good people! Why? What did I do wrong?”

  He put his arms around her and lifted her in his arms. “I don’t know why, sweetheart. Sometimes these things happen. You didn’t do anything wrong, you can’t blame yourself.”

  Beth sobbed, and there was no consoling her. Garret carried her into their room and held her. There was nothing else he could do. He held her and rocked her in his arms.

  ***

  “Is she better today?” Garret asked when he came in for the mid-day meal.

  Lettie shook her head. “Sometimes it takes a while. She’s grieving for what could have been.”

  “It’s been several weeks. When is she going to snap out of it?”

  “I don’t know. She seems to be getting worse. She won’t even look at little Virgil Joseph,” Lettie disclosed.

  Beth was lying in bed. She saw no reason to get up anymore. Lettie was there to cook and take care of the housework. All she wanted to do was to close her eyes and sleep. If she was asleep, she didn’t have to think.

  It was the baby’s cry that woke her. The cry got louder and more urgent, and it didn’t stop. Beth got out of bed wandering into the kitchen where the baby was screaming from a basket sitting on top of the kitchen table. She looked at little Virgil Joseph, but she didn’t touch him. Instead, she went outside to find Lettie. Beth saw her pushing a wheelbarrow toward the house where she went around to the back of the cabin and dumped several large rocks into a pile.

  “Your son needs you.”

  “You have to tend to him,” Lettie said matter-of-factly. She picked up a rock, dunked it into a tub of water, and began scrubbing it with a brush.

  “What are you doing?” Beth asked.

  “Working!” Lettie snapped. “If Garret wants to build a fireplace, someone has to gather the rocks and prepare them for the building. I figure you ain’t gonna do the job, so I have to do it.”

  “What about your baby?”

  Lettie never glanced up from her scrubbing. “If you ain’t working, Miss Beth, it’s your job to tend to him!”

  “I can’t!”

  Lettie gave her best friend a fierce look. “That is my baby in there, Miss Beth, and he needs tending! I’m busy! You stop feeling sorry for yourself and git to it!”

  Beth swallowed and went inside where she regarded the angry, upset baby. She had no desire to touch him. She had no interest in holding him. If she could not have her baby, she would have nothing to do with any baby.

  Lettie scrubbed and scrubbed trying to tamp down the flow of her tears as she listened to her child screaming in distress. She had tried talking, she had tried pleading, and nothing was getting through to her dear friend. Beth was drifting away from them, closing them off, and living in her hurt. They were going into their fourth week and Beth was getting no better, in fact, she was getting worse.

  It took a while, far longer than Lettie thought it would, but eventually little Virgie finally stopped crying. She closed her eyes and wiped the tears from her face. She put down her scrub brush and went to the cabin window to peer inside.

  Beth was holding the baby, dipping a finger into a cup of warm milk and letting him suck it from her fingertip. She was bouncing him a little and cooing to him.

  Lettie dropped her head and said a prayer of thanks. She returned to her self-appointed job of gathering rocks from the streambed, scrubbing them, and stacking them in a pile. She began singing an old church hymn as she worked. She was trusting in Miss Beth and the good Lord to take care of her son.

  Beth slowly began to recover, while Lettie took on more jobs and chores that would keep her out of the cabin. She deliberately took on chores she knew Garret would not approve of Beth doing. But while Lettie was doing them, Beth was forced to take care of little Virgie.

  After a while, it became second nature for Beth to attend to his diapering and bathing. When he had no need for her, she crawled back into bed.

  While Garret was unhappy with Lettie taking on jobs not meant for a woman, he had to admit he saw an improvement in Beth. She was beginning to act a little bit like his old Beth again. There was not a whole lot he could do to console her, except continue to hold her tight telling her over and over how much he loved her.

  Lettie’s campaign was working although it was taking a toll on her. She had never done any of the outside work at the St. Claire house. She had been the inside help, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. Her brother Joseph had been in charge of the outside gardens and the maintenance of the house.

  The garden had expanded under Lettie’s hand, and it was taking more and more of her time. One morning, she ruefully regarded the weeds before walking back inside. She tied her baby into a sling on her back before handing Beth a full-brimmed bonnet, grasping her hand, and firmly dragging her outside to the garden.

  Together, they hoed and pulled the weeds. Together, they gathered the eggs. Together, they carried water. Together, they cared for Lettie’s baby and decided who would cook what. At first, it was a struggle to
keep her friend on her feet, but as each day went by Beth was assuming more responsibility for what needed to be done.

  Beth opened her eyes one morning to realize she had been walking around in a daze. It was as if a fog had suddenly lifted and she could see clearly. Her family was tiptoeing around her, and now she understood how much she had worried them.

  Looking in a mirror, Beth almost shrieked at her reflection. She had not washed her hair in weeks, and her appearance was drab. She had to take measures to fix this and apologize to those who had been taking care of her. Beth went into the kitchen and straight into Lettie’s arms hugging her tightly. “I’m so sorry. Have I been as awful as I think I’ve been?”

  “You’ve had the melancholia something awful,” Lettie admitted. “We don’t blame you for being sad, honey, ‘cept we’ve all been real worried about you.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Beth repeated. “As soon as we finish the morning chores, I’m carrying in water to bathe and put myself together. I’m an absolute fright!”

  Lettie peered into her friend’s eyes and saw a brightness in them that had been missing for a long time. “I’ll help you. We need to get you fixed up real pretty for your husband. He’s about worried himself sick.”

  “Again, I’m sorry.”

  “Honey, there’s nothing to apologize for,” Lettie said. “When a woman goes through a loss like you did, it takes a while to get over it.”

  Beth took a walk to the edge of the woods and visited a small square patch of land. Someone had tended it, boxing the space with large rocks. There was a small cross with no name on it. You didn’t name the early unborn, but she was glad it had been treated with respect. She cried as she returned to the cabin, then wiped her tears and put away her sorrow in a hidden place deep inside her. She would never forget, yet it was time to move on.

  After they cleared the garden of weeds and completed the daily household chores, the women carried in water and filled a wooden bathtub. It was another find from the barn. Beth closed all the curtains and spent a long time soaking out her woes and sadness. Afterward, she put on a dress Lettie had altered for her thinner frame and her friend rolled her hair on strips of cloth. Beth sat outside the kitchen door and dried her hair in the sun while Lettie played with Beth’s hair and pinched her cheeks to get color in them.

  When Garret came in for supper, he was greeted with a smile and a kiss from his wife. It was the first kiss in a long time he’d had given with enthusiasm.

  “Honey?”

  “I’m better,” Beth told him. “I’m sorry I have been troublesome, but I think I’m better now. I feel better.”

  “Are you sure? I wanted to take you into town to see a doctor.”

  “I’ll take the trip to town, except I don’t think a doctor is necessary.”

  “We’ll see. Can we talk?”

  “Of course, before you eat or after?”

  Garret guided Beth outside and took her hand in his. They walked to the creek and sat down in a grassy spot under a tree.

  “I am so sorry,” Beth repeated.

  “Don’t apologize. I felt our loss too. Even so, I know it’s a woman’s loss more than a man’s since it was growing in you. It was your right to take time for your grief. You scared us, though” Garret said. “I was afraid I was losing you.”

  She cupped his face in her hand. “You won’t lose me. I think I went somewhere safe inside myself to cope with the sadness. I’ve always wanted a family, and I wanted my baby, our baby. I heard someone say once that when a woman has a miscarriage, it’s God’s way of saying it wasn’t meant to be. This baby wasn’t meant to be for us.”

  Beth snuggled into her husband’s arms. “I’m going to say something very bold to you, and I don’t want you to tell me it’s not ladylike.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve told you this before, but I want to be sure you understand this time. I love you, Garret. I want you as my husband. I didn’t know love could be as it has been between us. Most of the marriages I’ve witnessed were not about love. My friend’s based their marriages on family friendships selecting a man who would support and take care of them. My grandparents arranged my parents’ marriage. They were lucky because I believe they did grow to love each other. They say a man marries for companionship and a woman marries for children. I think it’s true in most marriages, except, if it is, I feel sorry for them.

  “I love you. I want you close to me, and I want you inside me. I want you to make love to me because you make me feel cherished. I want all of it from you because you are my husband. If being so bold as to say it out loud makes me an improper woman, I don’t care. You are my husband, and I should be able to tell you how I feel in my heart.”

  “I love you too and feel the same way,” Garret said kissing her. “Are you all right? Will it be all right for me to be inside you? I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “It will be all right, I’ve stopped bleeding,” Beth said running her hand over his front.

  “Let’s go home,” he suggested. “It’s almost dark outside.

  They walked to the cabin holding hands. Dinner was somewhat tasteless to Garrett. His appetite was for something else. He could have sworn Beth was casting him come-hither looks from across the table. There was a conversation at the dinner table and yet he was unaware of much of it. There was talk of the garden, of chores, of going to Denver for supplies. Neither Beth nor Garret paid much attention. When their dinner was finished, and the dishes were done, there was almost a palpable feeling in the room.

  Jasper felt it. He took a book and went to his space in the barn loft from where they could hear the sound of the concertina.

  Lettie was sharp as a tack and not fooled by much. She retired to her lean-to bedroom with little Virgil in her arms.

  Garret had to do his last rounds of checking on the stock. When he returned, the cabin was silent. He went to their bedroom and found Beth waiting for him. She had already removed her dress, and when he came in, she continued to disrobe until she stood before him as God made her. Garret could not take his eyes off her. She was so beautiful, and she was his. She had belonged to him from their first night. He had schooled her in her innocence. He was still schooling her. The sight of her aroused him…all the time. He moved closer and held her to him.

  “You said you wanted me, what exactly did you mean,” he asked as he kissed her.

  “Everything,” Beth whispered. “Make love to me.”

  His tongue brushed against her lips before he lowered his head and circled her nipples. He laid her on the bed, kissing and touching her until she bucked and arched her back with an orgasm. He was only beginning, though. His hands touched her breasts and the curves of her ribcage following down to her waist and back, and over her buttocks. He spread her legs and buried his mouth in her sex, teasing her with his tongue. He entered her with his fingers, first one than two. He enjoyed her tightness, except he was afraid he might hurt her inside.

  Beth felt giddy, as another orgasm built inside her, yet Garret had not entered her.

  “What is everything?” he asked quietly.

  “Whatever you want,” Beth whispered.

  He lifted her to her knees and leaned over her from behind. He stroked her breasts, her waist, and her hips in smooth circling motions. His right hand went under her, and he began to play with the special part of her, teasing it, stroking it. When he positioned himself behind her, Beth expected Garret to enter her, yet he did not. What she felt instead was his penis nudging against her bottom hole. She stiffened at first, but he was playing with her, and she was about to go over the edge. When she did, Garret entered her with a sudden thrust, although he did not go into her fully.

  At first, she was shocked as he slowly began to move inside her and buried himself deeper. She began to feel swirling sensations in all her lower parts. She gasped as he thrust harder and faster. Those feelings in her were building again, and when Garret stiffened and began a fast thrusting so he would come, she bucke
d and went over the edge. She could feel her female parts tingling.

  “What did you think of doing it that way?” Garret gasped.

  “It was different,” Beth whispered. “I thought you were going to make love with me the regular way.”

  “I’m saving it for later. It’s been so long, I knew I couldn’t contain myself to be as gentle as I need to be with you there.”

  Later came several times during the night and Beth was profoundly glad Garret had tested their bedroom for how far sound carried. Although she insisted she was healed, he did not take her word for it. He was gentle with her in many ways, inventive in others. The results were the same. Garret made love to her, giving her one orgasm after the other.

  Sometime in the early morning, Garret collapsed beside Beth. He covered them with a light quilt top and stroked every part of her gently before tightening his arms around her and pulling her close.

  They closed their eyes and fell into a deep sleep, knowing they were closer and more attuned to one another than they had ever been before.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Lettie, are you sure you don’t want to go with us?” Beth asked one more time. “It may be months before we go again.”

  “I don’t want any part of that hellhole. Those people made it clear they don’t want my kind anywhere near them.”

  “Don’t mark all of us with the same brand,” Garret said, objecting to her words. “There will always be ignorant and small-minded people around.”

  Lettie shook her head. “I’ll stay here with Jasper and keep an eye on the place. If you can get me the things I need, I’d be obliged.”

  “You keep the rifle handy,” Garret warned. “We haven’t had any trouble for a while, but you still need to be careful.”

  He released the brake on the wagon and gave a hitch to the reins. Jasper was unhappy about being left behind on this trip, but Garret did not want to leave Lettie alone.

  Garret had originally planned on hiring several cowmen to work him on the ranch. Then with Jasper coming with the place, and Pierre and Joe Braxton’s help, he had been able to put off hiring permanent help for a while. It was something he was hoping to remedy this trip. He needed experienced cowmen to deal with the late spring calving. He also needed men who wouldn’t mind pitching in and doing whatever needed to be done. They would also need a bunkhouse for the new men and to get Jasper out of the barn. If they had time, maybe they could even build a small cabin for Lettie.